Wonderland Burlesque's You Might Grow Up To Be A Mule Quiz - Part 3

Wonderland Burlesque's 

You Might Grow Up To Be A Mule Quiz

Part 3

This is the third Wonderland Burlesque quiz inspired by Bing Crosby's Swinging On A Star.

What can I say? When something works, you just go with it.

Simply fill in the blank for the topic suggested: If you had to be a ____ what would you be?

And why?

You can pick something you would like to be, something that reflects your current state or something that captures 'the real you.' Just have fun with it.

We'll be covering a lot of territory - some random, some not so random - so don't worry or get too far ahead of yourself. If you don't see something you think would be a great topic as part of this series of quizzes? Hang on. There's two more to come.

So, ask yourself...

If I had to be a ____, what would I be?

1/ A Bird

An Ostrich 

Intense eyes. Always looks crabby.

Easily provoked. Not too bright.

Will bite you.

Long, swayed neck. Strangely shaped body. Long legs. Odd plumage.

Runs funny.

Appears awkward. Looks cray cray.

Tends to stick head in sand until it's too late. 

Lays big eggs.

2/ A Farm Animal

A Pig

Yep. Oink, oink.

The wiggliest of the piggliest. 

The word 'lazy?' Easily attached.

I love being filthy.

Love to wallow in it. 

I'd like to make a joke about Jewish men not eating me, but...

...that would not be true!

3/ An Animal In The Jungle

A Dumb Monkey

I love to fling poo. Especially if it is mine to fling. 

I got a thing for bananas. All shapes, all sizes. Always curious if I can have more.

Swinging? Sort of my thing. 

Nit picking? Yep. Guilty. Tend to focus far too much on other people's shit. 

Did I mention I like flinging poo?

4/ An Animal In The Mountains

A Chinchilla

I adore these mountain rodents. Their big ears! So cute. 

There are two types - one of which is facing extinction, both are endangered.

I can't imagine any one harming these little cuties just for their coat.

They look so soft. And such lovely colors. 

Easy prey for eagles, though. 

Most chinchillas are now raised in captivity.

But not me... I am going to be living in the wild. 

Not exactly the domesticated type.

5/ A Prairie Dwelling Animal

A Prairie Dog

These are highly social animals. I am not. I wish I was, but my idea of being social is meeting someone for happy hour, one on one. The whole group mentality escapes me. 

So, while not a good fit, a prairie dog is what I would like to be. 

I think they are lovely, they way they move and act, and I love watching them. Especially when they stand up and look around. 

Again, another animal that is easy pickings for birds of prey. 

I can relate.

6/ A Desert Dwelling Animal

An Armadillo

Armadillo live in only semi-desert, but close enough.

I think they are beautiful and so well designed.

I envy them their hard shell. 

Many a day, I would love to curl up into myself and shut out the outside world.

Because they lack the ability to store fat, cold is their natural enemy. To that I can relate. 

I hate being cold. Nothing worse. 

7/ An Animal In The Arctic

A Musk Ox

I wanted to be a penguin, but they are not arctic birds. They live in Antarctica and the South Pole, because the ice is too thick for them to hung in the north. So penguins at the North Pole or, say Alaska? Nope.

I thought about being a walrus, but something about their body type does not suit me. Though they do appear to be quite crabby and easily riled, and that's very 'me.'

So, I choose the Musk Ox. 

I would love all that fur, all that long hair. And they have horns, which I can relate to. They are slow moving, which appeals to me. And they look like they might have a tendency to be easily riled and a bit crabby. 

They also remind me of Eeyore from Winnie The Pooh. 

And Eeyore and I? Well, while we do have a few things in common, my tail is not pinned on.

8/ An Insect

A Preying Mantis 

I love lady bugs. I wish I could be a lady bug, but... no lady, am I. 

And by that, I mean, I am not compact and cute and harmless and the inspiration for a brand of Volkswagens. 

I am long and lean, but can still blend in with the scenery quite nicely when it's called for.

My eyes do grow big!

The older I get, the more my physical demeanor is reminiscent of these stealthy predators. 

I would like to think I am also useful. People are given an advantage when I haunt their gardens. 

Yes, I look like a monster, but I am misunderstood. 

My lumbering is gentle in nature and I mean to do no harm. In fact, if I have my druthers, and things work as planned, you will never even know I am there. 

9/ An Ocean Dwelling Animal Or Fish

An Anglerfish

The more we get into this quiz, the more I am seeing the advantages of being a predator or predatory in nature. 

The anglerfish is the one that lives in the darkest depths of the ocean and has an an arced antennae with a light on the end. People erroneously believe that the fish uses it as a lantern, but, in fact, it is a method of luring prey. 

I don't see myself as luring prey. 

I'm much more comfortable with the thought of it as a light to see by. I enjoy seeing things in the dark. I like looking in the shadows. I think that's one of the reasons doing research appeals to me. Now, I don't dig very deep and I do tend to draw conclusions based on too little known and much too quickly. 

Still... I like peering in the dark. 

And I don't mind being in the dark. 

Or leaving others in the dark.

I like living a life which is segmented and quite private. I think it makes me feel clever, something I rarely achieve by more conventional means. I've come to accept that I enjoy getting away with things when I can.

And I do. 

I am probably not as clever or as deceptive as I believe. I'm sure someone knows more about me than I am giving them credit for. Still, I angle my head and purse my lips in the manner of a coy smile - much like Geraldine Page - believing I've gotten away with so much in my life. 

And who knows... maybe I have.

I'll never tell.

10/ A Domestic Pet

The Ghost Of A Guinea Pig Who Disappeared

I can tell you right this instant... no one puts a collar and a leash on me. 

To each their own, but perish the thought. I think that's why I have never been much of a leader or a follower. Let's set aside the whole blind leading the blind aspect of such an arrangement (where are you taking me?) As much as I am loyal to and love my tiny community of people I deeply care for, I will always seek paths less travelled. And no one need take me there; I will find them on my own, thank you very much. 

That's why organized religion and I have never gotten along. I don't need or want someone else to supply me with the answers or help me find my way. Nor do I wish to network or associate with those that do. 

That's the appeal of the prairie, for me, I think. Big sky. Open area. Tall grass to hid in. Trees to take shelter under. I feel my spirit there... dancing a ballet of its own, very private creation. 

On days like today, when the sun is brilliant and the sky so blue, it hurts to be inside. I feel like a starfish stranded on the shore, all I long for is to return to the sea. 

So, the term domestic is not a good fit for me. 

I'll be the ghost of a guinea pig who disappeared down a heating vent of an an old Victorian house. 

Yes, you thought you owned me...

But, you did not!

Meanwhile, I will simply be skirting about the corners of rooms, undetected, observing, living off the crumbs others leave behind. 

You may catch the occasional glimpse of me, out of the corner of your eye. And you may believe I exist, to the point where you attribute certain events or qualities to me. 

But I am a ghost... and you cannot quantify me. You cannot harm me. 

And you can never, ever own me.

--- ---

Well, this was a total fantasy. 

How I enjoy a good delusion.

Alright! Your turn. You know what to do...

Leave your answers in the comments section. Why not share a few delusions of your own? 

Until next time - we have two to go in this series - thank you for reading... and participating.

Swinging On A Star - The Lennon Sisters

Swinging On A Star - Dion & The Belmonts