Warning... this is an adult site. If reading or viewing things about what gay men do sexually with one another bothers you - you should not read this blog. This blog is a reflection of my adventures and thoughts. Some are fun, some not so pretty. I won't name names, or kiss and tell... but I will live to tell. And baby, trust me - I am gonna spill it all over your pretty little party dress. Enjoy!
Up first? The return of Lorde, tubthumping in fine style, forthright and cryptic as always. She has waken from a dream, an epic romance and demands to know What Was That.
Then, my favorite musical chameleon, bringing a quiet fire as only she can to the marvelous urban soundscape and heartache of No Secrets. This is perfection.
And finally, coming to a dance floor near you, the throbbing feverish scatter beats of Elley Duhé's delish dish, Body Talk. The remix masters are already knocking at the door!
All in all, a trio of destined-to be-classic diva turns.
Croon A Tune In June (?): Pop Music Reviews, Part III
So, here are the rest of those singles I meant to get to in June. Don't worry, most of them are still on the charts, so they are relevant.
I will give you one guess as to why I didn't get around to reviewing most of these until now. Yeah... it's not good, kids. But there are exceptions.
I am totally enamored with Semi Precious Weapons. Roommate from hell, Lorde continues her gloomy winning streak. Korr-A makes good use of a great title, while Kylie Minogue reminds us whom she used to be with a bit of genuine nostalgia.
So, let's dig in. And if you eat it all, I promise not to review the ones from June that didn't make the cut. And trust me, kids... you are gonna want to lick your plates today!
Bon Appetit!
Aviation High
Semi Precious Weapons
‘Aviation’
is definitely a contender for my best of the year list. I have fallen in love
with this song.
The airy vocals, the
cryptic lyrics, the wicked pulse; it all adds up to something rather
scintillating.
There’s something vaguely
euro-trash about them, as if they are the off-spring of Duran Duran. I’m as
intrigued with this group as I am Neon Trees.
2 On
Tinashe Featuring
ScHoolboy Q
Hmmm. This one has
me slightly stumped. It’s hella
schizophrenic. As in, I have no idea
what this song is about. And I’m not
alone.
In an interview Tinashe claimed that the phrase ‘2 On’
means ‘turned on’, but other interpretations include smoking two blunts at once
or getting it on with two guys at the same time. In any case, what does any of that have to do
with ‘Get money, get money like the
invoice, make the money, make the whip, make the money, make the grip’? And then there is also a part where she’s
paranoid about her enemies… huh?
Based on the by-the-numbers nasty rap crap provided by
ScHoolboy Q, it would seem ‘2 On’ is
all about sex, but I still can’t make sense of references like ‘when the tree be strong’. Is that about the dude’s dick? Is it about a spliff?
Tinashe coos like an iron butterfly on top of a bed of
finger snaps, making her seem like one tough babe, pitching her somewhere between
Cassie and Rihanna. This may end up
being a hit for her, as it’s currently eking its way up the Hot 100, but it’s
explicit nature along with its inexplicable lyrics will probably prevent it
from breaking through to the mainstream in a big way.
That said, it’s rather boring, like a lover who just lies there and expects you to do all the work.
KCamp
might actually have a personality, but it’s hard to tell through all that
haze.
His hiccup uptick is at least…
different.Lyrically?Crap rap about a ho. How she’s a bitch.You know… the usual.Sigh.
Because,
you know, there’s nothing else to rap about.
Absolutely
nothing.
Somethin' Bad
Miranda Lambert
and Carrie Underwood
By-the-numbers sports stadium boom-boom-clap, sort of in
the vein of Carrie’s ‘Before He Cheats’
with a little Alannah Myles thrown in.
Yep, we’ve heard this before. This
is a calculated attempt by the corporate powers that be for Underwood to catch a
brief ride on Lambert’s comet tail, while some of Carrie’s crossover cred rubs off on the
well-established Miranda.
The big surprise is how shapeless Lambert’s vocals sound
when compared to Underwood’s. Vocally, Carrie
is sharp as a tack and her attack is dead on.
And while Miranda is not left in the dust, the unavoidable comparison
isn’t flattering.
‘Somethin’ Bad’
debuted in the Top 40, before falling immediately out. It continued to fall for a week or two, but then, as of last week, rocketed back into the Top 40. Could be the country song of the summer.
Drunk On A Plane
Dierks Bentley
You
know, country rules the lower twenty of the Top 40. There seems to be a magical cut-off point at
number 15 or so, and there are exceptions to that (Georgia Florida Line), but
not many.
Dierks(?)
Bentley (Are you kidding me? Where did
he get that name? Out of a cereal box?)
just entered the Top 40 with this ode to one of America’s favorite past
times. ‘Drunk’ is a story song, all
about getting left at the altar and then getting a little mile high club action
with a sympathetic stewardess – because, you know – flight attendants do that
on flights to Cancun.
Dierks
uses words like ‘feller’, to let you know that he is just a regular country joe,
though he’s not above blatantly cribbing a line from Far East Movement’s dance hit ‘Like a G6’
He’s a
non-threatening, pleasant looking man with a characterless baritone, so he’s
sure to play well on the Country Jam circuit where banality and a hit song will
get you on the ticket.
Musically,
eh… nothing new – sounds like a billion other songs. This one skirts by on the novelty of its
title and telling the woman (who was smart enough to dump this bozo) to ‘kiss my ass’.
Clever? Oh, get serious…
Beat Of The Music
Brett Eldredge
I don’t get it.
When did Nashville relocate to Los Angeles?
Yet another pleasant-looking, clean man (why do they all
look like they used to be on a soap opera?) with a gravely baritone singing a
song that goes exactly where you expect it to when you expect it to.
Is it 1979?
Because I swear that was the last time music was this boilerplate. Mr. Eldridge brings to mind a time when the
likes of Leif Garrett and Rex Smith popped on the charts.
For reasons that escape my ears, this song has graced the
lower region of the Top 40. It is
indistinguishable from a ton of other so-called country songs that have met a
similar fate, so much so, I can’t really pinpoint what it is that I’m supposed
to care about here. It’s about falling
in love on the dance floor with your hand on someone’s hip. Swaying to the music…
OMG… it is the seventies.
Oh, well, it will play well on the State Fair circuit, I
guess.
Tennis Court
Lorde
Lorde came up with a pair of winners in the form of
‘Royals’ and ‘Team’, but the I ‘Heart’ Radio crowd are taking their sweet time
warming up to her third offering, the lukewarm ‘Tennis Court’. ‘Court’ has been rumbling around in the lower
third of the Hot 100 for weeks, now. Whether it ever catches fire remains to be
seen.
Opening with the line, ‘Don’t you think that it’s boring how people talk’, she continues to
strike me as the musical equivalent of ‘Winnie the Pooh’s’ Eeyore, or maybe that woe-is-me dog, Droopy. ‘Tennis Court’soverall tone feels rather doomed and menacing, playing like
Foster the People’s ‘Kicks’ on liquid ‘G’.
Still, there is something about her far-removed, alien
observer affect which remains potently effective, as are her Delphic,
elliptical lyrics. The thing is… how
long before her act gets old?
Come Get It Bae
Pharrell Williams
This is Pharrell’s follow-up to his inescapable ‘Happy’, a song destined to end up on the
scrap heap of songs no one ever wants to hear again.
Making all falsetto and sexy, like Prince and
Marvin Gaye, Williams sounds a bit too strained for my comfort level. Falsetto, to work in this setting, needs to
be silky, not static.
He also allows 24 seconds of intro to bop by on a bed of
hand claps, shouted out ‘hey’s and percussion similar to ‘Iko Iko’ and Anna Kendrick’s ‘Cups’,
before bothering to come in. It gets
more interesting around the two minute mark, which is when I think Miley Cyrus
comes in, but by then it’s too late for the radio. Plus, 'Bae' seems content to go nowhere but
where it started and those ‘hey’s wear out their welcome long before they end.
This is a miss as far as I’m concerned. Sorry, bae.
Jungle Jamie N Commons & X Ambassadors
More ‘Boom, boom, clap’.
But this time, it’s serious. At
least, that is what these guys and their record label would like us to believe.
The mix is thick and muddy, weighted down further by a
Cypress Hill style war chant that runs under the entire song. In a croon that is little more than a mumbly
croak and a shouted/sung chorus, Jamie N Commons & X Ambassadors walk us
through the hard knocks of their urban reality.
I have a hard time taking them too seriously, though. In the video it’s all so neat and clean. Even the garbage is… clean. It’s like a faux jungle.
Which is pretty much sums up my first impression of this
pair: faux, as in so false I’m not buying it.
They are to (sub)urban white gangsta what Georgia Florida Line are to
country.
I do like the ping-pong stuff after the first
chorus. It reminds me of that
old1969 chestnut ‘Popcorn’ by Gershon
Kingsley.
Other than that, this could be any faceless euro-disco offering.
Maybe it plays better remixed.
F*ck Me Like You
Mean It
Korr-A
Coming on like a slice of Disney pop before quickly
ramping up into a bit of rave/house music, the very photogenic Korr-A makes the
most of that awesome title.
And then she
does the whole thing a second time.
And
then a third!
Yeah, the lyrics are about as deep as a cheerleader on
prom night, but who cares. There’s a
bounce to it that is infectious…
…you know, sort of like an STD.
I Was Gonna Cancel
Kylie Minogue
A
skittery beat, a fuzzy thin synth line, big bells, twangy guitar and percussion
that sounds like something from the way-back machine? What year is it Kylie? If it wasn’t for the auto-tuned vocals, I
would think it was 1987 and this was your debut.
‘Cancel’ is slight, but then it wouldn’t
be a Kylie Minogue song if it wasn’t. As
is, it’s fine, though nowhere near as eye-opening as her last outing, ‘Into the Blue’.
Something
tells me that remixed is the way to go with this one. And that is the thing
with Kylie and her very slight songs – in the right hands, these songs and her
vocals can be reinvented many times over, helping to ensure that our diva
finds her way into clubland. In its
original mix, it’s rather nostalgic; a sweet paean to a simpler (for some)
time.
Time to take a few swats at all the gadflies currently on
radio's radar.
It’s not good, boys and girls. I was feeling hopeful at the end of 2013,
believing that pop music might save itself, but I was wrong. I only wish pop would eat itself.
It currently seems hell-bent on eating tiny portions of
my brain matter. Each time Enrique
Iglesias’ ‘I’m A Freak’ plays on the radio, another puppy is killed inside my
head.
Thanks
a lot, Robin Thicke.
Dark Horse
Katy Perry
Featuring Juicy J
This one finds the normally sharper than a tack Perry in
‘E.T.’ mode. That works just fine, as
that is a sound that suits her voice, keeping it in a lower register for at
least part of the song. It’s Juicy J’s
contribution that pretty much sinks this one to an all-time low, thanks to the
inclusion of one of the worst name-drops in rap history (“She eats your heart
out, like Jeffrey Dahmer”). How that
ever passed through the quality check machine that is Katy Perry, I don’t know,
but then, there seems to be something amiss with her whole ‘Prism’ phase. Katy?
We like it when you are funny, wry, with tongue firmly planted in
cheek. Check?
Drunk In Love
Beyonce Featuring
Jay Z
“How the hell does this shit happen”, indeed. Tired of Jay Z and B-Bouncy complaining about
their fame and fortune. Fuck them
both. This woman cannot sing (she sort
of throat bellows). And Jay Z’s shtick
is so tired and old – the constant name-dropping is so over – I think he should
invest some of his fortune in a rapper’s retirement home and then, move
in. The lyrics for the song itself are
so random as to render the song without any meaning. Surf board?
Naw, simply bored. Dull, dull,
dull.
XO
Beyonce
And then, again.
As far as B-Bouncy goes, this is as good as it gets. The production on this one lands this plane
perfectly. Love the pulse and sensual
feel. Yes, the lady threatens to careen
into her usual over-sing mode, but fortunately the song itself holds her in
check and she manages to create a career first; a song that doesn’t cause me
excruciating physical pain. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say I ‘heart’ it.
Talk Dirty
Jason Derulo
Featuring 2 Chainz
Thank you, Robin Thicke.
Due to the success of ‘Blurred Lines’, we now will be assaulted by empty
nonsense like Mr. Derulo’s current offering.
I love the middle eastern instrumental touches (cliché as they are), but
loathe pretty much everything else. It’s
not sexy, it’s not dirty, nor is it terribly interesting.
Happy
Pharrell Williams
Go on; try not to like this one. It’s a soul throwback with plenty of
repetition, pep, and energy. Whether it
proves to be as annoying as Bobbi McFerrin’s much maligned ode remains to be
seen, but for now… Pharrell has hit a sweet spot, injecting a rush of positivity
into an otherwise sex-obsessed pop world.
Team
Lorde
Remember Lily Tomlin’s ‘Lud and Marie’ sketches? The one featuring the teenage daughter who
would run to her room at the end of the hall and slam the door in protest to
her parent’s inane ramblings? That girl? That’s Lorde.
Lorde would be the roommate from hell; sulky, glowering, and a tad
unjustifiably angry all the time. ‘Team’
is ‘Royals’ part deux, as pretentious as it is revelatory. She’s a talent. She’s a future punch line.
Pompeii
Bastille
Can’t warm up to this one. Would love to hear it minus all the pomp and
circumstance. At its core, there’s a
decent song in there. It’s simply
gussied up in a rather unbecoming way – like a toddler in full make-up.
Story Of My Life
One Direction
If you haven’t seen parody / shred video by SamRick , go
see it immediately. It is much more
interesting than the original. The song
itself? Much more mature than you would
expect of a bunch of teen idols. This
finds One Direction in adult contemporary mode, singing a song that would be
far more meaningful coming out of someone’s mouth who has experienced a bit
more of actual life. However, unlike the
similarly pitched ‘Little Things’, this one has the public panting for more. It’s upbeat and poppy, catchy as hell. Yes, a tad empty, but really only due to the
fact that the song feels ingenuous springing from the mouths of babes still
getting used to the idea of having pubic hair (or not).
Can't Remember To
Forget You
Shakira Featuring
Rihanna
Utterly forgettable dance tripe. Nothing more than an excuse to get these two
ladies grinding the wall in a video and a means of making some cash. Music this empty has not existed since the
death knell of disco or the apex of 1980’s synth pop. Ummm… sorry… already forgotten,
ladies.
Burn
Ellie Goulding
Love this song.
Love its slight build, the bridge into the chorus, and the driving
chorus itself. Yes, Goulding’s vocals
are the airy fluff of pixies and faeries, but this is a solid, driven pop song
and one of her best efforts to date.
The Man
Aloe Blacc
This one is a little slight, even with the Elton John
sample. I like the horns and its overall
retro soul vibe. Problem is, Mr. Blacc’s
voice is serviceable at best. I thought
that same thing about the Avicci single (though it did add a touch of warmth to
that effort). Still, this makes for nice
air filler, sort of a throwback to 1972-74.
Show Me
Kid Ink Featuring
Chris Brown
In this slow burn, built on a sample of the Robin S dance classic, ‘Show Me Love’, Kid Ink and Chris Brown serve up the typical bling-obsessed,
smooth Lothario misogyny that rules the hip hop charts. This stuff goes down just fine, but it lacks
even a whiff of originality. If it wasn’t
for the sample, this one would have never garnered the attention it has. And,
yeah, Chris Brown is a still a total ass-wipe punk. And not the fun kind, either. We are all waiting for the day he gets what’s
coming to him, am I right? I ‘haterz’
him.
Let It Go
Idina Menzel
Rather amazed that this is as popular as it is. As far as song structure goes, it’s a damn
mess and barely coherent. Then there is
the additional problem of Ms. Menzel’s over-the-top vocals. Yes, her typical vocal mannerisms have been
kept in check, but over-singing seems to be her mode of choice for any song she
tackles, something that made many of her ‘Glee’ performances ear-shredding
experiences. This one fares a bit
better, but it’s still goes full-tilt with predictable Broadway overkill.
Adore You
Miley Cyrus
This is not a good song.
The lyrics seem lazy and haphazard.
The music seems a tad too rote.
Together, they make for an uneasy listen. The stupid auto-tune doesn’t help matters,
either. Miley seems to be in a clubland
/ GBL induced haze here. Adore You? More like bore you.
Young Girls
Bruno Mars
Possibly the worst, most cringe-inducing song currently wafting its way through my car radio. Mars sounds like a geriatric Rod Stewart lusting after ‘young WILD girls’ and there is something so creepy about this whole affair. Never mind the horrible lyrics or by-the-numbers melody. This one feels embarrassingly dated and stale. I don’t think anyone is buying this genderless wonder’s ladies’ man persona at all. Ish.
Love Me Again
John Newman
Why is this popular?
The vocals are amateurish at best.
I almost burst out laughing when this dude started singing. He makes Rick Astley sound like a vocal revelation
from heaven. What the hell? I like the retro thing, that’s fun, and once
the backing vocals kick in things are at least tolerable. But those first few bars? LMAO
Do What U Want
Lady Gaga
Featuring R. Kelly
This is such a sweet lap grinder. Lady G does a most impressive Xtina as Mr.
Kelly brings to the party what he does best.
Works from beat one and something I would never have expected from
Gaga. Hmmm… obviously there is more
there than anyone suspected. I mean, the
lady has great pipes and great chops.
More, please. And... who doesn't love that single's cover? Grrr, girl.
Hey Brother
Avicii
A ‘Wake Me Up’ also ran.
Every time I hear it I think of that old Ocean song, ‘Put Your Hand in
the Hand’. I can’t wait for this whole
hillbilly/folk/dance genre to die the embarrassing death it deserves. It is an awful, awful idea.
Love Don't Die
The Fray
and
Waiting For
Superman
Daughtry
Everything that is wrong with what passes for rock
today. Faceless corporate garbage
borrowing from far better sources, this stuff is so indebted it can’t buy its
way into the ears of any self-respecting lover of rock and roll. Is to rock
music what pink goo is to meat.
I’m A Freak
Enrique Iglesias feat. Pitbull
Enrique
once held abundant promise (or am I remembering that wrong). What the hell happened? (Maybe it was just
lust.) But this marks a new all-time
low, and that’s saying a lot considering the bodily waste that preceded it
(Tonight I’m F*cking You). Pitbull shows
up and basically pumps one out with the paycheck in mind. His contribution really does need to be heard
to be appreciated, but here are some of his… ummm… words:
Because I'm a freak freak freak freak freak
freak freak freak, that, that you know
Now can I get
beat-beat-beat-beat-beat-beat-beat, baby back it up nice and slow
I just wanna
skip-skip-skip-skip-skip-skip-skip-skip
ride out and go
I came, I saw, I conquered, on to the next,
let's go
And,
no, I’m not making that up. This is a
ridiculously stupid song, which means it feels right in place with everything else
currently gracing the airwaves. Again, I’m
looking in Robin Thicke’s direction. And
something tells me there are a lot more homages in the vein of ‘Blurred Lines’
to come. Adding to the insult? That horrible hillbilly dance mash-up sound
that is all the rage. Rage? Hell yeah, that’s all I feel when I hear this
crap. Possibly the worst song ever.
