The Snuff Film Ethics of Modern Celebrity

I’m so disillusioned. Again.

The Michael Vick case is a textbook example of how life is unfair.

Here is a man with way more going for him than your average human being. Did the Falcons really sign him for $130 million with a $22 million signing bonus? Given such a gift, why spend a penny of that money supporting a bloodsport as despicable as dog fighting? This is Caligula-style hubris, folks. You have to wonder just what the hell happened to Vick during his short life that would result in such a callous, soulless person.

I can’t wait to hear his excuse. It will have something to do with the tragedy of his childhood. Afterall... His father was in the army and then worked in the shipyards. His mother worked at Kmart. His father introduced him to football. His mother insisted he get involved in after-school activities so he wouldn’t become a discipline problem. His parents were married. His parents were involved in his life.

Yep… some tragedy.

But Michael Vick is just one of the many poor excuses for human beings masquerading as heroes – or as they are known in this day and age – celebrities.

The HO-lee trinity of Paris, Britney and Lindsay continue to entertain us with their inability to manage their lives in an adult fashion. Now – THAT is the Bratz movie I would pay to see. Car crashes, drug busts and coochie showings – all done to a techno beat and in haute couture.

Hey, let’s all go to the mall!

Politicians are just as bad – no, worse. Affairs with interns. Lusting after male interns and then blaming their alcoholism. Or did he blame a Catholic priest? Not to mention all that pork. Frankly… the lust I can understand – but the pork? Geez. Pork the intern, guys, not the bill.

I miss the days of Erotica era Madonna. When shocking the American public was something a celebrity did on purpose – with a purpose in mind actually. Yes, to make money and generate publicity, but also to bring attention to America’s hypocrisy and rather puritanical stance when it comes to sex. Madonna did a good job. Maybe too good. Just watch any ‘family’ style sitcom.

In these sitcoms, the laughs don’t come due to the outrageous circumstances of the characters have gotten themselves into (see Lucy) or the clash of personality types (see Raymond). No, not it’s all about sex. Double entendre? Hardly. Your average sitcom is now about as subtle as Britney Spears getting out of a limo.

But, hey – that is the price you pay for the enlightening of a society. Oh, gosh… did I really use that term? Enlightening? I’m no prude, but the snuff film ethics of today’s celebrity culture hardly makes me feel enlightened.

If this is enlightenment - I’d rather be left in the dark.

Speaking of which… Britney? Close your legs, honey. There’s enough ugliness in the world.

And speaking of ugly. Michael Vick? I hope you never see the light of day again, you sick, sick bastard. There is no excuse for what you’ve done. You have reaped what you have sown. I just wish you had even an inkling of the horrors you have committed and why this is going to cost you so much. You chose so badly.

Unlike those dogs. They had no choice. None.

In many ways, Michael Vicks, I wish you the same fate.