Warning... this is an adult site. If reading or viewing things about what gay men do sexually with one another bothers you - you should not read this blog. This blog is a reflection of my adventures and thoughts. Some are fun, some not so pretty. I won't name names, or kiss and tell... but I will live to tell. And baby, trust me - I am gonna spill it all over your pretty little party dress. Enjoy!
Up first? Little Mix's vivacious Jade in a bit of a pique (and coming soon to a drag runway near you) with the stunning and jarring gutter bass hit IT Girl.
Then channeling a bit of Edward Scissorhands while bringing the bossa nova, we have that clever mink known as Julia Michaels with an enabling assist from the enchanting Maren Morris and the cutting wit of Scissors.
And finally, cascading like shards of ice, we have the most welcome return of the elegantly pristine Ellie Goulding with Anyma's electro-throbbing, evolving Hypnotized.
All in all, a trio of destined-to be-classic diva turns.
You can keep it simple, or explain your answers - your call.
Let's dive in...
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1/ First Song: The first 45, cassette single, CD single, or download single you purchased? Where did you buy it? Why?
My Eyes Adored You - Frankie Valli
Woolworth's Five And Dime, in the tiny town I grew up in.
It made me swoon. I was a pre-teen. What did I know?
2/ First Album: The first Vinyl, Cassette, and/or CD you purchased? Where? Why?
I can't remember whether it was Heart's Dreamboat Annie or Melissa Manchester's Melissa album.
It was definitely via mail order and definitely vinyl. And that was also the reason I ordered them at all. I could sneak them in the house if a friend of mine ordered them for me, had them delivered to his house and then brought them to me at school. That way I was just borrowing albums instead of buying albums... which, for some reason was a big deal with my Mom.
I had a feeling when I saw Dreamboat Annie's album cover. I didn't know who they were but I wanted that album. And I was in love with Midnight Blue - thought it was the most sophisticated song in the whole world.
3/ First Grocery Item: First thing you bought at the grocery store when you moved out on your own?
A container of Cool Whip.
At home, we were only allowed so much on a given dessert, and desserts were really a thing that only occurred when we hosted family gatherings - so it was a rare commodity in our household.
I ate the whole thing and felt ill all the next day. Never bought Cool Whip ever again. To this day? The thought of it sickens me.
4/ First Car: First car you bought on your own - no Mom and Dad help.
Boy, my Dad really helped me out many, many years with vehicles - always used and when I got them I would promise to take care of them and then run them into the ground in short order.
I think the first one I bought on my own was this old Ford F-150, that a landscaping lesbian was looking to get rid of. I drove that into the ground, too. Cars need oil. Duh.
Then friends gave me... out right gave me - their Yugo. I destroyed that during one of the coldest winters ever. Seems I overcharged the battery or something.
Then I drove around an ex-boyfriend's old station wagon for a bit, before moving to L.A., where I bought an orange 1972 VW Bug, whose body was in perfect condition. The engine?
Not so much.
Returning to Minnesota, I bought a Bronco with giant tires from my brother-in-law. It was awesome, until a mechanic crossed wires on the distributor cap and I gave it to another brother-in-law, who found the mistake and then sold - and kept the money.
It wasn't until I was 40 that I owned a brand new car. A Saturn. Loved that company. Loved that car.
5/ First Real Vacation: The first vacation you planned for yourself - no Mom and Dad along.
My second serious boyfriend (we lived together) wanted to go to North Dakota and visit his family. It was a weird, week-long road trip. We slept/camped in the back of my car - which I think was a red Pinto station wagon (?) I remember visiting at his former best friend's mother's house. The former best friend hated me on sight, and when I sat down and played piano for everyone, he REALLY hated it. We did all the tourist things and I have no idea what we were living on at the time. I am pretty sure we were probably blowing through some money I got for directing a show. Otherwise, we were always broke.
6/ First Meal You Prepared For Someone Else: Where was it at? Who was it with? What did you serve?
My first year in college. I invited my roommate and his girlfriend, both of whom were theatre and music chums, to dinner. And I started having social anxiety about the whole thing, so when they arrived, I played waiter and made them eat at a table I set up in the living room (with candles and a flower in the center) - while I ran in and out of the kitchen, serving and clearing and putting new records on the turntable.
At the time, I only knew basic food, as in... a dinner had: a salad, a meat, a potato, a vegetable, and a dessert.
The salad was iceberg. The potatoes were baked. The vegetable - frozen broccoli, cauliflower and carrots (because I thought that was fancy). And the meat? Anyone's guess, except I am pretty sure I smothered it in a jar of store bought gravy - brown! And dessert was a piece of cake smothered in Cool Whip.
I did it so I wouldn't have to talk to them or eat in front of them. I have no idea what was wrong with me. The whole scene was weird and didn't win me any points.
7/ First Serious Date: The first serious date you planned. What did you do? Who was it with?
The boyfriend from the Guthrie swooped into town and drove me off to some small town where they had a restaurant in an old water mill. It was very romantic and even though I was only 17, he convinced the staff to serve me wine. Oh, that was my first serious date.
As for one I planned? That would be the architect in Minneapolis, who, on our first date, I invited over to my house for dinner. I made fish. And the meal was okay. I was on some strange Tennessee William's Glass Menagerie phase... so I wore a cloak of desperation all evening, thinking it becoming. I gave him a tour of my place. I was just a weirdo. My whole place was decorated with theatre cast offs. Old props, stage furnishings, set pieces, costumes. I had an Xmas tree in my bedroom and played old, scratchy, tinny dance barre music the whole night, so it felt and sounded like we were stuck in time in a horror movie. Not having learned a thing from previous dinners, we ate at a table I sat up in my living room.
He didn't bolt until I mentioned that I hoped we could be more than just friends. That sent him running for the nearest exit.
In hindsight? Good call.
If I met me back then? I'd run for the hills, too. Little fucking weirdo.
8/ First Kiss: First real passionate kiss - no grade school stuff.
The first kiss that meant the world was with the actor from the Guthrie. Swoon. He was Italian and had these amazing lips. I wanted to melt in his mouth and live there forever.
He made me feel like my body was made of shimmering, living glitter.
9/ First Time You Went All The Way: Who'd you do it with? Spill!
I was 17, doing summer stock. I'd just graduated high school. It was 3:00 am on the Thursday before an opening of a new show and I was helping the lighting designer, who was also one of the actors, reset lights. We were sitting on the catwalk with our legs dangling over the orchestra pit and he leaned over and kissed me.
We went to his place; a tiny house near the theatre. It was hot and fun and awful and amazing.
The next day he acted like it never happened and I was crushed.
And that's when I learned how awful actors can be.
10/ First Heartbreak: The first time you or someone else broke your heart?
I broke my own heart when I broke up with the actor from the Guthrie. He wanted me to move to New York City and I was terrified, so I broke it off. It was stupid of me. I told him I didn't want to be gay... like I had a choice in the matter!
I remember taking all his love letters and burning them at 4:00 am in the front yard of this house where I had an apartment - thinking I would be rid of him. But, no.
He haunted me for years and years.
In a way, he still does.
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Okay, your turn. Leave your answers in the comments section.
