Sunday Diva/Three From The Hip: Kathy Griffin

Sunday Diva/Three From The Hip:

Kathy Griffin

In my own personal big gay church, there is a wing dedicated to the Ladies Of Comedy. Theses are the gals who made us laugh and, on occasion, brought a tear to our eyes. They are visionaries, capturing aspects of the human condition while holding up a mirror to the world. Their characters, style, and phrases have helped form our daily vernacular in ways we are not even always aware of - but that is the power of comedy and the magic these ladies all possess. Breaking ground while breaking all the rules?

Kathy Griffin.

Warrior, survivor, gossip, provocateur... best friend a gay ever had!

If you look at her career, whether you enjoy her humor or not, you have to admit that the lady has quite the work ethic. How can you not admire her very special brand of D.I.Y. brand of stardom.

The thing is - Kathy broke a lot of rules. Via a supporting role in a sitcom, she gained access into a world the public was never meant to see. She met The Wizards of Hollywood... and pulled back the curtain. 

She was fearless. And a little mean. But the targets? They more than deserved it. 

Calling out hypocrisy, double-standards, acts of sheer ego and audacity... Griffin told it as she saw it. 

But she's more than a acidic trumpeter. 

The diva's got heart.

She loved her parents. And that was as endearing se it was sincere. Maggie was a hoot and we're all the better for Kathy having shared her spotlight with her mother. 

Her dogs have always meant the world to her and she continues to be a first class animal activist. 

Has she always made the best choices? Perhaps not. But she also paid a price for it. Getting banned? Being called out? Receiving death threats? All a part of the game when you're Kathy Griffin.

But she always bounced back. Even after her worst moment - a statement which backfired in ways few could have predicted - she managed to turn it around, went on tour, told her story, and created a historic, one-of-a-kind comedic document. 

The lady made history while perfectly captured the mad times we live in.

But then she came up against something she couldn't fully beat... cancer. It was a game changer. 

Whether she ever resumes her career remains to be seen. 

But if you're counting her out? 

Well, given her history, I wouldn't bet on it. 

The gospel according to her?

Well, here are three from the hip, dropping from her lips.

The topic? The Act

--- ---

"I have no limits, no filter, no class, no poise. No decorum. Just fun."

"I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone... it's a joke!"

"So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits."

"Oh, I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly. But that's just part of the deal. I'm not really sure what's going to come out of my mouth."

 

"A lot of stars don't have a sense of humor."

"A lot of celebrities, especially when you're talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them."

"But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people."

"I'm always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging."

"Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn't care less if it's true."

"Remember, folks, I am a comedian, not a journalist."

"I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R."

"The great thing about celebrity culture is that they can't seem to stop themselves from displaying their ridiculous behavior. I feel it's my job as a serious investigative journalist to witness all kinds of behavior and then report back to the audience through the prism of my own anger and bitterness."

"So yes, I say things I regret constantly, and I just can't help it."

"I have what I call A-list moments, but believe me, I'm still on the D-list."

"I'm not somebody who no matter where I go there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience's ticket into the party."

"I also don't have a desire to be on the A-list. I feel more people can relate to the D-list than the A-list."

"Pretty much everywhere I go, I'm pretty much thinking I'm going to be bounced. I am still the outsider who snuck into the party. I identify with the regular person, because that is who I am."

"That's life when you're on the D-list."

Barbara Walters - Kathy Griffin

I Hate Cirque Du Soleil / Celine Dion - Kathy Griffin

 Kathy & Maggie Griffin Visit A Psychic

And one last parting shot...

"Laughter is the only truly free emotion. Even love can be compelled, if someone feels bound to someone else, practically captive. But no one can compel laughter. It’s the ultimate proof of freedom."

Sunday Diva/Three From The Hip: Ruth Buzzi

Sunday Diva/Three From The Hip: 

Ruth Buzzi

In my own personal big gay church, there is a wing dedicated to the Ladies Of Comedy. Theses are the gals who made us laugh and, on occasion, brought a tear to our eyes. They are visionaries, capturing aspects of the human condition while holding up a mirror to the world. Their characters, style, and phrases have helped form our daily vernacular in ways we are not even always aware of - but that is the power of comedy and the magic these ladies all possess. Among them?

Ruth Buzzi

A true trouper. And a joy to work with.

Her many characters on shows like The Dean Martin Comedy Hour and Laugh-In took up residence in our living rooms week after week.

Multi-talented, with a can-do attitude, this little lady conquered it all; Broadway, television and film.

And even today, thanks to Twitter, she's still tickling funny bones in her own unique manner. 

The gospel according to her?

Well, here are three from the hip, dropping from her lips.

The Topic: Playing With The Monkees

"I can remember how happy I was when a fella named,... I think it was David Winters, who was a director, choreographer, came up to me on the set of Laugh-In, and said that The Monkees were interested - or he suggested that I do this particular part, ’cause they really wanted to hire a much, you-know, an old lady, to do this role. And they started thinking of people that they could use who were a lot older than I was at the time, and he suggested me, because he said, hold the phone, you know, to do all the crazy antics that I had to do; swinging around on things and doing crazy dancing and jumping up and down. He said it’ll kill somebody. They’ll have a heart attack, he says. So you should go for Ruth Buzzi. I mean, of course, this was how many years ago? I dunno, thirty? Thirty-five years ago? How long - I don’t know. Long enough that I am obviously messing around with what he said to me, but it was something like that. And I said, 'oh yeah, sounds great', and we had a fabulous time."

"First of all, it was great to see that the lead meanie was George Furth, whom I knew very, very well in New York City, and we had done a lot of shows together. We had done musical revues and all funny stuff, and so it was great working with him again. And I hadn’t had much time to see The Monkees, because we were so busy, you know. But I knew who they were. I’d heard the music and everything. And they were terrific to work with. We had just tons of fun. You can see it when you look at the film: how much fun it must have been to shoot, and it was. And they were so wonderful to work with."

"There was no one who was, you know, playing star or anything. And we just had a great, great time. Just the other day, I called my niece in San Francisco, and she said, 'What you doing, Aunt Ruthie?' and I said, 'Well, the next thing I’m gonna do that’s very important will be doing this tape for The Monkees for their cassette.' She said, 'The Monkees?! Oh! Oh! I just love them! I just love them, Aunt Ruth! Oh! Oh!' I says, 'I’ve got a tape. You’ll enjoy the show.' I just loved it. I hadn’t seen it in all that time, and it’s really funny. 'Oh, Aunt Ruth, oh, bring it up the next time you come to visit, oh, please, please, please, Aunt Ruth!' So, that’s where it’s gonna go. With me. That tape, that show. Lot of fun, really."

"My nephews all look at me differently now. Before, they couldn't relate to me, and now I'm like a god."
 

The Dean Martin Comedy Hour

Dean Martin / Ruth Buzzi

Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In

Ruth Buzzi / Arte Johnson

The Carol Burnett Show

Carol Burnett / Ruth Buzzi / Burt Reynolds

And one last parting shot...

"The original Dean Martin Comedy Hour handed me some hysterical sketches. I've got highlights on tons of these variety shows, given to me by their great writers. I'd love to be doing all that again."

"I created the characters from what I read in the script. I decided how I should talk, accent, no accent, my own voice, or a created voice. Then, I visualize what I should look like."

"The funnier the material, the funnier I could make it."

"I got everybody on my side through comedy."

Sunday Diva/Three From The Hip: Carol Burnett

Sunday Diva/Three From The Hip

Carol Burnett

In my big gay church, there are many, many wings. One such wing houses The Women Of Television. These ladies came into our living rooms each week to add a bit of glamor, perhaps some humor, to our dull, gray lives. Oh, they may have also graced the silver screen or trod the boards, but their greatest gift to the world has been the glimpse of magic they shared with us week after week. 

One such queen?

Carol Burnett.

Multi-talented with a gift for laughter. 

She kept us in stitches for years and it felt as though the magic would never go away.

During the reign of her variety show, with the help of her gifted, in sync ensemble, whether she was spoofing a Hollywood classic, singing a song or doing a sketch featuring one of her iconic characters, she kept America glued to the tube.

Maybe it was the Bob Mackie gowns? Who can say?

And then, with a final tug of an ear lobe... it was over.

She moved on... to do film and stage work. 

And though her life has seen it's share of heartache, she shouldered it and carried on. She even took on the tabloids and won. 

Yes, our lady of laughter could never be kept down for long. 

And her legacy will live forever... just ask her ten year-old fans.

The gospel according to her?

Well, here's three from the hip, dropping from her lips.

The topic? Becoming Carol

"I come from Texas, and my grandmother and mother were born in Arkansas."

"Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief."

"My childhood was rough, we were poor and my parents were alcoholics, but nobody was mean. I knew I was loved. We were on welfare, but I never felt abandoned or unloved."

"My grandmother and I followed my mother here, to a house a block north of Hollywood Boulevard but a million miles away from Hollywood, if you know what I mean. We would hang out behind the ropes and look at the movie stars arriving at the premieres."

"On the good days, my mother would haul out the ukulele and we'd sit around the kitchen table - it was a cardboard table with a linoleum top - and sing."

"My mother was very funny. My dad had a great sense of humor. My grandmother, too."

"My grandmother and I saw an average of eight movies a week, double features, second run."

"I was very entertained by Betty Grable and Judy Garland."

"I was raised going to the movies with my grandmother as a kid. And then I'd come home, and my best friend and I would act out the films that we saw."

"My grandmother and I would go see movies, and we'd come back to the apartment - we had a one-room apartment in Hollywood - and I would kind of lock myself in this little dressing room area with a cracked mirror on the door and act out what I had just seen."

"I've always been optimistic. And I have a feeling that it happened because of going to all those movies with my grandmother in the '40s because there was no cynicism."

"I had always been quiet and studious in school. I was the high school editor of the newspaper."

"Well, I don't know how astute I am, but I did want to be a journalist when I was growing up."

"I was kind of shy as a kid. I was a pretty good student. I was a wallflower, or nerd, if you will."

"I didn't really get comfortable until I got to UCLA, and I had to take an acting course because I was studying theater arts."

"When I was in college at UCLA, I took a playwriting course. I was all set to be a writer. But I had to take this acting class as a theater arts major. I had to do this scene in a one-act comedy. I just said this line, and then... this laugh happened. I thought, 'Whoa. This is a really good feeling. What have I been missing?'"

"I had a good loud voice and I wasn't afraid to be goofy or zany."

"I was in California, and I was going to UCLA, and I knew I certainly didn't have movie star looks. I remember seeing pictures and photos of Ethel Merman and Mary Martin, who were kind of average looking. I said, 'Well, that's for me, then, to go back to New York and try to be in musical comedy on Broadway.'"

"When I went to New York to try and make it, I never thought it wouldn't happen."

"In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door."

"I struggled for a while, but when I was cast in an Off Broadway show called Once Upon a Mattress, that kind of put me on the map."

Shy - Carol Burnette

from the musical Once Upon A Mattress

(1964)

I'm Still Here - Carol Burnett

from the musical Follies

(1985)

The Ladies Who Lunch - Carol Burnett

from the musical Company
(1999)

And one last parting shot...

"My favorite is doing the television show, as a variety show, every week. If the show wasn't that great one week, we could always come back and apologize, you know?"

"I'm glad I was born when I was. My time was the golden age of variety. If I were starting out again now, maybe things would happen for me, but it certainly would not be on a variety show with 28 musicians, 12 dancers, two major guest stars, 50 costumes a week by Bob Mackie. The networks just wouldn't spend the money today."

"When I was starting out in this business, that was the norm. You did it all. You looked around, and entertainers could dance, sing, play the piano, act, make you laugh."

"It's not a bad thing to be able to do many things onstage. If you're an entertainer, you should be able to entertain. I'm proud to say that I'm not a one-trick pony."

"Because of YouTube, I'm getting fan mail from 10-year-olds and teenagers and college kids."

TMI Questions: April Fool’s Day 2014

The day came and went without much in the way of office humor.  One woman sent out an email that there were ‘Gluten-Free Brownies’ available in the kitchenette.  

Of course, everyone flocked there only to discover a large piece of white paper on which the woman had scrawled a bunch of letter ‘e’s using a brown magic marker.  

No explanation, just the paper.

It took me awhile, but eventually I got it.

TMI QUESTIONS:

Questions designed to reveal Too Much Information

Link: http://tmiquestions.blogspot.com/

TMI Questions: April Fool’s Day 2014

What are your thoughts of April Fool's jokes?

Take it or leave it.  That’s true of pranks on any day. 

Those that love them, good for them.  When they are clever, they hit the mark.  When they are mean, I detest them.

Have you had any memorable, good or bad, April Fools' pranks?

I don’t remember anything for April Fool’s Day, but there are a few pranks I do remember.

There was a rite of passage back when I did Summerstock to pick one of the newbies on the CORE team (we did the sets, the lights, the costumes, as well as acted in the productions) and put them through their paces, which included the washing of the light gels (made of gelatin, they melted in the water) among other things.

One poor girl was told to iron all the costumes on opening night for a production of ‘The Secret Life of Walter Mitty’, which included a couple of tube tops.  Apparently ironing such items melts them and they lose all their elasticity.  The women who were supposed to wear them were horrible, self-involved, gossips and they lit into that girl like you would not believe and would not let it go.  It was like watching the ugly step sisters go after Cinderella.  

That was my third season with that group and that’s when I started to see them for what they were: a bunch of chronic alcoholics - big fish in a tiny pond, immature creeps with an adolescent need for attention and power. 

I came back for a fourth season (big mistake), but was fairly checked-out and horribly depressed throughout that summer. 

Why I didn’t give up theatre after that only serves to show that there is no fool like a young fool who clings to the erroneous belief that one must suffer for their art.

What a maroon.

Do you have a sense of humor?

Yes.  Especially about myself.

What kind?

Self-Aware.  Self-Deprecating.  And dark.  Very, very dark.

I am not sure what helped form that part of my psyche.  None of my siblings possess it. 

If I had to venture a guess, I would say it was probably the product of cringing disappointment, rejection, low self-esteem, and abject failure.  Also, I tend to revel in all the seamier sides of the human condition.

But if you keep tap dancing with a smile plastered on your face, nobody will notice.

How important is a sense of humor in a mate?

Very. 

He has to have one if he’s going to wake up to my face in the morning.

Humor can smooth over a lot of the rough spots that occur in a relationship and critical during a crisis. 

It helps if you’re on the same wavelength.  The moment I hear the words ‘you’re weird’ or ‘you have a strange sense of humor’, I am so out of there.

Just keep me laughing and fuck me occasionally and you’ve got a real shot at me sticking around.

Are you attracted to one type of humor over another?

I like self-deprecating, intellectual humor.  Smart is the new funny.

Political humor amazes me.  I love irony.  I love the debunking of the hypocritical. 

I also love random non sequitur stuff.  And fatalistic humor is the bomb. 

Love edgy, but only if it is smart.

Bawdy stuff is great, too.  But again, needs to be smart.

I hate sexist stuff.  I hate angry stuff.  Sam Kinison was evil and people ate it up.  Turned my stomach.  Andrew ‘Dice’ Clay's whole act was Neanderthal time. I also hate it when angry stuff is passed off as political humor.    

I have a lot of issues with ‘racial’ humor.  So few get it right.  It’s volatile stuff.  But that may just be the ‘frightened white boy’ in me talking.

I have a lot of favorite comedians.  It’s their style of storytelling, their POV, their way of thinking, or their writing that intrigues me. 

Clever gets me every time.

Can being really funny make an ‘unfortunate looking’ person sexy and attractive to you?

Well, as an ‘unfortunate looking’ person (great euphemism, Sean) (wink, wink), I assume I have to be clever and passably entertaining, or I don’t stand a chance in hell with someone.  So I never miss an opportunity to turn a phrase or elicit a laugh. 

It also serves as a great means of establishing whether this is someone I want to see for more than the obligatory 20 minutes.

Unfortunately, this – going for a laugh -  can strike some as off-putting and the whole thing goes south very quickly. 

I think humor is often used as a deflective device, as in, a means to hide the ‘real’ you.  Which stems from poor self-image, poor self-esteem, and the like.

Guilty!

Fart jokes are_______!

The lowest form of humor and, apparently, quite an effective means of making people laugh. 

I never do.  But I get that others find that stuff funny. 

I think writers shove that kind of stuff in there when they don’t have anything else (see ‘Family Guy’).  Fart jokes are to humor what vamping is to music.

Do you embarrass easily?

I used to.

Then I became a bottom.

Once you bottom?  Nothing is embarrassing.

Just ask any bottom.

Do you tend to wear silly t-shirts? Do you have a favorite?

I used to have a big collection, but I honed it down.

My current favorite is the ‘Let’s Nap Motherf*cker’ tee that the boyfriend recently gave me.  I finally washed it, so I can’t wait to wear it.  But where?

And that – the question of ‘Where?’  - is the problem with humorous, inappropriate tee-shirts.  I don’t want to be in someone’s face about something that strikes me as funny.  I also don’t want to needlessly offend or expose children to inappropriate words or images. 

So, I wear them when I am stuck at home or taking a nap.  Or, I don’t wear them at all.

Oh, and those of you who wear lame stuff, but do so ‘ironically’?  Yeah.  Stop that.

Do you make faces or strike a pose when having your picture taken?

Rarely. 

Unless you want to count all those naked pics I used to take to attract dudes on the net. 

Yeah… those kind of poses!

Delusion takes many forms.

Do clowns scare you or make you laugh?

Neither.

Fuck clowns.  I kind of hate them.

Especially those French clowns.  Cirque du so trite. 

I saw one of the first Cirque du productions near the Santa Monica Pier.  It may have been the weird, non-descript music (how do they get it to sound so faceless – so devoid of human spirit?), but I hated it.  Especially those stupid clowns. 

I wanted to take a giant novelty hammer to them.

(Squeak, squeak.)

Bonus

Have you (or your partner) ever laughed during sex?

All the time.  What’s a bunch of naked body parts without a bit of laughter?  Genitals, by design, are hilarious, especially penises.  You can do all sorts of things with them. 

And if there are pubes involved it’s like playing with a Chia pet.

No, but really… penises: they really are the best toy ever. 

Why and what were you and your partner's reactions to the laughing?

So this is the section where I am supposed to say someone farted and I couldn’t help myself… but that is so not the case.

When someone farts in bed you should do the ‘Miss Manners’ thing and pretend it didn’t happen.

Just know that sticking your finger or anything else up there after that happens is probably not a good idea.