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2012/04/27

Remaining True to Nature: Power Dynamics in Role Play

I feel like a ripe seed pod set to burst.  Spring brings out the horny little monster in me.  All I want to do is run around naked in the sun getting my nasty on.  Spring Fever equals Cum Fever?  Sure, but it goes beyond that, too.  There’s another component to my psyche that keeps rearing its ugly little monster head time and time again.  It has something to do with being submissive and perhaps humiliated.  I can tie it to my recent (?) obsession with water sport vids and dominant, hot, hwp daddies talking filth to their bareback laddies.  Last night, I caught two such features on my current favorite free porn site: chandlerbingay, a blog filled with photos and embedded gay porn to tickle the delight of almost any homo.  The site is French, but I have started to recognize certain words and can therefore find the type of content that titillates my horny. Needless to say, these vids had me grinding the mattress last night and have my heart racing yet this morning.   In fact, if it were just a tad warmer, I would go for a run outside sans jock strap this morning.  But, unfortunately the sun is refusing to cooperate, so I may just have to play with that idea in my head a little longer.

That scenario is definitely part of what I have in mind these days – to find myself being dominated in the woods by a group of men who want to piss on me and fuck me senseless. This most recent ultimate fantasy is probably something every fag with a submissive bent has contemplated. And because of that probability, there is also a strong probability that someone out there is actually into the dom side of this particular scene.  In Minnesota?  Not so sure.  But somewhere.  Hey, I’d settle for a tea room scene with me kneeling next to the urinal trough. 
Humiliation play and degradation play walk the same thin line that rape scenarios tip-toe upon.  All can play hell with one’s psyche (if, for example, the submissive has poor self-esteem) and all involve a type of subjugation that the bulk of society would deem unseemly, inappropriate, and just plain wrong – as in very insensitive and politically incorrect.  The standard response to such criticism is that what takes place between two consenting adults is cool.  But does that include the most dicey of role play?  I think it depends upon the emotional stability and discipline of those involved.  In order to successfully role play one needs to be able to compartmentalize or compart-mentalize (get it?).  It’s about where our heads and hearts are at, and more importantly – where they are not!
With that in mind, let’s look at role play that involves the taboo.  This would include rape fantasy play, incest play (daddy-son), and even racial dominance play. 
The term rape is thrown around in a sexual manner pretty carelessly by many, including me.  I can’t tell you the number of times I have told a dude to “rape my ass”.  In fact, I have (had) one fuck bud for whom rape scenarios were his big thing.  I was happy to oblige, since it involved the type of subservience that gets me off.  He’s raped me in my garage several times over the years (and once even pimped my ass out to four other dudes with me blindfolded). The rape scenario (for us) typically involves him spitting on me, him choking me (once to the point where I think I blacked out – SCARY), and physically, forcibly, holding me down (once – when another dude was fucking me – he put his boot on my head and pressed it to the ground and held it there).  The last time we played the whole rape thing, he fucked me in his car – the front seats lying flat, me face down being force-fed poppers, with him riding my backside.  It was hot.  We did this in the parking lot of a local park I go to.  It was winter and we waited until it was dark.  I’d arrived early and was good to go when he arrived.  He parked next to my car.  I got out of mine and then sat on the passenger side of his.  He’s a very verbal top and I like his banter.  The fact that he loves force-feeding me poppers only makes it that much hotter.  Physically, he’s bigger than me, muscular in that Viking/Woodsman kind of way – he has the long hair and facial hair to be cast as either.  On this particular occasion there was one other dude in the parking lot – a redneck type who only likes really old dudes to watch him jerk his big fat dick in his truck (or so I have been told).  Apparently we were making enough noise that he had to come over and tap on the windows to see what we were doing.  My rapist was actually mid-fuck, both of us naked as hell when this happened.  Dude fucking me just reached over, lowered the window and asked, “What the hell do you want?”  The redneck just wanted to know what we were doing.  My rapist shot back, “I’m raping his bitch cunt.  You want some?”  The redneck declined and walked back to his truck.  Yeah, it was pretty weird (and awesome).  Since then, I’ve kind of cooled on this dude.  Not sure why.  It could have to do with the actual quality of the fuck, or maybe his dick size, or maybe our energies just no longer click.  
Daddy-Son role play is hot.  I’ve been on both side of the equation and have been both a daddy top and a daddy bottom.  I used to have this cute-ass red-headed boy that loved to be my son.  He would show up at my rehab properties and we would get nasty with one another.  The verbal interplay was key.  And, yeah, it can get a little too porn movie at times, but I like improv, and really do my best to keep my dialogue fresh.  This redhead is fifteen years younger than me, which makes the whole scene plausible.  His body is kind of fleshy and edible.  A pale redhead with freckles always gets me going, and when they have nice calves, a beefy butt, hot pecs, a nice dick with a pair of lowhangers, and a kissable mouth – all the better.  We started out pretty timid with one another, but by our third get together the gloves came off (literally) and we got into some real nasty interplay.  I loved telling him to show daddy what kind of man he turned out to be and to prove to his old man that he wasn’t a total waste of my seed. We were both into jock straps and I loved making him soak the pouch of mine with his mouth, talking trash to him the whole time.  He proved to be a good boy, a great top and a great kisser. 
But by our fifth tryst, the power dynamic between us began to shift.  I began to get a lot more interested in my boy’s ass.  Rimming had always been a part of our scene, so it was not uncommon for us to end up in a 69, with both of us eating the other’s hole.  The kid had a sweet, beefy ass – the kind just ripe for spanking and fucking, so it should have come as no surprise when I started to play around with the idea of daddy doing just that.  I’m not a serious spanker, more of a playful one, so that became part of what we did without either of us missing a beat.  Routinely, when being topped, I will smack a dude’s ass and really, the spanking that took place with this son was pretty much the same thing. (Although, I must say, the idea of the whole disciplinarian / over-the-knee thing is kind of hot – as long as it doesn’t go on too long or is taken too seriously).  So, while the spanking was incorporated without so much as a blink of the eye – the topping thing was a whole ‘nother matter.  Dude had been barebacking my ass ever since the third time we played – but when the reverse became a possibility, he kind of clammed up on me.  He was house-sitting and we were mid fuck on a big queen-sized bed.  Things had been proceeding nicely and he had already fucked me for a bit – but then he lost his hard on and that’s when daddy decided to start working the boy’s butt.  But the boy got all quiet and a bit pensive.  I offered to put on a condom, but that wasn’t it.  It was the power dynamic.  We haven’t played since that time and, in fact, other than saying ‘hi’ to each other on-line, we have never broached the subject of getting together again.  So, as long as it was “Breeding Daddy”, or ‘the boy showing his old man’s hole who was boss’ - he was cool with it, but the moment the boy’s ass was on the line – the boy went off-line. 
Power dynamics are very important to any role play scenario.  I can think of another type where if the roles were reversed, things could get really ugly, really fast.  I have this dom black dude I used to play with.  He’s definitely one of those on the down-low types and what he sees in me (other than someone who is willing to keep his mouth shut and whom he will never see in the circles he travels) I will never know.  I would say it was a matter of convenience, except that the role play we engage in routinely would not be everybody’s cup of tea.  You see, he’s all about calling me a ‘white bitch’ and fucking that ‘cracker pussy’.  Seriously.  To get him off, all I have to do is start telling him about how wonderful his big black cock feels up inside of me.  He works himself up into a lather – and our sessions always end with us both part of a big, sweaty, heaving mass.  I let him call me names.  I even let him call me racially charged names.  But the term ‘black’ is as far as I feel I can go.  I loathe the n-word (no matter who says it or in what context) and could never imagine a scenario where I would feel comfortable using it.  The same is true of the term ‘boy’.  He can call me that, but I could never call him that – even though he’s significantly younger than me.  To use either terms in this case would spoil the role play.  The n-word is simply too powerfully abrasive and charged.  It would upset the power dynamic of the relationship.  This is one of those ‘too far over the line’ cases –something I place in the same category as scat, blood, and anything to do with children..  
At play in each one of these scenarios is a kind of power dynamic with specific language and physical actions attached.  In order to successfully navigate a given role play, you really need to know your script – or at least the outline of one.  Adherence, in these cases, is not optional (which for a sub like me makes it all the hotter).
So, what am I to do with my longings?   I tried Recon.  Too many rules.  Too many uptight leather queens with lots of limits and demands.  I need something more spontaneous.  Which probably means the whole getting dommed by a group of dudes in the woods is not going to happen anytime soon. 
Unless I just happen upon a group of sex-starved woodsmen, who are looking for an ugly, old faggot to use and abuse.  Ah, hope springs eternal and it is that hope that keeps me hiking on almost a daily basis each and every spring.  Brings to mind a song…
“I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood, I know I could, always be good…”
Heavens!  Goodness has nothing to with it.

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