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Showing posts with label 2011. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2011. Show all posts

Monday, June 30, 2014

Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooters of the Week: SCOTUS Conservative Five: Justices Alito, Scalia, Roberts, Thomas, and Kennedy


Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooters of the Week - SCOTUS Conservative Five:
Justices Alito, Scalia, Roberts, Thomas, and Kennedy

Oh, boy.  The halls of The Supreme Court Building must be slick with skid marks today. The good old boys club of the Supreme Court took a swipe at both reproductive rights and Obamacare today.  

And I have to say… I am surprised, although, perhaps I shouldn’t be.

From the Huffington Post:  “In an opinion authored by Justice Samuel Alito, the court ruled in Burwell v. Hobby Lobby Stores and Conestoga Wood Specialties v. Burwell that the Obama administration has failed to show that the contraception mandate contained in the Affordable Care Act is the "least restrictive means of advancing its interest" in providing birth control at no cost to women.”

Now, one would have thought that the Justices would have been looking down the road to the future and keeping the big picture in mind, but no.

For, despite the fact that the decision was written narrowly so that it only applies to contraception, it will still open the floodgates to a tsunami of lawsuits.  Yes, most of of those lawsuits will be dismissed in lower courts, but I guarantee you that inevitability will not deter the stupidity from occurring, tying up our courts for a full decade.  

Basically, if you feel something in Obamacare infringes upon your religious rights, as an employer, you do not have to provide it – and that’s the gist most looking for an out will take away from today’s ruling.  And I'm not alone in thinking that way.

"The Court, I fear, has ventured into a minefield..." - Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, dissenting in Hobby Lobby

Oh, and here's a bit of logic that flies in the face of reality:

More from Huffington Post: “Some of the court's conservative-leaning justices asked why the Obama administration had granted religious accommodations to any organizations if the contraception mandate was so critical to public health. “It must have been because the health care coverage was not that important," said Justice Anthony Kennedy…

Apparently contraception is not considered a necessary part of a woman’s healthcare plan – but then five very out of touch old men (with dirty butts) made this decision, so I should not have expected any other outcome.

Let’s all offer our well-deserved congratulations to Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooters of the Week: SCOTUS Conservative Five: Justices Alito, Scalia, Roberts, Thomas, and Kennedy 




Friday, March 16, 2012

Work-Out Update: Closing out 2011

Another year, another look at working out!  Yeah, I know that normally this entry would have appeared at the beginning of January, but I guess I got sidetracked.  Anyway, here are the stats:

Figures for 2009: Worked Out for an hour plus 220 times or 4.23 times a week – averaging 18 times per month.

Figures for 2010: Worked Out for an hour plus 206 times or 3.96 times a week – averaging 17 times per month.

Figures for 2011: Worked Out for an hour plus 215 times or 4.13 times a week – averaging 18 times per month

So… slightly up from the previous year, and just shy of my 2009 numbers.   

It was a fairly injury free year.   I think this is because I stopped using the machines that are supposed to develop your biceps and arms.  Several trainers told me that these machines account for a lot of injuries and should be avoided, or used gently.  So that pain that I have in my elbows?  Never reappeared this year, or at least not to the extent that it had in past years.  

Another contributing factor to my lack of injuries?  All those aerobic-based workouts I added this year.  I will talk more about those a bit later.

I took a week of vacation at the end of May.  I also took a week and a half off when my dog, Beau, passed away in August.  A third week of vacation was a mandatory week off from work during the holidays.  This year they went so far as to shut the gym down during that time period. All together that represents 20 days I missed out on due to vacation time.

And you know what?  I am pretty proud of those numbers.  The weeks that I took off just made me appreciate my work outs all the more once I resumed them.

Again this year, I don’t count any of the hiking/walking time that I put in, figuring that is part of routine life and doesn’t really count as exercise.  And on the weekends or during holidays, I rarely exercised, except for push-ups and a few dumb-bell exercises – doing so only if I was going out somewhere where my upper body would be on display. 

I continued to make a pointed effort to change things up every 3-4 months in order to alleviate boredom and challenge my muscles.  I also attended a lot of classes: including Zumba, Kick Boxing, Turbo Kick, Boot Camp, Yoga, and Step.  Classes ranged in length from 45 to 90 minutes.  In light of all this aerobic based exercise, I chose to discontinue working out on the elliptical machines and stationary bikes.  When taking a class I always showed up at least 20 minutes before class in order to stretch and do my push-ups and crunches.

Why the sudden shift toward classes?  Because I know, that by nature, I am not a very social creature, but also needed to strive to be more so.  Yes, I like to be the lone wolf, standing in the corner, watching everyone else, while harboring petty grievances and assuming the worst of others.  But that changed the day Amanda took over our gym.  She kept after me to join classes. Once she explained what Zumba was and I got to watch a session - that was it – I was instantly hooked.  I promised I would go for six weeks to give it a fair try - but  I never stopped going and don’t intend to.  She also encouraged me to try other classes – Turbo Kick, Step and Cardio Mix. After I got over my initial shyness and self-consciousness, I started to have a good time. But that didn't mean I was ready to give up working out with weights.

My typical work out, when not attending a class would consist of 20 minutes of stretching, push-ups and crunches, followed by a work out using weights and machines, usually focusing on one part of my body: Chest, Triceps, Shoulders, Legs, etc. 

I’ve developed some really good habits.  I have come to realize that more weight does not necessarily produce a better work out.  I also really concentrate on form.  On those days when I do not feel like exercising I  give myself permission to ‘dog it’.  That mindset gets me to the gym and gets me started.  Funny thing is, once I get started, I really find myself getting into it… so I play this little mind game with myself, and still manage to reap the benefits of a solid workout.

I now listen almost exclusively to the radio at the gym.  Usually I choose a time when there are less people in attendance, that way I get to pick the station.  We used to have this somewhat-cool station in Minneapolis that would play what I guess you would describe as a hot mix of dance, pop, rap and r&b/hip-hop.  But at the close of the year, they switched formats and now I have to listen to some gawd awful station that never updates its playlist and includes crap like Taylor Swift and Lady Antebellum.   When I can’t take it anymore, I will pop in a Zumba mix CD.  I have really come to appreciate latin music. And Zumba!

I still can’t bring myself to wear shorts at the gym.  My legs remain unimpressive, though I have made some progress on my calves.  I think Zumba had a lot to do with this.

I’ve made significant strides in accepting and appreciating my body (that's me, pictured, by the way).  Subtle improvements continue to be made.  No, I’m no Daniel Craig, but am very pleased with the image that greets me in the floor-to-ceiling mirrors in the locker room, which is a huge shift in thought for me… my body image issues have tended to get in the way of my appreciating things. 

So, all told, a very good year for me.  So far 2012 looks to be on course, too.  Though I have cut back on the number of classes I am attending, concentrating instead on working out with weights.  Summer is coming and I want to look my best!

That said, I never miss a Zumba class. 

Must be that Latin beat…

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Television 2011: A Year In Review

I watch too much television. I feel the need to apologize for that, like it is a bad thing. I recently went to a holiday party where I knew very few people and made the mistake of mentioning a television program I had recently seen to the person seated next to me. The person said ‘I don’t watch television’ and then turned away from me and looked the other way. So, I apologize for watching too much television. Because it is (apparently) a bad thing.

That said – I enjoy it very much. I sit for hours and hours watching television. (Sitting is the second favorite thing I like to do with my butt.)

Here is a summary of those hours and hours:

Favorite Shows


American Horror StoryYes, the scripting is like something that poured out of a word Cuisinart and everyone is terrified that there is no way they can tie it all up and make sense of it (oddly they did). It is so over-the-top and so much happens in such little time that there is no room for characters to develop at a natural pace – but who the fuck cares? This is a lot of fun. A show with everything for everybody. Jessica Lange and Frances Conroy are outstanding. I mourn the loss of Jamie Brewer’s character, Adelaide. The rest of the cast is also first rate.

SuburgatoryThe primary relationship is a bit off (Father and Daughter? Ummm… Parental Boundaries?), but I like the world the writers are creating. It has a long way to go (and may not get there), but definitely worth watching. The neighbor girl across the street? Fascinating. Standout episode: Thanksgiving.

Happy EndingsInteresting cast. Interesting gay character. Interesting style of banter. Enters and exits like a Tasmanian Devil on a coke bender. Sometimes the characters grate on me - these are annoying people, but they each have a soft inside and that keeps me watching.

CommunityGreat cast, one that actually mirrors the name of the show. The writing is creative… sometimes too much for its own good. It would be a shame to lose this one.

Parks and RecThe sands beneath these characters are constantly shifting. How the actors manage to make it all work baffles me, but they do make it work. Started as an Office wannabe – became something even more likable.

30 RockTina Fey. Tracy Morgan. Enough said.

AwkwardA world I was never privy to before. Covering some of the same territory that Suburgatory covers, but doing a much better job.

South ParkWhen it is good (You’re Getting Old, Broadway Bro Down), it is very, very good. When it is bad (Bass To Mouth, Funnybot, Royal Pudding), it is a total train wreck – and not the fun kind (like American Horror Story).

Bob’s BurgerCharming. I love the kids. And the wife. I wish Louise Belcher could run for president (If only cartoon characters could. – oh, wait… (Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Thomas Cain, Newt Gingrich)? They do. They do.

WorkaholicsStrikes me as another kind of Always Sunny, but I like the cast. Sophomoric, juvenile. Extremely sexist. Umm… why do I like this? Oh, because the dudes are so comfortable with their homo-bro-ness. That, and they talk about their junk a lot.

Raising HopeLove the cast. So glad they have brought Cloris Leachman back from the zoned-out Alzheimer’s edge. She adds so many dimensions to the show – it would be a shame if she were rendered simply a vehicle for old-people poop jokes. Martha Plimpton has long needed something to showcase her talents! This is her “Medium”.

Cougar TownThis needs to come back. The cast was very funny, the writing sharp. I like all the characters – which is surprising considering they all are privileged white people (even the non-Caucasian ones), but then that same criticism applies to 95% of television.

The MiddlePart of the 5% (along with Raising Hope). In all its Malcolm in the Middle wonderfulness. When Patricia Heaton remains part of the ensemble, the show works – when she pushes her way to the front of the stage, it gets awkward – she tends to chew the scenery or become stilted. Perfect example of this – the episode with Marsha Mason as her Mom – it should have worked, but didn’t. That said, the whole cast is first rate, with the five family members each shining the brightest.

The Walking DeadI like zombies. I like survival. I like this show – when they stick to those two things. Soap opera bullshit? Not my thing. All I want to know is… when do they get to go on a free shopping spree at the mall?

Guilty, Guilty Pleasures


Tosh 2.0Tosh is the reason to watch. The clips are just the cringe-worthy moments his shtick is wound around.

The SoupJoel is the reason to watch. The clips are just the cringe-worthy his shtick is sound around.

Fashion PoliceJoan Rivers is… ummm, still alive. Kelly Osborne is cute as hell. The gay guy is sweet and inoffensive (another new gay stereotype I am liking) and the stick figure on the end has just enough personality that someday I may actually remember her name (although it seems to me she is on every show on E, including some gawd awful thing with a husband – so I think all the rest cancels out any good will she earns for being on Fashion Police).

The Romance Is Over Award:

How I Met Your MotherUgh. Can you all move on to something else. This is awful, painful to watch. When it is on, I keep looking at the clock and wonder just how bored the writers were when they thought this episode up. How could something that started out interesting become so bloody staid?

The Romance Is Waning Award:

Modern FamilyThe shape of the show is so established – as soon as the major plot points are highlighted, the audience can just fill in the blanks and come to the same happy, warm, smarmy, overly-privileged conclusion each week. ABC could save itself a lot of money and just let the audience do all the work. None of these characters ever really have any struggles worth giving a shit about… so why should I? How could something that started out interesting become so dull and predictable so quickly?

The Romance Never Got Started Award:

Two Broke GirlsGawd awful writing. Gawd awful ideas. Gawd awful characters. Is it 1980? Kat Dennings? Gawd awful. (Horrible Actress.) Matthew Moy, Garret Morris, Jonathan Kite? Total Embarrassments. (Horrible Stereotypes). In this day in age how could anyone think this was a good idea? How could something so… gawd awful still be on the air?

The Not Really... Award:

Allen GregoryI pay close attention to this one. On so many levels it is repugnant. The way the gay community is portrayed makes me squirm – only because I think they may have hit the preening-overly-privileged, class conscious, designer label conscious, queen thing right on their shaved, almond-shaped heads. The show sends so many mixed messages. Are they for us? Or against us? Or do they just hate everyone? Except exceptionally handsome, under-employed gay boy toys? Because other than that character – everyone else is just repulsive.

The Quirky But… Eh Award:

New GirlI hate Zooey Deschanel. There, I said it. Hate She and Him. Hate her cotton commercials. Didn’t hate her in Elf. The rest of this show is just so uninteresting, you find yourself praying she’ll appear soon. Wants desperately to be Happy Endings. Desperation is never pretty.

The Quirky and I Hate It Award:

WhitneySomebody cancel this piece of shit already. It reminds me of that time when Bette Midler, Joan Cusack, Paula Poundstone, etc. tried to have sitcoms. They all flopped because they failed to capitalize on what made them endearing in the first place and relied on standard, sitcom form. Whitney? There never was anything endearing to begin with… so… pull the damn plug already. The corpse is cold.

Can’t Seem To Watch You, Though I Really Should ListLouie
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Breaking Bad
Children’s Hospital

Can’t Seem To Watch You… At All:

Up All NightI love Christina Applegate. I love Maya Rudolph. I love Will Arnett. Then how can I resist this show? Oh, yeah… I forgot. I hate sitcoms about how difficult it is to be a parent. Because breeding is optional, you know.

Time to Pull the Plug Nominees:The Simpsons
Family Guy

How I Met Your Mother
Already Dead, But They Just Don’t Know It Yet Nominees:Whitney
Two Broke Girls
The Cleveland Show
Mike and Molly
Saturday Night Live
Reality Television

Show I Will Be Bitching About Next Year:Work ItHaven’t seen it. Don't want to. Don't need to. It already has me cringing. Really over the whole "I have fake boobs and testicles and can't walk in heels" comedy. How awful can television be? This awful.

Worst Thing(s) to Happen to Gay Television:

The A-List: New York, The A-List: DallasOkay, so I look the other way when confronted with the preening stereotypes that are being passed off as positive images for gay folk on Modern Family. I cringe my way through Allen Gregory (being gay? Not a choice!). I even smile on occasion at those wacky ass young drag queens on RuPaul’s Drag Race. But The A-List: New York? And The A-List: Dallas? This is gay-bashing at its all-time worse. And it’s being perpetrated by our own beloved LOGO? What? LOGO couldn’t find enough money to fund more Jeffery and Jeffery – or pay off all the money owed to the cast of Sordid Lives so we could get more of that fun stuff – but they will throw money at these overly-privileged, spoiled-rotten, reality-deprived, lazy-assed, talentless (apologies to Mike Ruiz – who should know better than to associate with this kind of shit), narcissists. Fuck you, LOGO. You do such a disservice to your own people: people you claim to serve. You should be ashamed of yourselves. And grow the fuck up. This is not reality. These shows do not represent real gay people - this is the kind of gay you shove down America’s throats and then wonder why everybody hates on gay people. Want to know why America doesn’t think gay people should marry? Watch these shows.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Music 2011: The Year In Review

For me, personally, it was a very good year in music. I listened to a whole lot of new stuff and, in fact, went out of my way to force myself out of my comfort zone. Doing so, I discovered a lot of wonderful stuff and some not so wonderful stuff.
15 Favorites
This is a list of favorites, not a best of list. “Best of” would seem to designate some type of superiority determined by a set of criteria. These are simply the recordings that caught my attention and held it, so I recommend you seek these out and decide for yourself.

Okkervil River: I Am Very FarI love this album. It’s got a lot of Roxy Music influence, very glam – but not in an obvious way.

Girl in A Coma: Exits and All The RestWow. I was so impressed by this. It puts them in the same class as The Pretenders and Concrete Blonde.

Wye Oak: CivilianThis one is like sinking into a nice warm bath.

Stephen Malkmus And The Jicks: Mirror TrafficOkay, so the vocals take a bit getting used to, but you cannot deny the joy and skill that exists within these songs.

Devotchka: 100 LoversAnother album that I just fell in love with. It’s sweeping and romantic – but not in a cliché’ way.

Wilco: The Whole LoveOkay, so this is weird, but I really thought about Pink Floyd throughout this entire gem. This is a very mature work. I like Wilco? Really? Since when? Since they grew up, I guess.

Adele: 21You can’t argue with this one – other than it feels a little too on the nose. I liked it immediately, more due to the songwriting than the rather labored vocals. Where is she going to put all those Grammies?

tUnE-yArDs: w h o k i l lQuirky to a fault, I still found a lot to love.

Destroyer: KaputtYeah, retro 80’s to a fault, but I love the Pet Shop Boys.

Cut Copy: ZonoscopeI’m a sucker for stuff like this.

Peter Bjorn and John: Gimme SomeClever. Clever, clever, clever. Some of the best pop songs I have heard in a long time.

The Joy Formidable: The Big RoarWhat a pleasant surprise. Big rock with some nice tasty pop licks. Can’t wait for more.

St. Vincent: Strange MercyThe album Kate Bush should have made.

The Black Keys: El CaminoA surprise. I thought they would always be stuck in 1972. They have graduated to 1977, bringing the whole retro/early 60’s/new wave vibe to the table.

Joe Henry: ReverieVery cabaret, very theatrical. I enjoyed it, and in many ways, this is the album I wish Tom Waits had made this year.

Favorite Singles
I was thinking this was a bad year for pop music, but it is all relative. While most of the music I heard on the radio annoyed the hell out of me, there were some that I relished every time they aired. And, yes… female voices kept things interesting this year.

Lonely Boy – The Black Keys
Pumped Up Kicks – Foster The People

Rolling In The Deep / Rumor Has It / Someone Like You / Set Fire to The Rain - Adele
Till The World Ends / I Wanna Go – Britney Spears
We Found Love / S&M – Rihanna feat. Calvin Harris
Domino – Jessie J.
E.T. / The One That Got Away / Last Friday Night - Katy Perry
Edge of Glory / Marry The Night / Born This Way/You and I – Lady Gaga
Papi / On The Floor – Jennifer Lopez
Secret Love / For What It’s Worth – Stevie Nicks
What I Heard / Mother – Blondie
Fly / Super Bass / Moment For Life – Nicki Minaj
Novacane – Frank Ocean (Yes, I know it’s just “Blame It (On the Alcohol)” by Jamie Foxx – but I like it)
Motivation – Kelly Rowland
Give Me Everything / International Love – Pitbull
Moves Like Jagger – Maroon 5 feat. Christina Aguilera
Fuckin’ Perfect – P!nk
You Make Me Feel… -Cobra Starship Featuring Sabi
Stereo Love: Edward Maya & Vika Jigulina
In The Dark – Dev
Sure Thing – Miguel

Favorite Song of the Year
I Love You (But I Don’t Know What To Say) – Ryan Adams
Guiltiest Pleasure
Burlesque Soundtrack (Thank you, Xtina and Cher. It was awful… awful wonderful!)

Veterans
This turned out to be an excellent year for veteran acts. Sure, these entries didn’t spring a whole lot in the way of surprises – but then, they are veterans – and the reason they are still around is because they can deliver the goods consistently. Sure, nostalgia plays a part, but the craft and skill demonstrated speaks louder than the soft spot these artists hold in my heart.

Emmylou Harris: Hard BargainJust lovely. Yeah, a little too safe and polished, but so what.

Robbie Robertson: How to Become ClairvoyantLush and polished.

R.E.M.: Collapse Into NowNot quite the return to form they promised, but solid none the less. They had a great run.

Blondie: Panic of Girls75% perfect pop – I could do without the reggae affectations and the French tickler, but hey, it’s Blondie, so that crap is part of the package.

Stevie Nicks: In Your DreamsThe first two songs on this CD are the reason I keep believing in Stevie. After that, it is hit and miss, but then – hey, it’s Stevie Nicks, so… goes with the territory.

Paul Simon: So Beautiful Or So What
Kate Bush: Director's Cut / 50 Words For Snow
Wanda Jackson: The Party Ain't Over
Lucinda Williams: Blessed
Foo Fighters: Wasting Light
The Cars: Move Like This
Tori Amos: Night of the Hunters

Favorite Dance
Here is where the year got weird. The Best of Dance? It was all over the radio. Sure, the clubs played the remixes, but the radio mixes got major play… on the actual radio! Dance music was everywhere – more mainstream than ever before. So check out my favorite singles and there you will find the best of dance. Okay, so there were a few exceptions to that rule and here they are:

One Hot Pleasure – Erika Jayne
Fade – Kristine W.
You Haven’t Seen The Last of Me – Cher
Call Your Girlfriend – Robyn
I’m Into You – Jennifer Lopez
Arrow Through My Heart - Eddie Amador & Kimberly Cole feat. Garza

Thank You’s
Not the best of anything, in fact, in some cases, the worst of the genre – but they brought joy to my life and a smile to my face. I admire pop craft and always will. No one is really immune to this stuff.

Katy PerryWhat a year. What a collection of pop gems. Yeah, she can’t sing, but that doesn’t seem to matter much these days. Every single from “Teenage Dream” eventually clicked with my ears. Yes, it is formulaic, because IT IS pop music, and what is pop music except a formula? And yes, her voice is shrill and flavorless. Eh. Get over it.

Britney SpearsBritney had almost as good a year as Katy, delivering her best in ages. Yeah, I know, she really doesn’t sing, but when the beats are this good – who cares.

Jessie J. – DominoThis is basically Katy Perry with a British accent and a purer sense of fashion. That said, the world could use a lot more Katy Perry – who doesn’t like to smile?

Kelly ClarksonI love pure pop, so what is not to love about Kelly Clarkson. Yes, her vocals tend to get a little strained on the extended long notes and her attack is rarely subtle (in fact, it’s become downright workmanlike), but I still find myself getting lost in the froth.

Lady GagaShe certainly kept us on her toes. Some of what she did, I had to question (what was with that Thanksgiving Special?), but she and her handlers are a bunch of very smart cookies. The new Madonna? Naw. There will never be another Madge, but Gaga has managed to stretch her 15 minutes quite a bit and in a number of tasty, satisfying ways. Sure, she tries too hard, but, unlike many an established star, at least she puts in some effort.

Nicki MinajSo, initially wrote her off as crass, vulgar, and obnoxious. But the fact is, she has a great talent for creating a lot of drama and licks that serve as ear worms that burrow their way into one’s brain. Very talented and I think she is the heir to Mary J.’s throne.

Jennifer LopezYeah, I know – kind of a spent dime, and as a biscuit – one full of empty calories. That said, she delivered three great cuts this year. And while only one of them really struck a chord with the bulk of listeners, they were all undeniably fun.

12 Also Rans
This is a list of albums that I remember liking, but something about each one of them held my enthusiasm in check. Still, they remain some of the best releases of the year.

Crazy Clown Time - David Lynch

The Decemberists: The King Is Dead
Death Cab For Cutie: Codes and Keys
My Morning Jacket: Circuital
Lykke Li: Wounded Rhymes
Raphael Saadiq: Stone Rollin'
Givers: In Light
M83: Hurry Up We’re Dreaming
Ceromonials: Florence + The Machine
Wild Flag – Wild Flag
Yuck – Yuck
Ryan Adams: Ashes & Fire
Dum Dum Girls: Only In Dreams



Disappointments
I expected more from these artists and these releases. Is that fair? Either I feel they failed to live up to their full potential (Gaga), are coasting (Scott), are disconnected from themselves (The Strokes), or simply chose to go in a direction they shouldn’t have (Waits and Bjork).

Jill Scott: The Light of the Sun
Lady Gaga: Born This Way
The Strokes: Angles
Tom Waits: Bad As Me
Bjork: Biophillia

Worst
Anything Bruno Mars smeared his feces onI cannot wait for this man’s 15 minutes to be over. He has a collection of the worst lyrics ever. His image, along with his music, is cribbed from others who got there first. His voice is annoying (though on occasion it reminds me of Rod Stewart). That said, he has a gift for arranging and melody. Still. I would be happy if I never heard from him again. Suck on some morphine, Bruno.

Anything Chris Brown smeared his feces onYeah, he’s talented. (Beautiful People was awesome!) Yeah, he can dance, has a voice, and a knack for pop that makes your ears prick up. But he’s a total douche. And an unrepentant woman beater. Fuck you, Chris. (Oh – it sounds like a certain rapper already did!) Thank you, Martyn!

Eminem CollaborationsThis trend take a (Bruno Mars/Skylar/Rhianna/Kesha/Lily Allen/Whoever) chorus and wrap a couple of lame raps/verses around it (whether they have anything to do with the chorus or not) sucks. Eminem just happens to be at the heart of two of the worst offenders. “Lighters” is awful. Dr. Dre’s “I Need a Doctor”, barely tolerable. What distinguishes these from the other dreck (5 O’Clock in the Morning, etc.) are the totally annoying angry-white-boy whiney raps perpetrated by Eminem. I mean, c’mon. Nobody with that much money is that pissed off all the fucking time. It seems he could have developed more of a range by now. He’s become Johnny-two-note, vacillating between being pissed off and comatose.

Radiohead: The King of LimbsThis has a lot to do with their appearance on SNL. Pretentious. Laughable. Embarrassing. Oh, and regarding the CD? Unlistenable.

Coldplay, Mylo XylotoThis has something to do with their appearance on SNL. Pretentious. Laughable. Embarrassing. Cringe-inducing. Nauseating. Tiring. The CD is okay, it’s just so… pompous, overdone, strident, bombastic, over-produced, and shallow. If I wanted that, I’d listen to U2.

Drake: Take CareStop it, already. My ears are tired. When the man steps away from the machine I will start listening again.

Tyler, The Creator: GoblinUnmitigated nonsense. Absolute trash.

T-Pain: rEVOLVErEvolution takes guts and a need for growth. Desperation to remain relevant and land another hit? Not so much. Auto-tune has always been annoying. T-Pain takes it to the extreme. He actually had four singles released that failed to catch fire, so they didn’t make the cut for this CD. Best Love Song? Worst song.

Jay-Z and Kanye West: Watch The ThroneTwo of the dullest talents in rap get together and… umm. WTF? Percy Sledge is turning in his grave. What could have been a wonderful homage is rendered embarrassing. Undercooked and lazy to the max. I am amazed these two could tear themselves away long enough from their mirrors and empires to even bother dropping these rhymes. Production-wise their ‘throw in everything, including the kitchen sink’ approach doesn’t help. Paris? What does it mean? It doesn’t mean anything. That makes it annoying – not exciting.

Beyonce: 4A Shrill Drill. B-Bouncy delivered the most unlistenable album of the year. Goats singing the phone book sound better than this. The woman doesn’t sing, she bleats. Her inability to deliver the most basic lyric with any sense of meaning continues to baffle and amuse me. Some of the worst musical ideas ever committed to a CD.

Wiz Khalifa: Rolling PapersDuhhhhhhhhh

Don’t Get It
So there may well be something to be said for each of the following albums – it’s just not what I would say. These are the favorites of many critics, but CDs that left me in the lurch. The blame may be all mine to bear, but I failed to connect in any way to the following:

Bon Iver: Bon Iver – Boring, Somber, Dank, Lifeless
Fleet Foxes: Helplessness Blues – Derivative to the point of redundancy
James Blake: James Blake – See “Bon Iver” If I want to feel this way, I will take valium
Danger Mouse and Daniele Luppi: Rome – Cliché, Overblown, Silly, Embarassing
YACHT: Shangri-La – It’s like the just got their first Casio tone keyboard and want to impress us
Panda Bear: Tomboy – Ummm. Huh?
Fucked Up: David Comes to Life – Like a scrambled radio signal you can’t tune in no matter how much time you spend doing so
Low: C'mon – Boring, Derivative
Thurston Moore: Demolished Thoughts – Just awful. What was he thinking.
PJ Harvey: Let England Shake – That voice. Oh, God… that voice.
Kurt Vile: Smoke Ring for My Halo – See “Fucked Up”, oh, and boring as hell
Beirut: The Rip Tide - It was okay, but too subdued for my taste
Das Racist: Relax - A real shame, a wasted opportunity, failing to deliver the goods as promised

Favorite sites to listen to stuff first:
Seek these out.

NPR Listen First
Pitchfork
Idolator
We Are Pop Slags
Muso’s Guide
Paste Magazine