Wonderland Burlesque's You Might Grow Up To Be A Mule Quiz - Part 3

Wonderland Burlesque's 

You Might Grow Up To Be A Mule Quiz

Part 3

This is the third Wonderland Burlesque quiz inspired by Bing Crosby's Swinging On A Star.

What can I say? When something works, you just go with it.

Simply fill in the blank for the topic suggested: If you had to be a ____ what would you be?

And why?

You can pick something you would like to be, something that reflects your current state or something that captures 'the real you.' Just have fun with it.

We'll be covering a lot of territory - some random, some not so random - so don't worry or get too far ahead of yourself. If you don't see something you think would be a great topic as part of this series of quizzes? Hang on. There's two more to come.

So, ask yourself...

If I had to be a ____, what would I be?

1/ A Bird

An Ostrich 

Intense eyes. Always looks crabby.

Easily provoked. Not too bright.

Will bite you.

Long, swayed neck. Strangely shaped body. Long legs. Odd plumage.

Runs funny.

Appears awkward. Looks cray cray.

Tends to stick head in sand until it's too late. 

Lays big eggs.

2/ A Farm Animal

A Pig

Yep. Oink, oink.

The wiggliest of the piggliest. 

The word 'lazy?' Easily attached.

I love being filthy.

Love to wallow in it. 

I'd like to make a joke about Jewish men not eating me, but...

...that would not be true!

3/ An Animal In The Jungle

A Dumb Monkey

I love to fling poo. Especially if it is mine to fling. 

I got a thing for bananas. All shapes, all sizes. Always curious if I can have more.

Swinging? Sort of my thing. 

Nit picking? Yep. Guilty. Tend to focus far too much on other people's shit. 

Did I mention I like flinging poo?

4/ An Animal In The Mountains

A Chinchilla

I adore these mountain rodents. Their big ears! So cute. 

There are two types - one of which is facing extinction, both are endangered.

I can't imagine any one harming these little cuties just for their coat.

They look so soft. And such lovely colors. 

Easy prey for eagles, though. 

Most chinchillas are now raised in captivity.

But not me... I am going to be living in the wild. 

Not exactly the domesticated type.

5/ A Prairie Dwelling Animal

A Prairie Dog

These are highly social animals. I am not. I wish I was, but my idea of being social is meeting someone for happy hour, one on one. The whole group mentality escapes me. 

So, while not a good fit, a prairie dog is what I would like to be. 

I think they are lovely, they way they move and act, and I love watching them. Especially when they stand up and look around. 

Again, another animal that is easy pickings for birds of prey. 

I can relate.

6/ A Desert Dwelling Animal

An Armadillo

Armadillo live in only semi-desert, but close enough.

I think they are beautiful and so well designed.

I envy them their hard shell. 

Many a day, I would love to curl up into myself and shut out the outside world.

Because they lack the ability to store fat, cold is their natural enemy. To that I can relate. 

I hate being cold. Nothing worse. 

7/ An Animal In The Arctic

A Musk Ox

I wanted to be a penguin, but they are not arctic birds. They live in Antarctica and the South Pole, because the ice is too thick for them to hung in the north. So penguins at the North Pole or, say Alaska? Nope.

I thought about being a walrus, but something about their body type does not suit me. Though they do appear to be quite crabby and easily riled, and that's very 'me.'

So, I choose the Musk Ox. 

I would love all that fur, all that long hair. And they have horns, which I can relate to. They are slow moving, which appeals to me. And they look like they might have a tendency to be easily riled and a bit crabby. 

They also remind me of Eeyore from Winnie The Pooh. 

And Eeyore and I? Well, while we do have a few things in common, my tail is not pinned on.

8/ An Insect

A Preying Mantis 

I love lady bugs. I wish I could be a lady bug, but... no lady, am I. 

And by that, I mean, I am not compact and cute and harmless and the inspiration for a brand of Volkswagens. 

I am long and lean, but can still blend in with the scenery quite nicely when it's called for.

My eyes do grow big!

The older I get, the more my physical demeanor is reminiscent of these stealthy predators. 

I would like to think I am also useful. People are given an advantage when I haunt their gardens. 

Yes, I look like a monster, but I am misunderstood. 

My lumbering is gentle in nature and I mean to do no harm. In fact, if I have my druthers, and things work as planned, you will never even know I am there. 

9/ An Ocean Dwelling Animal Or Fish

An Anglerfish

The more we get into this quiz, the more I am seeing the advantages of being a predator or predatory in nature. 

The anglerfish is the one that lives in the darkest depths of the ocean and has an an arced antennae with a light on the end. People erroneously believe that the fish uses it as a lantern, but, in fact, it is a method of luring prey. 

I don't see myself as luring prey. 

I'm much more comfortable with the thought of it as a light to see by. I enjoy seeing things in the dark. I like looking in the shadows. I think that's one of the reasons doing research appeals to me. Now, I don't dig very deep and I do tend to draw conclusions based on too little known and much too quickly. 

Still... I like peering in the dark. 

And I don't mind being in the dark. 

Or leaving others in the dark.

I like living a life which is segmented and quite private. I think it makes me feel clever, something I rarely achieve by more conventional means. I've come to accept that I enjoy getting away with things when I can.

And I do. 

I am probably not as clever or as deceptive as I believe. I'm sure someone knows more about me than I am giving them credit for. Still, I angle my head and purse my lips in the manner of a coy smile - much like Geraldine Page - believing I've gotten away with so much in my life. 

And who knows... maybe I have.

I'll never tell.

10/ A Domestic Pet

The Ghost Of A Guinea Pig Who Disappeared

I can tell you right this instant... no one puts a collar and a leash on me. 

To each their own, but perish the thought. I think that's why I have never been much of a leader or a follower. Let's set aside the whole blind leading the blind aspect of such an arrangement (where are you taking me?) As much as I am loyal to and love my tiny community of people I deeply care for, I will always seek paths less travelled. And no one need take me there; I will find them on my own, thank you very much. 

That's why organized religion and I have never gotten along. I don't need or want someone else to supply me with the answers or help me find my way. Nor do I wish to network or associate with those that do. 

That's the appeal of the prairie, for me, I think. Big sky. Open area. Tall grass to hid in. Trees to take shelter under. I feel my spirit there... dancing a ballet of its own, very private creation. 

On days like today, when the sun is brilliant and the sky so blue, it hurts to be inside. I feel like a starfish stranded on the shore, all I long for is to return to the sea. 

So, the term domestic is not a good fit for me. 

I'll be the ghost of a guinea pig who disappeared down a heating vent of an an old Victorian house. 

Yes, you thought you owned me...

But, you did not!

Meanwhile, I will simply be skirting about the corners of rooms, undetected, observing, living off the crumbs others leave behind. 

You may catch the occasional glimpse of me, out of the corner of your eye. And you may believe I exist, to the point where you attribute certain events or qualities to me. 

But I am a ghost... and you cannot quantify me. You cannot harm me. 

And you can never, ever own me.

--- ---

Well, this was a total fantasy. 

How I enjoy a good delusion.

Alright! Your turn. You know what to do...

Leave your answers in the comments section. Why not share a few delusions of your own? 

Until next time - we have two to go in this series - thank you for reading... and participating.

Swinging On A Star - The Lennon Sisters

Swinging On A Star - Dion & The Belmonts

Acquired Tastes XLIII: Gay Pulp Fiction, Part 101 - HIS69, Part 30 of 44

Acquired Tastes XLIII

Gay Pulp Fiction, Part 101

HIS69, Part 30 of 44

The HIS69 imprint was active from 1971 thru 1988, delivering an astounding 531 titles. Surrey House, Inc. / Surree Ltd, Inc. of San Diego and Santee, California are responsible for this imprint which was distributed by the same company as Trojan Books, Manhard Books, Gay Books and Gay Way Books; the Zorro Distribution Company, also operating out of San Diego.

It should be noted that many of these titles, with original artwork included, were simultaneously republished under the Gay Books imprint and then, later, minus the artwork, were also republished under the ManPower imprint.

The artwork for the HIS69 books would go through only two minor shifts with all the covers featuring ink drawings by various uncredited illustrators - artwork quite similar to what we saw with the Manhard imprint.

Came up short four times this week!  As I'd warned, I think that is something that is going to become quite common as we work our way through the remaining titles.  So, sadly, twelve titles this week, but only eight covers.

Kevin’s Birthday Candle

Author: Ward Michaels

HIS69473

(Cover Not Found)

I have a feeling there's an awful lot of blowing involved in this little erotic tale. 

And hopefully, there are more than 17 candles on that cake!

--- ---

Dark Desires

Author: Michael Scott

HIS69474

(Cover Not Found)

Just a guess, but I bet this one is a racially-charged. It's odd to think it, but it really wasn't all that long ago that mixed-race relationships were considered taboo. I think back to horror movies like Mandingo, steeped in a racist, sexist lore with all the trappings of a less-than honorable historic period. It's possible that it's laughable to watch, now. No doubt,  these films fetishized such attitudes, ushering in a generation or two of rather unevolved sexual appetites. 

 

--- ---

 Learning The Ropes

Author: Tom Hardy

HIS69475

(Cover Not Found)

Most likely bondage-themed. 

Actual rope would not be my first choice to be tied up with. It would leave marks. Maybe they have a special silken rope which is kinder to the skin. Of course, there are those who like the marks. 

--- ---

Young Summer Studs

Author: Jonathan Sommers

HIS69476

Oh, my! No mistaking what's going on at this campground! The foreground figures are absolutely striking. My only issue is with that tent - not sure what is to it's immediate left... a rock?

Sigh, if only my summers were filled with such fun!  

Imagine being on a hike and coming upon such a scene.

And then cumming upon such a scene!

--- ---

Randy Studs

Author: Michael Ward

HIS69477

Construction love! And I adore those socks blondie's sporting. I bet his buddy makes his toes curl!

--- ---

Tower Of Lust 

Author: Ward Michaels

HIS69478 

(Cover Not Found)

I picture an office or apartment tower filled with all sorts of gay men doing it on the fire stairs, the elevators, the underground parking garage. 

There's probably a special board comprised of unit owners who approve all new applicants. Imagine that interview! The same board would implement rules and regulations to ensure certain standards are maintained. No doubt those tenants who fail to abide are brought up on disciplinary charges. 

The book's climax is probably a big showdown between the board and its most lusty tenant, who refuses to stop leaving his front door open for the walk in scenes he sets up via messages scrawled on the walls of mens rooms throughout the city. 

Or maybe it's just about the tenant's door knocker - a giant neon pink dildo on a rope?

What is the issue, Helen? 

--- ---

Trapped

Author: Tom Hardy

HIS69479

You point that end of a rifle anywhere near my genitals and Mr. Happy is not going to get any too happy. 

Also... did someone saw that bottom in half, or is that a rope? 

--- ---

Biker Revenge

Author: Paul Gronowski

HIS69480

Looks like blondie is going to be in need of a little Preparation H! 

Hope he cleaned out properly ahead of time. 

But then... who plans for revenge sex?

--- ---

Teacher's Pet Studs

Author: Ward Michaels

HIS69481

Oh, those first-year teachers. Still young enough to relate to their students - in oh, so many ways. Some taking such bonding to degrees that are, in fact, quite illegal. 

I had a number of crushes on my high school teachers. It was never the nice ones, only the really mean ones. If they were male and barked at me or humiliated me in class? Oh, dear... they were in my masturbatory fantasies for years and years.

Some, I still think about. Of course, by now they're close to death. 

That'll put a bit of a chill in the air.

--- ---

Coachsuckers

Author: Frank Stare

HIS69482

Nothing sexier than a hot basketball coach. Remember the regulation shorts they used to wear in the 1970's? And Bike brand jock straps with the ribbed pouch? Oh, those were the days. That, a porn stash and some knee high athletic socks with three rings on 'em got you anything you wanted.

And if you had naturally curly hair or an Art Garfunkel perm? You were set for the decade.

Now, junior varsity there appears to be a tad under-age. 

But it was the seventies. Everybody looked the other way and pretended it just wasn't happening. 

--- ---

Manstrip

Author: Dirk Van Damm

HIS69483

Strippers do nothing for me. Nada. 

Unless they're pure amateurs and should not be doing what they are doing. Then it's sport! 

I support public humiliation in all forms, as long as everybody's having a good time and keeping a sense of humor about it. 

But gym bunny bodies? Zzzzzzz. 

They look like golden Butterball turkeys, all glistening, plump and oozy. 

Give me an ugly man with bad posture and in need of some body wax... and I have a dollar bill with his name on it!

--- ---

Hot On His Tail

Author: David Chaney

HIS69484

This is one of the most curious covers I've seen so far.

Is that man in a sex sling or are they parachuting naked? 

And did blondie just chest kick his top, jettisoning him into a freefall? 

Inquiring minds want to know!

--- ---

And that's all for now.

Next week? Another dozen scintillating, titillating titles.

Until then...

Thanks for reading!

Teacher's Pet - Melanie Martinez