Weekend Onesie: All Gods Are False

Weekend Onesie: 

All Gods Are False

I woke with that thought one morning; 'All gods are false.' And thought, 'well, this is going to prove to be an interesting day.' 

However, other than sending me running to my laptop to write it down, because the above image of Donald Duck yawning as he walks past the 'God Of Gab' immediately sprang to mind, it really didn't affect my day. 

Thus is the concept of 'god' in my life... most days. Today, though... I had another thought.

The notion that "Thou shalt have no other gods before ye," strikes me as rather silly.

 

Alluding that there is such a thing as a 'false' god, tends to lend credence to the idea that they're all made from the same vat of fat. I've always marveled at people's tenacity when it comes to their belief that, when choosing a religion, they 'got it right.'

How do they know?

Faith, they will reply.

Faith is nothing more than blind belief. Just because you can believe in something doesn't mean you should. I have a number of emotional scars that prove that to be the case. No, I don't need a 'god' to relieve me of my suffering. 

That's what gin is for.

I have a lot of faith in gin. I have faith in a few other things, too.

I have faith that common sense will one day return to Washington D.C. I have faith that people like Putin and the orange ogre will one day have their comeuppance. I have faith that The Supreme Court of The United States will one day snap to and realize the error of their ways. But, and call me a doubting Thomas (no, not that Thomas) if you must, but I have reason to believe none of that will be happening any time soon, or in my lifetime, for that matter. 

So much for faith.

And for those believers who think we atheists are haters, well, you could not be more wrong. We don't hate you for your beliefs. We just think you're Silly Billies to believe what you believe.

See, I believe that a large percentage of life is going to suck, whether I give ten percent of my money to a religious organization or not. So, erring on the side of common sense, I'd rather keep my money. 

To buy more gin.

And it's not just the money, honey. It's the time and energy. If I need a sense of community? I'll join a book club. If they pick a book I don't particularly care for? I just won't go that month.

Sometimes I wonder if atheists are more involved with the dissection of religious dogma than the average church goer. Oh, I know those bible groups meet up all the time, but I view those gatherings as a sort of book club where everyone sits around, mentally masturbating and salivating as they try to one-up each other on just how 'boned' up they are when it comes to that particular book.  

If I belong to a book club, I want it to be one where we have a different book, on a different topic, every month. No need getting obsessed with words someone - very human - wrote. Particularly if that writer is a straight man with a bug up his ass. 

Straight men tend to think with their 'little brain' (some littler than others.)

I'm sure you've all heard about 'small town minds.' Yeah, well, where I grew up, the smaller the mind, the smaller the penis. Oh, don't take my word for it. You can do your own research. Just move to someplace like Iowa Falls for a year. Spend enough time on your knees and... you'll see what I mean. 

I enjoy doing my own research. 

And I did. For years and years, after having spent my first eighteen years as a Catholic, I began to look around and check out some of these other 'gods.' It took years. I was a Methodist, a pagan, an old age spiritualist, a new age spiritualist, a prosperity theologist. I researched the Torah and the Qur'an. I went to therapists. I read up on all the philosophers. Then I came back to Catholicism, because I thought maybe 'god' could save my Dad's Alzheimer-ravaged mind. 

And I tried for three years. Seemed like thirty. Felt like forty.   

Yes, through it all, I listened a lot and did my own homework. 

And watched others. Yes...

Observation is a great teacher.

See, that's the thing about most atheists. We're a pretty self-reliant bunch. Oh, sure, we grapple with the same emotional turmoil the average religious sort deals with, but we deal with it using common sense and well-being practices, such as exercise, volunteering, reading...  and little helpers like THC and gin martinis. 

All in moderation. We wouldn't want to get fanatical. 

You've all taught us what that can lead to.

I have to send a shout out to my friend, Rick, over at SickoRicko'sCrap. 

Once a week, he preaches the good word, posting all sorts of memes exploring the fallibility of religions and poking holes in the fabric of religious life.  

I appreciate it. 

Helps keep me on the 'right' path.

We wouldn't want any of that magical thinking sneaking its way back in.

And so, to close today's sermon, we recall the words of our blessed sister, the late Anne Marie In Philly from the Church of the Blogosphere (or was it the Church of the Poisoned Mind?), as we all say...

Gay-men!

Atheists Don't Have No Songs - Steve Martin 

& The Steep Canyon Rangers

Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooters of the Week: A Plethora of Scooters

Wonderland Burlesque’s 

Turdscooters of the Week: 

A Plethora of Scooters

Lately, there have been so many possible Turdscooters in a given week that I found it difficult to single one out of the crowd, a situation that left me stymied and unable to pick one to write about.

That trend continues this week, so I’ve decided to give in and simply list all the contenders.

Mike Huckabee, would-be presidential hopeful and religious mucky muck, made the statement that legalizing gay marriage is a biblical issue.  He went on to say that gay marriage is offensive to Christians the same way dogs are offensive to Muslims and pork is offensive to people who are Jewish. 

Yeah, he… he really said that.

In other nonsensical uber-Christian news…

Donny Pauling Jr., from Sutter County in California and a former porn producer turned Christian anti-porn crusader, has been arrested for the second time since December for the sexual abuse of a minor.  Seems the man can’t keep his hands off the jailbait. 

The FRC’s Tony Perkins equated photos of gay people on Facebook to the persecution of Christians.

Oklahoma Representative Sally Kern (“the homosexual agenda is a bigger threat than terrorism”) introduced a trifecta of anti-gay legislation (No funds or services to support gay marriages, businesses have a right to refuse service, and parents can send their gay kids to a therapist to attempt to change their sexual orientation) in that state.  

She’s already had to withdraw one (businesses have a right to refuse…) because she claimed it would not accomplish what she intended.  She is also heartbroken that people are being all mean to her and saying nasty things about her god.

And, in some not so Christian news…

At an America’s Best Valu Inn in Albuquerque, NM, Justin Reynolds and his girlfriend, Monique Villescas were both injured by a single bullet shot from a handgun their three-year-old son found in his Mom’s purse.   

And, finally, for a little historical perspective…

As this (http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2015/02/happy-birthday-ayn-rand-8-scary-quotes-from-the-guru-of-selfishness/) item at Raw Story so succinctly captures…

…Ayn Rand was/is a ‘turrrrrible’ person. (Happy Birthday, ya stingy, old crow.)

Ah, yes.... so many to choose from.

And there were so many more.

But, these, these are the top of the crop, the pick of the litter, the miasma that floats on the horizon.

And, for them all, I say...

Razzleberries… razzleberries everyone!

Wonderland Burlesque's Turdscooter of the Week: Pastor Donnie Romero

Wonderland Burlesque's 

Turdscooter of the Week 

Pastor Donnie Romero

Oh, my!  I know somebody whose name is definitely off the invite list to my annual holiday party this year!

I mean, if I’m not welcome at his celebrations, then he is certainly not welcome to mine.

Seems Pastor Donnie Romero of the Stedfast Baptist Church in Fort Worth, Texas (oh, those southern Baptists, sigh) spewed all sorts of hate from the pulpit the other day.  Which should come as no surprise: the man was ordained by none other than foaming at the mouth homophobe Pastor Steve Anderson who has the honor of being last week’s Turdscooter of the Week.

Just in time for the holidays, Pastor Romero offered up the following sweet, ‘Christian’ proclamations:

“I’m not going to let any of these dirty faggots inside my church. They are all pedophiles. Look in the Bible. Every time it shows the sodomites, in Genesis 19 and Judges 19, they’re always trying to rape and hurt other people. They’re relentless. They are relentless. They are predators and given an opportunity to snatch one of your children, they would do it in a heartbeat.”

-  and –

“It’s saying that sodomites are full of all unrighteousness. That means that there is not a sin that they’re not capable of doing. You think about all these weird sins that it talks about in the Book of Leviticus: animals, child sacrifice. It’s within their reasoning to do all of them.”

Now the only things I think children are good for are productions of ‘Annie’ (ugh) or ‘Oliver’ (eh).  Other than that?  I can’t think of any other purpose they serve. So, there goes your theory, Donnie.

The good Pastor’s solution?  Why all gays should “be put to death”, of course.

Hmmm.  Now where, oh where, have were heard that before?  Seems Pastor Romero is merely parroting the thoughts of his rage-filled mentor, Pastor Anderson.  A case of monkey see, monkey do?

Well… isn’t that special.

In response, and as a form of salute, let’s all collectively look over the edge of our reading glasses, purse our lips and utter a hearty, unified southern ‘pshaw’ in the general direction of Wonderland Burlesque's Turdscooter of the Week, one of the most misinformed, ignorant men in the (yawn) great state of Texas, Pastor Donnie Romero.

Pastor Donnie?  It’s Xmas, honey.  Save all your hate speech for the other eleven months of the year. Just stick to talking about the baby Jesus, all that bling those three ‘Wise’ gays, er, guys, bestowed upon him, and how those Lamaze classes paid off big time in the manager. 

That’s all we want to hear from the likes of you this time of year, sugar, m'kay? 

Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooter of the Week: Pastor Steve Anderson

Wonderland Burlesque’s 

Turdscooter of the Week: 

Pastor Steve Anderson

Pastor Steve Anderson, of Tempe, Arizona’s Faithful Word Baptist Church, would like to see an “AIDS-free world by Christmas”.  An admirable sentiment, to be sure, however… it’s the means by which he’d like to achieve that goal that is raising eyebrows along with plenty of protest.

Seems Pastor Anderson believes that "we can have an AIDS-free world by Christmas" if only all those pesky gays were "executed."  Yes!  Executed!

Using Leviticus 18:22 as his go-to verse, he proclaimed, "It was right there in the Bible all along.  It's curable right there!  If you executed the homos like God recommends, you wouldn't have all this AIDS running rampant."

How very ‘Christian’ of him!

In a sermon delivered on November 30^th, he proffered that the gay community is "filled with disease because of the judgment of God.”

But then, one might well consider the source.  On the church website Pastor Anderson brags that he "holds no college degree, but has well over 140 chapters of the Bible memorized word-for-word."

Here’s the thing… those that thump The Bible in such a fashion really do a disservice to that book, for I believe that Pastor Anderson is a textbook example of when memorization does not equate comprehension or applied knowledge.  How he could commit so much of the book to memory without coming away with a better sense of the big picture astounds me.  

But astounding people seems to come second nature to Pastor Anderson, who is no stranger to controversy. He’s come under fire in the past for his views on divorce and his desire to keep women silent in church and subjugated to the men folk.

Ummm… what year is it?

So, my friends, let’s all wave a condom of truth in the air, as a means of saluting Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooter of the Week: Pastor Steve Anderson, a man whose zeal would be put to much better use feeding the poor, caring for the sick, etc.  You know -  those other things The Bible would seem to advocate... ummm, doing.

Ah, but then it’s people like him that help make Arizona the great state of hate that it is! 

  

The Bible and Anne Coulter: It Takes a Whore to Know One

Thanksgiving morning, I was in church, in a particularly good mood – enjoying the unusually warm weather and in the mood to soak up the energy created when people gather. Sitting with the choir, I made small talk with the bass player until service began. The sun was pouring in through the windows above the altar and all seemed right with the world. Mass began. I was in good voice. As the readings began I buried my face in my hymnal; going over the psalm that was to be sung – it had a very pretty melody and part of me wished I would one day get a chance to sing it when I cantor.

Then we got to that part just before the gospel is read, when everyone touches their index finger to their eyes, lips and chest. I must have been absent that day in catechism, because I never learned to do it, and though I get the gist of the gesture (bless my eyes, my lips, my heart?) I never developed the habit to mimic those around me. Why, I wondered.

It occurred to me that I don’t bother with that particular gesture because it bestows some magical power upon the text that is about to be read. I don’t bother with that ritualistic movement for the same reason I bury my face in my hymnal – checking out copyright dates, composers, and trying to sight read the music – each time a reading from the bible is presented. It’s because I don’t hold that book in all that high esteem. I get the basic lessons it imparts, have for years. Each time the reader or the priest launches into a reading, I discern the meaning behind that particular reading, acknowledge how it relates to my own life, and then turn my attention to my hymnal.

How can I be so callous? So presumptuous? So sacrilegious? Is it because I’m gay? Not really. Because I am a hedonistic sinner? Ummm… naw. My disregard for the highly regarded book stems, not from my lack of moral compass, but from my understanding of the history, origin, purpose, and creation of that particular text.

The bible is not the word of God. It is the word of man – and in this particular case, the word of many, many men (and maybe a few women, but I doubt it, given the overall sexist nature of the many of the passages). The basic lessons to be imparted are quite valuable, much like those found in Aesop’s Fables. However, the bible, unlike Aesop’s Fables, has been subject to a lot of tinkering and padding. The men that helped shape this text over the years have managed to infuse these tales and lessons with their own not-so-hidden agendas and biases, which has resulted in the vilification and exclusion of certain segments of the population. And so it becomes rather confusing. All are welcome? Did God make me? Does God love me as I am? In spite of what and whom I turned out to be? Am I, indeed a child of God?

Well, no. Not according to the bible. Or at least some folks interpretation of the bible. Fortunately, the church I attend has a priest that seems to steer away from the more exclusive parts of the bible. For a Catholic church? It’s pretty damn welcoming. There’s a hymn we sing quite often entitled “All Are Welcome” and this congregation really embraces and lives that message.

And that’s as it should be.

Yes, I’ve heard that whole ‘love the sinner, hate the sin’ creed. I don’t find it very comforting. In fact, I think it’s something people came up with just so they could feel superior to someone else. It’s a bogus theology. Especially when it comes to gay people. You either accept us as God made us, or you’re really not all that in tune with the basic lessons the bible has to impart. Either you accept us as children of God, just as you have presumed yourself to be, or you’re a bloody hypocrite. In which case, I feel sorry for you – those who live life as a hypocrite – for yours is a burden of woe. I don’t know how you can live a life of such conflicting truths – either you are a Christian, or you are not – but I accept you as you are because as a sexually active gay man, I too, live a life of conflicting truths. I think hate, like wanton sex, must feel really good, otherwise, why would anyone pour their energy into creating and sustaining it? I believe that those people who live their lives condemning other children of God must really get off on that emotion. Apparently, just as I believe God made me gay and that it is not a choice, so God made them hateful hypocrites put on earth to distort his good works and lessons. (It’s okay, Michele and Marcus Bachmann. I don’t like you or what you do, but I do understand.)

And to take that last assumption one step further, I would like to theorize that what Michele and Marcus, and the Dr. Laura’s, Limbaugh’s, O’Reilly’s, and Coulter’s (aside – did you know that if you Google “blonde hateful republican pundit”, Ann Coulter’s name is at the top of the list?) of this world are really about has NOTHING to do with the word of God, or moral stewardship. They are just media whores, hungry for power, fame and – above all else – money. For that is their true God – MONEY. They may fool themselves, along with a lot of gullible others, but money really is the only thing (other than fame and power) they truly care about.

That – their money, how they achieve it, their need for it - doesn’t make them evil. It merely makes them human. In fact, it makes them the kind of people that the lessons of the bible does such a good job warning us about. And as such, we need to understand them. That said, I wish I was a good enough Christian to forgive them, too. To just let them be. But I am a flawed human, too. And I can’t. Like the Dixie Chicks – I’m Not Ready to Make Nice.

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting

And I am waiting. Waiting for the day they own up to being the money-hungry media whores they are. For therein lies the difference between us. I own my shortcomings – I am a sexually compulsive, hedonistic, grudge-harboring, flawed human being. However, as much as I dislike the hate-filled, divisive rhetoric that spews out of their mouths, I still understand that they are children of God and products of God. But for me to forgive them? They first need to cop to their brand of whoredom the way I own mine.

Yes, it takes a whore to know one.

I’m looking at you, Ann Coulter.