Wonderland Burlesque's You Might Grow Up To Be A Mule Quiz - Part 5

Wonderland Burlesque's 

You Might Grow Up To Be A Mule Quiz

Part 5

Inspired by Bing Crosby's Swinging On A Star, this is the final such quiz in this series of five.

Simply fill in the blank for the topic suggested: If you had to be a ____ what would you be?

And why?

You can pick something you would like to be, something that reflects your current state or something that captures 'the real you.' Just have fun with it.

So, ask yourself...

If I had to be a ____, what would I be?

1/ A State In The US

Montana

Not politically, not socially or civilly.  

Geographically? Yes. I am Montana. 

Wide open spaces... which others would have certainly populated with something by now. 

Plenty of room to roam... which is good because very little keeps my attention for long.

The beautiful, somewhat lonesome prairie... heart of my heart, Camelot to my Arthur. 

A range of craggy mountain peaks... which serve as a warning not heeded often enough.

I would like to claim my scenery 'majestic'... however, at this point, it has seen better days and far too many.

And yet, I live beneath a big blue sky... my spiritual equal, my paramour divine. 

2/ A Country Other Than The US

The Netherlands

Fascinated with the oddest of pop music.

Welcoming to all, but fully evolved.

Possessing a twisted, almost legendary sexual past.

Steeped in culture, embracing both old and new. 

Once invaded and oppressed, they persevered and emerged stronger.

Somewhat difficult to navigate.

Smart.

Quirky and odd, in parts. Full of secrets.

A lover of freedom... and a good time!

3/ A Building

House On The Rock

Started with a good solid foundation, designed by Frank Lloyd Wright, no less. Yes, it's a deceptive beginning... a lure. Sounds good. But keep in mind: it's in Wisconsin. And once you get inside? It's small and claustrophobic. There's a dankness that doesn't go away. It gets in your sinuses and clothes. 

You thread your way through (were people tinier then?) to walk out on that peak. It's interesting... but why on earth? Wouldn't a bridge serve one better? At least it would have a purpose. Then you look to the left, and you see all the 'add-ons,' and you think 'what have I gotten myself into?

Junk. The place is full of junk. It is a completist's dream or nightmare, depending on the collection. There are a few things of great value, but it's hard to appreciate and separate them from all the other pointless junk.

A colossal tribute to the foibles of mankind, Madison Avenue and pop culture.  

There's a restaurant at the very bottom, but to eat would mean to spend more time.

You end up staying for hours anyway... mostly trying to find a way out. 

Most succeed, or manage to avoid it entirely. Those that don't? 

Well... there's no accounting for taste, now is there? 

More to be pitied, than scorned.

4/ A Moment In History

The Discovery Of Fire

That's how I feel while I research and write something; fire from my finger tips, fire in my eyes. I burn. 

It's an enjoyable sensation, one I live for. 

And just when I think the fire is dying... and begin to give up hope?

I rediscover that joy. I find something new to investigate. Down the rabbit hole I go and that fire is reignited once more.

5/ A Fairytale

The Ugly Duckling

Yes. I think I am a swan. An old, regal one. Beautiful? Never. But I had my... charms?

I was an ugly duckling. The world had no trouble telling me so, reminding me to keep my place.

I think of all the ducks that grew along side me. Handsome. All of a kind. Fitting in. Acceptable to one another. 

Oh, I don't mind. Maybe when I was young, I tried, but, I simply found my way to other ponds, where I met others like me. Sadly, we were all too messed up (psychological shrapnel from being ugly ducklings) to be kind to one another. Instead, we played ugly duckling games. 

And there was always a loser. 

And sometimes... it was me.

But time is an ugly duckling's greatest friend. For we flower and discover ourselves (and our powers) much later than the other ducklings, emerging, not superior but differently. Our talents, a different nature, our posture earned. If there be grace, it moves slowly through us, as all we seek is calm.

6/ A Sporting Event

The Super Bowl Halftime Show

My disdain for organized religion is rivaled only by my lack of appreciation for organized sports.

A great deal of money is tied up in both and their need to exist baffles me.

But that halftime show? Yes. Big, loud, stupid, frequently glitzy. Sign me up. 

I'm all for outrageous displays of ego and questionable taste wrapped up in the pop hits of yesteryear.

Why... I do believe I've just defined my entire life.

7/ An Athlete

A Side-Push Man On A Four-Man Bobsled Team

Yes. I love starting things. Pushing them. Moving them forward until that tipping point is reached when gravity grabs hold and the future becomes something unknown but unstoppable. There will be a conclusion, but... my work done, I hop in the center and huddle down. Oh, I use my weight to encourage and sway, for I would like to think I still have some control over the outcome. But in the end... there is the end, the finish line. And other than giving it that one big push? 

The results have so little to do with me, and therefore, I can easily escape all blame for failure, while taking credit when successful.  

And no, Herschel Walker is not welcome in my bobsled. Because he's a homophobic dickhead...

Which is probably why he got kicked off the Olympic Team at the last minute back in 1992!

8/ A Profession

The Man At The End Of The Parade Who Cleans Up After The Elephants

This is how I have viewed my life. I am the catch-all at the bottom of the drain. I do the stuff no one else wants to do. I have become a bit more selfish as I get older, but I used to drive myself mad, taking care of things no one else would step up to do. 

I have a love for shared spaces, like conference rooms, office kitchenettes, rehearsal rooms, etc. I like them clean and tidy. I want the next group that walks in to feel those who previously used it cared enough. It's called consideration for others. 

This weird need/desire extends to the homes of loved ones and my own. No, it doesn't have to be perfect, but why shouldn't it look the best it can? 

My career, such as it is, has been nothing but taking care of the needs of others. What do they need to be successful? For their success, in part, becomes my success. If I must hold their hand and do mundane tasks in order for them to succeed, that's fine with me. 

It's an odd way to spend a life, but... even during my theatre days, that was my attitude. I would arrive an hour before rehearsals to sweep the stage. I was always trying to keep things orderly and looking nice, so that the mess which typically accompanies a group gathering would not distract from the work.

I'll be this way the rest of my life. I think it stems from events in my childhood. As children, we have no control over our lives, but strive to divine a means in order to cope. Somewhere along the line, the message I received was that by keeping up appearances, we are able to enact positive change... or at least put a passable facade on an untenable situation.

9/ A Politician

Kamala Harris

I don't like how this character is currently being written or portrayed.

If I were her, I would be out there - outspoken, calling it like it is; a lightening rod for the ire of the far right. None of this polite, professional crap. I'd be a warrior with no fucks to give, going toe to toe with scum like MTG and calling out Manchin as the turncoat he has proved himself to be.

I would be working the progressive agenda, educating the public regarding its benefits with a common sense approach.

Given who this lady used to be? How we could count on her to speak the truth? I have no idea what is going on with her. I don't recognize her anymore. 

I'd be combative and forthright and honest. I would use my words. And I couldn't care less about what the future would hold for me from a political standpoint. The future is now. This is my shot. I would assume I'd have four years to tell it like it is.

The American people have a difficult relationship with the truth. 

I'd make it my duty to get them better acquainted.
 

10/ A Law

No Littering

This goes beyond those that leave their used condoms and condom wrappers at my beloved prairie. Beyond the occasional left-behind beverage container, or people who don't bus their own garbage at the local coffee shop.

This is about those people who eat fast food in their cars and then, not wanting that garbage to smell of up their vehicle, toss it out the car window into the street and drive away.  Their trash is now someone else's problem.

Littering is the height of inconsideration. It is a blatant demonstration of thoughtlessness, an affront to human decency and a tangible means of polluting our environment. 

Your garbage. I don't want to see it. I don't want to deal with it. You need to grow up and take some damn responsibility. 

So, as the littering law? I will have teeth. I will be enforced. I will hunt these people down and publicly shame them to the point their own mothers will regret every having birthed them. 

No. I don't know how I am going to accomplish any of that. I just wish I could.

I wish people cared. I wish people were responsible. 

I guess the main theme of my life is... I wish people would kindly take care of their own shit. 

--- ---

That's enough of me. And this is the last of our You Might Grow Up To Be A Mule quizzes! (Though I reserve the right to resurrect the concept should something inspire me to do so.)

Okay, your turn. Leave your answers and explanations in the comments section. Those of you who participate? I adore reading your answers and learning a bit more about you.

That's all for now. Until next time...

Thanks for reading... and participating! 

Swinging On A Star - Loretta Long 

 from Sesame Street

Swinging On A Star - The Lennon Sisters

from The Lawrence Welk Show

Between Sleeping and Waking Lies Heartache

Sex has become boring. Or maybe I’ve become a bad lay. Or maybe I’m hooking up with people that just aren’t doing it for me. It all seems labored and empty.

I think it’s in his kiss.

The lack of kissing is probably the problem. I know it’s better when there is kissing involved. I also need to knock off this wearing a blindfold shit. I think I might be an intimacy junkie.

I had a recent revelation. I used to do a lot of theatre, moving from show to show to show as quickly as possible. As soon as I was cast in one, I was looking for my next fix. I’ve come to the conclusion that I behaved this way because to stop or have a pause, I might have to examine some of my behaviors and failures. I have stopped. I no longer do theatre. Now, in the wee hours of the morning, between waking and sleeping, or just as I am about to drop off to sleep at night – I am pestered by those failures of yesterday. Situations where I failed to make good choices, behaved badly or was subject to bad behavior on the part of others. I beat myself up with these moments from the past. They now haunt me because I have nothing to distract me from them. It’s like pausing while running from wolves – you stop and they seize upon you.

I don’t revel in my past successes. I celebrated them when they happened, but they haven’t retained their power; not the way my failures have.

So, am I moving from sexual situation to sexual for the same reason? Is there something that I don’t want to look at too closely.

Possibly.

I can think of several impending responsibilities – inevitabilities built into my future that I don’t want to think about to much in the present. I get overwhelmed by them. I’m much better dealing with a crisis in the moment. The anticipation of potential crisis? Waste of my time and energy. And it eats me up.

And… I miss my best friend. I hate that I even have to write that. I shouldn’t miss him. I think he’s being a dink - but that is his choice.

My best friend of 20 years stopped talking to me five years ago. No explanation. He just stopped answering emails.

Prior to his silence, I had visited him at his new digs in a new city. We had a good time. And we fought. We always fight – like Martha and George in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?. This time it had to do with his former meth addiction and how I felt he was not taking responsibility for his past behavior. I criticized a friend of his, because he was a meth head and put my friend in all sorts of dangerous situations. My friend was in a relationship with a meth head – this meth head via the relationship introduced my friend to meth and that became the basis of their relationship. I may have said something about that not being something to base a relationship on and perhaps that this man was not the love of his life. I accused him of pissing away his parent’s hard earned money, money he had inherited. I might of called him self-absorbed and selfish. I may have also called his years and years and years of therapy as a waste of time and money and another example of how self-absorbed and wasteful he was. It is in a therapists financial interest to keep you coming back for more. So, subconsciously or consciously, they will do what they need to do to keep you coming to their office.

I also may have fucked this guy he had the hots for. My friend had the hots for lots of guys, but rarely acted on it. So it was with this guy. So, during my visit, when this guy hit on me, I asked my friend if it was okay if I fucked around with him. My friend said sure. I think it was a set-up. I think he said yes, but meant no – so that he then had an excuse not to talk to me. He could cast me as the villain. He likes to do that.

So it’s my fault. I was too honest. I said things I shouldn’t have said. I fucked that guy when I should have known better. My friend dumped his last best friend for fucking around with a guy my friend told his former friend that he liked. Any time we talked about his previous best friend, I heard the story. So, subconsciously, did I want to piss my friend off so that he would end our friendship?

Possibly.

I think I’m changing – again. My personality goes through these periods of gestation and then birth some new version of me. This latest version is a lot more grounded, and less likely to make really bad choices. Some would say this latest version is boring and not much fun. Maybe it is age. Maybe it is due to circumstances. Maybe I’m just tired.

I’m in the best shape. Seriously, people comment on my arms and body. Someone told me I was ripped (I’m not, but I am in great shape). I work very hard at it. For various reasons, not the least of which is my overall longevity and health.

But in the meantime… sex is boring me.

Maybe I need a new hobby.

For your consideration... so to speak.

Fireworks are a part of Fourth of July. That’s just a given. They are fun and awe-inspiring. And since Minnesota – in a rare bit of anti-safety/pro-fun legislation - repealed the law banning individuals from possessing, purchasing and operating fireworks, not a lot can be done about a neighbor that exercises their right to light up the night sky.

It does, however, become a matter of consideration – for your neighbors and society at large – to not exercise that right from 10:30 pm – 12:15 am. And that’s at the heart of this little missive – what happened to being considerate of others? What happened to granting individuals unknown respect simply based on common sense and the fact that they are part of that great stew we are all beholden to (or supposed to be) known as society?

I’m a former boy scout. No, I never liked it (and I abhor their current policy of discriminating against gay people), but it did teach me one thing; that we are all part of a larger unit called society. Belonging to society brings with it both privileges and responsibilities. A lot of those responsibilities are assumed considerations – like not making excess noise after 10:00 pm and keeping your dogs on leashes or fenced when they are outdoors. I learned these things as a child and they were constantly reinforced by my parents as I was growing up. The children in my family were taught to respect others – their property, their privacy, their lifestyles, their choices, and their well-being. The latter covers things like creating excess noise, not parking in front of their house if at all possible and to not encroach on their property - ever.

Somewhere along the line, these unwritten rules got left behind. They’re no longer taught. In fact, a lot of adults my age seem to have amnesia when it comes to what it means to be considerate. For proof – just try merging on a busy highway or driving on one during rush hour – and count the number of careless lane changes and selfish, grudging power plays you experience. Scary, huh?

Consideration for others, granted without exception, just makes good common sense. It’s like that invisible force field that Sue Richards of the Fantastic Four is able to project. It shields one and their loved ones from harm – be it physical or emotional. It protects one’s personal property and personal space. In short - it allows you to get a decent night’s sleep.

When a neighbor allows their yard to become filled with garbage, or parks their SUV on your lawn, or blasts offensive, sexually-explicit and insensitive hip-hop music at an equally offensive volume level, or uses a shared alleyway that backs up to another homeowner’s property to shoot off over-the-top pyrotechnics until 12:15 am in the middle of the week – you have to wonder what are they thinking? Are these really the values they want to pass along to their children?

Inconsideration/rudeness is a pebble dropped onto the smooth surface of society. The ripple it causes reverberates and grows in size. The effects of each such act live long after the act itself. The lack of foresight shown by people who are inconsiderate and feel they owe society nothing – not even common respect simply appalls and amazes me.

Yet, these people are the same people who, if disrespected or encroached upon – are the first to scream discrimination or foul – at the top of their ill-mannered voices. They have no trouble recognizing when they hurt, so why can’t they see when their actions hurt others? How self-absorbed can one be?

Consideration requires empathy. I am empathetic. I can see how my neighbors have the right to enjoy fireworks on the Fourth of July. Good for them. How American.

I just wish they would be considerate while doing so. That's American, as well.

Or, at least it used to be.