TMI Questions: I’m Falling For You

‘Autumn Leaves’ is a terrific/awful movie starring Joan Crawford and a crazy-eyed Cliff Robertson.  It’s Joan at her very best… and her very worst.  I urge you to seek it out.  Both Vera Miles and Ruth Donnelly have quite nice turns in it, too. The theme song is a classic.  This time of year I always haul out that sheet music and plunder away at the keys. It never fails to put me in the mood for fall (and make me feel like Liberace). 

In my eyes, the season, like the movie, is a tad maudlin. Each year, as fall approaches, I go into this weird state of mourning.  Yes, losing summer is as hard on me as Cliff’s brand of crazy is on poor, old Joan.  No, the season has never backhanded me across the face (who knows, maybe I’d like that sort of thing), but it is not without its bittersweet sting.

TMI Questions: I’m Falling For You

TMI QUESTIONS:

Questions designed to reveal Too Much Information

Link: http://tmiquestions.blogspot.com/

I’m Falling For You

How does Fall rank on your list of favorite seasons?

It comes in third. 

Here, in Minnesota, we have highly-defined seasons and having lived here, on and off, for most of my life, I’ve definitely developed an opinion and attitude toward each one.

Summer is my number one, because of the sun, wearing as little clothing as possible, getting naked, going camping, hiking, and the joy of working up a sweat in the great outdoors.

Spring is my number two, because of the reawakening of Mother Nature, rebirth, new birth, gardening, the return of migrating birds - signaling the end of winter, and the promise of summer.  It’s like one long period of anticipation which sometimes feels like an endless tease.

Autumn comes in third.  It’s a season of lingering.  Frequently, in Minnesota, we will have a brilliant, extended fall that deeply mirrors the intensity of our summer.  Other years it is all a sodden-mess up until the temps hit the freezing point and that sodden-mess becomes frozen tundra.  But there is also that one week when the leaves are so colorful it’s like living in a Technicolor world. 

It is also the beginning of my period of mourning. 

That whole myth about Persephone and Hades?  The one where she eats the six pomegranate seeds, and thus ends up putting her mother, Demeter, into a six month depression-induced coma each year? 

Yeah.  Me and Demeter. 

Same thing happens to me.

What are your favorite fall fashions?

A light-weight, black, pea coat-style jacket.

I like light-weight sweaters, typically without any images or patterns.  Neither the bottom of the sleeves or the bottom of the sweater should have cuffs or be gathered.  I like ‘em boxy.  The darker the better.  Proper sleeve length is important.  I also like form fitting, long-sleeved cotton sweaters with a single horizontal stripe across the chest.   

I have a pair of black leather gloves I like to wear. They fit… like a glove.

Love wearing long john shirts (also known as long-sleeved, waffle crews).  Plain color.  Darker the better (I consider dark navy blue festive).  Cotton is a must.

And when it gets really chilly, I love to slip into a pair of long johns.  I think they are sexy.  I love the crotch.  I love the clingy butt.  They are sort of like not-uncool-to-wear male tights.

And now onto… those things I hate.

Big bulky sweaters that make you look like you have been swallowed by an ambitious caterpillar.

Uggs (Ugh).

Gay men who wear light-winter wool scarves with fringe indoors because they think it is a fashion statement.

Camo or Camouflage- patterned ANYTHING. (Only appropriate if you are on active duty and in combat-mode.)

Hunters orange ANYTHING. (Only appropriate if you are directing traffic or repaving a freeway.)

Sweat shirts with loons on them.  (Never appropriate)

Turtle necks.

Wool.

What are your favorite fall foods?

Gourd me! (Please?)

Love squash.  Squash soup.

Love pumpkin pie as long as it is not full of sugar and over spiced.

Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday, but now that I don’t eat turkey… This will be my first year sans bird.  Well, at least there is stuffing – vegan-style.  

Mashed potatoes.

I tend to love fall because I get to start using my oven again.  Love to bake stuff.  I don’t eat most of it (that’s what friends, family, and people at work are for).  This year will find me switching over to whole grain wheat and other grains.  Should be… interesting. 

Oh, and just so you don’t get the wrong impression… I am a terrible baker; disorganized, messy, frequently distracted.  I like the idea of baking, but lack the skills to be successful at it. 

Which might explain why I have so few friends at work and so few friends left!  (Want a cookie?).

Have you ever fallen and couldn't get up?

Oh, ha, ha.  I misread it and thought the word ‘it’ was between the words ‘get’ and ‘up’.  My bad. Sigh.

Physically: That mountain biking accident (where I broke my neck in two places).  I have no idea how long I was out for the count.  I wrote a post about it shortly after it happened.  It’s in the archives.

Spiritually: No. Though I do get discouraged.  1996 was a really, really rough year.  And this summer, from May until Mid-August, threatened to match that level of despair.  But in both cases, I managed.

I look back at 1996 and wonder how the hell I ever managed, but it was like a part of my brain shut down and all I could focus on was putting one foot in front of the other – my coping method of choice in order to trudge through it.  The source of that strength?  Honestly, I think it was a real healthy (and necessary) case of total denial. 

In both instances, the outcomes predicted by the professionals I had surrounded myself  with pretty dire. But I simply refused to accept that what they had to say as the final word.  So, in such times, I have this tendency to shrink my world and retreat, I guess, in order to manufacture a little (false) hope. 

Sure, there were moments when I would be alone and I would just lose it, but small tasks, like keeping appointments, meeting deadlines, and grocery shopping really can help one power through anything.  It’s a matter of limiting one’s focus – this is what I can do, rather than trying to influence or mourn the things I could not.

My most recent troubles have caused me to question the whole concept of ‘God’.  For many years I have believed in a universal energy that we all contribute to and are nourished by, but due to my dabbling in Catholicism (yet, again), I struggle with accepting the church’s version of things. 

Honestly?  Sometimes I think, if there is a God, than he is a total dick.

Fall is the start of the new TV season, which show are you most anticipating?

‘The Mindy Project’ has already kicked off and continues to find its footing.  Ms. Kaling is a pure comic treasure.  I remain intrigued.

‘American Horror Story: Coven’ is to begin soon.  I can’t wait.  Jessica Lange, Kathy Bates, Angela Basset, Patti LuPone… I mean, come on; it’s a diva-loving gay guy’s wet dream team.

I’ll be watching ‘The Middle’ and ‘Bob’s Burgers’.  Probably ‘Suburgatory’, ‘Raising Hope’, and ‘New Girl’. 

Otherwise, there is nothing new that has piqued my interest. 

My latest idea is to get rid of satellite and just stream NetFlix.  I would save $800 a year. Hmmm.   Can I wait a whole season and then catch up in the winter months?

Can I risk not seeing all those commercials?  Some of that stuff is highly culturally significant.

Ah, the debate continues…

(Really?  This is my life?)

What fall activities, such as apple picking, hiking, foliage trips, do you enjoy or plan on doing?

Hiking.  I am already taking mental notes about which trees are turning first, the effect our lack of rainfall has had on underbrush, and the burrowing habits of field mice and moles.  Yes, the change in season brings out the nature nerd in me.  I love every moss covered surface, every drying milkweed, every wetland Aves/Neosmithe formation that graces the sky.

I like burning things this time of year.  This year I will concentrate on small twigs and wood in a fire pit in my backyard (and leave my neighbor’s houses alone).

I like to take a road trip one weekend to go to Duluth, MN and look at the fall colors.

But my favorite fall activity is: throwing stuff away.  I just completed my bathroom and got rid of things that had expired or that I had hung onto for years without ever using. 

Next up: My closet which is full of dress clothes I no longer feel the need to wear (over forty dress shirts!).  My rule:  haven’t worn it in a year?  Out it goes. 

Then the music room is after that.  That room will prove to be the most difficult because I always get lost in memories.  Also, there was a time (now, past) when being a completist was of great importance to me.  For example (and this is just one of many), I have every – and I mean every - CD that Gary Numan has ever put out. 

Yes.  Gary Numan. 

No, I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me.

Curse you, Ebay.

Halloween is __________.

Sexy fun?  Or it would be if all the drunken breeders would stay home or get a clue.  Personally, I am tired of sexy kitties unless they are young Asian men being ironic. 

The thought of going out in public on the actual night of Halloween and hanging out at a bar?  About as inviting as having a drunken ninja turtle vomit on your shoes (true story!). 

My favorite costume-wearing folk have long been that lone man staggering through the gay bar who, at the age of fifty-something or other, finally worked up the courage to go out in public in drag to see if he can ‘pass’.  The results are almost always tragic (he writes as he contemplates, yet, again, whether this will be the year.)

As for Halloween being for the kids… I dislike children.  The last year I gave out candy was 1999.  At about 8:00 pm, a trio of adolescent boys showed up on my door step, sans costumes.  I gave them candy, which they threw back at me, informing me they didn’t want candy, they wanted money.  I slammed that door so fast, I bet their faces are still smarting. And since that night, that door has never re-opened for Halloween. 

I also fenced my yard and put locks on the gates. 

Stupid kids.

Do you dress up for Halloween?

We have a yearly work function (think: bowel movement).  

Last year I went as a bag of leaves.  In Minneapolis, all lawn and leaf refuse must be put in giant paper bags.  I cut a hole in the bottom of the bag for my head, and two on the sides for my arms, turned it upside down, and slithered inside.  Then I made, cut-out, and pasted giant paper autumn leaves all over my bag.  I walked around with a giant leaf rake decorated with more paper leaves.  There was also a leaf themed-hat, but, honestly… I have done all I can to blank out of the memory of it.

Last year a friend also dragged me to The Eagle for happy hour, where, I guess, they celebrate Halloween for the entire week.  I wore my fuck-me boots (a really kick-ass pair of  mid-thigh Rockports), black, tight skinny jeans, and a tight tee (My Piggly Wiggly shirt) .  I ended up arm wrestling the cutest little muscle stud.  I told him if I won, I’d have to fuck him in front of everyone at the bar.  

So, maybe he lost on purpose.  

Do you have daylight savings time where you live?

Yeah.  Why is that still a thing?  Real farmers are fewer and fewer now.  I actually like driving to work in the dark in winter and with the sun in summer.  And when they change the hour, it really doesn’t seem to make that much difference.  So, why bother?

Though I do like the fact that it happens Saturday night / Sunday morning.  Saturday night gives you an excuse to stay up later or party harder and then skip out on going to church the next morning because… hey, it was daylight savings… and I, uh, forgot. 

Thanksgiving is __________.

Thanksgiving is was my favorite holiday.  I don’t eat red meat anymore, so turkey is not on the table this year.  I’m still doing fish and seafood, so perhaps some nice salmon will do the trick.

I had Thanksgiving at my house way back in 1998.  It remains one of my favorite memories.  My little tiny house crammed with children (my nieces and nephews were munchkins back then) and my three sisters (the eldest was still tolerating my presence in those days), my Mom and Dad (Dad was still walking and tracking things in those days), and my baby Beau underfoot. 

I am glad I did it, when I did it.  It was hectic and fun-filled and I loved planning and executing it (even cleaning up).  It was the last thanksgiving we were all together.  Now, it is typically only my Mom and Dad and me. 

My other favorite Thanksgiving memory is of my second Thanksgiving in L.A, back in 1995.  I invited my most recent ex (a new-age, back-to-nature guru-type whose latest book I had attempted to edit – or butcher, depending on your POV), and  a female film director who was working with Roger Corman, among others.  There were lots of complaints (apparently my take on Thanksgiving was too Midwestern) and we all ended up in an argument about Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston and whether they were suffering from significant vocal damage – which I felt was the case (and time would prove me right), while the other two thought I was full of shit.  After everyone was gone and I was left to wash the dishes by myself, I thought I would probably have had a better time by myself, sitting in the dark and getting drunk. 

Ummm… why is this my other favorite Thanksgiving memory?

What's your favorite Thanksgiving food?

Squash.  Squash Soup.  Vegan Stuffing.  Mashed Potatoes.

I dislike what people do to green beans at that time of year. 

And pasta has no place at Thanksgiving. 

And stop thinking up new things to do with Cool Whip.  Please.  For the sake of the children.  Won’t someone think of the children?

Stupid kids.

 

Bonus

Do you FALL asleep after sex? Have you FALLEN out of bed while having sex?

I only remember falling asleep once after sex. 

It was after a marathon session, fueled by a lot of poppers and a little, ummm… weed.  It was crazy, bouncy-town sex on a leather-sheeted king-sized bed.  We flip-flopped about a dozen times, everything was in constant motion, and we were both horny, panting, greedy, sweat balls.  Our dicks went in every orifice available.  And what our dicks wouldn’t fit in, our tongues did!  I came three times.  The intensity and energy never let up… until it did and we both fell into this sleep-coma for two hours.  When we woke up, we were stuck to each other due to a combination of cum, spit, and dried sweat.  Mmmm.

Of course we never saw each other again.

Fallen out of bed while having sex?  Who hasn’t?  If you haven’t, then you aren’t doing it right.  There is no shame in it.  It shows that you’re making an effort.  It shows that you are thinking outside the box. 

It shows up a day later in the form of some nice bruises. 

Think of them as souvenirs, or red (purple) badges of courage!