Sunday Diva/Three From The Hip: MIKA

Sunday Diva/Three From The Hip:

MIKA

 

In my big gay church there is a wing dedicated to The Divas Who Represent. They're not all flashy or cocks of the walk - in fact, some never officially came out of the closet during their lifetime - but they are all extraordinarily gifted, sharing their songs, music, and insights, allowing the world at large to learn, in the most subtle of ways, what it's like 'being green'. Thanks to their gifts and their bravery, they help make the world a little more gay every time their voices are heard. And that's been their true super power all along... their voice; they were heard. They mattered. And, whether they liked it or not, they represented!

One such talented soul? MIKA.

Voice of a siren... frequently leading our hearts to break.

He's created beautiful musical landscapes, songs for the ages. They are air, they are light, illuminating and infusing our souls.

Yes, it's pop music, but filled with such grace, a sense of movement, each musical phrase a master brush stroke. 

The beauty of it? He's only just begun. There's so much more to come.

The truly gifted are forever evolving, revealing pieces of themselves and sharing personal observations. 

I, for one, love the view through MIKA's eyes.

The gospel according to him?

Well, here are three from the lips, dropping from his lips.

The topic?  Identity.

"When you're not part of a club, you have to find another way of surviving."

"Never had any idols, ever. I never had any posters, nothing."

"I was quite the quiet teenager. I was a bit of a loner, a little bit of an outsider."

"Most of the people who write pop music were outsiders at some time in their life."

"I was always told that I was too strange or that I was too cheesy by different groups of people, like the record companies said I was way too weird and the indie people wouldn't even let me in their band."

"I found school pretty tough. I got the mickey taken out of me at school."

"I was always told I was ugly. I still think I am ugly. I know I've got an odd face and you can't tell me otherwise."

"I wish I had more guts when I was younger because then I would've said things to people's faces instead of just running away all the time."

"They say shyness is a form of egotism, and you are only shy because you care too much about what people think of you. And maybe its true, maybe I am just an egotist."

"I have opinions on everything. I'm a stubborn old mule. The biggest problem is keeping my mouth shut."

"Part of me sees myself as talented, and the other part sees me as strange. Ideas get stuck in your head and nothing changes them. Not even fame."

"I lack trust in others."

"I am very suspicious of people."

"In the past, it weighed on me because nobody in my family is gay. I had no role models so I had to find my own way."

"I never talk about anything to do with my sexuality."

"In my older songs, I used to hide behind fictional characters to deflect attention away from myself."

"Some people make records that are defined by their sexuality, but mine really are not."

"I write songs to turn myself into something else. And then I become that, and I want to become something else."

"I've never, ever labeled myself."

"Identity for me is something that has to be played with and explored, and not become complacent about or uninterested in."

"I've always said in the press, I can fall in love with a man. I can fall in love with a woman. And I've always said that I have no shame in that."

"In fact, no one has ever really wanted to go on a date with me."

"I am terrible at relationships."

"You can't believe the amount of speculation you get over your private life."

"I am totally unapologetic about pop music."

"I was brought up in many different cultures, moving around all the time, and I find my identity in my songs. I project the identity I want to have throughout the songs that I write."

"I think my music generally transcends a lot of genres."

"Everything I do is very visual and very aural, so I don't read music, and I draw as much as I write out lyrics."

"I think, 'How could anybody mock a good pop song?' It is timeless; it transcends barriers; it breaks down every single type of social barrier that you can possibly have. It can deal with the most difficult subjects, even if it abstracts the subject matter."

"Strangely, I feel that I become increasingly reclusive in my normal life and more open and candid in my music."

Grace Kelly - Mika

Hurts (Remix) - MIKA

 C’est la Vie - Mika

And one last parting shot...

"I'm not creating an enigma or leaving mystery, I'm just respecting myself enough as an artist to give myself room to grow and not to be devoured all in one go."

"I really want people to know me, to find out about me, and if they really like me, to stick with me."

"We all have to be dishes on a plate eventually, with the way we are marketed, but I have no intention of being a cheap Chinese all-you-can-eat buffet."

Weekend Onesie: Tied In Knots, But Still Smokin'

Weekend Onesie: 

Tied In Knots, But Still Smokin'

Going through a bit of a rough patch these days. Have ever since February 14th. 

I'd spent a week in Fort Lauderdale in January. And was leaving on February 15th for a week in Palm Springs. Packed and ready to go, I went to grab my passport... and - it was gone! Along with my birth certificate, social security cards, vaccination card, school transcripts, diplomas, and everything else I had squirreled away in my fireproof safety box. 

I was devastated. And so angry with myself. Seems I let the wrong one in... as in, into my house. 

Fortunately, I still had my drivers license and credit card. So I was able to get to Palm Springs. But, what a pain in the ass to replace all that and such a confidence killer.

And while Palm Springs was still happening, a planned trip to Puerto Vallarta could not. No passport. I had to cancel and bank that plane ticket for future use. So much for best made plans. 

On top of that, my workplace emailed me, offering me a buy-out package if I would 'retire'. I was planning to... but not for another three years. Then I read the room... and I knew that if I didn't take their offer I'd be sacked and get nothing. Turns out I was right; three weeks later they laid off tons of people, entire departments and business units - gone. Currently, no one's talking about it. But it happened! It happened!

My last day was April 28th. So the big scramble began... healthcare being the number one issue to be solved. COBRA is stupidly expensive and, while a sizeable chunk of money placed in an account reserved for medical expenses (including premiums) was part of the package, I didn't relish running through it as quickly as I would if I took the company's COBRA. So I worked on finding a better means.

On top of that... my boss retired on February 10th and when they announced his replacement you could have hit me in the face with a sock full of quarters and it would have felt better. The person chosen is someone I sat next to at a leadership training ten years earlier - one of those horrid share-your-thoughts and POV kind of things. I'd not met her before that, but within moments of opening her mouth I knew EXACTLY who she was; passive aggressive, aggressively ambitious, and frightfully un-self aware.

Introducing herself to our department she actually stated "God comes first." 

Like hell...

Needless to say, once in place, she immediately put me through my paces and then proceeded to marginalize me to the point where even I thought I was pathetic. There's more to the story - but I don't want to share it. Too depressing. I can't say that she was part of my decision to get out... but I did take her rise to the throne as a signal that something was very rotten in Denmark. 

Then the clutch went out in my mini cooper, which was an expense I had no problem covering, but it was $6.2K I had planned for a trip to Europe, so rather unfortunate.

Then two of the dearest people in my life, whom I would do anything for, were in financial straits. I was able to help both, only to be handed a tax bill which was double what I had been prepared to pay. You see, the property management company I am part of sold two properties just before the housing market crashed (again), so I knew there were taxes to pay on the capital gains, but, while not shocked, I was surprised. 

Don't worry. Financially, I'm fine. I had a consultation with my financial advisor and based on some convoluted calculations, they determined that I can live until I am over 100 and not worry about a change in lifestyle.

So.. with all of this going on, and there are other minor things that I'm not going to bother sharing, I found myself in the type of situation where normally I would post one of those 'technical difficulties' signs here and close up shop for, oh, I don't know... three years or so. Instead, while I have fallen woefully behind in my commenting on the blogs of others (my apologies), I persevered, made myself power through and continued to keep up with this blog. Yes, I know. Who cares? Well, while everything around me was in flux, this blog was the one thing which remained constant. 

I've wanted to share this info, but just couldn't find the words. It's been a bit devastating. So, on this side of it? The words came and I know enough to keep it relatively brief. You get the picture, albeit the broad strokes. (Post script - I am really struggling with all of this. More than I thought I would. It's weird - like the ground has broken into a landscape of spinning plates and I don't know which to step on or where to stand. I'm sure it will pass. But I'm more wrecked than I thought I'd be.)

I have no idea what the next phase of my life is to look like. 

In a way, it's as if my identity has been stolen - in more ways than one. 

I've grown cautious. Which means I am... well, anyone's guess. Fear actually tends to make me act out, impulsive and reckless - prone to fits of one kind or another. I'm trying to keep a lid on it. 

I'm taking the summer off. And will be at my beloved prairie any day the weather allows. It will give me ample time to find my path forward. I think about returning to the theatre. I think about taking odd jobs here and there - nothing of great consequence. I think about hiding out in my little basement studio and doing as little as possible. 

I've still got my health. Enough money. A roof over my head that's paid for. I have my car, my family, my friends. So, I know I'll be alright, for a bit...

But that identity thing? 

That's another matter.

I woke up the other morning with the realization that I am rapidly becoming a non-essential human being. I serve no purpose. I've become ineffective. 

But then, as others were quick to point out, none of us are essential. The world? It will go on spinning whether we are present or not. Whether we choose to participate, be a spectator, or sit this one out. 

The question I'll be asking myself all summer is: So? What's it gonna be?

I'll let you know when I have the answer.

Rescue Me - Madonna

TMI Questions: What’s In A Name?

There is this video on Youtube, of this tiny bird (The Woodech) with a long beak that speaks its own language.  I can never remember its name, but I absolutely adore the noises it makes and all the attitude it musters.

I can’t remember its name because names aren’t all that important to me – never have been - even other people’s names. 

It takes me forever to remember someone’s name and even after I do learn it, if you move out of arms reach, I will forget it again.  But I will remember that you like Russell Stover’s dark chocolate, have a mother who went to Wellesley, and ride a Harley Big Boy. 

Because for me… it’s who you are – as in, the person you’ve created, the person you have chosen to become – that matters. 

A name?  What is that? 

People have been calling me all sorts of names all my life.

So, what, indeed, is in a name?

TMI QUESTIONS:

Questions designed to reveal Too Much Information

Link: http://tmiquestions.blogspot.com/

TMI Questions: What’s In A Name?

Do you have a favorite flower?

Not really.  I think they all have a lot going for them. 

I love to give roses – when they open up they are so beautiful.

 

• Gerber daisies have an interesting design to them and I like their colors. 
• Tulips are rather graceful. 
• Marigolds are earthy and hardy; I admire their perseverance and strength of character.  
• Petunias remind me of Dr. Seuss and musical instruments. 
• Pansies are so sweet and coy, like Myrna Loy. 
• Lilacs have such an amazing perfume. 
• Bleeding Hearts have a fascinating design. 
• African violets are so unassuming. 
• Birds of paradise are so dramatic, they astound me. 
• Carnations are tough and so robust. 
• Lilies make me swoon – so romantic.

I could go on and on. 

I find them all captivating; the colors, odors, and designs.  That’s why I love going to the arboretum in St. Paul.  It’s like a zoo, but without all the guilt. 

I don’t think plants mind living in such ideal conditions at all.  

Do you like your name (first)?

Yes.  Both my chosen and my real one.  

My real one is solid, if a bit common.  I always thought it rather musical.  For me, it communicates both strength and a kind of tenderness.  There is something romantic about it that makes me think of martyred saints and pierced angels.

My chosen name is more apt.  It’s the street where I live and where I own a number of rental properties.  It’s a little snooty, too.  It also reminds me of a couple of successful, if rather dry, classic authors. 

It’s not chosen for babies anymore, so I take comfort in that.

Does your name have a meaning?

They all do, don’t they?  There are those lists, which are subject to interpretation.  They don’t mean much to me.   Somebody else’s interpretation of what your name means?  Of what value is that? 

As if.

My real name?  I’m not named after anybody and I have no idea why my parents picked it. 

My chosen name?  That would be for the reasons listed in the previous question.  Plus, I like the sound of it.  It’s as old school snobby as I ever get.

Do you have a nickname?

No.  I don’t like them. Terms of endearment are one thing, but nicknames imply a kind of knowledge, and no one knows me well enough for that.

I’ve shared this in the past, but it bears repeating: in high school I had a teacher who used to call me ‘Tinker’, which, at the time, I took as a high compliment.  I mean, he noticed me enough to give me a nickname. 

Years and years (and years) later, I came to realize that ‘Tinker’ was short for Tinkerbell, as in, haha – you’re gay!  Well, fuck that old, balding, pudgy, limp dicked, minimum wage earner.  He was a lousy teacher and I simply assume that life handed him what he had coming. 

Obviously, it still stings. 

I thought I was special.  And I was.  Just not in the way I had thought. 

Eh, sometime being naïve saves the psyche a lot of pain.

Would you ever consider changing your name?

Naw.  I used to think I might become a television news reporter.  Then I was going to use the name ‘Michael Standings’.  I don’t know where that came from, but I thought it sounded substantial. 

I actually did attend and graduate from a radio/television broadcasting school (with honors!).  I had a blast; making fake commercials and spinning records, but what I really wanted to be was a cameraman.

I tried to break into the field, went on a few interviews and shopped my tape around.  The reception was always odd.  When I went back to the school for guidance, the placement counselor told me that the feedback from those who had interviewed me was that I was considered ‘too creative’ for the field.  Which I think, in those days, was a euphemism for ‘gay’.

Or not.

But probably.  The small markets in which you have to work in order to break into the business?  They weren’t very evolved.  Probably still the case.

That said, I never sent out my tape or interviewed for that sort of thing ever again.

What name have you heard that you hate?

Hmmm.  Hate?  No.  Dislike?  I guess. 

‘Britney’ springs to mind.  Those horrible pig tails and that sense of entitlement?  You simply want to grind it into the earth.

Maybe… Hosmer.

Eh.  What’s in a name?  It’s not the name, but the being behind it, the association.  If you have a negative interaction with someone, their first name is going to stick in your craw a bit and you may very well judge the next person with the same name in the same manner.   But that’s so rarely the case. 

In my youth, I had a horrible, on-going relationship with a bully named Brian, who plotted to steal all my Hot Wheels.  However, much later in life, I had an incredible boss with the same name who was completely the opposite of childhood Brian.  Brian the boss had integrity and was full of kindness.   

I do dislike made up names.  I mean, seriously… I have come across people named after pharmaceuticals and, in my way of thinking, the parents or parent couldn’t have possibly had any clue what they were doing. 

How would you like to live your life being ‘Propecia’?  Or ‘Tylenol Jones’?

What name have you heard that you love?

When I was eight I announced that I was going to adopt a small black boy and name him ‘Rufus’.  I have no idea where that whole notion came from.  I was going to buy a trailer and live in a mobile home park where I would walk Rufus to school every morning.  We would live on margarine, Captain Crunch, and the odd vegetable that I would grow in the gardens that bordered our trailer.  We would have a cow and a couple of chickens – as pets, though we would eat the eggs and drink the milk.

I imagined myself eventually morphing into Karen Valentine and becoming a school teacher. 

Yeah, I had no idea how life really worked.  Quelle surprise!

Oh, I love making up band names.

Favorite ones I have made up (or at least I think I am the only one who came up with them):

His Boy Elroy

The Altar-ed Boyz

Drowning Ophelia

How did you pick the name(s) of your pets?

I didn’t. 

They all came with their names. 

That is what happens when you rescue animals, you get their history as well.  I always figured they had been through so much already, why freak them out further by calling them something foreign to them? 

I have changed the spelling or altered a few letters on two occasions, though.

Beau was originally ‘Bobo’.  He was certainly smart and cute enough to be a circus dog, but I’m no clown, so he became ‘Beau’.  Much more elegant and it suited him.  He was the best dog.

Millie was originally ‘Mini’, which was something I couldn’t live with.

Not because I dislike the name or that, at four pounds, it wasn’t appropriate, but because the people who had previously owned her had mistreated her in such vile ways that I wanted to erase them from her life.  So she was reborn as ‘Millie’, because it was similar, but different enough.   And it reminded me of ‘Millie the Model’, whom I sort of admired.

What?  Hell yeah, I’m a gay!

Karen Valentine and Millie the Model…

Get over it!

Do you name inanimate objects? Name some of them.

Nope. 

I do infuse them with personalities and attach an awful lot of emotion to some of them, such as my car and my piano, I guess, or a certain coffee mug, but I don’t go so far as to name them. 

Not even the  stuffed animals I had as a kid.

I am struggling to think of anything I have named.

Hmm.  Must not be my strong suit. 

Or important to  me.

Did you name your penis or breasts? Has anyone else?

No, no, and no. 

If I picked a name for my penis it would no doubt be something inappropriate, as in, not a good idea or ill-fitting.

For example… I would name him… ‘The Terminator’.

Now, imagine unwrapping THAT package!

Yeah. 

So, now you can see why I don’t name things.

And, no, no one has ever named my penis.

I never stick around long enough for that to happen.

Bonus

In an episode of the Golden Girls, Dorothy had a night of sex that was sooooo good they named it. Tell me about night you had like that.

Hmmm.  Well, considering this blog used to be about all the really great (and not-so-great) sex I was having, repeating any of it would be an exercise in redundancy. 

Obviously, for reasons of confidentiality and privacy, I have come up with a number of creative (there’s that word again) names for my tricks – some, quite complimentary, some, not so much.   So if you dive into the archives, you’re sure to stumble upon something fun. 

Be sure to dive at least six months back, because that was when the game changed for good.  And I do mean ‘for the better’ and ‘for forever’. 

I mean, why repeat something once you’re done with it, or have done it?  Life should be all about exploring new territory, discovering new things – about ourselves and others.

This ‘Alice’?

This ‘Alice’ never falls down the same hole twice.