Wonderland Burlesque's You Might Grow Up To Be A Mule Quiz - Part 3

Wonderland Burlesque's 

You Might Grow Up To Be A Mule Quiz

Part 3

This is the third Wonderland Burlesque quiz inspired by Bing Crosby's Swinging On A Star.

What can I say? When something works, you just go with it.

Simply fill in the blank for the topic suggested: If you had to be a ____ what would you be?

And why?

You can pick something you would like to be, something that reflects your current state or something that captures 'the real you.' Just have fun with it.

We'll be covering a lot of territory - some random, some not so random - so don't worry or get too far ahead of yourself. If you don't see something you think would be a great topic as part of this series of quizzes? Hang on. There's two more to come.

So, ask yourself...

If I had to be a ____, what would I be?

1/ A Bird

An Ostrich 

Intense eyes. Always looks crabby.

Easily provoked. Not too bright.

Will bite you.

Long, swayed neck. Strangely shaped body. Long legs. Odd plumage.

Runs funny.

Appears awkward. Looks cray cray.

Tends to stick head in sand until it's too late. 

Lays big eggs.

2/ A Farm Animal

A Pig

Yep. Oink, oink.

The wiggliest of the piggliest. 

The word 'lazy?' Easily attached.

I love being filthy.

Love to wallow in it. 

I'd like to make a joke about Jewish men not eating me, but...

...that would not be true!

3/ An Animal In The Jungle

A Dumb Monkey

I love to fling poo. Especially if it is mine to fling. 

I got a thing for bananas. All shapes, all sizes. Always curious if I can have more.

Swinging? Sort of my thing. 

Nit picking? Yep. Guilty. Tend to focus far too much on other people's shit. 

Did I mention I like flinging poo?

4/ An Animal In The Mountains

A Chinchilla

I adore these mountain rodents. Their big ears! So cute. 

There are two types - one of which is facing extinction, both are endangered.

I can't imagine any one harming these little cuties just for their coat.

They look so soft. And such lovely colors. 

Easy prey for eagles, though. 

Most chinchillas are now raised in captivity.

But not me... I am going to be living in the wild. 

Not exactly the domesticated type.

5/ A Prairie Dwelling Animal

A Prairie Dog

These are highly social animals. I am not. I wish I was, but my idea of being social is meeting someone for happy hour, one on one. The whole group mentality escapes me. 

So, while not a good fit, a prairie dog is what I would like to be. 

I think they are lovely, they way they move and act, and I love watching them. Especially when they stand up and look around. 

Again, another animal that is easy pickings for birds of prey. 

I can relate.

6/ A Desert Dwelling Animal

An Armadillo

Armadillo live in only semi-desert, but close enough.

I think they are beautiful and so well designed.

I envy them their hard shell. 

Many a day, I would love to curl up into myself and shut out the outside world.

Because they lack the ability to store fat, cold is their natural enemy. To that I can relate. 

I hate being cold. Nothing worse. 

7/ An Animal In The Arctic

A Musk Ox

I wanted to be a penguin, but they are not arctic birds. They live in Antarctica and the South Pole, because the ice is too thick for them to hung in the north. So penguins at the North Pole or, say Alaska? Nope.

I thought about being a walrus, but something about their body type does not suit me. Though they do appear to be quite crabby and easily riled, and that's very 'me.'

So, I choose the Musk Ox. 

I would love all that fur, all that long hair. And they have horns, which I can relate to. They are slow moving, which appeals to me. And they look like they might have a tendency to be easily riled and a bit crabby. 

They also remind me of Eeyore from Winnie The Pooh. 

And Eeyore and I? Well, while we do have a few things in common, my tail is not pinned on.

8/ An Insect

A Preying Mantis 

I love lady bugs. I wish I could be a lady bug, but... no lady, am I. 

And by that, I mean, I am not compact and cute and harmless and the inspiration for a brand of Volkswagens. 

I am long and lean, but can still blend in with the scenery quite nicely when it's called for.

My eyes do grow big!

The older I get, the more my physical demeanor is reminiscent of these stealthy predators. 

I would like to think I am also useful. People are given an advantage when I haunt their gardens. 

Yes, I look like a monster, but I am misunderstood. 

My lumbering is gentle in nature and I mean to do no harm. In fact, if I have my druthers, and things work as planned, you will never even know I am there. 

9/ An Ocean Dwelling Animal Or Fish

An Anglerfish

The more we get into this quiz, the more I am seeing the advantages of being a predator or predatory in nature. 

The anglerfish is the one that lives in the darkest depths of the ocean and has an an arced antennae with a light on the end. People erroneously believe that the fish uses it as a lantern, but, in fact, it is a method of luring prey. 

I don't see myself as luring prey. 

I'm much more comfortable with the thought of it as a light to see by. I enjoy seeing things in the dark. I like looking in the shadows. I think that's one of the reasons doing research appeals to me. Now, I don't dig very deep and I do tend to draw conclusions based on too little known and much too quickly. 

Still... I like peering in the dark. 

And I don't mind being in the dark. 

Or leaving others in the dark.

I like living a life which is segmented and quite private. I think it makes me feel clever, something I rarely achieve by more conventional means. I've come to accept that I enjoy getting away with things when I can.

And I do. 

I am probably not as clever or as deceptive as I believe. I'm sure someone knows more about me than I am giving them credit for. Still, I angle my head and purse my lips in the manner of a coy smile - much like Geraldine Page - believing I've gotten away with so much in my life. 

And who knows... maybe I have.

I'll never tell.

10/ A Domestic Pet

The Ghost Of A Guinea Pig Who Disappeared

I can tell you right this instant... no one puts a collar and a leash on me. 

To each their own, but perish the thought. I think that's why I have never been much of a leader or a follower. Let's set aside the whole blind leading the blind aspect of such an arrangement (where are you taking me?) As much as I am loyal to and love my tiny community of people I deeply care for, I will always seek paths less travelled. And no one need take me there; I will find them on my own, thank you very much. 

That's why organized religion and I have never gotten along. I don't need or want someone else to supply me with the answers or help me find my way. Nor do I wish to network or associate with those that do. 

That's the appeal of the prairie, for me, I think. Big sky. Open area. Tall grass to hid in. Trees to take shelter under. I feel my spirit there... dancing a ballet of its own, very private creation. 

On days like today, when the sun is brilliant and the sky so blue, it hurts to be inside. I feel like a starfish stranded on the shore, all I long for is to return to the sea. 

So, the term domestic is not a good fit for me. 

I'll be the ghost of a guinea pig who disappeared down a heating vent of an an old Victorian house. 

Yes, you thought you owned me...

But, you did not!

Meanwhile, I will simply be skirting about the corners of rooms, undetected, observing, living off the crumbs others leave behind. 

You may catch the occasional glimpse of me, out of the corner of your eye. And you may believe I exist, to the point where you attribute certain events or qualities to me. 

But I am a ghost... and you cannot quantify me. You cannot harm me. 

And you can never, ever own me.

--- ---

Well, this was a total fantasy. 

How I enjoy a good delusion.

Alright! Your turn. You know what to do...

Leave your answers in the comments section. Why not share a few delusions of your own? 

Until next time - we have two to go in this series - thank you for reading... and participating.

Swinging On A Star - The Lennon Sisters

Swinging On A Star - Dion & The Belmonts

Friday Fun: Happy National Safety Pup Day!

Friday Fun:

Happy National Safety Pup Day!

So, I might have taken a bit of a creative license with this one...

Safety Pup

This kink rather intrigues me, intellectually. The physical realization? Not at all.

If I'm on my knees that long, it's for one thing only... and it's not praying. 

And those masks? They would make me all claustrophobic and disoriented. 

I think I'd be a much better owner than I would be a pup. although I am always eager to please.

But, never mind me. I saw today's holiday and thought we should take this opportunity to reacquaint ourselves with a few 'best practices' when it comes to training a pup.

--- ---

Owners should never allow their pups to roam freely in public spaces without a leash. You never know what they might bring home!

Peculiar odor in the house? Make sure your pup has a bath on a regular basis. This also serves a great opportunity to check him for ticks - something pups who are allowed to roam freely tend to bring home.

Never leave your pup out in the cold for too long. Their ears, nose, legs and other appendages are susceptible to frost bite. During times of cold weather, have them go out, do their business and then come right back inside. Keep an eye on them when out, so they don't stray or stay out for too long.

If, while out in public, your pup becomes aggressive in the presence of other pups, be sure to tug his leash lightly. If he continues to show aggression, remove him from the situation by taking him in another room to remind him how much you love him. He also may be in need of a drink. 

If your pup takes an aggressive stance toward another pup, before he pounces, distract him, or slowly move yourself physically between the two. In this way, you can diffuse the situation without putting yourself at risk of injury. Look your pup directly in the eye and tell him what a good boy he is. Stroking him gently may also serve as a distraction. Do it well, and he will forget all about that other pup.

Is your pup showing signs of anxiety? This is a perfect opportunity to place him in his kennel. He sees the kennel as a 'safe place'. Limiting his space and removing stimulation is a surefire way to get your pup's tail wagging again in no time. 

Be sure to rub your pup's belly when he rolls on his back. If he becomes excited, know that is part of nature. Just ignore it.

Be sure to wash your pup's food and water dishes on a regular basis. You wouldn't eat out of a dirty dish, and neither should your pup. 

Make sure your pup gets adequate exercise and follows a healthy diet. As they age, pups have a tendency to pack on the pounds. When this occurs, do not withhold affection, but gently guide them toward a healthier lifestyle. Daily walks are a great place to start. 

Curb excessive, unwanted face-licking by taking your pup firmly by the scruff of the neck and  pulling back gently. As you do this, use your words, 'No, no, no.' If you are consistent, your pup will eventually get the message. 

Is your pup having trouble completing simple tasks? Offer words of encouragement, even when giving an order. Keep in mind, pups respond to the tone of your voice. 

I would suggest that you buy your pup a few good quality toys. As part of a fun outing, you could take him with you so he can pick out his own. But be careful. Don't buy him too many, or he may lose interest in playing with you. 

Another fun outing? An hour or two at the beach. And, if you should find yourself alone, feel free to allow him off-leash. But, before packing him back up in the car, be sure to check your pup for sand. You know only too well how it can get in those tiny nooks and crannies and we wouldn't want your pup  getting it all over the upholstery of your vehicle. 

Never leave your pup at home alone for too long. They can get into an awful lot of mischief while you're away. This is when a kennel or a special playroom can come in handy. Limiting your pup's access to your things? It keeps both safe. 

Never leave your pup chained-up unattended. This is a big no-no! They can easily become entangled and create a choking situation.

And, yes... give a dog a bone. Of course, that, too, can pose a choking hazard. So, be careful!

--- --- 

I hope these hints have been helpful. 

Have a few of your own? Share them in the comments section.

Have a lovely weekend!

-uptonking from Wonderland Burlesque

Puppy Love - Paul Anka

How Much Is That Puppy In The Window - Patti Page