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2012/03/30

The Kinky Report: March 16, 2011 - March 15, 2012

Introduction

On March 16, 2009, I began keeping a diary of sorts in order to capture information regarding my sexual exploits.  I published the statistics I was able to glean from that recorded data in March of 2010 and again, in March of 2011. 

The following is a list of statistics from this year’s (3/16/11 – 3/15/12) data.  The diary is fairly accurate as I did a good job of consistently recording my exploits.  I believe I managed to record every sexual encounter I had during that time period. 

It should be noted that this was the second year a “bath house” was open in Minneapolis.  I put that in quotes because it really isn’t an official business; rather it’s something of a best kept secret/underground sensation.  I’ve visited seven times during its first year of operation, compared to six times this year.  During those six visits I engaged in some form of sexual play 106 times – which accounts for 29% of my total sexual encounters during this time period.  The most sex I had during this time period also occurred at the bath house (23). 

I’m thinking it might be important to compare this year’s stats to last year’s, so the data will be presented in the following format: This Year’s Stat / Last Year’s Stat / First Year’s Stat

Stats
Closed for Business: 17/ 34 / 40
Stood Up: 7/ 15 / 8
No, Didn’t Find Anything or Not in the Mood: 196 / 161 / 157
Total Days of No Sexual Activity:   213 (58% of Year) 195 (53% of Year / 205 (56% of Year)
Number of Days I Did Look and Find: 153 (2.41 men per day, 42% of Year) / 157 (2.47 Men per Day, 43% of Year) / 160 (1.67 Men per Day, 44% of Year)
Total Number of Times I Participated in Sexual Activity: 368 /388 / 267 (1% decrease)  

Activity
No Cum: Number of Times Guys Failed or Chose Not to Cum: 157 / 99/ 38 (59% increase)
Flip Flop: 7 / 4 / 6 (75% increase)
Me Top: 17 / 12 / 16 (42% increase)
Oral on Me: 81 / 76 / 18 (7% increase)
Oral:  187 / 181 / 148 (3% increase)
Anal: 29 / 25 / 4 (16% increase)
Oral and Anal: 113 / 137 / 92 (18% decrease)
Kiss: 99 / 125 / 65 (21% decrease)
Rim (me or them): 34 / 56 / 26 (39% decrease)
J/O: 37 / 46 / 19 (20% decrease)
Menage a trios: 23 / 28 /12 (18% decrease)
Group Activity: 8 / 15 / 5 (47 % decrease)
Blindfolded: 10 / 33 / 35 (70% decrease)

Location
Total Outdoors: 170 (46% of all sexual activity for year) / 162 (42% of all sexual activity for year) / 160 (60% of all sexual activity for year) (5% increase)
Bog/Wirth: 13 /27 / 50 (52% decrease)
Prairie: 35 /81 / 74 (57% decrease)
St Paul: 0 / 0 / 3 (remained the same as the previous year)
East River Road: 115 / 54 / 33 (113% increase)

Car: 34 / 29 / 14 (At the listed parks) (17% increase)

Total Indoors: 198 (54% of all sexual activity for the year) / 226 (58% of all sexual activity for the year) / 107 (40% of all sexual activity for the year) (12% decrease)
Rehab House: 4 /48 / 33 (92% decrease)
My Place: 8 / 13 / 11 (38% decrease)
Their Place: 40 / 54 / 47 (26% decrease)
Hotel: 3 / 14 / 4 (79% decrease)
Public (Garage, Restroom, Sauna, Gym, or Their Office): 130 / 77 / 12 (69% increase)
Garage: 15 / 20 (25% decrease)


The Experience
Exceptional: 46 (13% of experiences) / 46 (12% of experiences) /28 (10.5% of experiences)
Good: 104 (28% of experiences) / 99 (26% of experiences) / 74 (27.5% of experiences)
Average: 165 (45% of experiences) / 182 (47% of experiences) / 108 (40.5% of experiences)
Bad: 51 (14% of experiences) / 61 (16% of experiences) / 57 (21% of experiences)
Repeat: 133 (36% of experiences) / 115 (30% of experiences) / 122 (46% of experiences)

Race
White: 314 (85%) / 335 (86%) / 225 (84%)
Black: 15 (4%) / 18 (5%) / 20 (7.5%)
Asian: 17 (5%) / 5 (1%) / 2 (1%)
East Indian: 2 (1%) / 6 (2%) / 6 (2%)
Hispanic: 18 (5%) / 24 (6%) / 14 (5%)

Size
Over 8: 58 (15 of which were over 9”) 916%) / 62 (16%) / 54 (20%)
7 to 8: 136 37%) / 114 (29%) / 99 (37%)
Under 7: 122 (7-6) and 49 (< 6) (46%) / 144 (7 to 6) and 68 (< 6) (55%) / 114 (43%)

Age
20’s:  30 (8%) / 53 (14%) / 35 (13%)
30’s: 75 (20%) / 98 (25%) / 74 (28%)
40’s:  141 (38%) / 167 (43%) / 102 (38%)
50’s:  103 (28%) / 60 (15%) / 53 (20%)
60’s: 14 (4%) / 10 (3%) / 3 (1%)

Physical Condition
Excellent Shape: 65 (18%) / 80 (21%) / N/A
Good Shape: 151 (41%) / 148 (38%) / 89 (33%) – (Means: This year 228 were in Good or Excellent Shape, which accounts for 59% of all experiences)
Okay Shape: 114 (31%) / 123 (32%) / 124 (46%)
Bad Shape: 33 (9%) / 37 (9%) / 54 (20%)
Long Time (over an hour): 32 / 29 / N/A
Handsome: 78 (21%) / 98 (25%) / 64 (24%)
Bald: 35 (10%) / 41 (11%) / 42 (16%)

Definition of Terms

Closed for Business: 17
Due to a minor surgery that took place during the year, dental work or illness, I was physically unable to participate in sexual activity on these days.  These may have also been days when I had a cold and abstained.   

Stood Up: 7
These are occasions when I had plans with an individual and that individual failed to show.  This would not necessarily sour my mood and curtail activities for that day.

No, Didn’t Find Anything or Not in the Mood:  196
Data failed to distinguish between these two reasons for lack of sexual activity.

Flip Flop: 7
Describes occasions when an individual would perform anal sex as a top with me in the role of bottom and then I would perform anal sex as a top with them in the role of bottom.

Me Top: 17
Times I served as the only top during the encounter, describing occasions when I would perform anal sex as a top with them in the role of bottom.

Oral on Me: 81
Occasions when I received oral sex from another – this may, or may not have been done in conjunction with other types of sexual activity.

Oral: 187
Occasions when the only activity engaged in, other than kissing, fondling or frottage, was me performing oral sex on an individual

Anal: 29
Occasions when the only activity engaged in was me being topped by (receiving anal sex or bottoming) an individual (no kissing, fondling or frottage).

Oral and Anal: 113
Occasions when I performed oral sex on and individual and received anal sex from the same individual.

Kiss: 99
Occasions when kissing was involved.

Rim (me or them): 34
Occasions when rimming was involved and I performed it on them and/or they performed it on me.

J/O: 37
Occasions when masturbation (mutual or solo) – this may, or may not have been done in conjunction with other types of sexual activity.

Menage a trios: 23
Occasions when two individuals and myself participated in sexual activities with one another at the same time.

Group Activity: 8
Occasions when 3 or more individuals and myself participated in sexual activities with one another at the same time.
Least number present (includes self) to qualify as Group Activity: 4. 

Blindfolded: 10
Occasions when I wore a blindfold during sexual activity.  Typical scenario featured me wearing blindfold before other(s) arrived, until other(s) departed.

Total Outdoors: 170
Number of sexual encounters that took place outside, typically in wooded areas

Bog/Wirth: 13, Prairie: 35, St Paul: 0, East River Road: 115
Parks/Wooded Areas where sexual activity took place

Car: 34 (At the listed parks)
This number in included in the number of total outdoor sexual encounters and is accounted for as they related to the park/wooded area where initial contact and subsequent agreement to engage in sexual activity took place.

Total Indoors: 198
Number of sexual encounters that took place indoors (Private House or Public Building)

Rehab House: 4
Occasions when an individual(s) would come to a house I was rehabbing for the purposes of sexual activity

Hotel: 3
Scenario where I traveled to their (out of town visitor) hotel room, here in the Twin Cities

Public (Garage, Restroom, Sauna, Gym, or Their Office): 145 (15 of which were in a garage)
Occasions when sex took place in a non-traditional location other than outdoors

The Experience (Exceptional: 46, Good: 104, Average: 165, Bad: 51)
These ratings are defined by my personal likes and dislikes as relating to sexual activity and/or the physical attributes or behavior of the individual(s) involved.  Ratings are of a purely subjective nature.

Repeat: 133
Occasions when I engaged in sexual activity with a given individual on more than one occasion. It includes individuals with whom I engaged in sexual activity with prior to the beginning of the defined year, but had occasion to have engage in sexual activity during the defined year. 

Size (Over 8: 58, 7 to 8: 136, 7-6: 122, Under 6: 49)
As it relates to the length of an individuals fully erect penis in units of inches. Measurements based on personal visual determination or claims of individual as stated in emails and then verified via personal visual determination. (Note: First year there was not a category labeled “Under 6”, First and Second years there was not a category labeled “Over 9”.)

Age (20’s:  30, 30’s:  75, 40’s:  141, 50’s:  103, 60’s: 14)
In terms of years, based on personal visual determination or claims of individual as stated in emails or during conversation and then verified via personal visual determination.

Physical Condition:
As it relates to an individual’s body in terms of muscle tone, percentage of body fat and a visual determination of physical health.  Determination subjective in nature. (Note: The first year there was not a category labeled “Excellent”.)

Excellent Shape: 65
Individual displayed one or more of the following attributes: Very Muscular Physique, Washboard Abs.  A build that could be described as Extremely Athletic or Very Muscular.

Good Shape: 151
Individual displayed one or more of the following attributes: Muscular Physique, Toned Physique, Low % of Body Fat, Flat Abdomen.  A Build that could be described as: Muscular, Toned, Trim, Worked-Out, Somewhat Worked-Out, Buff, Swimmers, Thin, Wiry, Athletic, Jock, Slim, Twink

Okay Shape: 114
Individual displayed one or more of the following attributes: A Somewhat Muscular Physique, A Somewhat Toned Physique, Average to Somewhat More Than Average % of Body Fat, A Slightly Protruding Belly (Hard). A Build that could be described as: Beefy, Bear, Average,

Bad Shape: 33
Individual displayed one or more of the following attributes: A Lack of Muscular Tone, More Than Average to Excessive % of Body Fat, A Distended Belly (Soft). A Build that could be described as: Flabby, Large, Big, Fat, Obese, Soft, Unkempt

Long Time: 32
Sexual encounters that lasted over an hour in length

Handsome: 78
As it relates to the construction and contours of an individuals face, determination subjective in nature.

Bald: 35
Includes individuals with shaved, closely buzzed or naturally bald heads. Does not include individuals who are balding or have an “eagles nest” hair style. 

Observations / Conclusions

Not in the mood more often.  Could be due to my disenchantment with the general activity.  As I look at my year, month-to-month – Summer months were the busiest, but I definitely curtailed my activities in the last four months of the year, with two of those months registering only 10 sexual encounters.  Why do I think that is an improvement?  Because at my peak (in October) I registered 53.  In fact: an additional three months posted over 40 encounters in each month.  So… 10?  Yeah, that’s an improvement.  Is it a good number?  Well, that’s relative, isn’t it.

I was hoping the total number would be significantly lower this year.  I suspect it will be next year, given my recent… apathy?  Though summer is coming…

Increase in me topping / flip/flopping?  Definitely the bareback thing.  It’s becoming more the norm, more accepted.

Decrease in Rimming: I just am not that into it.  I will let dudes rim me, but I am not eating ass the way I used to.  Every time I think about doing it, I realize the inherent risks are not worth it. 

Decrease in Group Activity:  I think I might be over it, you know, like a fantasy realized. Did that, been there…

Decrease in Blindfold: This is a healthy sign.  I think the risks associated with many of my behaviors are more of a concern – which means; maybe I actually give a shit about my safety.  That’s a sign that my self-esteem is improving, right?  Hmmm.

The parks situation: it is rather dire.  I definitely switched over to ERR this Summer, where I sunned a lot, and fucked on occasion.  I avoided St. Paul completely again this year.  And from what I recently learned from a fellow cruising enthusiast, it is probably for the best, as they have ripped out and destroyed much of the flora there.  Same goes for the Prairie.  This year they raped that place, tearing out tons of underbrush.  I think there is a special place in hell for those evil homophobes over at the Parks and Wrecks Department.   The Bog/Wirth Pkwy was hit very hard by last summer’s tornado, but much of the underbrush has been stripped away and they are actually manicuring the whole hill area for those stupid cross country skiers.  That leaves ERR (thus the increase), which, I suspect, will become less of an outlet for sexual expression.  Currently there is this meathead cop and a bunch of vigilante dog walkers/concerned citizens harassing cruisers. Fuck them.  But at least they haven’t resorted to ripping out the vegetation yet. Yet.  Should be interesting this summer.  Prediction:  These numbers will drop significantly next year.

133 Repeats – 235 Newbies: This pretty much in-line with previous years.  You would think I would run out of new dudes, but, hey – that’s what vacations are for, am I right?  Vacations provide that potent combination of being fresh meat in an untapped market.

Race: Asian was up.  Hmmm.  Not that significant.  I still like them all… although I must confess Black dudes make my knees weak.  Why so many white dudes?  I live in Minnesota.  Think about it.  Blech.

Ummm… that’s it.  Nothing really changed this year, except for the drop off in activity during the last four months of the year. 

I do think that is a trend that will continue, perhaps not in the summer, but I also don’t think we will be seeing numbers in the mid to high forties or fifties at all.  Just a hunch.  The drop-off could also be contributed to the death of my dog, Beau.  I do know that the rather manic phases of activity during this time period were directly related to that.

Maybe I’m depressed.  My physician has thought so pretty much since the day she met me – five years ago.  I have been considering discontinuing this blog.  I certainly have better things to do.  But I do enjoy writing… and this blog forces me to exercise my brain and use those skills.  

There definitely has been some kind of shift.  Inside.  And I don’t see myself returning to my hedonistic, reckless ways.  For example, I doubt I will ever visit the warehouse again.  Last time I  went, it made me feel desperate, not sexy; it felt weary, not fun.  And I’ve lost patience for those phone apps and hook-up sites and the people the populate them.  Having recently gone to the Eagle a number of times (4), I know that the bar scene is not for me either. 

I don’t hunger for something more.

I hunger for less.

I hunger for quality. 

2012/03/23

After the Hangover, Comes a Spring Awakening

Under the weather this week... got a bad cold.  I am on the other side of it now, but, boy, Tuesday and Wednesday were not pleasant.  I did the right thing.  I stayed home, I rested, I pushed fluids, pushed vitamin C, took hot showers, washed my hands, and gargled a lot.  I did not exercise, which was hard because it bummed me out to miss Zumba.  Having to sing this weekend, I really wanted to give my body a chance to recover as quickly as possible and I must say, I do indeed feel much better. 
What I did not feel like doing was writing.  Not anything.  Even studying my music was a real chore.  Mostly I simply wanted to sit on the couch and pet my dogs.  
And surf for free porn.
I did manage to stay off of the hook-up sites: A4A, Manhunt, bbrts, and Recon.  Phone apps: Scruff, Jack’d, Grindr, and GROWLr  also went unexplored.   For some reason, the games people play on those sites just are not of interest to me at the moment.  I want something more immediate.  And, surprisingly, more permanent.  I would like a small pool of dudes that I know – and know me – to play with.  I’m at a point where I don’t want sex that does not include some passing allusion of intimacy.  
What brought me there?  Well, my three years of slut-dom, for sure.  Age.  Experience. I guess this is a spring awakening for me.
Even my outlook for the summer is muted, this year.  Oh, I will get out there and get my rays.  And if I travel I will certainly try a taste of the local cuisine, but I am not looking to suck a million dicks in the woods, or douche behind a tree so I can take dick, or traipse along  behind every Gerry and Joe and shows an interest in me.  I think I will probably be spending a lot more time sitting on my blanket this year.  And the words ‘no, thank you’ will probably get used much more often than in the past. 
Sure, I could say that this has a lot to do with the way Parks and Wrecks are destroying much of the gay’s natural hunting ground, or the hyper-concerned dog walkers who call the police if they see you walking around alone.  Not to mention a certain overweight, out-of-shape Fridley police officer who seems to feel that his time and the tax payer’s money is better spent with him huffing and puffing his way through the woods, rather than preventing real crime.  (Oh, yes, children… these are not good times to be a little whore on the prairie). 
But in reality, this new mindset stems from my recent attempt at giving up sex for Lent.  Oh, don’t get excited – I failed, miserably.  But I did try.  And when I failed, I just picked up where I left off and gave it another try.  
I have come to the conclusion that I cannot go to a bar, alone, for I will soon find myself resorting to old behaviors. 
It had been nine days since I made my decision to abstain from sex.  Those first eight days slid by with me on my best behavior.  My first slip?   It started on a Saturday morning at the gym.  In the locker room.  I’d invited this dude I know to be a guest at my gym.  We’d fucked at the prairie once.  He’s super tall, older, and hung 8.5 and thick.  Tells me he doesn’t like kissing, but that’s how it began.  We get each other hard in the locker room, fooling around, sucking on each other.  I almost lose my load.  But then we decide to work out.  He goes off on the treadmill.  I’m working the weights.  Thirty minutes into my work out, this tall black dude I know arrives and works out a little.  I have a crush on him, though I have never seen him naked.  He’s pretty shy, but friendly, too.  After a mere fifteen minutes he tells me he’s not feeling it and heads for the showers.  Soon my friend heads in to the showers as well.  I have stuff yet to do, so am not sure what my friend is up to.
When I do finish my last set, I head into the locker room.  The black dude is drying himself in front of a mirror.  I politely avert my eyes, even though I am very curious.   I strip down, making my way to the showers with a bottle of baby oil in tow.  I have this thing right now – in preparation for the summer, I am dousing my body with baby oil before I shower.  Plus, I figure my friend is still in the showers and maybe we will do a little body rubbing. 
Well, my friend has been in the showers all this time and his eyes look like a Tweety Bird  who just  thought he thaw a puddy tat.  He’s half hard and excitedly tells me that the black dude came out of the private shower stall showing a big old hard on and apparently the dude is super hung.   I take a shower in a corner where the black dude cannot see me and oil up.  My friend sneaks over and kisses me, tells me he wants to fuck me (fucking is not an option) and pushes me down to suck his dick, which I do.  It’s a nice dick and we are fairly safe from prying eyes.  We mack on each other for a bit longer, before he steps back to his shower in the opposite corner.  He keeps stealing looks at the black dude, which I think is not that cool.  Then he comes back to me and won’t stop talking about how big the black dude’s dick was and how he’s pretty sure the dude is looking for something.  I doubt it.  I don’t tell him this, but it does kind of spoil the whole mood for me.  We fool around on each other more and the dude keeps wanting to fuck me… but the condoms are in my locker and quite frankly, I don’t want to.  Compromise is, and this is after the black dude has left, I shoot my load on his dick.  And then, not really surprising me at all, the dude declines to shoot his load.  And… the romance is over.   While I would be up for repeating this scene, I will not be inviting this guy back to my gym. 
Two days pass, and I get an email from another dude I have never met.  He’s a cowboy – a real one (rides bulls), living in a cabin on a lake.  He wants me to come for a visit.  I know this will mean getting fucked and I am game for it.  Besides, there’s something romantic about the whole set up.  He’s the kind of blue collar dude that I don’t get to play with often enough.  He’s shorter than me, and younger - stout and rugged looking.  Looks hella good in a trucker cap or in a cowboy hat.  With a face full of scruff and a chest full of hair, I decide he’s  a man fantasy come to life.  I make the trek to his place after work.  His cabin reminds me of the ones I used to spend time in on Little Sauk Lake.  We settle down on the couch, and once he drinks a few beers (I abstain) and the conversation becomes fluid, I take one of his big old bare feet and start massaging them.  He doesn’t resist.   I work my way up to his calves – they are hot as hell, big and beefy.  After the other foot gets some attention, he leans in for a kiss and we start making out.  It’s way fun.  The cabin’s rustic qualities are the perfect environment for what I have in mind.  The kissing is good, and he smells wonderful (he was just getting out of the shower when I got there).  Soon I am undoing his jeans and working my magic with my mouth on his dick.  It’s average, but sweet and thick.  I also like all the fur that surrounds it. 
We move to the bedroom, classic country music playing in the background, and lay with each other as God intended.  It is a sweet, intimate fuck and I let him unload in my ass, after he makes me cum.  We lay there in each other’s arms.  Lingering.  In a way, I wish the world would go away and leave this man and me be in this cabin.  But the clock is ticking and I have dogs to feed.  As we shower he keeps hinting at wanting ‘seconds’, but I tell him it will have to wait until next time, which as of this writing has not come to pass.  Maybe he thinks I am the one who has to make the next move, but, since I do not want to appear over eager, I decided it was his call to make – a call I’m still waiting for…
Next day, I stop in at one of my favorite parks and pull up next to a bright blue four door.  It’s the only car in the lot.  A young, tall, black dude – a rarity at this park, is sitting behind the driver’s seat.  We give each other a knowing nod.  I swiftly change into my hiking jeans (too cold for shorts) and shoes and keep eyeing my parking lot buddy.  See, I have heard about this guy.  He usually inhabits a different parking lot in a different park.  Seems he likes to stand next to his car jerking off for dudes to watch.  There are a lot of dudes who want more than to just watch, but he doesn’t oblige them.   He gets out of his car and keeps scoping out the landscape, before heading south on the blacktop trail.   I decide, why not, and follow a good distance behind.  After ten minutes of not quite understanding what it is he is looking for, I walk into the middle of this wooded area that is surrounded by, on one side, the main road, on another by a giant pavilion next to the parking lot, and on the third side, the black top path that the black dude has been pacing around on.   I check out the ground for signs of play; there is an old condom wrapper and a used, bright red condom near my feet.   I always take such things as a sign of good luck.
When I look up, seems he has taken a few steps closer to the thicket I am standing in.  He keeps inching in, but he remains at least five yards away from me.  However, due to the branches and bushes, I can’t quite make out his face or what he is doing with his hands.  He’s wearing those big saggy jeans around his hips and a big, sloppy hoodie.    Tentatively, I take a few steps toward him, moving real slow, because I am afraid I’ll scare him off.  And that’s when I catch site of the big fatty he is waving in my direction.  He's dropped his jeans just low enough so that the shaft of his dick and balls are free.  I can also see the curve of his ass.  Dude is fine.
Well, I don’t play coy.  I am over there in a second, and am soon on my knees worshiping his thick monster dick.  Dude looks like a total thug and has a voice to match.  I tell you, when a black dude tells me to suck their dick, I just melt inside.  Then he asks me to show him my ass and this dude’s voice purrs with a menace that has me dropping trou like a total slut.   But wait – we are at the edge of the thicket and I realize that any dog walker, jogger, or gay cruiser can see us plain as day.  I get up off my knees and ask him if he would like to go down to the river.   He says sure.  And I lead the way.  He comes to the edge of the woods that leads down to the river, but goes no further.  Thinking he has a better idea I backtrack and see that he is now walking north along the blacktop path – right past the parking lot, which is now filled with cars, and my heart sinks for I know exactly what is about to happen.  And sure enough, all those horny dudes spring forth from their autos and start trying to win the affections of this rather rare delicacy in our midst.   
I am about to give up.  Watching from afar, I observe two trolls and a rather obese youngster, move in on my man.  I head to my car, and just as I am about to get in I think to myself… how often does someone this hot come along?  With that, I grab a bottle of water, a condom, and some lube and make my way down the trail, where I now observe two additional motherfuckers moving in my trick.  Fuck ‘em.  I head down that trail and then veer off onto another trail that leads by the river.  But does my intended follow?  Nope. 
Since I’m down there, and I am pretty sure I know where this is possibly heading, I give my ass a quick rinse.  Surprisingly, even though I had not prepped at all, my ass is good to go!  I climb back up and see that the zombies have, in one solid mass, descended upon the black dude.  Something tells me they are wasting their time, and I start back on the trail, headed south instead.  I waste my time wandering in and out of the woods, looking for a better spot to fuck, but it is early in the year and there is no green cover yet, so nothing I see really pans out.  At one point I look up and spy the black dude on the trail above me.  He has followed me, but he will not come into the woods.  Moments later I realize the reason he keeps walking is that there is a zombie on his trail.  I look at this zombie.  He looks a lot like me… same age, same build.  The black dude could just as easily choose him over me.  Maybe it’s a first come, first served, deal.  So I stand and wait.  After a bit the zombie wanders back to his car.  And five minutes after that the black dude reappears.  See – patience pays off!
He sees me, but will not come into the woods.  Instead he makes his way back to the thicket where we first met.  My hopes rise as I hit the blacktop trail once more.  Sure enough, the black dude moves into the center of the thicket.  Now, one can absolutely see everything in this thicket, because there is no green coverage.  The branches however, do act as a kind of visual breaker, which is exactly what I think the black dude is counting on.  I make my way to his side.  His dick is already out.  I drop my pants, crouch before him and deep throat him like there’s no tomorrow.  As my mouth is doing all the work, one of my hands is smearing lube on my hole.  Dude is talking shit in a low guttural tone and I just know he wants to get on up into my business.   Finally he says, “show me that ass, bitch.”   I get up, turn around and spread my cheeks.  He slips a gold Trojan out of his pocket and works it over the head of his dick.  Once it’s on, I run a handful of lube over the length of his dick and ask him to please enter slowly. 
He does and his huge fuck stick opens me up so much that it feels absolutely liquid.  I tell him as much.  He’s not wasting time, though.  He immediately starts pounding my hole, working it for all it’s worth.  I am deliriously happy… that is until I open my eyes and see one of the zombies walking down the trail in our direction.  I am sure they can see us, but probably can’t quite see what we’re doing.  I rear up to warn the dude fucking me, but before I can get a word out, he pushes  down on my upper back and says, “Just get down”.  I do as told.  Thinking I can help hurry things along I start fucking back on his dick.  We generate a really complicated rhythm until the dude on the trail has actually walked past us.  I pause and turn around.  The black dude has worked up quite a sweat.  He smiles, for the first and only time, and says “Fuck, yeah.”  I start work back on his dick again, but he pulls out.  He already came.  I reach around, remove the filled condom, and then ask if I can clean him up with my mouth.  He nods affirmatively, and I am all over that dick.  As we get ourselves back in order, he tells me that he needed that, that he hadn’t cum in a week, and that he’ll catch me later.  Gosh, I hope so.
After he’s gone I hang onto that condom, holding it aloft, marveling at the size of his load.  In the end, I toss it into the trash.  I like cum – hot, fresh cum, but am not a total cum freak.  So the idea of using it for lube on my own dick, eating it, or spreading it all over my body holds no appeal for me. 
Two days after that, I find myself at the Eagle in full whore mode.  I’m on bbrts.  I’m on GROWLr (as are a bunch of the dudes around me).  I have an offer to visit a dungeon in St. Paul.  I have three dudes at the bar that have been hitting me up on Scruff.  I have some tiny sixty-year old dude wanting to fuck me, plus an architect who wants me to fuck him.  I’m kissing on dudes, dancing, laughing, and having a good time, knowing exactly how the evening will end… at the warehouse.
And it does. 
And all those promises I made myself – you know, about waiting and looking for just one good quality dude, rather than passing my ass around, or sucking on every dick that presents itself… goes right out the basement window.  I am a total slut, kneeling on a couch on the main floor with my ass cheeks spread like a drunken cheerleader at a frat beer bust.  Details?  Too many, too shameful. 
Next day, I have a sex hangover to go with my gin and tonic induced one.  I sink into a depression.  Anxiety regarding potential STDs gnaws away at me.  I do not like myself that Saturday morning.  Nor do I like myself the next day.   It’s been fourteen days since that night.  I have not been on any hook up site or any phone app.  I have looked at a bunch of porn shorts and jerked off once.  But that’s it.
Tonight – I have an actual date.   I don’t know how it will go.  He’s handsome.  Shorter than me.  A marathon runner.  My age.  He says he likes to kiss. 
Maybe a kiss on the lips will be enough.
But I doubt I will be visiting the warehouse again, any time soon. 
And yes, I failed.  Failed miserably.  But it was a good run.  A good try. 
I don’t know what will happen tonight.  And I know better than to make any promises -  what, with my track record?  But I do know that if it doesn’t feel right, that I will say thank you very much for a lovely evening and go home. 
Because I don’t need another Saturday hangover – of either varieties.

2012/03/16

Work-Out Update: Closing out 2011

Another year, another look at working out!  Yeah, I know that normally this entry would have appeared at the beginning of January, but I guess I got sidetracked.  Anyway, here are the stats:

Figures for 2009: Worked Out for an hour plus 220 times or 4.23 times a week – averaging 18 times per month.

Figures for 2010: Worked Out for an hour plus 206 times or 3.96 times a week – averaging 17 times per month.

Figures for 2011: Worked Out for an hour plus 215 times or 4.13 times a week – averaging 18 times per month

So… slightly up from the previous year, and just shy of my 2009 numbers.   

It was a fairly injury free year.   I think this is because I stopped using the machines that are supposed to develop your biceps and arms.  Several trainers told me that these machines account for a lot of injuries and should be avoided, or used gently.  So that pain that I have in my elbows?  Never reappeared this year, or at least not to the extent that it had in past years.  

Another contributing factor to my lack of injuries?  All those aerobic-based workouts I added this year.  I will talk more about those a bit later.

I took a week of vacation at the end of May.  I also took a week and a half off when my dog, Beau, passed away in August.  A third week of vacation was a mandatory week off from work during the holidays.  This year they went so far as to shut the gym down during that time period. All together that represents 20 days I missed out on due to vacation time.

And you know what?  I am pretty proud of those numbers.  The weeks that I took off just made me appreciate my work outs all the more once I resumed them.

Again this year, I don’t count any of the hiking/walking time that I put in, figuring that is part of routine life and doesn’t really count as exercise.  And on the weekends or during holidays, I rarely exercised, except for push-ups and a few dumb-bell exercises – doing so only if I was going out somewhere where my upper body would be on display. 

I continued to make a pointed effort to change things up every 3-4 months in order to alleviate boredom and challenge my muscles.  I also attended a lot of classes: including Zumba, Kick Boxing, Turbo Kick, Boot Camp, Yoga, and Step.  Classes ranged in length from 45 to 90 minutes.  In light of all this aerobic based exercise, I chose to discontinue working out on the elliptical machines and stationary bikes.  When taking a class I always showed up at least 20 minutes before class in order to stretch and do my push-ups and crunches.

Why the sudden shift toward classes?  Because I know, that by nature, I am not a very social creature, but also needed to strive to be more so.  Yes, I like to be the lone wolf, standing in the corner, watching everyone else, while harboring petty grievances and assuming the worst of others.  But that changed the day Amanda took over our gym.  She kept after me to join classes. Once she explained what Zumba was and I got to watch a session - that was it – I was instantly hooked.  I promised I would go for six weeks to give it a fair try - but  I never stopped going and don’t intend to.  She also encouraged me to try other classes – Turbo Kick, Step and Cardio Mix. After I got over my initial shyness and self-consciousness, I started to have a good time. But that didn't mean I was ready to give up working out with weights.

My typical work out, when not attending a class would consist of 20 minutes of stretching, push-ups and crunches, followed by a work out using weights and machines, usually focusing on one part of my body: Chest, Triceps, Shoulders, Legs, etc. 

I’ve developed some really good habits.  I have come to realize that more weight does not necessarily produce a better work out.  I also really concentrate on form.  On those days when I do not feel like exercising I  give myself permission to ‘dog it’.  That mindset gets me to the gym and gets me started.  Funny thing is, once I get started, I really find myself getting into it… so I play this little mind game with myself, and still manage to reap the benefits of a solid workout.

I now listen almost exclusively to the radio at the gym.  Usually I choose a time when there are less people in attendance, that way I get to pick the station.  We used to have this somewhat-cool station in Minneapolis that would play what I guess you would describe as a hot mix of dance, pop, rap and r&b/hip-hop.  But at the close of the year, they switched formats and now I have to listen to some gawd awful station that never updates its playlist and includes crap like Taylor Swift and Lady Antebellum.   When I can’t take it anymore, I will pop in a Zumba mix CD.  I have really come to appreciate latin music. And Zumba!

I still can’t bring myself to wear shorts at the gym.  My legs remain unimpressive, though I have made some progress on my calves.  I think Zumba had a lot to do with this.

I’ve made significant strides in accepting and appreciating my body (that's me, pictured, by the way).  Subtle improvements continue to be made.  No, I’m no Daniel Craig, but am very pleased with the image that greets me in the floor-to-ceiling mirrors in the locker room, which is a huge shift in thought for me… my body image issues have tended to get in the way of my appreciating things. 

So, all told, a very good year for me.  So far 2012 looks to be on course, too.  Though I have cut back on the number of classes I am attending, concentrating instead on working out with weights.  Summer is coming and I want to look my best!

That said, I never miss a Zumba class. 

Must be that Latin beat…

2012/03/09

Scruff Equals Hot Stuff, Grindr Needs a Kick in the Behindr

I recently discovered that my phone does more than annoy the shit out of me.  You can download applications and make contact with other people!  Yeah, I know, I’m always the last one on the boat.  I still do not have a Facebook page, nor do I ever want one.  I briefly tried it because I really wanted to play that Sims game.  Well, the game kind of sucked (spent a lot of time planting tomatoes, going to the bathroom, and taking naps), and so did Facebook – for all the reasons I had feared it would.  It  put a whole bunch of people from my past on my trail.  I try to keep a low profile on the web – hence no face pic, etc.  My internet brand is uptonking, and I have been really consistent about using it for all on-line related business. But still people figured out it might be me… so, good-bye Facebook.

I have downloaded only 4 gay male related apps so far.  Why?  Because something called BoyAhoy makes me nervous.  Just the name.  Ick.  Also something called u4Bear: Gay Bear Finder?  Not sure I want to make that leap yet  (though, based on my experiences on GROWLr, I might).   The other one that intrigues me?  Gay Chat +: Maleforce 2.0.  But what is it?  I need to Google that one before downloading.  I am, so far, avoiding the gay dating sites.  I don’t date, so why would I bother? 
But, as I promised last week, this week’s entry is dedicated to my review of two apps that I have been playing with.  I will be reviewing two others next week.  First up…

Grindr
So this was the first app I downloaded.  And then promptly deleted from my phone a mere three days later, only to download it again two weeks later.  Yeah – it pissed me off and I found it less than user-friendly (or friendly at all, for that matter).
Interface:
Real straight forward, I guess.  Provided you know what the menu button on your phone is for (I did not).  Sending pics is really easy.  So is contacting someone.  Opens, eventually, to a screen full of little boxes, sorted by GPS by proximity to your location.  Revealing where you are is optional.  They place limits on the number of people you can view, in order of proximity, though you are able to buy “Xtra” profiles.  I wouldn’t bother.  If they can see you and want to contact you, they will.  A small bright green dot will appear in the bottom left corner of a person’s profile if they are actually on-line.  The basic menu includes: Go On/Offline, Load More Guys (up to a point, then you have to pay), Refresh Location, Edit Profile, and Settings   In order to remain signed in you cannot ‘back out’ of the program, rather you have to hit the home button.   If you have a message from someone, a number will appear in a red circle in the bottom right of their profile.  Select a profile and you will have the option to Chat, choose them as a Favorite, Block, or Report them.  To view the pick without the text boxes on it, simply touch the picture anywhere there is not a text box or button and the other stuff will disappear – leaving you with the unadorned photo.  If you choose someone as a favorite (I do have one!), that person’s profile will always appear next to yours, regardless of proximity, with a yellow star in its upper left corner.
Features:
There are a bunch of features you can pay for.  The basics are chat with an individual or send a pic.  You have to actually send a little ‘hi’ though.  Or a pic.  There is no way to just notify someone that you may be interested in talking to them.  That makes it a little intimidating, breaking the ice.  They notify you on your main phone page if someone from the app has contacted you, but only if you remain signed-in.  I would have to say this is the most limited program of the bunch.  Considering they are they industry leader, they really should up their game.  All they need do is see what the competition is offering and they would realize that they are already lagging horribly behind.  You can block or report annoying people. 
Profiles: 
They are really picky about what they allow you to upload for a photo.  Which is too, bad, because you only get one photo.  Most dudes have a face pic, but since my face is not my strong suit, I lead with a torso shot.  So, apparently you cannot show the waist band of what you are wearing, unless your face is also part of the pic.  They deleted my first photo.  I then cropped it until they accepted it.  Then, when I got a nice gym shot of me in a jock, I uploaded it.  I cropped it so that just the top of the jock (the band) showed.  The rest was my chest and arms.  They deleted it.  Re-cropped, it looked like shit, so I went back to my original photo featuring me in a pair of Tommy Hilfiger’s .  Considering that this is named Grindr and that it IS A HOOK-UP SITE (yeah, I know, people are in denial, but that is what it is folks and that is why you are on there – so knock off the bullshit), they sure are uptight.  Standard handle applies (uptonking) and appears above your pic.  You can place the basic info on top of your photo in a shaded box: height, weight, age, etc. and what you are looking for (chat, friends, dating, etc.).  In a larger shaded box, riding on top of your photo, you can write a headline and whatever you want.  But they don’t want anything sexual, or at least, you shouldn’t put something very overt.  Initially I declared myself a bottom and they nixed that (although others have that term right in their handle and profile and do get away from it, so I really don’t have a clue what is allowed and what is not).  I now end my little missive with “use backdoor” (subtle, huh?).  One is very limited on space, so choose your words carefully.  That said, I am amazed by how many members use this space to disparage other members who choose not to show their face.  But then, I think that says A LOT more about who they are, so good to know before I bother.  I read that stuff and just block ‘em. 
Performance on Droid:
Really crappy.  It makes my phone freeze a lot, to the point where I have to take my battery out and reboot my phone.  With every upgrade it just seems to get worse.  It takes forever to load, too.  Can be very frustrating.
Issues: There’s no way to filter who is on your main page.   Frequently someone is shown to be on-line, when, in fact, they are not.  There’s no way to tell who has looked at your profile and no way of indicating whether you are interested in someone without actually contacting them directly. Aside from the slow load time and the freezing, the other main gripe would be that people can contact you, but you will probably be unable to see their profile or even their handle.  If you hit the back button to go to your main page in order the person’s profile does not make itself apparent and frequently you are left wondering who the hell just sent you a message.  It can also take a long time for that profile to appear fully – as in, to reveal their pic.  It also seems to take the administrators of this site a long time to approve a new profile pic.  Another problem are the ads that run at the bottom of the app.  When you go to hit send message or something, you will frequently accidently also touch the ad, which then sends you immediately to that site.  This sucks, is frustrating, and probably done on purpose, because every one of those accidental hits register as a real hit for the site, so then Grindr can turn to the advertiser and say – but look at the numbers!  That is a kind of a sucky way to dupe your advertisers. Yeah, I really do not like this application.  And the only thing worse than the app, would be the…
Members:
I guess this is my biggest gripe about this program.  A lot of these dudes need to have a reality check.  They are on a website designed to put gay men in contact with one another.  So things of a sexual nature may come up from time to time.  If that bothers you, maybe a program named Grindr is not for you.   Get a grip.  Get a life.  Grow the fuck up.  I have blocked more people on this site because of what they have to say about themselves in that tiny info box provided on the profile.  I can spot a nice dick from quite a distance.  I can spot a person who IS a total dick a lot quicker.   There are a lot of men who are real big dicks on Grindr, probably because they have such tiny ones.  That, or their bodies look like shit and they can’t seem to get their asses to a gym.  Don’t hate on those of us who do make an effort and want to share those results with the world.   (Are you starting to get a hint of my real motivation for writing this entry?)  I feature a body pic because I want to lead with my best stuff.  If I was really handsome I would post a face pic, but a good face pic is an elusive butterfly where I am concerned.  However, please, feel free to dismiss me and write me off because I choose to display my headless torso.  Because if that is the type of person you are, I don’t want anything to do with you. The type of guys that frequent this site run the gamut from very young to about 50 years.  I would say the bulk of them are snobs/elitists of one kind or another.  That bores me, and, therefore, so does this app.  You will find your young professionals, your twinks, your fashion queens, your PNPer’s, your party bois, and a number of escorts on this site.  Ick.

Scruff
This is the second app I tried.  Much better.  Much more relaxed.
Interface:
Real straight forward, I guess.  Again, the menu button on your phone is key.  Sending pics is really easy.  So is contacting someone.  Opens to a screen of little boxes.  At the top are several menu items: Global, Nearby, Favorites, and Messages.  If you have a message waiting, a little red dot will appear by the menu item.  They place limits on the number of people you can view, in order of proximity, but a lot more than Grindr offers.   A small bright green dot will appear in the bottom left corner of the person’s profile pic, if the person is actually on-line.The basic menu includes: Reload, Lad More, City Search, Viewers, Store and More (under which you will find Events, Checkin, and Settings).The Nearby screen will show profiles in order of proximity via GPS.  Again, revealing your location is optional.To sign off of the program completely, you have to go through Settings.  In order to read messages you must be on-line.  Even if you exit the program when prompted, you may still be on-line.  You will be notified on your main phone screen if you have a message, provided you are still on-line. Overall, even with its many features (and maybe because of them), I find this to be an easy app to navigate.
Features:
There are tons.  You can contact others with a ‘woof’.  I woof everyone.  It can mean you’re interested in them, but I just use it as a way to say hi and be friendly.  If they woof back or message me, then I know if they are interested.  I stop woofing someone after not hearing from them after a couple of times.  You are also able to see who took a gander at your profile.  Usually if I see that someone has looked at my profile, I hit them up with a woof.  The City Search feature is real convenient when looking for a profile outside of your immediate area or if you are traveling.    Uploading a photo to someone is easy.  I also find that it takes a lot less than half the time that it does on Grindr.
Profiles: 
They are picky about what they allow you to upload for a photo.  Again, you only get one! Most dudes have a face pic, but many do not.  Currently, I have a headless body shot of me in a jock strap.  As long as you keep your goodies covered, I think all is good. Standard handle applies and appears above your pic.  You can place the basic info on top of your photo in a shaded box: height, weight, age, etc. and what you are looking for (chat, friends, dating, etc.).   Then you need to scroll down in order to learn more about a dude. 
You can provide a lot of additional information if you like, including What I Do, What I’m Looking For, Activities + Interests, and Where I Live.  Overt sexual pandering is not allowed, but you can make allusions to what it is you are looking for. 
Performance on Droid:
Quite good.  Quick to open, quick to upload photos.  I have no complaints.
Issues:  You have to use the menu items at the top to get around.  Just hitting the back key is not sufficient.  I frequently forget when looking at messages to use the menu button to view the person’s profile.   Otherwise, this is a pretty trouble-free site.  Probably my favorite of all those I have experienced.
Members:
The type of guys that frequent this site run the gamut from very young to about 60 years.  I would say a bulk of them are good eggs; nice guys!  Most understand what the site is used for and are not uptight.  I would say you are more likely to run into a bear, and alternative scenes are likely to figure into to most dude’s profiles.  The term I would like to apply here is ‘real men’.  They are not fashion queens or gym bunnies.  And, yes, as one might guess, facial hair is featured predominantly by its members.  I have only had one issue with one member, and that was because I failed to read his profile before sending him pics.  Granted, the only reason I sent him my pics is because he contacted me and his primary photo featured him shirtless, licking his armpit.  But, hey, I guess the dude has issues with nude pics.  Fuck him.  I blocked him.

Conclusion:
Scruff had is all over Grindr.  And, yes, while my personal experience may have a lot to do with this perception, I think my opinion is still quite on the mark.  Scruff simply offers more features and is easier to use.

Next week: Jack’d and GROWLr