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Saturday, December 29, 2012

Acquired Tastes, XXVI: Anonymous Sex

Nothing heightens one’s senses more than a little fear mixed with the unknown.  Add a sexual component to that and the potential for danger becomes a potent elixir.  Engaging in anonymous sex requires a certain kind of bravery (some would say foolhardiness).  As someone who engages in anonymous sex on a regular basis, I’m in no position to judge, as the people in my life would no doubt highly question just how sound my judgment is considering some of the situations in which I have offered up my bared hole.  With the rise of the internet and mobile phone services catering to those looking to ‘unload’ without the muss and fuss of traditional courting norms, such as formal introductions, small talk, and the exchange of names and other personal information, anonymous sex, at least in the gay community, has become, for some, common practice. 
So, let’s throw caution to the wind, fly in the face of danger, common sense and moral outrage, get ourselves a little ‘strange’, and discover what lies behind the curtain of…
Anonymous Sex
Scope of Activity:
For the purposes of this post I will limit my examination to those one-on-one gay male sexual encounters that take place between two people whom have never met before or had any previous face-to-face contact before they meet to have sex. 
So, that leaves out the following: glory holes, bath houses, sex clubs, sex parties, gang bangs, and one night stands.  If they haven’t already been covered in these pages (Acquired Tastes XXII Glory Holes) they will be covered in future installments.  We also won’t include anonymous encounters involving sensory deprivation, such as blindfolds and hoods.  Nor will we touch on the practice of cruising, which is a specific activity and also worthy of its own post.
The Official Line:
From Wikipedia:
Anonymous sex is a form of …casual sex between people who have very little or no history with each other, often engaging in sexual activity on the same day of their meeting and usually never seeing each other again afterwards. The internet is …a primary vehicle for people setting up anonymous sex.
Some people engage in anonymous sex because of the thrill of the act.
Also known as a ‘zipless fuck’ and hooking-up.
Psychological Aspects:
Wow.  Look up anonymous sex in relation to psychology and the phrase ‘sex addiction’ is sure to pop up!  In relation to sexual addiction, anonymous sex is a level one activity.  Which surprises me, since it involves an awful lot of risk taking.  But then, if you look at what they consider level three activities, I guess having faceless/nameless sex seems pretty tame by comparison.
Wikipedia mentioned the ‘thrill of the act’... and there is something absolutely intoxicating about offering up your body to a total stranger you will probably never exchange a word with (unless ‘fuck me’ and ‘harder’ count as dialogue) or see again (and if you do, you already know you’re supposed to pretend, for his partner’s sake, that you’ve never laid eyes on him before).  So, what is that rush about?  Dancing with danger?  Getting fucked by a stranger? Having someone walk into your home and find you ass up, spreading your cheeks, waiting for dick (or Tom or Harry)? 
It is the same thrill numerous pre-teen girls playing ‘Mystery Date’ have experienced over the years.  You open that door (or let them walk-in that door) and pray for the best.  Is it going to be the stud of your dream?  Everything his on-line profile promised he would be?  Will it be the dreamy dude to take you to prom, the beach stud, or… the dud? Or worse?  Psycho killer?  STD carrying tweeking meth-head?  Snob?  Will you disappoint him?  Or will he disappoint you?  Whose expectations will be met?
It’s a spin on the wheel of sexual experience.  You have no guarantee of anything… anyone could show up on your doorstep or walk in your door.  We’ve heard the horror stories (remember the Craigslist Killer!), and yet, still we spend time on-line chatting, placing ads, and ‘woofing’ away on our mobile apps.  It’s the thrill of the hunt… and then, the thrill of the unknown.  I guess that’s the true meaning of the saying ‘getting a little strange’. 
Putting ourselves in harm’s way is no different than participating in any other kind of extreme sport – we know the risks, but the thrill we get out of it outweighs any potential physical damage that we may sustain. Ultimately, this type of behavior is self-destructive.  Remember the cautionary tale that was “Looking for Mr. Goodbar”?  Well, we haven’t come a whole hell of a lot further, baby (even though there are whole generations that won’t get that cigarette ad-related reference).
This is not an activity for people interested in precautions. I’m just saying.  But, if you are up for this type of no-name, no-info kind of hook up, here is the closest I can come to sound advice:
  • If you’re going to someone’s house for the first time, leave a note in your home, or post-it note in your car with the address of where you are going. 
  • Tell someone where you are going, if you have someone you trust with such information.
  • Walking into the home of someone you don’t know?  Don’t bring your wallet.  Don’t bring jewelry or other valuables with you.  Do bring your cell phone.
  • Want safe sex?  Bring your own lube and condoms. 
  • Inviting a stranger into your home?  Well, leave a paper trail on your computer.  In fact, leave your computer up and running and have your cell phone nearby. 
My Experience:
It’s odd.  There was a time in my life that I thought sex came only after dating someone for an extended period of time.  Then there were those one-night stands, certainly a form of anonymous sex, that began once I started frequenting gay bars, but even those contained an element of a hoped for relationship, many of which developed into just that.  Then came a few chance encounters before I moved to Iowa and then L.A.  In L.A. is where I fell into the tea room scene, another form of anonymous sex.  That pretty much consumed all my time during that period of my life.  When I returned to the Twin Cities, tea rooms continued to be my primary source for sexual outlet.  However, once the internet came into my life, nothing has been the same since.  Easy access to sexually willing partners resulted in me becoming even more easily accessible. 
I didn’t just throw caution to the wind; I put it in a Cuisinart and set it on puree. 
This all came to a peak about three years ago.  Since that time, I have dialed it back considerably.  I will still venture out twice a week, on average, to someone’s house that I do not know.  There was a time when I used to host such encounters, but it’s very rare now.
A few weeks ago, I was on-line, in a take-it or leave-it kind of mood, when I saw this dude on bbrts that I have always wanted to play with.  I like his stats.  He has a nice dick pic in his profile, but no face photo. He can never host and neither can I so it seemed we were meant never to meet.  I don’t know what it was… but I decided to invite him over to my place, thinking that he would decline, and then I could write him off as the game player I suspected he might be.  Surprisingly, he took me up on my offer and was actually excited about the little scenario I proposed.
I told him to drive down my alley, park in my driveway, enter the back gate, and walk in my back door.  He was then to walk down the steps and there he would find me, naked, on all fours, with my ass waiting for him.  I told him to give me twenty minutes.
That twenty minutes was fraught with complications.  I’ll spare you all the details, but even with some difficulties, I was ready on time.  He, on the other hand, arrived a half hour later than promised.  Since I was hosting, other than being a bit concerned that I was in the process of being stood up, I wasn’t sweating it.  If nothing else, it gave me more time to douche. 
I watch his headlights light up the back of my garage before scurrying into place.  The floor is actually colder than I remembered, so I position myself on a big arm chair instead; my knees on the seat, my ass facing the doorway he would be walking through.  I hear him enter at the top of the stairs and close the door behind him.  That moment?  Ecstasy.  Taking a big hit of poppers, I keep facing the wall in front of me, waiting for the moment when he stands behind me and touches my exposed pucker.
I don’t wait long.  Still, I face the wall, delaying that moment when I turn around and ‘open the door’ to see my ‘Mystery Date’.  My favorite thing used to be to turn around and find my anonymous sperm donor stripped down to his underwear or naked.  This dude is fully clothed.  First impression, he’s shorter than I expected.  That’s okay.  He’s cute.  Not in as good of shape as advertised, but not bad at all.  I like his smile.  And his dick!  As he removes his clothing, I play with his cock, still trapped in his underwear.   It’s nice… thick and at least 8.5 inches.  He unsheathes it and I waste no time swallowing it down to the root.  It goes down easy, despite its thickness.  Working my magic, I can tell he’s very pleased with what I’m doing, but oral sex is just the appetizer.  He’s there for the main course.
I stand and give him a kiss.  It’s good, which is a sign of better things to come. 
I like black men. They waste little time and I’ve been fortunate enough to meet the ones that know how to throw a decent fuck. First up, me on the chair, as he found me, on my knees, facing the wall.  My hole is amply lubed… hey, I had to do something during those 30 minutes I waited around for this dude to show up.  That said, as I have implemented new standards, I make sure his cock is decently lubed up before allowing entry.  I hit the poppers.  The feeling of his cockhead splitting open the lips of my hole?  Heaven. 
Turns out, he likes poppers, too.  He tries mine, but then whips out a bottle of his own.  As he fucks me, I turn my head so we can kiss.  He’s too short though to make it work, so I just concentrate on his incredible cock in my ass.  It’s so good, I forget to tighten up for him.  Once I realize that, I do, and he tells me how much he loves it when my hole milks his dick.
After about ten minutes, we decide to change it up.  A little doggie on the floor, for starters, but it turns out what he really wants is me on my back, facing him.  Soon he has me curled up on my upper back, with him basically planking me, his legs stiff.  It’s hot, and he’s able to get quite a bounce going.  Slamming into my hole, it doesn’t take him long to lose his nut deep in my gut.  We hold long enough to kiss for a bit and then part ways. 
He dresses, we make small talk… the usual exchange between two people who have nothing in common other than a single load. He’s a nice guy and I wouldn’t mind a second shot at that magnificent cock.  Finally he leaves; I lock up, clean up and hit the shower. 
If it wasn’t for the fact that I haven’t had someone over to the house in such a long time and that he had such an exceptional cock, I wonder if I would remember this dude at all.  There was a time when that very well might have been the case, no matter how wonderful the dick.  Thing is… this, like so many scenes lately, just isn’t my thing anymore.  I like the idea in theory… but the execution?  Too much bother.  I have a couple of regulars I hook up with now.  More my thing.  For now.
My Conclusion:
The risks are many – STDs, personal injury, theft, etc.  Still, it is exciting.  On hornier days, it’s all I can think about.  But, just as sexuality is fluid, perhaps sexual activity is transient.  Maybe we aren’t meant to live by anonymous sex alone.  Having a deeper connection with someone certainly has its advantages… instead of it always being the first time; you develop an arsenal of things to try out – especially if you and that partner are suitably matched in the GGG department. 
For me, as of this writing, anonymous sex has lost its allure.  Maybe that’s temporary.  Part of me hopes so. But another part of me wonders if maybe I’ve out grown it.  It seems like a lot of work for the occasional pay-off.
Thing is… anonymous sex is a lot like a box of chocolates… you never know what you’re going to get.
Did I really just write that? 

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Happy Holidays from Uptonking at Wonderland Burlesque

Okay, so I debated a lot whether to do this.  I keep a pretty low profile on this blog, in the sense that I never post pics of myself with face.  I do not consider myself all that attractive, though I do have a few selling points - none of which are very obvious. I guess you could say I am an 'Acquired Taste'!  I also have a life outside this blog and my world of wanton sex.  I lead a double-life and the idea of the two ever crossing wires?  Not something I really want to experiment with.  Remaining somewhat anonymous allows me to give myself the freedom to share pretty much whatever I want.  Sure, people who are really clever could probably track me down if they wanted to and determine my true identity - but really?  Haven't you all got better things to do?

In the spirit of giving, and a means of saying thank you to all the dudes who check out this blog on a regular basis, I have decided to go ahead and post a single photo from a session I wrote about on this blog.  The photographer's name is Christian Cody and he is one of the sweetest kids I have ever met.  I get a kick out of helping other people express their kinks and the afternoon I spent with Christian was a whole lot of interesting.

I'd also like to give a shout out to my friend at Skilled4Men; a great blog where hot men and hot trax meld into a marvelous orgy of homo delight.  My friend, I really appreciate your many comments and kind words.  It is one of the reasons I continue to write this blog.  It's at his suggestion that I share this pic and I hope he appreciates it.  I'd share more, but... that's not the purpose of this site. Also, there's not guarentee that this pic will remain up for long, so enjoy it while you can. 

I'd also like point out the blogs I follow, as listed on the right side of this site.  They have all served as inspiration. I appreciate the work they do, the wisdom/fun they have to offer, and encourage everyone to check them out.  If you know that I follow your blog and don't see it listed, please let me know so I can get that fixed. 

As you are all aware, gay explicit blogs are constantly under attack, here, at blogger dot com.  Several of the blogs that I used to follow are no longer active, so I have removed their links from my site.  Because of that, I now have to add new sites via URL, and will do so, if you don't see your site listed to the right.  I believe in promoting quality gay blogs - beause, let's face it, free porn is the best porn!

If you have any comments, you can use the comment button at the bottom of this post if you want me to share what you have to say with the world, or contact me privately at  I do not publish anonymous comments anymore, as I figure if you have an opinion worth sharing, then you need to man up and attach your name to it!

Happy Holidays everyone.  Enjoy yourselves. 

- Uptonking

Friday, December 21, 2012

Music 2012: Faves and Failures

So, best of lists?  Meaningless.  Best of?  Based on what?  What criteria?  Whose?  Why should we value a list compiled by a bunch of people who spent all year consuming (promotional copies) and commenting on our culture without ever contributing anything meaningful to it?  (Looking at you, A.V. Club.)  So I will spare you all the pretentious rationalizations and justifications typically accompanying such year-end lists.  My taste in music is no better than anyone else’s… it’s just different, and here diversity in all its forms is respected.  Instead, I will simply serve up a list of my favorites along with a few examples of music that I consider less than stellar. 

This was a crappy year for music.   I managed to find some good stuff, but the pickings were slim. 
I think I Heart Radio is to blame.  Everything they touch sucks.  They are the worst thing to ever happen to popular music.   There ought to be a law.  There is only so much pandering and homogenization that one can stand.  And as sad as the state of pop music is, what this conglomerate has managed to do to country music is a sin.

2012 was a year where we saw lots of bands attempt to sound like Passion Pit and Florence and The Machine.  We saw Owl City bounce back (for better or worse) from the sophomore jinx.  We saw a decrease in the use of Auto Tune (finally).  We saw Madonna grow harder, angrier, and more brittle (though her concert was visceral and bigger than life).   We saw dance music embraced by and incorporated into the mainstream more than ever.  fun. was fun! The Evens delivered The Odds.  And Santigold released yet another incredible album that not enough people listened to.  So, for what it’s worth, here is a list of my favorites along with the annoying and not –so-very-good.

By the way, pictured are all the albums I liked.  Frequently the text that appears beside them has nothing to do with the album shown. I wanted to get the covers out there, so sorry for any confusion.
Favorite Albums

Arrow: Heartless Bastards
Famous Milk: White Rabbit
Shields - Grizzly Bear

All three had me smiling, bore repeated listening, and gave me hope that the music industry was not beyond redemption.  I think all three were routinely dismissed or ignored by the critics, and that is a damn shame.

Incredibly Good and Worth Listening To

Channel Orange – Frank Ocean: Brilliant
The Odds - The Evens: As good as Astro, and just as necessary
The Haunted Man - Bat For Lashes: Loved it.  You will, too.
Tinsel And Lights - Tracey Thorn:  This is the perfect holiday album for people who have gotten “used to a certain kind of sadness”.  Her voice is Annie Lennox rich without the over-reaching.  
Coexist - The xx: I hated them on their last effort.  But this time, they blew me away.  A beautiful murmur of an album.
Astro – Astro: As good as The Evens, and just as necessary
Words And Music By Saint Etienne - Saint Etienne: Shimmering beauty
Vows – Kimbra: More shimmering beauty
Master Of My Make-Believe – Santigold: Best album of the year; weird and funky and fun.  Most creative thing out there.
Out of the Game -Rufus Wainwright: Have been a long time detractor.  He managed to wrangle in his love of excess, lack of structure, and desire to over-reach.  This time he got it right.
Slipstream - Bonnie Raitt: A veteran act that delivered yet another seamless work that encompasses all that she has to offer.
A Church That Fits Our Needs - Lost In the Trees: Quirky, fun, interesting, and lovely. 
Rooms Filled With Light – Fanfarlo: More Quirky, fun, interesting, and lovely.
Visions – Grimes: Still more shimmering beauty – sort of the album I had hoped Passion Pit would have made
Making Mirrors – Gotye: Nice chops.  Great songwriting.  Contains the best single of the year (fuck you, A.V. Club, you snarky bitches).
The Stars Are Indifferent to Astronomy – Nada Surf: As good as Astro and The Evens, and even more necessary, if something can, indeed, be more necessary, and on alternate days of the week, my favorite album of the year

Rather Disappointing

Gossamar - Passion Pit: I loved their last outing.  This one felt like they were holding back on me.  Still, they are the most influential band on the current music scene.  Their touch is to be found all over the radio.  They may not have reaped the rewards, but they broke the ground.
Shrines - Purity Ring: Liked their previous stuff.  This one struck me as shrill and trying way too hard.
Love This Giant - David Byrne & St. Vincent: Overworked, unworkable, and not working.  Two people who should never do anything together, ever.
The Carpenter - The Avett Brothers:  The ghost of John Denver hovers over this one like a shroud. John Denver is dead.  They are better than this.
Charmer - Amee Mann: Sorry, Amee – I am a HUGE fan and think you are a brilliant songwriter, but this one sounded like you phoned it in.
New and Number Ones - Kristine W: What can I say?  I love this woman’s stuff.  Her voice is amazing.  She works hard.  Her heart is in the right place.  I think she needs to come up with some big dough and bring in a few high-powered hired guns to breathe new life into her career.
Fanatic - Heart: I actually enjoyed this.  However, Red Velvet Car preceded it, and you can’t help but compare.  There are too many ballads on this one that don’t really work or say anything.  Heart seems to get stuck in this mid-tempo crap.  When they ROCK!  OMG.  They deserve to be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, no doubt about it.  But, if they should decide to create something more – they need to forget that they are middle-aged women and remember that they are rock goddesses!  Don’t tread water – shred your amps!
MDNA - Madonna: So this topped the Billboard Magazine Reader’s Poll for top album?  A lot of gay guys must have participated in that poll. This is not a great album. This is not great Madonna.  It is only intermittently good Madonna.  She is better than this.  Harder and angrier we don’t want.  Drop the attitude and make me wanna dance, again.  Please?  Being accessible and likable is not a bad thing. Ice goddesses die alone.
Not Very Good at All

Cenitpede Hz - Animal Collective: Unlistenable, the absolute worst in a year when there was a lot of lousy music.
Sun - Cat Power: Horribly disappointing.  She is so much better than this.
I Bet On Sky - Dinosaur Jr.: More unlistenable bullshit.  Jerking off has never been soooooooo boring.
Release Me - Barbra Streisand: Should have stayed in the vault.  Really?  This treacle is the best that’s in there?  Then burn it all!  This collection serves up wonderful examples of why Barbra Streisand is both the greatest singer ever, and the worst.
The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do: Fiona Apple: Art songs?  I… whah?  No, really.  What?  Did you… I mean, this – it’s on purpose?  Fiona? What did a piano ever do to you to deserve this?  Not even Rufus Wainwright at his most pretentious is this bad.
Favorite Singles

Somebody I Used To Know – Goyte feat. Kimbra: Best song of the year (fuck you A.V. Club)
Titanium – David Guetta feat. Sia: Second best song of the year
Everybody Talks - Neon Trees:  This year’s Pumped Up Kicks (by Foster the People)

Very Good / Very Likable

Let’s Go - Calvin Harris Featuring Ne-Yo: I love warming up before a work out to this song
Dark Side / Catching My Breath – Kelly Clarkson:  Dark Side failed to catch on, but it is a great song, Catch My Breath can’t seem to catch fire, either, but fingers crossed
Anything Could Happen / Lights – Ellie Goulding: Lights has been around for a year and a half, but just completed 52 weeks in the top 100 on Billboard’s Hot 100 chart.  I have a feeling that Anything Could Happen will follow a similar path.
We Found Love – Rihanna feat Calvin Harris: Inescapable, and for a very good reason
Try - P!nk: I just like it.  The video is hideous, possibly one of the worst ever, but the song sounds like a song I vaguely remember liking, so I like it.
Take A Walk - Passion Pit: The album was a bit disappointing, but this song hit the spot
Adorn – Miguel: I continue to like this dude.  I can’t wait until he totally unleashes his inner Prince.
It's Time / Radioactive - Imagine Dragons: I like this band more and more.  Radioactive deserves to be a big hit.
Too Close - Alex Clare: The first time I heard this I didn’t know what to make of it, and now it sounds so average to me.  I still like it.
The A Team - Ed Sheeren: Sweetest song about a crack whore ever written.
Runaways - The Killers: Failed to catch fire.  But still worthwhile.
Madness – Muse: They still want to be Queen.   This came damn close to Queen lite.
We are Young - fun. feat. Janelle Monae: What a rarity.  They continue to surprise.  Great chops, great songs, interesting bounce.  Best new addition to the scene.
Thinkin’ Bout You - Frank Ocean: I was going to write him off as a Jamie Foxx wannabe.  He is so much more.  And way more interesting than Jamie Foxx.
Shake It Out - Florence and The Machine: No one, other than Passion Pit, has been more influential on the current sound that has developed.  She can’t sing, really – she sort of warbles; which on disc can be endearing and live can prove to be disastrous.   
Lonely Boy - The Black Keys: This was on my list last year.  It deserves to be here this year.

Give Your Heart A Break – Demi Lovato: Hated it and then fell in love with it due to the lines: ‘The day I first met you, you told me, you’d never fall in love’.
We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together - Taylor Swift: That chorus.  Annoying?  Or Catchy? 
Call Me Maybe - Carly Rae Jepsen: Inescapable.  Inexplicable.
Feel Again – OneRepublic: Best Florence and The Machine single of the year.
Just Could Never Get Into

Ho Hey - The Lumineers
Little Talks - Of Monsters And Men
Tongue Tied - Grouplove

I tried.  I was there when they first came on the scene… but, I just could never commit my ears to what they were all about. 

Most Interesting Sample

I Cry (Piano in the Dark – Brenda Russell) - Flo Rida
Good Feeling (Levels by Avicii) – Flo Rida

I don’t like Flo Rida, but these song?  Radio candy.
The Bad

Back In Time – Pitbull: Normally, I like him.  I certainly would love to… him. He is a sexy beast. But this mix?  This nostalgia time warp thing?  Gawd Awful!
Home - Phillip Phillips: Awwwww.  Awwwwww.  No, really… Awwwwwwww.
Good Time - Owl City and Carly Rae Jepsen: Worst song of the year.  Awful lyrics.  Insipid melody.  Produced with way too many Lucky Charms and elfin magic in the mix.  Fortunately for Owl City it was a hit.  Fortunately for everybody else?  His next single, Shooting Star is actually damn likable and will not bring on a case of the sugar-betes.
Drive By / 50 Ways to Say Goodbye – Train: Truly awful.  Okay, Drive By?  Worst song of the year (yeah, I know what I said already, but… really, this is awful).  And 50 Ways?  Drive By with some Spanish guitar and Tiajuana brass thrown in the mix.  Didn’t fool me.
The Jason Mraz Award for The Song that Hung Around Long After It had Worn Out Its Welcome

Not Over You - Gavin DeGraw: Over this.
Brighter Than the Sun - Colbie Caillat: I’d rather live in darkness (and silence).
I Won’t Give Up – Jason Mraz: Please, do.


Maroon 5:  This is fine.  Pop music is fun.  Adam is a great guy.  But other bands are COPYING them – and there was not a whole lot that was original there to begin with – so just what is it they are copying?  Maroon 5 has basically warped themselves into a disco jukebox spitting out hits with amazing accuracy.
Train: Train now wants to be… Maroon 5?  Is this so they can retire on something other than the royalties to Drops of Jupiter and Soul Sister?  Why does this irk me?  Why do I care?

I Just Don’t Like Them

Chris Brown: One of the most repugnant people on the planet.  Haters don’t hate without a reason, dude.  Please gain humility and some professional help.
PSY – Gangnam Style: I don’t get it.  It’s just a dance song, and not a great one.
Toby Keith – Red Solo Cup: A total dick making a buck exploiting rednecks and red state ideology.  Shtick is getting old.
Enrique Iglesias:  What happened to this man?  Seriously, he used to make some decent music.  This year?  Crap, absolute drivel.
Karmin:  I saw them on SNL.  I’ve heard four of their songs, none of which are very good.  I see lots of gigs with a Casio keyboard at the local Holiday Inn in their future.  Remember that band Nu-Shooz?
Kanye West: Is this still a thing?  Really?  Hmmm.  Why does this irk me?

Best of Dance:

Don’t You Worry Child - Swedish House Mafia Featuring John Martin
Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites - Skrillex
Midnight City - M83.
Levels – Avicii
Everything That I Got - Kristine W
Nothing really blew me away this year.  I found all of these engaging and likable.  Now that dance is such a part of the pop scene?  I was hoping dance artists would up the ante a little. 

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Acquired Tastes, XXV: CBT / Cock and Ball Torture


Makes you wince, huh?  It is a curious little kink.  Think about it: as men we are taught to protect our ‘boys’ at all costs.  Jock straps, cups, tighty whities - all designed to make sure our scrotum comes to no harm.  And yet, here we have a population of ball pain enthusiasts – and it’s not just gay men.  Most of the photos I found on-line featured dominatrices taking a shot at the baby makers.  So where is the pleasure in such pain?

Join me, as I wrap my mind around and take a whack at the topic of….  

CBT / Cock and Ball Torture

Scope of Activity:

Torture of the male genitals for the purpose of sexual pleasure.

For the purposes of this post, we will focus mainly on ball torture.  Electro-Stim, Sounding (Urethral Play), and Wax Play may be topics covered in future ‘Acquired Taste’ entries.

The Official Line:

From Wikipedia:

Cock and ball torture (CBT) is a sexual activity involving torture of the male genitals.  This may involve painful activities, such as wax play, genital spanking, squeezing, ball-busting, genital flogging, urethral play, tick torture, erotic electro-stimulation, and even kicking.

The recipient of such activities may derive direct physical pleasure via masochism, or emotional pleasure through knowledge that the play is pleasing to a sadistic dominant.

Activities may include:


Kicking, hitting, flogging, or squeezing of the testicles.
Ball Stretching

Stretching the ball sac using a ball stretcher made of chrome or leather.  Some people use rope or twine (not recommended).  
Ball Crushing

Using a ball crusher – a device that consist of two flat panels made of either metal or clear acrylic that are placed on both sides of the genitals and then tightened, like a vise.
Parachuting (Weights)

A leather collar is affixed around the base of the genitals.  Weights are then attached by chains to the cuff, stretching the genitals.
Use of a Humbler or Testicle Cuffs

A humbler consists of two lengths of plastic or metal bound together.  The testicles are placed between them and the lengths of plastic or metal then run along the back side of the thighs (see below).  The person wearing the humbler must remain in a certain position until the humbler is removed by the dom.  Stretching the legs or attempting to stand stretches the testicles, causing pain. 

A testicle cuff is a ring placed around the top of the ball sack, separating the body and the testicles in such a way that the testicles are not allowed to draw up or pass through the ring.
Psychological Aspects:

From a 2009 article in Scientific America:

Most people think of pain as resulting from physical injury or disease, but psychological factors play a huge role in pain perception. Pain is intimately tied to brain functions that govern behavior and decision making, including expectation, attention and learning.  Recent investigations are unraveling how factors such as expectation of reward or punishment, fear, stress and mood alter perceived pain intensity and affect our choices.

And as science continues to determine just how far pain reaches into our psyches, the pleasure/pain freeks out there continue to devise new means for sexual fulfillment and expression.

Where does this kink come from?  Is it some childhood or adolescent experience – such as being hit in the groin by ball or playmate - that triggers the association?  Or is it something learned?  Does it begin with a little experimentation and then, just as we learn to delve deeper into sex itself, do we simply continue to expand those horizons?  Is it a learned response in the sense that our expectations of reward, need for attention and desire to learn all come into play?  

  • Circulation blockage is a big concern when it comes to CBT.  Be on the watch for discolored or pale genitals or the development of edemas. 
  • Abrasions, bruises, cuts, swelling may occur. 
  • Testicular ruptures or torsions are extremely dangerous and will require immediate medical attention. 
  • Novices:  Start small, as in, less pain, more play.  Build up your tolerance gradually and over time.
  • Employ a safe word, the utterance of which stops all play.
  • Only engage in this activity with people who are professional sex providers or whom you totally know and trust.

My Experience:

As I’m typing this I am watching an episode of ‘American Dad’ in which Stan’s boss, the head of the CIA, pays three strippers to hit him the genitals with various appendages and items.  So, I guess cock and ball torture really has gone mainstream.  I mean, this cartoon is on a major network and seen by children and is now in national syndication!  Something tells me that future generations of Americans are going to be a lot better sexually aware and a lot less uptight.

Personally, this activity is a relatively new interest for me. About two years now.  The thought of it still makes me wince, and I very much doubt I will ever attempt some of the more extreme activities. In other words, I just barely have my big toe in the CBT door.

My latest preference is to wear two chrome cock rings; a larger one around the base of my dick and balls with a smaller one around my scrotum, just above my balls – like a testicle cuff.  Sometimes I will wear a series of cock rings around the base of my dick and balls – up to three, usually chrome or rubber. I like the feel of the stretch and the weight added.  I also found (in a porta potty at a public park I frequent) a leather strap device with adjustable snaps.  It acts as a testicle cuff and has two additional leather straps with snaps that loop through a cock ring worn at the base of my dick and balls.  All of these combinations result in an intensified erection, a weighty feeling stretching my scrotum, and constrains my balls in such a way that the feel very tight.  I like to slap my balls lightly with my fingers making them bounce or press them on a flat surface.

That’s as far as I have taken this activity and probably as far as I am likely to take it.  I have no desire to get hit in the nuts with anything or kicked in the groin.  I do get off on pressing my junk against a dude’s bare feet as I massage them and have had dudes press their booted foot on my junk while I wear a jock strap.  Something about a dom male in a pair of kick ass boots keeping me in my place in this manner is a total turn on.

I think my fascination with my balls may also have something to do with getting older.  They are definitely more relaxed than before.  Typically, as I get closer to orgasm, my balls tend to creep up nice and tight, sometimes even climbing back inside.  Using a testicle cuff keeps those suckers from doing that and makes for some pretty intense experiences.  You should see the veins on my cock stand out!  It’s like playing with someone else’s dick.  I have found that having all those contraptions restraining my dick has a definite negative effect on my shooting ability.  It’s an intense orgasm, but it doesn’t exactly spurt out, it’s more of an intense ooze.  So, as Dan Savage advises all masturbators, I change it up all the time, sometimes going without any cock rings at all.  I want to preserve my sensitivity.  And that sensation of it being somebody else’s cock?  That’s a sign of losing said sensitivity.

I have yet to wear any of this stuff in front of anyone.  When I do see others wearing it, I can’t say my reaction is a positive one.  Something about it looks contrived, over the top, and just a tad too complicated for my tastes.  A cock ring is cool.  Beyond that?  Well, I think it all starts to interfere with just how beautiful a dick is in its natural state.  So, I guess I end up feeling embarrassed for those who wear this stuff at a bathhouse or sex party.  Because, while I think it is great for occasional masturbation sessions, this equipment doesn’t make for great sex – unless you’re participating in some kind sub/dom bondage play.  For sex of the vanilla variety?  Overkill, I’m afraid.

Maybe my opinion will change, but I doubt it.  Props and costumes?  Not really my thing.  Underwear is cool.  But a fishnet body suit?  Not so much.  A single cock ring?  Hot.  Some kind of contraption restraining things and stretching them and looking kind of technical?  Not so sexy.

My Conclusion:

I get it.  Exploring the pleasure/pain principal can add additional dimensions to one’s sex life, be it during self-love, one on one play or in a group setting.  A device like the humbler brings into play all sorts of additional sub psychological triggers such as humiliation and restraint/being controlled.  So, CBT is more than just wrapping your balls up with stuff.  Whatever connects pain to sexual expression and pleasure for a given individual is part of what’s going on here.

The more extreme stuff leaves me cold, but I will concede that I am a total novice and possibly don’t fully appreciate the type of joy that can be found using some of the more involved devices.  My personal pain/pleasure levels are pretty much in their infancy.  Still, I very much doubt I will ever actually want to experience anything more than I am currently experimenting with. 

For those that do enjoy the more extreme activities I wish them all the ball-busting pain they can muster and/or stand. 

Me?  Make mine a CBT-lite!

Happy ball-busting!