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2012/02/24

30 Days and 30 Nights (Assess to Asses, Butts to Butts)

The season of Lent is upon us.  Like a good Catholic, I went in and had ashes applied to my forehead.  I find weird comfort in this ancient, symbolic gesture.  Ashes to ashes…
 
Ash Wednesday marks an end of Carnival, the celebration enjoyed by all the heathens in the world (tongue-in-cheek; for I certainly more than qualify as one).  My own personal Carnival has been going on for quite some time, so I am using this as an opportunity to attempt something a little different.  For the season of Lent, traditionally, folks are supposed to give up something  that they enjoy in order to more closely relate to the suffering endured by Jesus during his forty days and forty nights of fasting in the desert.  
Now… what exactly do I enjoy more than (almost) anything else in the entire world?  Let me think… hmmmm.
I managed to get some at the tail end of Fat Tuesday, so with that in mind, I have decided to go on a sex fast!   I would attempt forty days and forty nights, but I kind of missed the very start of the season (by three days) and the season is actually only 36 days long.  So, instead, it will be thirty days and thirty nights of ‘just say no’ to sexual acts that involve another human being (or any other sort of being).   Hey, I’m a realist.  And if I make it for the full thirty… I will be fucking amazed!  But I gotta try.
Ground rules: Masturbation is allowed, but not with the aid of pornography – simply whatever sexy I can conjure up with my mind.  I will also be refraining from going on the internet in search of porn or to ‘chat’ with people.  Scruff, Grndr, and Jack’d are also off limits. So is Recon, Adam4Adam, and Manhunt.  Craigslist?  Somebody else will have to flag those inappropriate sex ads!  I will be allowed to gather a suitable photo each week for this blog, but that is the limit on viewing naked man parts.  Now, there happens to be a loophole written into the whole” giving up something for lent” thing: Sundays are actually free days, a time where anything goes.  However, I will not be observing that practice, and will attempt a full thirty days and thirty nights.  Yep, I’m serious about this!
It will mean changing a ton of habits that I have developed.  I will need a new place to hang out at after work.  In order to avoid tricks I have known and loved as well as any potential temptation, I will not be able frequent the same hiking trails that I have been frequenting.  My home laptop will feel unloved and lonely.  It will gather cobwebs, as I have very little use for it that is not sexual in nature – well, writing, yes, but that IS usually sexual in nature, so...  hmmmm.  My cell phone will become this thing I drag around with me for no reason, as I never actually talk on it, using it primarily to text, Scruff, etc.  I will also have to deal with the ennui of my work place and find something to do with all my extra time.
One nice thing?  No anxiety about STDs!  I am seeing my doc today for an unrelated matter, but will request a complete STD screen – just to make sure I am starting my fast with a clean slate.
Oh, yeah.  This is fool-proof.  Nothing could possibly go wrong with this plan.  Right? (Roll eyes here.)
So, part of Fat Tuesday was spent with that lovely black gentlemen I met on Grndr.  I wrote about him a couple of weeks ago – check it out.  Since our first tryst, we’d been playing phone tag and I was beginning to think that I’d never get to see him again.  Especially after having once made a date for fun, with me showing up, ready to go, and having his ‘roommate’ answer the door!  In my defense:  I did not know about his ‘roommate’.  In his defense, he did tell me to call before I arrived (I texted).  In both our defenses, I should point out that it is a two bedroom condo and both bedrooms appear to be in use.  It would explain the rather bare-essentials living room.  I have not seen the kitchen.  Bottom line: I don’t care if he’s partnered or not (and I am thinking he’s not).
Anyway, two days later, we’re good to go, and we end up having a great time.  My memory is usually pretty accurate when it comes to dick size, and if anything I tend to remember dude’s dicks as larger than they actually are, but in his case, I underestimated.  Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised (and royally fucked!).   
 The kisses were fewer this time, but fine.  I’d also forgotten how much he loves to eat ass.  We fucked on the bed, again.  It was great.  For the final round, I was on all fours, facing the headboard, with him on my back.  My fuck-back went into overdrive, with my ass basically pummeling the cum out of his dick.  I sort of took his breath away.  We played safe, which is now my game of choice.   This time we lingered less, for time seemed to be of concern as the roommate could return at any moment.  All told, we were both kind of giddy in the afterglow and left one another’s company pretty impressed with one another.
He reminds me of Blair Underwood, just a bit.  Yes, he’s taller than Blair, and his body is more rocking, but yeah, he has that Blair Underwood thing going on, for sure.
And that should have been the end to my sexual exploits, but for some reason I found myself the next night, sitting in my car after choir practice, scanning my neighborhood on Scruff and Grndr.  I guess I wasn’t quite ready to start my thirty day and nights.  After chatting with a few – one dude was 515 feet away, another in Plymouth - I get hit on by this guy that is kind of a legend in my mind.  He’s been on-line as long as I have and I know he knows who I am, for I have sent him numerous photos, but we’d never met.   He always had the same sepia –toned body shot / no face pic in his profile, that is up until two weeks ago, when he replaced it with a close-up of his pecs.  Surprisingly, he is interested in playing.  Turns out he had a trick lined up and got stood up; that trick’s loss / my gain. 
I head on over to his house (he’s two blocks away).  He ushers me inside.  He’s already communicated that this needs to be quick, and I am cool with that.  Looks-wise, he’s not what I expected.  The images on-line don’t exactly match up, but nothing that’s a deal breaker.   I could list all the things that were not as expected, but the thing is – it was all perfectly fine.  I liked the mustache, the furry little (very little) belly, etc.  He was taller than I expected – always a good thing.  His dick was smaller than advertised and, to be fair to me, I have to point this out – if you are going to advertise your dick size in your on-line handle then you had better be accurate!  That said – his dick was perfectly pleasant and more than adequate.
 After the fact, I find out the reason he has never played with me is because he has a partner and was fearful that I would not be discrete.  No problem, I tell him.  I am discrete and I do not care – just fuck me.
We go down to his basement where he has a sling set up.  All in all, a very nice time was had by both of us.  I could nitpick (and I fear, already have), but then so could he (and he sort of did).  He sucked my dick, I sucked his, I ate his ass, and he put me in the sling.  I thought he would eat my ass, but I think he didn’t like the looks of my pucker, as he made a comment about how my hole appeared to “like to be used”.  I could have been insulted, but I’m on my back, in a fucking sling, in his basement – who am I to have an opinion about anything.  After slipping on a condom, he fucks me.  It is a fun fuck.  He likes his nipples played with, as do I.  I’m not allowed to touch my dick, and it turns out, he’s not that into kissing.  Oh, well.   After ten minutes in the sling he tells me to get on all fours in front of a full length mirror.  Well, to be honest, I am more than happy to get out of that sling.  The last time I was in one, I wretched my back.  This time turns out to be less traumatic, but the next morning, I’m feeling it in my shoulders and lower back all the same.  
In front of the mirror, with me on all fours, he kind of squats behind me, riding high up on my ass.  It makes a nice picture, and actually feels much better than the sling.  He blows his load this way rather quickly, which surprises me, but I’m glad he got his cookies.  I get on my knees and work my cock up to a nice hard on.  Standing over me, he watches.  I ask him to kiss me just before I blow my load and he obliges.  All in all, not bad.  We clean up the scene and I am out the door pronto, promising not to acknowledge his existence should I see him in public.
In a way, the encounter was everything I could ever hope for: convenient, fast, nice set-up, nice scene.  We did lots of fun stuff, everybody got their cookies, and we played safe.  Yay!
The fact that I am less than enthused about last night’s encounter is what lies at the heart of why I need to take on the challenge of abstaining from sex for thirty days and nights.   Because this was a perfectly great encounter and should have left me feeling very happy.   There was nothing inadequate about what we did and, in fact, it was pretty great.  But I come away feeling it was merely adequate.  Because I was merely adequate.  I was merely adequate because there is a part of me that was just not that into it.  My bad.  You bring your ‘A’ game every time, or you stay the fuck home!
My encounter with ‘Blair Underwood’ really should have been enough.  That should’ve been the end point of casual sex and the start of my thirty days.  The reason that I was firing on all fours (interesting pun) with ‘Blair’ was due to the fact that I had not been fucked since the first of the month and had practically been climbing the walls. At one point I was actually begging a dude via text to fuck me (and I’m so glad that did not happen – story for next week).  So, where ‘Blair was concerned, I did bring my ‘A’ game.  Not so with Bachelor #2.   
So I’m glad I’m taking a break.  It’s time.
How successful will I be?  Time will tell. 
Thirty days and thirty nights begins…
…now.

2012/02/17

Revealing Skank-Dumb: His... Or Mine?

 I’m mad at myself.

Not only did I give into my own prurient interests, but I also fell victim to another dude’s skankdom.

It was Saturday night.  I rarely go out to bars, but was in a mood, probably the result of a combination of cabin fever and the fact that I hadn’t had any real sexual contact in over two weeks.  I really wanted to get some.   My plan was simple.  I get to have one drink (a gin and tonic: which turned out to be 75% ice and contain so little gin that I never felt it for a moment) and then drink water the rest of the night.  I go in, fool around, and then get to go home to sleep, hopefully, one load lighter.

 It was leather night at the Eagle.  I’d never been, and was really curious to see what it was all about.  Granted, the only leather wear I own are a pair of really sweet lace-up boots and a nice belt from Greece, but I was betting they would let me in.   I had on a pair of skinny jeans and a tight, Rolling Stones t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up just enough so they cut my triceps right.  With my black cap on, I thought I was hitting the mark.  Apparently the doorman guarding the entrance to the basement agreed.  He gave the dude in front of me a hard time and refused him entry, but when I stepped forward, he simply waved me in.  It was a very VIP-feeling moment. 

I wish the rest of my night would have followed suit.

This I will say – the place was pretty sparsely populated.   There were only about 50 leather-diehards in the basement, 30 dudes in the dance bar and – seriously, at one point in the evening – 4 people in the front part of the bar!  So, in my defense it was a slow night. 

I got hit on twice.  Once, upstairs, by this black dude with an Alexander O’Neal thing going on.  He said he lived close by and based on the way he was dressed I got the impression that he was there to pick up a little something to-go.  We talked.  The conversation felt a bit stilted.  His lack of direct eye contact bothered me right away.  Something about him told me he would not be a good lay.  Then a Whitney Houston video came on.  We talked briefly about her death and when, in relation to her music, we had come out of the closet.  Then ‘I Want to Dance With Somebody’ came on, and he started to dance.  This confirmed my impression about him probably not being all that in the sack.  I leaned, told him I was going to check out the basement, and left him dancing by himself. 

Descending into darkness, I was all prepped for some horny happenings.  I’d been chatting on Grndr and Scruff all week with a bunch of dudes who kept asking me when I would be going out to the Eagle.   I’d made plans to meet up with six of them.  Some were being highly cautious/selective.  Others were partnered ( in open relationships), so this seemed a great way to meet.  I was cool with whatever.  There were promises of illicit fucks and blow jobs in dark corners.  So there I was… and there they weren’t.  Well, most of them. 

Two of the dudes did show up. 

One of them came over and we made out. He was dressed in black leather from head to toe.  With the exception of his face, every inch of him was encased – like a plump German sausage.  He was: shorter than me by at least six inches, rather sturdy and stout looking,  with a handsome, manly mug, topped off with a snow-white buzz cut.  He is sort of the Phys Ed coach of my wet dreams.  I was seated on this L-shaped couch in the corner, far from the main action near the bar.  I took up this post after making several passes through the crowd to little effect.   I spotted Mr. Leather right away.  He was very coy about it, and I decided to respect the distance.  We had agreed before we met that he would approach me.   I told him I wouldn’t want to assume any attraction or interest on his part.  He eventually came over to find me.  We kissed.   I manhandled all his business, running my hands over that leather clad bod of his.  I kissed his boots and he made me suck his thumb a couple of times.  It was hot, but… a little not-quite-right.  He told me that I had passed the test and that he would like to see me some time.  I was cool with that.  Apparently he had had his fill of the scene, consumed a sufficient amount of alcohol, and was now going to go get a cab.  We said ‘good night’ and that was that.

Kind of kinky.  Kind of fun.  But not jaw-dropping enough to really follow through on.

The other dude?  Well, his situation is a bit dicey, so I get his whole trepidation.  He’s tall… super, super tall, and thin.  He has a certain style about him.   I honestly don’t have a handle on just what it is yet, but he is a bit theatrical, I guess you could say.  Not in manner, but in looks.  Lately he sports this handlebar mustache.  But to each their own.  The main issue: we work at the same company.  I spotted him several years ago and my gaydar told me he was a member of the tribe, but he has never given me the time of day – despite my being introduced by another co-worker and my saying ‘hello’ when we have passed each other in the hall or cafeteria.  So I assumed he was just one of those gays – a fashion elitists who turns their nose up at working class gays. 

Then we started chatting on Grndr and Scruff.  He was really friendly.  I sent him pictures and he as all about doing something to my somethings.  Yay, right?  Only, no.  He totally ignores me.  That night.  At the bar.  I went out of my way to pass by him a couple of times with no response, so I stopped trying to get his attention.  Then, as the crowd got thinner, we started bumping into each other near the dance floor or by the bathroom.  Still no hint of recognition.  Finally, he does this bizarre stretching thing in front of me before hitting the dance floor where he proceeds to bop around like Little (tall) Lord Flaunt-leroy!  Well, despite his promises of a sound fucking in some back corner, that was it for me.  I called it a night.

As I am climbing the stairs, I notice my phone.  Someone has contacted me on Grndr.  Not surprising, as I had been on both Grndr and Scruff throughout the night trying to find the dudes that had failed to show up (one decided to stay in, one was there, but we missed each other, and the other two?  Who knows?).  In this case it was this cute dude who has been on me for several months to come over and take his load.  We actually had made a date at one point – for 5:30 am, before I had to be at work.  But the morning of our tryst, he was nowhere to be found on-line and I went to work instead.  He contacted me later and apologized – he’d fallen asleep. 

Anyway, he’s good to go right then.  I check the time – it is only 1:30 am, so I figure, what the hell.  He’s not far away and I find his house right away.  Thinking this will be a quick cum and go, I’m thinking this is the fuck that will get me through the next week.  I walk into his place – on the second floor of this house – and find him spread eagle, naked, on his platform bed with his hard dick in hand.  I am thinking this is a slam dunk.  He’s cute and younger than I had anticipated.  I strip and climb onto the bed, taking his dick in my mouth.  His cock is a good inch less than I thought it would be, based on the pics he sent, but nice all the same.  He appreciates my efforts and is quite verbal about it, moaning and making suggestions.  Seems his nipples are hardwired to his dick.  So I start to play with them.   Dude has a cute body: fairly hairless, young, good skin – fleshy, not skinny.  His mouth has been open (moaning) almost from the moment I got on the bed, so I take a risk and kiss him.  He responds really well.  He’s a very good kisser, but as play continues, I get a sense that kissing is not high on his list of things to do.  He keeps wanting me to play with his nipples – which are small and not the usual pencil erasers one expects when dealing with someone into nipple-play.  But I go with the flow, thinking eventually he will get around to fucking me.  He does.  For all of two minutes.  He puts me on my back and crawls between my legs.  He’s in, like Flynn, and I’m thinking it’s go time.  But - no.  He doesn’t cum.  He goes soft.  Odd, I think.  He’s young. 

My mind immediately searches for possible causes.  He’s not into me?  No, he has been up to this point and he’s still talking like he’s into me.  He’s on some kind of drug – Tina?  He is a tiny bit sketchy, but I am thinking that is his personality.  His apartment is a mess, but that is because he just moved in.  Also, I told him, that night, before I came over, that I do not play with those who PNP.  He assured me that he doesn’t, so I felt good about meeting him. 

So, long story / short:  I end up fucking him (he has an amazing, ass – the kind that makes me think of fucking women or sofas).  And he never gets off.  I try to help, but after a point realize that it just ain’t gonna be happening and abandon his good-ship lollipop.  I clean up.  As I do, we chat.  He is all apologetic.  This never happens to him, he says.  Claims he stayed hard the entire time the dude was fucking him at 8 am that morning, and he stayed hard the entire time the dudes at noon, 2:00 pm, 6:00 pm, and 8:00 pm fucked him!

Shit. 

Okay.  Bad on me for playing unsafe, even after going through my whole epiphany re: the evils of barebacking.  Fuck me for going to a dude’s house at 1:30 am and thinking nothing is going to be wrong.   And fuck me for ignoring that little tiny voice that said there was something not-so-cool about this whole scene – the state of the apartment, his demeanor, the fact that he can’t keep it up, etc.

But fuck HIM for not disclosing his skankdom up front.  In hindsight, it is very obvious he was probably on Tina and had been fucking dudes all day.  No, he did not look like a Tina-head at all; he looked incredibly healthy and well-fed.  But who else fucks that many dudes in a single day?  And this is obviously his mode of operendi – hence the previous offer of 5:30 in the morning sex. 

I trusted him because we had been conversing for a couple of months.   I trusted him because he was well aware of how I felt about PNP and those who partake.  I trusted him because I was feeling sexually frustrated and wanted a little something-something

So fuck me for trusting him.   Something tells me life just did.  Fuck me.  Big time.

Question: Should a skank reveal his skankdom before luring people to his bed?  I would like to think the answer is yes.  And in a better world that would be the case. But, sadly, no.  Otherwise how does the skank continue to get what it wants – i.e. more sexual partners?

Keep in mind I made all my decision that night not under the influence of any drug and very (very) little alcohol.  I barely did any poppers (which also might have been the reason his dick went south – he huffed on those mothers like they were oxygen).  So – I entered into this situation with all my faculties in operation.  And I still end up with a regrettable experience – one that has me checking the insides of the front of my underwear for any signs of STDs.  This one will haunt me until I either get so upset I go in and get tested for stuff just so I can put it to rest, or until I go in for my three month STD screen and find out if the whore gave me anything.

Flip side?  How many times in the past two years was I the whore in this scenario?  Sure, I have never done Tina and gone on some wild, all-day/all-night sex crusade, but I have had multiple partners during the same 24-hour period many times, and not always disclosed that information.  So here I am calling the kettle beige.  Sort of.

My  desire to curb my sexual excesses and err on the side of safety is fairly recent.  I have felt the pain, if you will, of going without sex, rather than have risky sex, or sex with someone I am less than into.  Sex for the sake of sex is no longer my thing.  This dude harkens back to the tail end of a period when I was still quite the go-getter.  He was unfinished business.  I just hope he hasn’t finished my business.

So, I’m mad.  At the skank.  And myself.  Mostly at myself.  I’m sad that I find myself worrying about STDs yet again.  And disappointed – not just in my lack of judgment, but also in life.  I was being so good… careful, even, about who I had sex with and how.  And still this kind of thing can happen.

I don’t want to be non-sexual.  Sex is so wonderful and it makes me feel so alive. Yet - maybe this was a wake up call – the kind that says – there are always going to be consequences when having casual sex.  You can be as careful as a nun, but it only takes one person to throw your life into jeopardy.  

Do I confront the skank?  No.   He would just lie to me and all his reassurances would ring hollow to my ears.  Instead, I simply blocked him on all my accounts so that I don’t have any future contact with him.   And why not confront the skank?  Because I would never have wanted anyone to confront me with my behavior when I was the one being the skank.  Because all my lies would have rung just as hollow and reassure no one. 

If we lived in a more sex-positive society, one where STDs were no big deal, then, maybe I wouldn’t be feeling the way I am feeling.  Maybe if there was a simple home test we could do to make sure that we are STD free, I wouldn’t be all that up in arms about my behavior.  I should just grow the fuck up and accept the consequences of being a slut, even when I was doing my best to avoid being one. 

And maybe if the sex had been mind-blowingly good I wouldn’t have my panties in such a wad. 

But my panties are in a wad. 

And I… am the one who has wadded them. 

2012/02/10

My Sexual Circuit Breaker Has Been Tripped!

I feel like a switch in my sexual circuit breaker has been tripped.  My sudden disinterest in hooking-up with others kind of astounds me.  I’m still spending significant amounts of time on-line, mostly on Grndr and Scruff, but I am chatting and not necessarily about things sexual in nature. 


Since I made a conscience decision a few months ago to curtail the number of sexual encounters I partake in each month, with a desire to put the emphasis on quality – not quantity, it has really given me an opportunity to look more closely at my choices.  This breathing room has actually allowed me time to consider the possible ramifications of my actions and weigh the value of a given scenario.  I find, more often than not, that ‘I just don’t wanna.’  And these are quality guys we’re talking about.  Some I have actually played with in the past, but I just can’t bring myself to say ‘yes’.  So I make up excuses.
There is this really hot Asian dude that has been very persistent.  We hit it about two months ago.  He is handsome and has a dancer’s body, very compact and muscular.  He’s ten years my junior, a good foot shorter than me, and rather sexy. There was no kissing involved – and that may be at the root of my reluctance to see him again – but he throws a hell of a fuck.  I actually enjoyed sucking his dick and when it went anal, he had me on all fours, on the floor, in front of this mirror as he was pile-driving my hole.  He tapped me with such force that he literally fucked the cum right out of me.  We came at the same time, which also made it super hot. 
So why do I keep putting him off?  He’s hit on my numerous times since and a few of those times I had nothing going on and could have met him.  Instead, I chose to sit in my car,  at this I frequent, flagging ads on Craigslist (an odd hobby of mine, of late). 
Maybe it has something to do with the way he talks to me via his texts.  He’s very demanding, very assuming.  Perhaps that’s a cultural thing, but I find it a tad off-putting.  Don’t get me wrong – I like a good dom and like it when my top takes control, but, that said, disrespect is not sexy and I do feel devalued when I read his texts. 
Then there is the matter of kissing, or rather, not kissing in this case.  Lately, I yearn for some real intimacy, not just scenes of the “spread-‘em-and-fuck-‘em” variety.  This desire began after an exceptional encounter with a very nice, quiet, handsome black man who lives in the northern suburbs.  He hit on me out of the blue on Grndr – one of those profiles with a scenic pic that tells you nothing about the dude.  My shot is just my torso, so I’m always amazed when someone chats me up.  Anyway, he cut right to the chase, asking me if I wanted to get fucked.  I was actually all prepared for just that and said yes.  He sent me a face picture (handsome) and a dick pic (sizable).  I sent him my pics and we were a go. 
I get to his place and find myself feeling really nervous.  He’s younger than me (who isn’t), and very handsome.  Handsome people make me nervous – the possibility of rejection is always very real when dealing with someone out of your league, and based on this dude’s pic, I’m pretty sure he’s way out of mine.  But he wants to fuck me and who am I to refuse?  He opens the door.  He’s taller than I am (always a turn on) and, yep, handsome as hell (way out of my league).  He’s wearing sweats and a t-shirt and I can also tell he has a great body – wide shoulders, great pecs, small waist, long legs.  In light of all this, my nervousness level skyrockets.  His demeanor is cool and distant – which causes me to believe that there is a very real possibility that he’s not okay with what he sees.  That turns out to not be the case.  He’s simply a very reserved, masculine man.  In other words, hella sexy.
We go to his bedroom (always a good sign when hooking up – if they want to fuck you on their bed or even a guest bedroom bed, it indicates a desire for intimacy).  I strip for him and he lowers the waist band of his sweats.  Nine, hard, thick inches present themselves and I am about to drop to my knees in order to get busy, when his hand reaches around me, pushing on the small of my back, and pulling me toward him.  We kiss.  And I… melt. 
We spend the first ten minutes just exploring each other.  He has a full head of close cropped hair.  His eyes are penetrating.  He’s a great fucking kisser.  Soon the t-shirt is off.  The sweats fall to his ankles.  My hands are on his neck, his shoulders, the back of his head.  I want to consume this dude – commit all of him to permanent memory.  Our dicks are pressed against one another.  We cup each other’s asses and do some bumping and grinding. 
Finally, I can’t help myself anymore.  I drop to my knees and miraculously manage to swallow all nine inches in one fell swoop.  He’s kind of amazed too, and tells me as much.  Due to his length and thickness, something tells me he has not been with many dudes who can manage this without scraping him with their teeth.  I work his dick for a good ten minutes, paying attention to his beautiful ball sac in the process.  The dude’s hygiene is impeccable, but given that, there is a wonderful musk around his scrotum that I find to be better than poppers.  It’s definitely a black thing and a super sexy one at that.  There is something spicy, exotic, and deep to the aroma.  I just love it.
The dude then orders me onto the bed.  We begin with me on all fours in the center of the bed and him kneeling on the bed behind me.  He enters slowly – real slowly, and that has me absolutely melting inside.  There is something really sweet about his fucking.  We kiss a lot.  After a bit he moves me onto my back and things continue to pick up steam.  He teases my hole a lot, pulling all the way out and guiding it back in.  Eventually we establish some kind of synergy, with me fucking up on his dick as he’s pushing forward.  He likes it.  There is a lot more kissing.  Eventually he delivers the money shot and then encourages me to shoot my load.  Romantic?  Maybe.  We linger. 
Afterwards, he invites me to use his shower.  He has a really nice place, very clean.  I use his soap.  Now I smell like his body.  I walk back into the bedroom to get dressed and he is lying across the bottom of the bed, still naked, his legs spread.  He beckons me over to him.  I lay on top of him and we kiss some more.  This is the way a hook-up should go down.  It should always be this touching, this bittersweet.
We talk as I dress.  He puts back on his sweats and walks me to the door.  We kiss one last time and I wonder if I will ever see him again.  I get a sense that he is not exactly a rainbow flag waver, but I am cool with discretion. 
I make him a favorite on Grndr (my only one) and wait for him to contact me.  He says hello a few times and then two weeks later we set up a second play date.  He cancels at the last minute and it bums me out to the point where I delete my Grnder profile and don’t go back on for two weeks.  But I do eventually go back on.  A week after my return, he hits on me.  Asks me how I have been and if I would be interested in playing again.  Well, you know the answer to that one.  Fingers crossed. 
Oh – and did I mention that both these encounters involved condoms?  Yeah, for some reason safe sex has become something that really appeals to me again.  Barebacking?  Not at all.  In fact, I cleared my BBRTS profile.  That whole scene really started to rub me the wrong way.  The guys on there are not healthy thinkers.  Most don’t take care of their bodies – which is a real turn off to me of late.  Even my regulars – five dudes that are hot as hell, good-looking, and hung – started to make me feel rather devalued.  They would make plans and cancel at the last minute, or play games.  Which are things that dudes who practice safe sex do, too, but when I weigh the risks involved (STDs) and the quality of the actual sex (brutal, driven, and skanky), and their overall attitude, it simply lost its appeal.  Same goes for the warehouse party scene.
Don’t get me wrong – I still fantasize about being gang banged.  BB porn still turns me on.  I even like the whole language of the scene: breeding, seeding, etc.  But I don’t have the stomach for it.  It is a fantasy that best remains such.  The reality of it (the risks and overall demeanor) doesn’t seem all that sexy to me.  That probably has a lot to do with ‘been there, done that’.  But I can live with that.
So now what?  What does a former-wannabe-slut do for entertainment?
Most nights, after work, I sit in my car in this cruising park I used to suck a lot of dick at and chat on-line, on my phone.  At this park, dudes hit on me all the time, but I just wave hello once and then ignore them.  Even when I am in the mood for a little something, I don’t find myself interested in the ones interested in me.  And if I am interested, it isn’t in delivering the usual front-seat blow job.  The other day, this really nice dude in a green pick-up– an exhibitionist who likes to drive around naked on the highways, pulling up beside big-rig truckers and jerking it for them – pulled up next to me.  I was feeling frisky, so I stripped off all my clothes and showed off for him, going so far as to stick my bare ass out the passenger window of my car in order to display my hard dick for him.  But that is as far as it went. 
Maybe it’s because we are in the middle of winter.  Maybe when summer arrives I’ll be all raring to go again.  Will my resolve melt with the snow?   I doubt it.  I’m in no hurry to flip that breaker switch back to the on position.  The quality bar (along with the safety bar) has been raised.  And, for whatever reason, I now have the patience and desire to wait for something worthwhile to come along before bending over and spreading ‘em. 

2012/02/03

Work-Out Primer

I don’t get a lot of letters or notes here at Wonderland Burlesque, but when I do, if they are not too hate-filled or vile, I like to pass them along and respond to them.  Here is a letter from a dude I happen to actually know, asking for working-out and diet advice.  So this is my stab at an exercise primer. 

Yes, it’s that time of the year, when everyone resolves to make positive changes in their lives.  Some of these resolutions are made without any real commitment.  But for those who are really ready to make a change – I wish you the very best.  Whatever you put into it – you will get out of it.

Here’s James letter (yeah, I changed his name).

Hello!!!!

It is James, aka *********, from Manhunt.  I am looking to lose 30 pounds of fat to get down to 140 lbs. and then put on 10-15 lbs. of rock hard muscle in order to reach my goal of 150-155 lbs.  My main goals are a tight, toned body and six pack abs.  What work out/nutrition advice do you have to help me reach this goal?  

I am hoping to either join a gym to help myself or work out at home, but am unsure which will work best for me.  Also what types of foods and how much should I eat? 

Any help you can give me will be much appreciated.  Looking for any help you can give me.  Looking forward to your reply

Also: Know of a good gym that is cheap you could recommend?

James

Dear James,

There is so much advice out there on the internet, I really urge you to do your own research.  You will find what works for you.  That said, I can share what works for me.

Doctor, Doctor
First... you have to visit your physician and make sure you are up for this.  Knowing your cholesterol, glucose levels, liver function, current blood pressure, pulse, etc. will establish an excellent base line from which to work and serve as a guide for whether or not you're making any progress.

Your optimum weight is determined by your height and to some extent your body type.  A physician can tell you the ballpark of where your body will be most comfortable and healthy.

Fat and Muscle
You will develop the muscle as you lose the fat.  And it takes time.  I am thinking you are probably at an age where your metabolism has changed drastically (or soon will), so it is a good thing you are starting now - because if you don't head it off at the pass - it gets a lot worse. 

Diet
Your diet is a major contributor to excess weight.  So here are my hard and fast rules:

·         No soda.  Not regular or diet.  That stuff is awful for you.  Stop drinking soda and you will be amazed by the difference in your body. 
·         Drink water.  Lots and lots of water.  It is your best friend and will always make you feel better.  Think of it as a body cleanse. 
·         Alcohol - limit to two drinks per month.  Seriously.  And never beer.  Beer bloats.  Eat your veggies and your fruits.  I go buy fruit - berries when they are on sale and freeze them. Put them in a blender with a banana and some 100% juiced and make a 100% fruit smoothies.  They rock and remind me of milk shakes. 
·         NO FAST FOOD.  It’s as bad as soda.  Just say no. 
·         Eat whole foods when possible, start eating more at home.  Stop buying prepared foods or box meals - that stuff has lots of crap in them. 
·         Limit desserts.  I'm not a dessert person, so sweets are not an issue for me.  If they are for you, be responsible about the amount you eat.  
·         Moderation in everything.  Portion control is everything.  Restaurant meals are way oversized.  Never eat anything bigger than your fist.
·         Don't eat until you're full, eat until you are feeling fed. 
·         Drink water with meals.  Drink water during work.  Drink water while you work out.  
·         NO POTATO CHIPS.  Want a snack?  Eat plain baked corn chips with fresh salsa. 
·         Don’t skip meals.  Breakfast is the most important.  Plain oatmeal with a banana mashed into it for flavor?  Rocks.  I eat it 5 times a week. 
·         Limit: Sugar, Caffeine, Saturated Fats, Oils, Diet Foods (Lite), Sugar Substitutes, Alcohol.  When it goes in your mouth ask yourself, does my body know what to do with this?
·         Lots of info on diet on line.  So read up on foods to avoid.  And this is my final point about food - diets don't work.  Eating is a lifestyle choice.  It is a game changer.  So change your game.

 Gym or Work Out at Home?
Join a gym.  You will buy all that equipment for home use and find that you are not motivated at home.  Working out takes a lot of discipline and if you haven’t been working out, then I really recommend that you join a gym and take advantage of all that it has to offer.

Go to a gym.  Get around other dudes who are working out and are successful.  Watching them in the shower room will be a big motivator for you.  Also... watch them on the work out floor.  Pick up tips by watching, but be careful.  There are a lot of stupid people at the gym doing exercises improperly.  They will hurt themselves or damage the equipment eventually. Don’t be that guy.  

How do you know who to watch?  My suggestion: The dudes who are NOT over-worked out, but have a tight, slim, healthy build are your best bet.  Big muscles usually mean stupid form. 

Finding the Right Gym
You know... I think that you should go try out a couple of places.  You can get at least a day pass.  Tell them you're shopping around and that they will not be the only gym you're checking out.  Take the tours.  Use the facilities.  And invest the money.  I really recommend that you go to a gym with a swimming pool.  Also check out the vibe.  Is it gay friendly?  You don't want to be surrounded by a bunch of homophobes.  But do invest that money - this is important.  This is a life choice.  Choose to take care of your body.  Invest in yourself.

Don't be pressured into anything.  Read the small print and the contract thoroughly.  Ask a LOT of questions. 

If, for some reason, you get a bad vibe from the place, or the customer service is not friendly, welcoming and interested in you - then walk out and tell them that their customer service is not up to standard.  Gyms are an expense.  Invest wisely.

Average cost: $43 per month / $511 annually

Check to see if you can get a pay month to month deal – getting locked into long term contracts suck.

My only recommendation: YMCA or YWCA – they rock and are generally cheaper than Lifetime, etc.

Form
Go slow.  Less weight, slow movement, great form – will yield the best results.  Form refers to the movement - how precise you are with each rep.  Do 3 sets of 8-12 reps to start.  If you are struggling too much, so much that it is affecting your form, then you are using too much weight. 

Form is everything.  Every time you pick up a weight you have to know the proper way to use it.  Work briefly with an instructor/trainer for pointers on form or get a book. I suggest Gold's Gym book: it tells you exactly what good form is for every exercise.  And don't fall into the whole "more weights means better work out".  That is macho bullshit.  You don't need to use heavy weights to get a great work out, but you do need to use good form.  Form is everything.  It prevents injury which means you get to keep working out.  It also maximizes the amount of time and energy expelled, yielding the best results. 

How Often?
Work out a 4-5 x's a week for 45-60 minutes each session.  Cardio twice a week, weights/strength training 3 times a week.  Have a plan – a work out regime designed ahead of time.  Change that work out regime completely every 3 months!  Shock that body.  Keep challenging it – but in good, healthy ways.

What To Do:
Stretch:  How often do you reach over your head?  When was the last time you jumped up and down?  Think of all the stuff you used to do as a little kid - and how long it has been since you did any of that - playing tag, climbing, etc.  Start every work out with a nice stretch.  Incorporate yoga and think about form and function as you stretch.  Watch others who look like they know what they are doing.  This should be a minimum of 10 minutes of every work out.

Push-ups: great for chest, abs, and lats.  Do them.  Work your way up to 60 in one stretch.  It takes time, but everyone can do it.  Starting out - keep them shallow if you must, but do them.  Make sure your abs are engaged when you do them.  Form is important.  I love push ups.  Makes my pecs pop every day.   These are key if you an those hot mounds supporting your nips.

Swim: if you can.  It is the best exercise ever - especially for weight loss.  Swim laps until you are exhausted.  It will yield great results.  Swimming counts as cardio as long as you push it. Push it real good.

Cardio: join classes.  Start by standing in the back and watching, doing your best to keep up.  I recommend Zumba and step.  Turbo kick is good, too, but you need to be in better shape and more flexible for that.  Boot Camp?  It may discourage you, so don't do it until you are already in shape.   Core workouts rule.  This will help you with endurance.   This will help you with your blood pressure and pulse. Cardio is very important.  2x's a week minimum. 

Crunches:  Not everyone is meant to have abs.  Not all body types allow for this.  Abs are a combination of workout, diet and genetics.  I do 200-300 a day.  And you need to vary your routine - changing it up every 4 weeks.  If you're not feeling it the next day, you're coasting.  The body adapts very quickly to exercises repeated, so shock your system.  I do them on a mat, I do them with the half-ball, and I do them with a full ball.  Form is everything when doing crunches, so study up on it, again - the web is your best source.

Weights:  3 x's a week.  Dumb bells rule.  Start slow.  Start light. Think about form constantly.  Those dudes working out with massive weights and grunting a lot?  Yeah, ignore them.  They are either steroid cases or idiots. Be smart.  There are no short cuts.  And not everyone is meant to look like Arnold or Stallone (who is a giant steroid case). 

Machines:.  Pay attention to the little diagram on the machines.  It will tell you how to use them properly.  Machines are dangerous and will cause muscle tears if used improperly.  Don't watch others.  Many people have no idea what they are doing on the machines.   AVOID those arm machines.  They cause more damage to your elbows than they are worth.   

Pull-ups:  Assisted w/ the machine or with just a bar.  Excellent means of creating lats.  Which is what you want if you want that big shoulder thing happening.  They are difficult.  They suck.  They will wear you out.  Do them.  I mix three different kinds of pull ups into my routines every other month.

Legs: very, very important.  Those machines are nice, but not enough.  And be careful not to use too much weight on those machines to start.  Your calves need time to stretch.  Use dumb bells and do a lot of squats (butt) and lunges (butt).  Again, form is king.  You're wasting your time if you are not engaging muscles properly.  And you know what?  You need your abs (core) for everything.  So they always need to be engaged - stay on top of it.
  
Concentrating on trouble spots?  It doesn't work.  Your back fat and love handles are part of a complete picture.  So work the big picture, manage your diet and you will see results.  It takes time.  You will see results almost immediately, but those problem spots will take years to conquer.  Exercise is not something you do until you get what you want.  It is a lifestyle and a really important choice if you want to live a long time and remain attractive.

Running:  I say no.  Walking will actually help you lose more weight.  Running is fun, and great for endurance, but will result in muscle and joint issues in the long run.  I still run, but only in summer (so I can get my tan on).  Walking - strenuous walking - actually is much better for you.  Hiking?  Great, because the uphill and uneven terrain causes the body to constantly readjust and challenge itself. 

Running machines / Elliptical / Stationary Bikes:  Eh.  They leave me cold.  If I want to run – I go outside.  The terrain is more interesting, it is a great way to develop balance, and the scenery is entertaining.  Also – on a hot summer day there is nothing like free-balling it in a pair of skimpy running shorts. Of course, make sure you’re feeling good about your bod before running around without a shirt on. 

Balance: Work on your balance.  Stand on one leg, etc.  Yoga is great for this.

Protect your joints.  Joint injuries are difficult to recover from and can be long term in nature.  They will also inhibit your ability to excise and affect other areas of your life (like typing on a keyboard).  Major cause of joint injury?  Too much weight and bad form.  Also, if you don't know what your rotator cups are, you need to research them before exercising.  It is the number one injury that people experience when starting out.  Your elbows and your knees are close seconds.  Protect them by using good form.

Asides:
·         Wear work out gloves.  They help.  They protect.
·         I love working out to music.  It motivates and keeps me focused and moving.
·         Remember to breathe.  Inhale on the rest portion, exhale when exerting force.
·         Working out makes you horny (it raises your testosterone level – something that diminishes one percent per year after the age of 40).  Enjoy that horniness!  It will keep you working out.
·         Look at your bod in the mirror.  Before a work out, if I am alone in the locker room, I will look at my body and make myself get a hard on before working out.  I don’t bate, or cum, but I do want that hard on – it is a motivator for me.  Then after the work out, I look for differences in my bod.  You will like what you see.  Take pictures! (And send them to me!)

Gym Etiquette:
Good gym etiquette is important:

·         Wipe down the equipment with spray before and after use.
·         Put weights back where they belong.
·         Don't grunt a lot.  Idiots do that.
·         Be conscientious in the locker room.  Keep your shit together.  Close locker doors.  Put your towel in the hamper.  Don't stare. 
·         Be conscientious in the shower room.  Don't stare. 
·         Wear appropriate attire.  (Jock straps are always hot.)
·         Be really, really careful if you fool around in the sauna, the locker room, the showers.  Other people don’t necessarily want to see that sort of thing at their gym.  Pity, huh?


Most important thing: JUST DO IT.  Even when you don’t feel like it.  It will make you feel so much better.  Find the time.  Make the time.  Some days I dread it, but as soon as I do it, I love it.

Conclusion:
So, this should serve as a start.  I really urge you to go on the web and do your own research.  There is tons of information available, most of it is quite reliable, and there are certainly a lot of people out there who know a lot more than I do.  What I have shared is what I have experienced.  If you are serious about working out – educate yourself.   

If you have questions – ask a staff member at the gym you attend. If it is a good gym, they will be more than happy to help you.

This was fun.  Next time I write about working out it will be my annual work out summary.  I have had a good year.  Yeah, I know – some internet troll pointed out that my body is not all that great – calling it a do-a-little-bit-at-the-gym-everyday.  Well, you know what?  I do what I can with what I have.  And I do quite a bit during the time I am at the gym.  I’m feeling really good about what I have accomplished.  No – I’m no Arnold (would never want to be), but I am very pleased with what I have, especially considering my age.

Okay.  Enough.  Time to hit the gym.