Wonderland Burlesque's Turdscooter of the Week: Rick Wiles

Wonderland Burlesque's 

Turdscooter of the Week

Rick Wiles

“Who you gonna call?”

That is the burning question this week, according to one Rick Wiles.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, as long as there are ‘men of god’ and self-righteous conservatives, so shall there be a “Turdscooter of the Week”.  And what would right-wing nut jobs do if it were not for the bilious pockets of shelter afforded them by American radio?

This week’s winner?  

Trunews radio host Rick Wiles, who seems to believe that when old dubba-u, dubba-u three breaks out, God won’t be saving the neck of America like he did last time during dubba-u dubba-u two.

Who knows, maybe it’s because God doesn’t care for sequels of a sequel? 

But, no, Mr. Wiles insists it’s because of the gays.  In his way of thinking, granting gays equal rights and allowing them to marry has doomed this country.

But, never fear… there’s hope, according to Wiles and his vision of this inevitable future:

“Worse case scenario is the submarines come up on the west coast and the east coast and just obliterate us while we sleep at night.”

Wait.  Is that a ‘worse’ case or a ‘best’?  Hmmm.  Apples, oranges?

Whatever the case, Wiles is certain that those pesky ruskies will soon be aiming their nuclear warheads at our golden shores (you know, as soon as the ruble stabilizes and, oh, I don’t know, Sony Pictures’ ‘The Interview’ wins an Oscar for best motion picture).

“We are on the edge of World War III,” claims Wiles. “And this time the United States of America does not have divine protection because we've become a nation of homosexuals and atheists and lesbians and God-haters.”

Did I forget to mention the atheists, lesbians and God-haters? 

Well, at least the gays are in good company. 

Mr. Wiles rants on:

“What are you going to do America?  If he (God) left and the Russian nukes show up? If the Russian submarines show up and you find out God left? Who you gonna call on, all you atheists? All you homosexuals?  All you God-haters?  Is your ‘gay god’ going to come and save you?”

Who you gonna call, indeed!

Well, not “gay god”.  That’s for sure. 

He still can't throw a baseball worth shit.

But Gay Jesus, on the other hand...