Sunday Diva / Three From The Hip: Lucille Ball

Sunday Diva / Three From The Hip:

Lucille Ball

In my own personal big gay church, there is a wing dedicated to the Ladies Of Comedy. Theses are the gals who made us laugh and, on occasion, brought a tear to our eyes. They are visionaries, capturing aspects of the human condition while holding up a mirror to the world. Their characters, style, and phrases have helped form our daily vernacular in ways we are not even always aware of - but that is the power of comedy and the magic these ladies all possess. Breaking ground while breaking all the rules?

One such zenith...

Lucille Ball.

Cut from a mold no one imagined, this true beauty's wisecracking slapstick has kept the world in stitches for centuries.

Which is amazing, because to hear her tell it - she had no talent.

Yet she created the magical whacky world of Lucy, entertaining generation after generation.

With her husband Desi, they forged what would become known as the sitcom.

From that moment on, just as television was transformed forever, nothing in their lives remained the same.

And all it cost them was each other.

Still, singularly this diva broke ceilings and records, dazzling us with her antics even today.

The gospel according to her?

Well, here are three from the hip, dropping from her lips.

The Topic: I Love Lucy

"I wanted to get out of the pictures and stay home so that I could have children."

"TV started for me just as a means of keeping my husband Desi off the road. He'd been on tour with his band since he got out of the Army, and we were in our 11th year of marriage and wanted to have children."

"I'm sometimes scared of everything that has happened to us. We didn't think Desilu Productions would grow so big. We merely wanted to be together and have two children."

"How to do half-hour comedy innovatively is something I do pride myself on. We invented it with I Love Lucy."

"How I Love Lucy was born? We decided that instead of divorce lawyers profiting from our mistakes, we'd profit from them."

"I hate failure and that divorce was a number one failure in my eyes. It was the worst period of my life. Neither Desi nor I have been the same since, physically or mentally."

"I will never do another TV series. It couldn't top I Love Lucy, and I'd be foolish to try. In this business, you have to know when to get off."

"I don't think you should write a book until you tell the absolute truth. You can't do that until you're 85, and I don't want to live that long. I've always prided myself on knowing when to get off, and I hope it works out that way."

Bring On The Beautiful Girls 

from the musical Ziegfield Follies

The Chocolate Factory - Lucy & Ethel

Bosom Buddies - Lucille Ball & Bea Arthur

from the musical Mame

And one last parting shot...

"Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead."

"I dyed my hair this crazy red to bid for attention. It has become a trademark, and I've got to keep it this way."

"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."

"A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright."

Wonderland Burlesque's Down The Rabbit Hole: My Weekends With High Society

Wonderland Burlesque's 

Down The Rabbit Hole

My Weekends With High Society

Turns out, if you keep wishing for something? You just might get it.

I had a vague recollection of this 1995 series. It struck me as well-written, quick and witty - in other words, something very foreign to American television. I was living in L.A. at the time, running with a crowd where television was verboten, so I was never afforded an opportunity to watch it. Yet, it stayed with me and I always hoped to see the show in its entirety. 

Well, imagine my surprise and delight to recently learn that someone has uploaded all 13 episodes on YouTube. And so, these past few weekends, I've had a chance to see what I was missing. 

Charmed, doesn't even begin to cover it.

High Society was a CBS sitcom starring Jean Smart (Designing Women) and Mary McDonnell (Major Crimes, The Closer) which aired Monday nights from 10/30/95 to 2/26/96. 

The ladies play a pair of lifelong best friends; a high profile romance novelist and her upper crust publisher. Campy, it's been likened to Absolutely Fabulous, though the the dialogue resembles a Noel Coward play performed at lightening pace. No sacred ground remains unscorched, no controversy unscathed. It's risque in the best way with a wily cast theatrically adept. 

It's all topped off with Chaka Khan singing the show's theme song, The Lady Is A Tramp.

Initially, Broadway's Faith Prince was part of the pack, portraying an old college friend who'd fallen on hard times. Her presence brought about a sort of Auntie Mame vibe, with Prince playing the role of 'Gooch', Smart as 'Vera', and McDonnell as 'Mame'. Sadly, that lasts only the first six episodes and Prince's character disappears from the series with nary an explanation. 

Despite the show, despised in conservative corners, doing quite well in the ratings, it never returned for a second season. That was the choice of the series' creators. CBS kept asking the producers and writers to soften the dialogue to make the lead characters more likable and 'warmer.' The creators, knowing that doing so would be the undoing of the show, refused. Instead, they chose to put the show on a hiatus from which it never returned.

Smart is over the top as Ellie, a jet set, pill-swallowing, booze guzzling, celebrity wannabe, while McDonnell holds court as Dott, with her couched, aristocratic, blue-blood purr of a voice. The pair play well off one another, obviously relishing their roles, the razor-sharp dialogue and the fabulous costumes.

The cast also includes Jane Meadows, who does a lovely turn as McDonnell's gentile, world-savvy mother. She is the only cast member to receive an Emmy nomination for their work on the series.

Guest stars include: Donna Mills, Stephanie Beacham, Erik Estrada, Barry Bostwick, Bronson Pinchot, Doris Roberts, Paul Dooley, and Tom Arnold.

Needless to say, I recommend seeking this one out. The quality of the recordings are a bit soft-edged, but bravo to whoever had the good sense to record all 13 episodes and then share them with the world via YouTube. 

Watching it has been a dream come true. It's fun. It's campy. And... it's oh-so gay!

High Society

(Just a taste.)

The Snuff Film Ethics of Modern Celebrity

I’m so disillusioned. Again.

The Michael Vick case is a textbook example of how life is unfair.

Here is a man with way more going for him than your average human being. Did the Falcons really sign him for $130 million with a $22 million signing bonus? Given such a gift, why spend a penny of that money supporting a bloodsport as despicable as dog fighting? This is Caligula-style hubris, folks. You have to wonder just what the hell happened to Vick during his short life that would result in such a callous, soulless person.

I can’t wait to hear his excuse. It will have something to do with the tragedy of his childhood. Afterall... His father was in the army and then worked in the shipyards. His mother worked at Kmart. His father introduced him to football. His mother insisted he get involved in after-school activities so he wouldn’t become a discipline problem. His parents were married. His parents were involved in his life.

Yep… some tragedy.

But Michael Vick is just one of the many poor excuses for human beings masquerading as heroes – or as they are known in this day and age – celebrities.

The HO-lee trinity of Paris, Britney and Lindsay continue to entertain us with their inability to manage their lives in an adult fashion. Now – THAT is the Bratz movie I would pay to see. Car crashes, drug busts and coochie showings – all done to a techno beat and in haute couture.

Hey, let’s all go to the mall!

Politicians are just as bad – no, worse. Affairs with interns. Lusting after male interns and then blaming their alcoholism. Or did he blame a Catholic priest? Not to mention all that pork. Frankly… the lust I can understand – but the pork? Geez. Pork the intern, guys, not the bill.

I miss the days of Erotica era Madonna. When shocking the American public was something a celebrity did on purpose – with a purpose in mind actually. Yes, to make money and generate publicity, but also to bring attention to America’s hypocrisy and rather puritanical stance when it comes to sex. Madonna did a good job. Maybe too good. Just watch any ‘family’ style sitcom.

In these sitcoms, the laughs don’t come due to the outrageous circumstances of the characters have gotten themselves into (see Lucy) or the clash of personality types (see Raymond). No, not it’s all about sex. Double entendre? Hardly. Your average sitcom is now about as subtle as Britney Spears getting out of a limo.

But, hey – that is the price you pay for the enlightening of a society. Oh, gosh… did I really use that term? Enlightening? I’m no prude, but the snuff film ethics of today’s celebrity culture hardly makes me feel enlightened.

If this is enlightenment - I’d rather be left in the dark.

Speaking of which… Britney? Close your legs, honey. There’s enough ugliness in the world.

And speaking of ugly. Michael Vick? I hope you never see the light of day again, you sick, sick bastard. There is no excuse for what you’ve done. You have reaped what you have sown. I just wish you had even an inkling of the horrors you have committed and why this is going to cost you so much. You chose so badly.

Unlike those dogs. They had no choice. None.

In many ways, Michael Vicks, I wish you the same fate.