Followers

Total Pageviews

Showing posts with label Janis Ian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Janis Ian. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 09, 2023

The Labyrinth of Blue Towers: The Disappearance of Jack Arneson - Chapter 17

  

 The Labyrinth of Blue Towers:

The Disappearance of Jack Arneson

(A Sewing Box Mystery)


Chapter 1: Friday, June 10, 2011, 7:21 pm

Chapter 2: Saturday, June 11, 2011, 8:38 am

Chapter 3: Thursday, June 28, 1984, 10:10 am








Chapter 11: Thursday, June 16, 2011, 4:14 pm

Chapter 12: Saturday, June 18, 2011, 8:00 am

Chapter 13: Sunday, June 12, 2011, 9:45 am

Chapter 14: Saturday, June 18, 2011, 10:32 am

Chapter 15: Saturday, June 18, 2011, 10:51 am

Chapter 16: Saturday, June 18, 2011, 11:48 am

    Chapter 17: Saturday, June 18, 2011, 1:06 pm

It wasn’t what Missy had expected.

Given the buildings she had recently seen, she was very surprised to find a simple, modest, well-kept cabin. For some reason she had expected it to have gargoyles and turrets. It had to be the right place, because the road only went the one direction, with no turn-offs or side roads. She was also pretty sure that she’d followed Peter’s directions to the letter.

The cabin itself looked like many she had seen in northern Minnesota - nothing much to talk about, simply a small, white, one-story rectangular structure with a front door plumb in the middle. The sort of thing a child would draw if you asked them to show you what a house looked like. It even had the two, obligatory, four-paned windows evenly spaced on either side of the door. Still, it was striking, mainly because the grounds around it were so pristinely cared for - manicured, like something out of a magazine. If Missy had seen this in a realty ad, she would have termed it picture perfect, with great curb appeal.

In a way it was a huge relief. After Boyd’s house of horrors, she had not been looking forward to any additional visits. However, Jeanette seemed determined to see this through, whatever that meant. Missy very much doubted that they would learn anything worthwhile here, but a neatly kept cabin in the woods felt far less intimidating than Boyd’s palace of meth, or the austere, stern beauty of the abbey. And if their visit proved to be a total wash, then it would at least be a pleasant waste of time.

Abe’s cabin was on the absolute outskirts of the town, which is why Missy had expected something more neglected and downtrodden. The white gravel in the large, circular drive appeared practically virginal, as if no one had ever set foot on it. It reminded her of something, but she couldn’t place it at the moment. She parked her car in a shady area. There were no other vehicles in sight. Nor was there a garage or storage shed to store a car or truck. So this man had no car? This puzzled Missy. Living way out here, how did he manage to get groceries?

She was about to voice her concern, but didn’t have time to, for Jeanette was already out of the car and headed toward the front steps of the cabin. Her aunt had a bad habit of trudging off unannounced. Maybe this was true in real life as well and Missy had just never noticed. Based on what she had observed thus far. her aunt seemed to be a very task-oriented individual, prone to take action before taking in her surroundings. Missy wasn’t sure if this was a good trait or not. Given the circumstances, exercising a little caution might be a good idea. She’d have to speak to Jeanette about it.

As Missy closed the car door, the entrance to the cabin opened a crack. Jeanette leaned forward and said something quietly before turning back to Missy, and beckoning her to hurry along. Then, much to Missy’s chagrin, her aunt disappeared, alone, into the cabin of this total stranger. What was the woman thinking? With a rising sense of panic, Missy strode toward the concrete-poured steps. Pulling open the wooden screen door, she paused for a moment, in order to allow her eyes to adjust, before stepping inside

It was dark inside. The unmistakable odor of stale nicotine assailed her nostrils. And what else? Urine Dirty clothes. Something damp.

“Don’t stand there gawking, for God’s sake. Come on in and close the door. Missy,” her aunt reprimanded.

 Closing the door behind her, Missy turned back to face her aunt who was already seated on a worn, misshapen beige and yellow couch. It, along with everything else that fell into view or stood out from the shadows, seemed washed in a sepia tone of yellowing nicotine. Was this really the same house? The outside had been so carefully maintained, while the inside appeared to be anything but. Tall stacks of newspaper towered like a pair of mildewing pillars on either side of the front door Missy was afraid to move for fear of toppling them. From where she stood, she could make out a coffee table which sat in front of the couch and took up the bulk of what must have been considered the living room. The table was littered with an odd assortment of medical supplies in various stages of use, bric-a-brac, tall, plastic drinking glasses, and styrofoam take-out containers. Jeannette sat facing someone seated in the opposite corner of the room. All Missy could make out of him were his slippered feet.

Taking a tentative step forward, Missy stopped short, taking note of the frayed strings beneath her feet. It appeared to have once been shag carpeting. She also noticed the brittle, mottled remains of the pad beneath it. It reminded Missy of the asbestos insulation Grandma Jean had once had removed from the house in North Minneapolis. There was also a stray Cheeto and a couple of pennies lying there The pennies were tails side up, not a good sign, thought Missy.

“You gonna stand there staring at your feet, or would you like to meet our host?” Her aunt’s voice boomed with a kind of strained mirth. As Missy moved towards the framed archway that led to the living room, the figure of Abe Longren came into view. He looked old. Very old. He was sitting, hunched forward, his body folding in on itself. His skin was incredibly pale, almost translucent. What remained of his hair was now mere wisps of yellowing white. His eyes peered up at her. They were bright and liquid, glowing hotly at her from the depths of the rolls of pasty flesh which made up his face. A guttural rasp preceded his speech. Missy wondered if it was the sound people meant when they spoke of a death rattle.

“Hi. How are you, young lady? Name’s Abe. Have a seat.”

Each short phrase was accompanied by a struggle for breath. Missy suddenly understood why the interior of the cabin looked the way it did; this man was very, very ill - probably incapacitated and unable to meet his own basic needs. Then who did? Maybe he had a nurse - a nurse who should be fired, thought Missy.

Jeanette patted a spot beside her, and Missy dutifully sank into place. It sure was hot in the cabin. She guessed opening a window was probably out of the question. The whole place reminded her of a childhood friend’s house. The girl’s mother had asthma, or some condition, which was probably brought on by all the dust and strange smells which saturated the house. Anyway, the mother was not a very good housekeeper, or her condition kept her from it, for the house was in a permanent state of decay. They were perfectly pleasant people, or so Grandma Jean would say. It was their house that left a lot to be desired. Missy remembered feeling queasy at the sight of their darkened dining room, the table’s center filled with condiments, jars of pickles, relishes, jams and jellies; all items which Grandma Jean had always seen fit to keep in the refrigerator. Missy recalled being invited to stay for dinner many times, but always declined. The idea of actually eating anything off that table had made her sick to her stomach. The fact that the family cat was allowed to sit in the middle of all those sticky containers didn’t help matters either.

When she mentioned this on-going dilemma to Grandma Jean, her grandmother had simply shrugged and told her that different people had different standards of cleanliness. And, while those standards may not meet our own personal ones, as a guest in their house one needed to be respectful, even when repulsed. That’s just what Missy intended to do now. God, she hoped she didn’t start to sweat. Of course, the moment the thought appeared in her head, it was already too late. She felt her forehead and cheeks break out with perspiration as a trickle made its way down the side of her body. With an inane smile plastered on her face, she decided it was best to let Jeanette drive the bus, for now. That way she could concentrate on not sweating.

“Abe was just telling me that he doesn’t get many visitors.” Missy was not surprised

“And when I do it’s usually people from the county checking up on me, or somebody from the Sheriff’s department making sure I’m not dead yet. His smile revealed a mouth full of tiny, yellowed teeth replete with dark brown stains. Missy couldn’t help but stare, his mouth seemed so tiny in comparison to the rest of his face, but maybe that was because the man was so obese. She’d always assumed that people smoked in order to maintain their weight.

Clearly that was not the case with Abe.

“So. what exactly brings you two lovely ladies to my doorstep?”

Jeanette didn’t hedge at all “We understand that you were the caretaker at the Monastery.”

“Yes, for a number of years.”

“We’re looking into ...”

The old man raised a hand to stop her.

“.. .that nasty business up at the Monastery, am I right?”

Jeanette’s mouth closed. After a beat, she opened her mouth to speak again, as if to apologize, but the old man once again raised a hand to stop her. “It’s okay. It’s not like you’re the first. But, I suppose at this late date,” and with this, his eyes seemed to drift, as if to recall some distant time, “you should be the last.” He paused to catch his breath. Something about this last statement struck Missy as odd. She looked over to her aunt, who sat stiffly, with a prim, tight smile pressed on her face. Missy was about to ask if she was all right, when their host continued.

 “You know. I’m getting tired of living out here all by myself. Maybe it’s time I had a change of scenery. It might be nice being taken care of for a change. Even if it’s at the state’s cost. What would you like to know?”

‘We understand that the brothers at the Monastery used to bake bread.”

“Yep. Some of the best. At one point I was drafted to deliver it to the stores in the area. It was pretty popular.”

“Then why did they stop?

The old man’s face went flat, like a door closing. When he spoke again, it was with an air of reserve. “They sold the rights and recipes to Old Ray, old man Tollefson. I believe they continue to use some of those recipes to this day. Of course Ray and those greedy little kids of his mucked it all up by adding all sorts of chemicals and preservatives to increase the bread’s shelf-life, but, that’s progress for ya.”

Jeanette pressed, “But the timing..

“He sort of had ‘em where he wanted ‘em, huh? Tollefson, I mean. Not too many people would want to eat their peanut butter and jelly on bread made by a bunch of perverts.” Abe seemed to relish this last word, and with it checked in with the women’s faces to gage their reactions. Seeing little, he continued, “That nasty business? With the boys? That was the end of their business.”

“Boys?” Missy blurted. The question flew out of her mouth before she’d given it any thought. “You mean there was more than one?” The old man looked at her with tired eyes for a moment. Then a creepy, tiny smile stretched his lips thin, as if to say, ‘I know something you don’t know’.

Jeanette jumped on it. “Which sort of brings us to why we are here today, Abe. You see, we recently came into possession of a list which may, or may not, tie what happened up at the Monastery to the disappearance of another young boy, about that same time."

Abe’s eyes narrowed “A list?” The way he held onto the ‘ssst’ at the end made Missy’s skin crawl. What was he? A snake? 

Jeanette, undeterred, continued, “Yes, I was wondering if I might read it to you and then you tell me if any of these items make any sense to you.”

Jeanette launched into the list The first item, about the statues didn’t trigger any reaction from the old man But the second item - the chipped blue triangle ashtray - caused the old man to stiffen in his chair. If Jeanette noticed, she didn’t let on. After a slight shake of his head, Jeanette proceeded to the next item, but Missy kept her eyes on the old man’s. She followed his eyes as they came to rest on something among the clutter on the large coffee table that dominated the room. Missy’s eves scanned the table until her eyes caught sight of a hint of bright blue glass, an ashtray, overflowing with smoked butts. Missy looked back to the old man, and their eyes locked. Jeanette, oblivious to this, repeated the third item on the list, and waited for a response. Her words fell on deaf ears. The old man was no longer listening to her. He knew that Missy was onto him.

“Well,” he drawled, holding out the word for effect, “that’s that I guess it’s time. Everybody’s time comes sooner or later. To pay for the deeds of our past. The choices we make. The things we have done.” He spoke these words, more to himself than to the women. “It’s like me, with my smoking. That was meant to catch up with me, I suppose. And all that exposure to asbestos? Not that we knew anything about that stuff back the day, but then...” and, with this, he fixed his eyes on Missy, “when do we ever really know what the hell were doing huh? How it will affect others? How it will affect us?” As a means of explaining, he offered, “We used to get away with a lot of things in the old days.”

 With that, a switch flipped. Abe’s body suddenly relaxed. He sank back into the chair Then he clapped his hands together, startling the women, before resting his chin on his raised clasped hands. It struck Missy as a rather child-like gesture, almost girlish. “Besides,” his voice betraying a strange pleasure, “as I mentioned before, I am ready for a change of scene. I get tired being cooped up here all by myself. Hidden away. Cloistered... like a monk.” He laughed at his own joke, one lost on the women “Ironic, huh?” He continued to stare into Missy’s eyes as he spoke this last bit and she wasn’t sure what to make of it, but managed to produce a half-hearted laugh, more out of a sense of obligation than comprehension.

With a great deal of effort, Abe struggled to get to his feet. Missy felt compelled to assist him, but he made no bones about not wanting any help. Once he was on his feet, he dragged out a small, portable tank of oxygen that was on a cart from beside his chair.

“Would you ladies care for anything to drink? A soda? Some water perhaps?

Both Jeanette and Missy declined. Based on the overall condition of the house, Missy didn’t feel that anything stored within these walls was necessarily hygienically safe to consume.

“Very well I’ll be right back. I just need to get myself something in the kitchen.”

Jeanette volunteered to fetch it for him, but again, he refused help. The women watched as the old man entered what appeared to be a maze of trash and stacked items before slowly disappearing behind a tall hutch loaded down with dust-coated kitsch. The cherubic face of a Hummel figurine caught Missy’s eye; it’s blank, dead face, encrusted with a combination of fuzz, cobwebs, and nicotine, frozen mid-kiss. Once Abe was out of sight. Missy felt her body relax.

“Okay, this is creepy as hell. We need to get out of here,” she hissed,

“Oh, sit tight, we might actually be on to something this time.” Jeanette really seemed to be in her element; totally at ease despite their odd surroundings. “I have a feeling Abe has just been dying to talk to someone. So, if nothing else, we’ll make an old recluse happy for a few hours.”

“A few hours!” Missy was mortified at the thought of having to breathe the fetid air in Abe’s house for that long, but her aunt would have none of it.

“Shhh. Okay,” she compromised, “an hour. We’ll listen to his stories and then we’ll leave. Be nice to the elderly,” she chastised, “For one day, God willing, you’ll be joining their ranks.”

The sound of angry, muffled voices drew their attention to the area where Abe had just vanished. This was followed by the sound of something breaking and a heavy thud.Both women were on their feet in a flash. Jeanette was just about to go investigate when a loud explosion of some kind rang out. A strange, guttural scream rang forth, followed by two more explosions. Missy froze in place. In the silence that followed, they heard footsteps accompanied by the squeak and slam of a screen door. For a single beat, with eyes wide, both women stared at the other. Simultaneously, they sprang into action Instinctively, Missy began moving toward the front door. Frantic, she wanted to get out of there immediately.

She was about to open the front door, when she turned and realized that her aunt had headed in the exact opposite direction! Missy barely caught sight of her aunt before Jeanette’s body was swallowed up by the mountain of debris she would have to navigate in order to get to the kitchen.

Missy yelled Jeanette’s name and was moving swiftly in the direction of the kitchen in order to grab her aunt’s arm and drag her out of there, only to come face-to-face with her.

Jeanette appeared white as a ghost. “Trust me, you don’t want to see what’s in there. Let’s get out of here. We need to call the police.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Abe Longren’s dead!”

--- ---

Next week: Chapter 18

Don't Cry Old Man - Janis Ian

Tuesday, January 24, 2023

The Labyrinth of Blue Towers: The Disappearance of Jack Arneson: Chapter Two

The Labyrinth of Blue Towers:

The Disappearance of Jack Arneson

(A Sewing Box Mystery)

Chapter 1: Friday, June 10, 2011, 7:21 pm

Chapter 2: Saturday, June 11, 2011, 8:38 am

The cream cheese on her bagel had melted so perfectly it practically slid into her mouth. Its texture and the smell of that toasted piece of heaven was definitely helping lift Missy’s mood. She’d woken up sad that morning, and had remained so until her first bite. She knew she shouldn’t drive and eat at the same time, but didn’t savor the idea of eating in front of other family members, for that would be rude (and make her feel more than just a bit self-conscious). Maybe she should have brought bagels and cream cheese for everyone? But no, that would make for a mess of crumbs and clotted smears that  Missy would have to take responsibility for cleaning up. Better to skip such niceties and get to the task at hand.

In the elevator, on her way up to her grandmother’s condo, she pulled out a compact from her new designer clutch. The purse was so small, but once it caught her eye when she was walking through the skyways of downtown Minneapolis on her lunch hour a few weeks ago, credit card interest rates be damned, she just knew she had to have it. It was totally impractical and her little secret. Peering in the tiny mirror of the compact, she wanted to make sure that all evidence of the illicit bagel was gone before seeing the gang. She was good to go, though for a fraction of a second she considered putting on a little mascara and some blush, but then thought better of it. Why mess with perfection? “Yeah, right,” she said aloud, as she snapped the compact closed.

As she approached the front door, she hesitated. Should she knock or just walk in? What was protocol? Why did she care? Because it was Grandma Jean's home whether she was still living there or not and that was something to be respected. She knocked and immediately the door swung wide open Her spidey-senses instantly told her that there was a great deal of commotion going on inside.

“Weeeellll, stranger! Come on in!”

It was Aunt Jeanette, in full welcome-wagon mode Her aunt's smile and affability never ceased to amaze Missy. She was Miss Social Event and could typically be counted on to be the perfect hostess for any occasion. “Aunt Jeanette!” Missy managed to get her name out moments before being engulfed in a deep, hearty hug which almost squeezed all the air out of her. Not that Missy minded; she was grateful that someone was excited to see her. Aunt Jeanette seemed flush with some kind of excitement; her skin felt slightly damp as the two women embraced. “How the hell are you? I haven’t seen you since the funeral. So good of you to join us. Don’t bother making excuses for Dorie, we all saw that one coming. You want some coffeecake? It’s in the kitchen. I just made some fresh coffee, too. Come on!”

Missy allowed herself to be dragged off toward the kitchen. As they moved through the living room she caught sight of various cousins taking down framed photos, paintings, and digging through her grandmother's desk drawers. “Shouldn't we all be going through things together?” she asked.

“If you can corral this group long enough to slow them down, you go for it. As far as I'm concerned, let 'em have it. At least temporarily. Trust me; nothing is walking out that front door without me looking at it first. And if it’s something I want? They ain’t getting it.” Aunt Jeanette spoke with such conviction that Missy couldn’t help but relax. And smile. That was Aunt Jeanette’s special gift—her strength and confidence. She always managed to put those around her at ease, unless you were on the wrong side of her. Then, what everybody called her 'Harley' side (as in Davidson) came out... and that, you did not want to mess with.

Standing side by side with her aunt, Missy was once again struck by their physical similarities; the phrase 'big boned gal' came to mind, not that Missy didn't do her best to remain at a healthy weight. During adolescence she remembered how she would pray every night to wake up the next morning with a body like her mother's, instead of that of her grandmother and favorite aunt. Oh, she'd eventually made her peace with it, though every now and then the injustice of it all would still dog her thoughts.

After Aunt Jeanette cut her a huge hunk of homemade coffeecake (which Missy expertly tore apart with her fingers so she at least appeared to be eating it), Missy was escorted back into the living room and was told to ‘go to town’. The room was already stripped down to its bare bones. All that remained were the worn, beige couch and matching armchair that Missy had grown up with, the grandfather clock, and a curio cabinet full of yellow Depression glass - a collection that was rapidly being wrapped and boxed by Cousin Deidra and her mother, Missy's Aunt Helen. Helen was the oldest of Grandma Jean’s daughters and was as serious and severe as Missy’s mother was flighty and frivolous. She was also as penny-pinching and studious as Aunt Jeanette was generous and warm. Missy took note of the sharp way Helen was barking orders at poor, befuddled Deidra and decided to steer clear.

 Moving down the short hallway towards the master bedroom, she passed by the bathroom, catching a glimpse of Cousin Eddie rifling through the medicine cabinet. Given his history, Missy knew exactly what he was looking for. So intent was his mission, he didn’t even notice her pass by. As she walked past the door of the spare bedroom, Missy caught wind of a disagreement between two of Cousin Deidra’s daughters over a stuffed animal. Apparently one of them had given it to Grandma Jean several years ago, but they could not come to an agreement as to who it belonged to now. Somebody else would have to solve that little dilemma; it sure as hell wasn’t going to be Missy.

Stepping into her grandmother’s bedroom, Missy once again felt a weight settle in her chest. So this is what happens after we’re gone: people tearing through things with no thought at all as to the feelings of the person who once owned them. This is what becomes of us, our things. Without Grandma Jean’s spirit to occupy them, everything in the apartment seemed like a hollow shell of its former self, like a fake prop in some mundane community theatre production. Suddenly the carpeting appeared dingier and more worn than she remembered. The bedroom set, now undoubtedly the property of someone else, appeared scuffed and faded; its blonde wood, no longer lustrous and robust, but pale and shabby.

Yet, despite this shift in perception, as she moved toward the foot of the bed, Missy marveled at how familiar everything felt and smelled. This room was always her favorite, for when Grandma Jean moved into the condo, she took great care to arrange her bedroom furniture in exactly the same way it had been in her North Minneapolis home. The dresser, the matching night stands and lamps, even the bed, in exactly the same configuration. Grandma Jean claimed the way things stood in relation to one another was extremely important - especially in the bedroom, for it was the only way she was guaranteed a good night’s sleep.

Missy moved around the far end of the bed, curious to see what was in the drawer of the nightstand. But before she could get there, her eyes caught sight of something as her breath flew from her body...

The sewing box!

Missy’s eyes welled with tears. It was in exactly the same place, at the same angle, as it was every night of Grandma Jean’s life. The magic sewing box had served as her own personal pirate's treasure chest when she was young. As a child she had whiled away many an hour sitting on her grandmother’s bed, sorting buttons, counting them and making pictures out of them. Strange that she had never learned to actually sew, but then that simply wasn’t part of her generation’s thing. It was part of her grandmother though - a special part. 

Lost in thought, Missy’s body jerked with a start at the sound of Aunt Jeanette’s voice. Even though her aunt spoke softly, it still caught her off-guard.

“I told everyone that they could touch whatever they like, but they were not to a lay a finger on that sewing box until you got here.”

Missy thanked her and the two of them climbed onto the center of the bed where they sat going through the many treasures inside. A favorite thimble. A fondly remembered button. The sand-filled pin cushion shaped like a ripe tomato. It was like a miniature world Grandma Jean had once created, collected and occupied. After they both had their fill, Aunt Jeanette looked at Missy through the bottom of her bifocals, her chin raised with the effort, and said, “I know you’re Dorie’s kid, hon, but you were your grandmother’s child. She loved you so much ” She then looked down into her lap as her eyes brimmed with tears.

Missy reached out and put an arm around her aunt. It was good to know that someone missed Grandma Jean as much as she did. They had a good cry until Aunt Jeanette suddenly sprang back to life, “Woooooo Okay,” she said. “Enough of that.”

She slapped Missy’s knee “Come on, girl Let’s head back into the kitchen and marvel at the number of coffee mugs one old woman can collect in a lifetime.”

They were just about to get off the bed when Cousin Eddie entered the bedroom. He paid no attention to the two women on the bed and instead went right for the dresser and Grandma Jean’s underwear drawer. 

“Young man!” spat Aunt Jeanette. “You! Stop in your tracks and go no further. I don’t know what you're looking for, but you are not going to find it in that drawer!”

Cousin Eddie turned and looked at her, his hands still resting on the edge of the opened drawer. Wordlessly, he closed the drawer slowly and without his gaze so much as leaving Aunt Jeanette’s eyes for a second, he stealthily skulked out of the room. Once he’d gone. Aunt Jeanette said under her breath, “That boy is in need some serious psychological help.”

Missy moved to close the drawer of the dresser. As she did, her eyes fell upon something she'd never seen before. It was a piece of paper, folded. It didn't appear to be ordinary writing paper from a tablet or notebook, but a page torn from some kind of a book. Missy slowly unfolded it and, finding an empty space on the top of the dresser, attempted to smooth it out. It looked like a map; some sort of diagram or floor plan. Drawn in pencil, it didn’t appear to correspond to the layout of either the condo or the old house in North Minneapolis. In Grandma Jean’s careful handwriting, areas and items were identified; 'hallway', furnace', 'bench', 'stairs', 'smooth wall', 'blonde door', 'window', 'cot', etc. On the back of the map was a list of items or names, none of which Missy recognized. She looked at her Aunt Jeanette, who had risen from the bed and joined her in front of the dresser, and asked, “What is this?”

Aunt Jeanette took the map. As she looked at it her eyes grew large, and after only a matter of seconds, her gaze met Missy’s and she said, matter-of-factly, “That’s where Jack Arneson is.”

--- ---

That's all for now.

Next Week: Chapter Three

Thanks for reading.

Some People's Lives - Janis Ian

Tuesday, September 20, 2022

Wonderland Burlesque's Quite An Impression Quiz

Wonderland Burlesque's
Quite An Impression Quiz

Making an impression? First impressions? Thing we'd like to impress upon others?

Yes, today's quiz is all about leaving your mark or the mark left by others. 

Ten quick questions, easy to answer... followed by a series of pics of men who make quite the impression. What they have to offer? Impressive, indeed. Easy on they eye, if you know what I mean.

So, get to it.

Impress me, today... by participating in this quiz! 

--- ---

1/ What is your most impressive trait?

My big picture view, or rather my ability to see the big picture.

It spills over into compassion all the time. I tend to see most sides to an issue, or work to understand where someone is coming from. 

For example, I have a sister who has judged me very harshly in the past and it hurt. Not that what she was thinking wasn't the truth. But she's also the kindest person I've ever met, so... I see her point of view. 

My older sister is a walking nightmare, but I get what's going on with her, too. Disappointment is difficult to accept and deal with. We get it in our heads that life should be this way or that and when those expectations aren't realized it can do some serious damage. And everyone self-medicates in their own way. Some are very obvious about it, while others find subtler means of doing so. So, I understand her pain and her inability to cope. And I understand her need to punish and lash out. 

I get people. There are very few who remain mysteries to me. I think that's why I'm always asking questions of those who pique my interest. 

2/ If you had the world's attention for one minute, what would you like to impress upon them?

That the truth always wins out, so it's best to get honest with yourself and the world. And the only way to learn the truth is to educate yourself and in order to be educated/enlightened you have to be open to hearing and accepting things that run contrary to some of your personal beliefs. 

And your personal beliefs? They are NOT truths. They are not facts. And the only thing that matters in this world is the objective... as in not influenced by or based on a personal point of view, but based on the analysis of an object or subject via observation only.

Let's take death, for example. The other day, I was walking along a path and came upon the lifeless body of a tiny mole. 

It was dead. 

Not gone to heaven. No frolicking with his relatives in some made up afterlife. 

Poor thing was crossing the path and, bam... he's dead. 

That's the nature of death, folks. You live until, bam... you're dead. And once you're dead - you don't care about anything that comes after, for, you, my friend, are indeed dead. You have no feelings. No opinions. You're dead. 

You're not reunited with your dog or a loved one who went before you. No harps. No rewards. 

You're dead. 

So... my advice is, make the most of the now. Be kind. Learn all you can. Observe. Absorb. Stop trying to control others and, for gawd's sake, learn to cope... learn not to be afraid of things like, say... death.

Trust me, life will go on without you. We seem to have continued on without so many people for as long as recorded time... I doubt very much your absence is going to alter that.

So, live!

You don't have to be superior to others. You don't have to amass more of anything than anyone else. You are not your things. You are not your hair. You are not your body. You are not your car. That's not what life should ever be about. 

It should be about creating warmth and love and happiness - the kind money can't buy. So simplify. Don't complicate. 

Because who knows? Next time you're crossing a path? Well, that mole? 

That could be you.

3/ Tell us about a time you made a great first impression.

I somehow got a scholarship to attend a two-year junior college with a very strong theatre department. The theatre was beautiful. I never quite understood how it came about, but I did comprehend the fact that my family had no money to send me to college, and Pell Grants alone weren't going to cut it. I also was terrified of putting extra financial pressure on my family, as my mother was having a very difficult time of it at the time. So, that's where I ended up going, even though it was not my first choice. 

It seems the head of the department had heard about me and started attending the shows I was appearing in. He saw something in me that he thought would be good for the department. 

My arrival upset the applecart, for sure. I got the lead in the fall mainstage show and was told by several other students that the role had been meant for another actor, one in his second year with the program. He also, ironically, happened to be my roommate; we shared an off campus apartment. 

Anyway... I must have made an impression on someone who mattered. 

Sadly, by the end of my second year in the program, I was so unhappy and depressed, the wheels on the bus were slowly coming off. I finished the year and then decided to take a break from higher education. 

4/ Tell us about a time you made a bad impression.

This is so funny, in hindsight. At the time, I was mortified.

I was working as a graphics specialist for a medical testing company in L.A. It was supposedly my big break in the business world. I was working with the head of marketing, who was taking a mom and pop company and putting them in the big leagues. He was ambitious and rude. 

We took a meeting with a consulting firm who handled image and I arrived ten minutes early. The firm had sent their best and brightest - a flank of people who looked like something out of central casting. Dressed to the nines, and button downed. I tried to make small talk and... hit a wall of ice. 

Needless to say, once the head of marketing arrived - two minutes late... they never paid any attention to me or included me in the conversation. It was the beginning of my being pushed aside. 

Apparently, I was not meant for such greatness.

5/ When you were young, were you easily impressed? About what in particular?

Yes. Very impressionable. Especially when it came to boys and girls in their teens. 

Everything they said was a pearl of wisdom. Everything they did was so cool. Everything they wore, I wanted to wear. Because I'd read Don't Ask Alice, I thought they all knew things I couldn't learn elsewhere, so I paid attention and asked lots of questions. Some hated me, some tolerated me and a few adopted me. 

6/ Are you an impressive public speaker? What type of event?

I used to be. And, on occasion, for work, I can still pull something decent off... but I'm so nervous. 

A role is different - you rehearse, it's not you. Or, if you're a director of a show, the cast is used to you talking to them, there's already a rapport. 

You do a public presentation, it's you. And you have to take your audience into consideration. In my case, because of what I do for a living, when I present at a town hall, I'm typically telling people they're doing something wrong or something is changing - and people don't take that news well. Early on, at the company I am still with, I had to do such a presentation. It didn't go well. I was fine until one particular woman, who had a reputation for being confrontational (as well as making calls to the FDA to report things she wasn't happy about, triggering all sorts of problems,) began peppering me with questions and demanding to know why policies had changed. 

Let's just say, it didn't go well for me. My boss - who was her boss's boss, had to step in and still the waters... for they were boiling!

Still, I know how to put together a presentation. It's a show. And I am a showman. 

That said, the most embarrassing thing I've ever done is do a presentation on how to be a public speaker. While my presentation was well-documented and the PPT looked great - I bombed big time, filling gaps with lots of 'ummm's', which is a big no-no. It was mostly due to the fact that I had to keep turning around to look at the PPT slide in order to know what I was talking about.

Talk about feeling like a total ass.  

7/ Name an aging talent with whom you're impressed with how they are handling their advanced career.

Madonna.

No, just kidding.

JLo.

Ha!

I thought Jane Fonda had it together, but as she begins to look more and more like Dolly Parton and Reba McIntire, I have to say, she's a no, too.

And Cher? Oh, I adore... but honey, stop with the putty and the plaster. We'd love you no matter.

So, it's Jessica Lange or Michelle Pfeiffer for me. 

Their aging gracefully and still allowing their amazing talent to do all the heavy lifting. Still getting roles. Still top of their game.  

8/ Name a new, up and coming talent you're rather impressed with.

Lil Nas X.

What a fucking talent. What a visionary. I cannot wait to see what he does next. 

He's so unbelievably talented. 

His music? 

I have to work a bit to appreciate it... and I like that about it. He challenges us - visually, socially, and sonically. 

9/ Who did you meet in person or see in concert that left you less than impressed?

Idols are on a pedestal for good reason.

Meeting celebs in person is never a good idea. Because you fell in love with the image they project and the music or movies they create, you come to the table with a fixed idea of who they are. You also have an agenda - you want to make an impression, you want them to like you. 

JuJu Bee, Janis Ian and Frenchie Davis are three of my faves. Gracious. Kind. Loving people. 

Matt Alber and Kristine W are not. I still love their stuff. I would still see either in concert. But when their game face is not in place? Oh, dear. 

They are the reason I suggest, never meet your idols. 

That kind of disappoint lingers forever.

10/ Have you ever left a physical impression upon a place? Your hands in the cement of a sidewalk? Carved your name on a rock or tree? Left graffiti on the men's room walls?

First off, I adore graffiti on men's room walls. I actively seek it out. It's like cave drawings, but in a language I understand. 

That said...

No. 

I tend to leave places in better shape or as I found them. 

My idea of perfection is that, after I leave, no one will ever know I was there.

That's kind of how I see life. If I play my cards right... when I shuffle off this mortal coil?

No one will ever know I was here.

--- ---

And that's all for today.

Your turn. Leave your answers in the comments section. Love to hear what you're thinking these days.

Until next time...

Thank you for reading... and participating!

Impressive Instant - Madonna





























































That Don't Impress Me Much - Shania Twain