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Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooter of the Week: Texas Governor Rick Perry

Wonderland Burlesque’s 
Turdscooter of the Week: 
Texas Governor Rick Perry

Nominating a member of the GOP for Turdscooter of the Week is a little like throwing a rock in Georgia and hoping to hit yourself a bigot, so I feel like a bit of a slacker when that’s the case, but, let’s face it: Rick Perry has sort of been asking for it.

Governor Perry, who hails from the perplexing state of Texas, has been making the rounds and headlines in recent weeks, as he tests the political, media, and social waters in order to see if he should drop his diaper and take another run for the Whitehouse.   

And what an incredible bunch of skid marks this little Turdscooter hath scrawled. 

  • Claiming that President Obama is “not interested” in dealing with the thousands of immigrant children that have recently crossed the U.S. borders
  • First, refusing to meet with Obama and shake his hand when the President arrives in Texas, and then caving in and doing it anyway
  • Accusing the Obama administration of having “some ulterior motive of which (they) are functioning from” in regards to the influx of illegal immigrants

Now, never mind that at the heart of this issue is a 2008 law signed by then-President George W. Bush that has made it nearly impossible to fast-track deportations, leading to a backlog in federal courts.  It’s Obama’s fault because the President has “sent powerful messages time after time — by his policies, by nuances that it is okay to come to the United States and you can come across and you’ll be accepted in open arms.”

“That is the real issue”, claims Perry.


I’m having trouble understanding exactly what world Mr. Perry is living in.  But he seems to think that Texas is like some medieval kingdom that needs to be defended from the onslaught of people who want to live there.  Line up the catapults, and dot the great wall with pots of boiling oil, y’all!   

Now, one could question the wisdom of choosing Texas in which to illegally enter the country in the first place, but with options so limited, I suppose it is a might better than dealing with Arizona’s Governor Jan Brewer and all her craziness. 

But then, again… some of us know exactly the kind of world Mr. Perry is still living in.  Keep in mind that as recently as a few weeks ago, this contender to the throne “really stepped in it” when he tried to get away with comparing being gay to being an alcoholic.

And let’s keep in mind, too, what a turd palace Texas is these days:

  • Worst drivers
  • Among the worst place to be a kid
  • Worst healthcare
  • Least number of people over the age of 25 with high school diplomas or equivalent
  • Worst state for women: strictest abortion laws, a woman earns .79 to the dollar, 25% are uninsured, 19% live in poverty, no paid family, medical or temporary disability leave
  • Worst state for gays: no domestic partner benefits, and they want to make sodomy a law, again
  • Has a tendency to execute the mentally ill and challenged folk
  • Must acknowledge the existence of a ‘Supreme Being’ in order to run for public office

And, yes… this list could go on quite a bit (homophobia, racism, selling out the poor, etc.), but you get my point.

Yes, after all, the Governor of this fine state is one of the GOP’s great white hopefuls.  You know, in light of all the great work he’s done in Texas, and all. 

So, pull off your ten-gallon hat, wave it in the air, and give a hearty ‘yee-haw’, to yahoo Rick Perry, Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooter of the Week.

Rick, you’re doing Texas proud!



Queer Heaven said...

I always thought that Mr. Perry looked and sounded like a cartoon of what a turd would be you have confirmed my suspicions.

anne marie in philly said...

miss ricky sure can deep throat that hot dog; she must have had LOTS of practice!

"Must acknowledge the existence of a ‘Supreme Being’ in order to run for public office" - da fuq? there AIN'T no such thing!

whkattk said...

Well, personally, I would like to see him make a run for it again. He sure provides diaper-full after diaper-full of fodder for comedians.

And, always keep in mind, it is better to know who your enemies are than to have them hiding under rocks.