TMI Questions: Over the Rainbow!

When all the clouds darken up the skyway
There's a rainbow highway to be found
Leading from your window pane
To a place behind the sun
Just a step beyond the rain...
- intro to 'Over the Rainbow' by Harold Arlen and E.Y. Harburg

TMI QUESTIONS: 

Questions designed to reveal Too Much Information 

Link: http://tmiquestions.blogspot.com/

TMI Questions: Over the Rainbow!

How much do you love and how many times have you watched The Wizard of Oz?

A gazillion.  Growing up, this was an annual event on television – with popcorn, strawberry soda, and a frozen coconut Ritz pie!  I loved, loved, loved this movie. 

I remember being in the backseat of my Mom and Dad’s car, driving into downtown Glenville, MN when the news came over the radio that Judy Garland had died (yes, I am THAT old, bitches).  I immediately began crying, because I thought the little girl in the Wizard of Oz was dead – because that is all I knew of Judy Garland at the time (I was like five years old or… something).  So I thought a little girl had died. 

It was many years later that I learned that was not the case.  Yes, I was a bit naïve and uninformed. I was living in Glenville, MN on a farm – what do you expect?

My FAVORITE time watching the movie?

In Loring Park in 1990(?) with my first live-in boyfriend.  He smoked pot, which I did not have much experience with.  We smoked a little and I got lost in the movie, totally convinced that I should write a self-help book based on all the lessons Dorothy learned along the road to Oz.  I thought (at the time) it was a brilliant revelation (you know, the way people feel when high and they believe that Pink Floyd’s ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ syncs up to some movie like ‘The Wizard of Oz’. 

Still, it was kind of romantic.  We had a picnic lunch with us and as it got dark it got more romantic.  And I was very, very happy – for those couple of hours – because not only was I having a lovely time being in love, but I was also convinced that I had unlocked the secret to a successful life. 

What a maroon!

Do you think that Dorothy was a scared and lost little girl or was she really a murdering little bitch?

I wish she had been a murdering bitch.  She should be in the remake.  That would be awesome. 

When I worked for Target Corporation, there was a designer who dealt with all the video games / movies, etc.  I would go out of my way to help him with presentations because he was nice to me and we had a similar dark sense of humor.  We also both thought Target Corporation was full of shit.   He asked me if I played video games and I said ‘no’.  The next day he came up to me and handed me something.  ‘Here, I think you will really like this’.  It was ‘Alice’, a dark retelling of the classic ‘Alice in Wonderland’. He was right. In this retelling, Alice is in Wonderland to save it, gigantic butcher knife in hand.  She slashes and hacks her way through Wonderland chasing the Rabbit (I think).  I’ve never made it through the whole game, so I have no idea how it ends.  I was obsessed with that game for about two years, and then became obsessed with… blogging.

Note: It inspired the name of my blog, ‘Wonderland Burlesque’.

I wish they would do a similar take on the ‘Wizard of Oz’, that would be awesome.  But something tells me that Frank Baum’s estate would probably not be in favor of a murder-crazed Dorothy. 

Sigh.

Will you be off to see The Wizard of Oz when it's on the big screen in iMax 3D?

No.  I am afraid of iMax and 3D.  Pretty sure it would make me nauseated.  Something about my inner-ear/balance thing ever since my mountain bike accident – the oddest things trigger it. 

Besides… I haven’t taken the time to watch the original movie in ages and my memories of it are probably far better left as memories. 

Have you ever been to Kansas?

Yes.  Salina, KS.  With two touring productions; one, a creaky old melodrama where I got to play the hero (odd casting, but I was the only cowboy-like dude in the company at the time), and one, a sexy, over –the-top production of ‘A Midsummer’s Night Dream’ where I got to play Demetrius.  

When on the road, I turned out to be a bit of a prude.  While everyone else went out drinking, I stayed in and played ‘production matron’, shaking my finger at everyone else, telling them they better not be hung over the next day because “we have a matinee tomorrow”, blah, blah, blah.

There were three gay guys in the troupe (I was not ‘out’, yet) and we would sit at home base and play gin all night waiting for the others to return.  The ‘Midsummer’ tour was weird because I had just broken up with one of the main female fairies and she took great pleasure in fucking her way through the cast as a means of revenge.  Eh.  Theater people.  Blech.

Oh, a brief personal theater story.  I was privileged to play the Scarecrow in a summerstock production.  Behind the scenes, it was wrought with drama; the original cowardly lion left the production three weeks into rehearsals because his rock band landed a recording contract and had to leave on tour immediately.  The original Tin Woodsman was fired mid-run because he and the director were at odds and he took it upon himself to sabotage the production, messing with all the special effects.  The production caught the attention of the Minnesota State Fair people and we were bussed in to do a day’s worth of shows which I remember as being rather awful, because we couldn’t bring the set with us.

I loved playing the Scarecrow.  And the woman who played Dorothy was a treasure, too.  That said, it was bittersweet.  I was rather emotionally-attached to the director (female) and within a year we would be at odds as she was extremely Catholic and very homophobic (which was what was at the heart of the problems with the original Tin Woodsman).  

‘Scarecrows Dream’ – a beautiful song by the late Dan Fogelberg  - sums up my feelings for her.  I knew I was being replaced in her heart and that… killed me.

Wicked is______?

Sacrilege.

Hate it.  Hate most of the music – though, ‘Defying Gravity’, while pedestrian, made for a good (if cloying) dance floor thumper when remixed.  Hate the script.  Hated the production design.  It’s not musical theater – it’s an abstraction – a deconstruction of a concept better left in its original form.  It all feels false and unnecessary to me.  I don’t want to know the back story, and if I must, then I want it to be done true to the style and character of the original source.   

It had me gripping my arm rests and grinding my teeth throughout the entire show. 

That said… love Idina Menzel / hate Kristin Chenoweth.

Idina did a marvelous turn in an orchestral concert staging of ‘Chess’ with that rather boring male singer  – and that is when I fell in love with her.

Chenoweth?  She’s an annoying munchkin with a piercing voice and absolutely no sense of nuance.  Dorothy’s house should fall on her!

Where is home?

‘Home’ is a great track by Suzanne Palmer.   If you don’t know it, you missed out on one of the best dance tracks – ever!

‘Home’ is a marvelous song from ‘The Wiz’, a truly great musical (bad film) with a terrific score.  Little Stephanie Mills sang the sh*t out of that song.  What Berry Gordy and Diana Ross were thinking?  Who the hell knows? 

Home?  For me?  Wherever I am, I am.  That is home.

Everything in this physical life is temporary, so until you are able to identify and claim that part of yourself that is ‘home’, then you are operating without a center, which means, you are out of balance.  Living a life out of balance?  Not easy.  Not fun.  Been there, done that. 

Being ‘home’ at all times?  That is priceless, for ‘home’ is the only place from which we can grow and create things that are truly genuine and unique – things that we can claim as ‘ours’.  So, learn to take it with you wherever you go.  I think that is one of the keys to a successful life.

Who would you like to drop a house on?

Anne Coulter. 

She’s my first choice. 

My list is rather long, so I would need a number of houses/tornados.  If that could be arranged:

Anne Coulter, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Jan Brewer

Rush Limbaugh, The entire FOX News team: Bill, Sean, etc. (may need a mansion for this)

Chris Brown, Rick Ross, Sebastian Bach, Axl Rose, Ted Nugent, Metallica

Michael Vick and anyone that harms/neglects animals

Westboro Baptist Church and all the hate mongers (the whole lot of them need their toes curled)

Rick Santorum, Paul Ryan, Rick Perry, Eric Cantor, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz

Franklin Graham, Ted Haggard

Oh, hell this list could go on forever… basically any politician, teacher, business owner, non-profit, or religious leader that does not understand:

• that a woman’s body is her own
• that people have a right to information (sex education) and healthcare
• that being gay is not a choice and it is perfectly natural

You get the idea J

How would you "pass the day away" before seeing The Wizard ‘In the Merry Old Land of Oz’?

I would like a large, natural (no chlorine), temperature controlled swimming pool in a high ceilinged, glass enclosure, all to myself, where I could do laps and laze and relax. 

There might be some ambient/chill/trip hop mixes with the occasional diva house track wafting through the atmosphere and a small table laden with fresh fruit, juice, naturally flavored fizzy water, hot herbal tea, nuts, breads, and a couple of cheeses, a comfy lounge/deck chair,  and a pile of large, thick, white terry cloth towels. 

Time would standstill in this instance.  No hair would grow.  No age line increase.  No fat would form. 

All would be exactly to my liking…

…and I would not have to share it with anybody!

What's your wish when you put on the Ruby Slippers and click your heals three times?

That I would be transported to my backyard on a lovely, summer day and my three beautiful, little, four-legged friends: Beau, Paco, and Mona, would suddenly appear, alive and healthy and happy. 

If it could only be for an hour, so be it.  I would give anything to spend time in their company again.  We would be joined by my current four-legged friends: Millie, Hercules, and Atula.  Everyone would get along, we would all be healthy and happy, and there would be lots of treats and toys, with soft little beds for them to nap in. 

And when it came time for Beau, Paco and Mona to return - if they had to - then I would choose to go with them…

…but only if I could bring along my three current four-legged friends (because I promised I would always take care of them, too).

Bonus

The Scarecrow, Tin Man and The Lion: Do, Dump or Marry? 

My answers are based on what they lack/need and my typical attractions.

Do: The Scarecrow.  Dumb does not make for a great relationship, but can make for a great shag!  Plus... I think he's probably pretty well hung.  Note: you can be book smart and still dumb as a stick.

Dump: The Lion.  I don't like skittish men.  I don't respect them.  I tend to be somewhat reserved (believe it or not) and I need someone to act as my social shield sometimes.  Sometimes.  If on my own, I can be downright friendly.  But in a couple?  I tend to want to stay in the background. Two cowards in a relationship?  That's a recipe for disaster.  Skittish about sex?  Blasphemy.

Note: you can come on like a lion and still be a little pussy on the inside.

Marry: The Tin Man.  I tend to pick emotionally unavailable men.  I tend stick with them long after the writing is on the wall and all the joy in my life has vanished.  Rarely do I get what I want out of the relationship and it usually ends up costing me a lot (emotionally, physically, and financially) to get out. Those days are behind me now.  Note: you can be terribly tenderhearted and still have no heart.

  

'Home' - Suzanne Palmer

'A Scarecrow's Dream' - Dan Fogelberg

'Home' - Stephanie Mills

Beau

Paco

Mona

Millie

Atula

Hercules

'

'Over the Rainbow' - Judy Garland

"When you have lived the life I've lived, when you have loved and suffered and been madly happy and desperately sad - well, that's when you realize that you'll never be able to set it all down. . . maybe you'd rather die first." – Judy Garland, 1967

These are a few of my least favorite things... The villians of 2008

Hello, it's been awhile. Not much. How about you?

Lots has gone under the bridge since my last post... but since I'm really not that interesting... here's a list of some of the people of 2008 that might capture your interest. They certainly did mine.
Rick Ross and Akon: Liars: plain and simple. They have both misrepresented their lives, have failed to own up to that fact and cling to a brand of credibility not due them. They lack integrity as human beings and their music suffers for it. For that matter, so does the public.

Kanye West: A master manipulator who is not a musician, has never written anything original, cannot sing and seems to think that self-aggrandizing is an artistic statement worth repeating ad nausea. He is the Puff Daddy of this century; a momentary, monumental example of style minus substance. Yes, people like Neyo may share West’s obsession with Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’, but the difference is a matter of talent; Neyo has a great deal. The only things that exceed the size of Kanye’s ego are his record sales and his freakish, almost constant, whininess (but that’s what happens when one auto tunes their entire life – everything sounds kind of thin and squeal-like). He is the most irritating character that has ever graced halls of pop music – and that is a pretty incredible feat, considering the gargantuan height of that particular mountain.

Rolling Stone Magazine’s villain-izing of Hillary Clinton: In an election year when we had two outstanding candidates (Hillary and Obama) and an opportunity for an examination of the issues and some real debate, Rolling Stone chose to elevate their candidate of choice by writing scathing, ridiculously biased burn pieces about Hillary Clinton. I voted for Obama. I feel he is the right choice for the country and will make an incredible leader. But what Rolling Stone did to Hillary Clinton is journalistic murder. I have never been more embarrassed of a magazine that is mailed to my home (and I used to get Genre magazine – so that’s saying a lot).

Michael Vick: What a creep. If O.J. Simpson’s and Larry Craig’s pictures appear in the dictionary next to the word creep, well Michael Vick should certainly be there, too. Never has someone been given so much only to disappoint so thoroughly. If there is any type of comeuppance in the after life, I sure would not want to be Mr. Vick. And because this country lacks the moral fiber to severely punish those who abuse animals, I do hope that there is indeed an after life. However this man suffers in this lifetime, it is not enough.

Erykah Badu: With each album release she becomes more and more inaccessible and more and more irritating. It reminds me of what happened to Curtis Mayfield during his heyday. After a point, while wading through all the excess and lack of focus, you begin to lose sight of what made the artist stand out in the first place (hello, Tori Amos). It astounds me that her latest release, New Amerykah Part One (4th World War) is on anyone’s best of list.

Eliot Spitzer: My new favorite scum bag/hypocrite. Oh, I have no issue with his use of prostitutes. I could even overlook his two-faced typical politician’s stance on prostitution. What galls me to no end is that he had his wife stand by his side during the subsequent press conference confessional. That poor woman is going to make some therapist a very rich person.

Larry Craig: Larry, give it up already. Nobody buys it. You’re a cocksucker. Enjoy it and spare the rest of the world your drama. And on that note, now that I know that the likes of you could be on the other side of any given stall wall I will be keeping my pants up at my knees and my stance as narrow as possible when doing my business in public. Shudder.

Toby Keith: If there is a recording artist who epitomizes the dumb-it-down -dumber-than-dumb G.W. era, it is Mr. Keith. Whether selling oversized, gas-guzzling trucks to American no-necks during a time of unprecedented high gas prices or trotting out his tired, old red, white and screw world view, Toby has managed to capture the attention and imaginations (not to mention the pocket books) of middle America. He is the musical equivalent of Larry the Cable Guy, and I for one, am glad their days in the sun are numbered.
Certain Music Blogs: I’m not naming names (Idolator), but there seems to be a plethora of music blogs which exclusively practice a new type of journalism. They seem to think that surfing the web, stumbling upon some news that some one else first reported, adding a link to said article on their own site and then making some brief comment about the relevance of the cited article constitutes journalism. Why don’t they go and find a story that some one else hasn’t already written? Could it be that they are unable to put down their bag of Cheetos long enough to push away from their keyboards and actually interact with human beings face to face? Is it laziness? Yes. Yes it is.

Criss Angel: Creepy? Yes. Boring? Yes. Talented? Not really. Worthy of my attention or any more blog space? No.

Sarah Palin: Only in America (and only in 2008) could a former beauty pageant contestant, with limited political experience, possessing absolutely not an iota of debate skills, and without an original thought in her well coiffed head, end up running for Vice President of the United States on the Republican ticket. Hmmm. On second thought – I’m really glad it happened. Has desperation ever been more apparent? That and the fact that her designer spending spree, knocked-up daughter, Tina Fey/SNL connection and numerous jaw-dropping faux pas made the last few weeks of the 2008 campaign mildly hysterical. I can’t wait for the musical.

Cringe-Worthy Moments in the Real World: There is a lot of events that happen under the radar that, thanks to The Smoking Gun, I have had the displeasure of learning about. Among them:

Five Blackwater Security Guards were named in a 35-count federal indictment charging them with manslaughter and weapons violations in connection with the September 2007 bloodbath in Nisur Square. They are accused of going on an unprovoked shooting spree in Baghdad last year that resulted in the death of 14 unarmed Iraqi civilians. I wonder how Karl Rove and Dick Cheney sleep at night.

The group of teens from Albert Lea, MN charged with torturing the elderly at an area nursing home.

Brandon Raz, the Wyoming municipal employee who pleaded not guilty to charges that he twice ejaculated in the water bottle of a female co-worker. Hmmm… forensic evidence says you did, Brandon.

Andy Martin, a Chicago man and former Connecticut congressional candidate who is credited with launching the Barack Obama-is-a-Muslim smear campaign. In addition he also pledged to "exterminate Jew Power in America," and claimed that "Jew babies are fed with subsidized American taxpayer money".

Lori Drew, the Missouri mom charged with orchestrating a cruel online hoax that led to the suicide of teenager Megan Meier. Has justice been served? Probably not in this life.

Jeremy Noyes, a Pennsylvania medical student who allegedly planned to assemble a "family" of female sex slaves that would reside with him on a farm or island who was arrested on federal child pornography charges. Jeremy Noyes.

Anton Dunn, alias the "Trashman" was tracked down and charged with posting YouTube videos in which he claimed to have poisoned thousands of bottles of Gerber baby food in a bid to kill black babies.

Diane Wargo, an Ohio nursing home employee who lost her job after blogger Perez Hilton posted an e-mail in which she called him a "FAT GAY PIG" and Angelina Jolie a "fag lover". She’s now suing the online columnist for $25 million for publishing her name and e-mail address, which triggered hundreds of angry letters and phone calls from fans of the gossip site. My heart bleeds for her… She’ll actually have to spend time in the same room as Perez. And while that seems a fit punishment for a homophobe, I doubt it will alter her views at all. Eh, they deserve each other.

And the winners: Michael Tracy Long and \ Michael Long Jr. This Florida father and son are each facing an animal cruelty charge for allegedly killing a neighbor's kitten with a sledgehammer. Maybe they can share a cell with Michael Vick. Gee, I wonder which guy ends up being the bottom in that ménage a trois.

Well, that’s 2008 in a bucket. A very sad, rusty, crusted, beaten bucket. I can’t wait to toss it all out come the New Year. Though I can’t imagine what will take its place. Maybe Anne Coulter and Dr. Laura will reveal their secret lesbian relationship on a very special episode of Oprah?

Well, I can dream, can’t I?