Lots has gone under the bridge since my last post... but since I'm really not that interesting... here's a list of some of the people of 2008 that might capture your interest. They certainly did mine.
Rick Ross and Akon: Liars: plain and simple. They have both misrepresented their lives, have failed to own up to that fact and cling to a brand of credibility not due them. They lack integrity as human beings and their music suffers for it. For that matter, so does the public.
Kanye West: A master manipulator who is not a musician, has never written anything original, cannot sing and seems to think that self-aggrandizing is an artistic statement worth repeating ad nausea. He is the Puff Daddy of this century; a momentary, monumental example of style minus substance. Yes, people like Neyo may share West’s obsession with Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’, but the difference is a matter of talent; Neyo has a great deal. The only things that exceed the size of Kanye’s ego are his record sales and his freakish, almost constant, whininess (but that’s what happens when one auto tunes their entire life – everything sounds kind of thin and squeal-like). He is the most irritating character that has ever graced halls of pop music – and that is a pretty incredible feat, considering the gargantuan height of that particular mountain.
Rolling Stone Magazine’s villain-izing of Hillary Clinton: In an election year when we had two outstanding candidates (Hillary and Obama) and an opportunity for an examination of the issues and some real debate, Rolling Stone chose to elevate their candidate of choice by writing scathing, ridiculously biased burn pieces about Hillary Clinton. I voted for Obama. I feel he is the right choice for the country and will make an incredible leader. But what Rolling Stone did to Hillary Clinton is journalistic murder. I have never been more embarrassed of a magazine that is mailed to my home (and I used to get Genre magazine – so that’s saying a lot).
Michael Vick: What a creep. If O.J. Simpson’s and Larry Craig’s pictures appear in the dictionary next to the word creep, well Michael Vick should certainly be there, too. Never has someone been given so much only to disappoint so thoroughly. If there is any type of comeuppance in the after life, I sure would not want to be Mr. Vick. And because this country lacks the moral fiber to severely punish those who abuse animals, I do hope that there is indeed an after life. However this man suffers in this lifetime, it is not enough.
Erykah Badu: With each album release she becomes more and more inaccessible and more and more irritating. It reminds me of what happened to Curtis Mayfield during his heyday. After a point, while wading through all the excess and lack of focus, you begin to lose sight of what made the artist stand out in the first place (hello, Tori Amos). It astounds me that her latest release, New Amerykah Part One (4th World War) is on anyone’s best of list.
Eliot Spitzer: My new favorite scum bag/hypocrite. Oh, I have no issue with his use of prostitutes. I could even overlook his two-faced typical politician’s stance on prostitution. What galls me to no end is that he had his wife stand by his side during the subsequent press conference confessional. That poor woman is going to make some therapist a very rich person.
Larry Craig: Larry, give it up already. Nobody buys it. You’re a cocksucker. Enjoy it and spare the rest of the world your drama. And on that note, now that I know that the likes of you could be on the other side of any given stall wall I will be keeping my pants up at my knees and my stance as narrow as possible when doing my business in public. Shudder.
Toby Keith: If there is a recording artist who epitomizes the dumb-it-down -dumber-than-dumb G.W. era, it is Mr. Keith. Whether selling oversized, gas-guzzling trucks to American no-necks during a time of unprecedented high gas prices or trotting out his tired, old red, white and screw world view, Toby has managed to capture the attention and imaginations (not to mention the pocket books) of middle America. He is the musical equivalent of Larry the Cable Guy, and I for one, am glad their days in the sun are numbered.
Certain Music Blogs: I’m not naming names (Idolator), but there seems to be a plethora of music blogs which exclusively practice a new type of journalism. They seem to think that surfing the web, stumbling upon some news that some one else first reported, adding a link to said article on their own site and then making some brief comment about the relevance of the cited article constitutes journalism. Why don’t they go and find a story that some one else hasn’t already written? Could it be that they are unable to put down their bag of Cheetos long enough to push away from their keyboards and actually interact with human beings face to face? Is it laziness? Yes. Yes it is.
Criss Angel: Creepy? Yes. Boring? Yes. Talented? Not really. Worthy of my attention or any more blog space? No.
Sarah Palin: Only in America (and only in 2008) could a former beauty pageant contestant, with limited political experience, possessing absolutely not an iota of debate skills, and without an original thought in her well coiffed head, end up running for Vice President of the United States on the Republican ticket. Hmmm. On second thought – I’m really glad it happened. Has desperation ever been more apparent? That and the fact that her designer spending spree, knocked-up daughter, Tina Fey/SNL connection and numerous jaw-dropping faux pas made the last few weeks of the 2008 campaign mildly hysterical. I can’t wait for the musical.
Cringe-Worthy Moments in the Real World: There is a lot of events that happen under the radar that, thanks to The Smoking Gun, I have had the displeasure of learning about. Among them:
Five Blackwater Security Guards were named in a 35-count federal indictment charging them with manslaughter and weapons violations in connection with the September 2007 bloodbath in Nisur Square. They are accused of going on an unprovoked shooting spree in Baghdad last year that resulted in the death of 14 unarmed Iraqi civilians. I wonder how Karl Rove and Dick Cheney sleep at night.
The group of teens from Albert Lea, MN charged with torturing the elderly at an area nursing home.
Brandon Raz, the Wyoming municipal employee who pleaded not guilty to charges that he twice ejaculated in the water bottle of a female co-worker. Hmmm… forensic evidence says you did, Brandon.
Andy Martin, a Chicago man and former Connecticut congressional candidate who is credited with launching the Barack Obama-is-a-Muslim smear campaign. In addition he also pledged to "exterminate Jew Power in America," and claimed that "Jew babies are fed with subsidized American taxpayer money".
Lori Drew, the Missouri mom charged with orchestrating a cruel online hoax that led to the suicide of teenager Megan Meier. Has justice been served? Probably not in this life.
Jeremy Noyes, a Pennsylvania medical student who allegedly planned to assemble a "family" of female sex slaves that would reside with him on a farm or island who was arrested on federal child pornography charges. Jeremy Noyes.
Anton Dunn, alias the "Trashman" was tracked down and charged with posting YouTube videos in which he claimed to have poisoned thousands of bottles of Gerber baby food in a bid to kill black babies.
Diane Wargo, an Ohio nursing home employee who lost her job after blogger Perez Hilton posted an e-mail in which she called him a "FAT GAY PIG" and Angelina Jolie a "fag lover". She’s now suing the online columnist for $25 million for publishing her name and e-mail address, which triggered hundreds of angry letters and phone calls from fans of the gossip site. My heart bleeds for her… She’ll actually have to spend time in the same room as Perez. And while that seems a fit punishment for a homophobe, I doubt it will alter her views at all. Eh, they deserve each other.
And the winners: Michael Tracy Long and \ Michael Long Jr. This Florida father and son are each facing an animal cruelty charge for allegedly killing a neighbor's kitten with a sledgehammer. Maybe they can share a cell with Michael Vick. Gee, I wonder which guy ends up being the bottom in that ménage a trois.
Well, that’s 2008 in a bucket. A very sad, rusty, crusted, beaten bucket. I can’t wait to toss it all out come the New Year. Though I can’t imagine what will take its place. Maybe Anne Coulter and Dr. Laura will reveal their secret lesbian relationship on a very special episode of Oprah?
Well, I can dream, can’t I?