Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooters of the Week: A Plethora of Scooters

Wonderland Burlesque’s 

Turdscooters of the Week: 

A Plethora of Scooters

Lately, there have been so many possible Turdscooters in a given week that I found it difficult to single one out of the crowd, a situation that left me stymied and unable to pick one to write about.

That trend continues this week, so I’ve decided to give in and simply list all the contenders.

Mike Huckabee, would-be presidential hopeful and religious mucky muck, made the statement that legalizing gay marriage is a biblical issue.  He went on to say that gay marriage is offensive to Christians the same way dogs are offensive to Muslims and pork is offensive to people who are Jewish. 

Yeah, he… he really said that.

In other nonsensical uber-Christian news…

Donny Pauling Jr., from Sutter County in California and a former porn producer turned Christian anti-porn crusader, has been arrested for the second time since December for the sexual abuse of a minor.  Seems the man can’t keep his hands off the jailbait. 

The FRC’s Tony Perkins equated photos of gay people on Facebook to the persecution of Christians.

Oklahoma Representative Sally Kern (“the homosexual agenda is a bigger threat than terrorism”) introduced a trifecta of anti-gay legislation (No funds or services to support gay marriages, businesses have a right to refuse service, and parents can send their gay kids to a therapist to attempt to change their sexual orientation) in that state.  

She’s already had to withdraw one (businesses have a right to refuse…) because she claimed it would not accomplish what she intended.  She is also heartbroken that people are being all mean to her and saying nasty things about her god.

And, in some not so Christian news…

At an America’s Best Valu Inn in Albuquerque, NM, Justin Reynolds and his girlfriend, Monique Villescas were both injured by a single bullet shot from a handgun their three-year-old son found in his Mom’s purse.   

And, finally, for a little historical perspective…

As this (http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2015/02/happy-birthday-ayn-rand-8-scary-quotes-from-the-guru-of-selfishness/) item at Raw Story so succinctly captures…

…Ayn Rand was/is a ‘turrrrrible’ person. (Happy Birthday, ya stingy, old crow.)

Ah, yes.... so many to choose from.

And there were so many more.

But, these, these are the top of the crop, the pick of the litter, the miasma that floats on the horizon.

And, for them all, I say...

Razzleberries… razzleberries everyone!

Wonderland Burlesque's 'Turdscooter of the Week': Scott Esk

Turdscooter of the Week: Scott Esk

One has to question the validity and sanity of any organization that would allow this man under their tent or help fund his campaign for public office. But such is the current state of the GOP.

Scott Esk, a Republican Tea Party Candidate from Oklahoma, is running in June 24^th’s GOP primary for a seat in that state’s House of Representatives.  He looks “forward to applying Biblical principles to Oklahoma law”.

My, that waving wheat sure does smell sweet!

Mr. Esk believes that being gay is “worthy of death” and that, as a Bible-thumping republic, “we would be in the right to” stone gays to death.  He would have no problem with “legislation to put homosexuals to death”.

The litany of issues Mr. Esk has with the modern world is fairly long. 

Here’s some of the tenants of his personal platform:

• No divorce, (although, apparently he is divorced)
• Doctors who perform abortions should be punished
• Bureaucrats who enact the provisions of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act should be punished
• No licenses for guns
• Cut education funding
• Feels the EPA, FDA, OSHA, etc. “have no legitimate reason for existing”
• Believes that “rights come from God – not from government.”

I feel sorry for the ex-Mrs. Esk.  Scott sounds like a lot of fun to live with.  I bet she’s still struggling to remove all those stains from the carpets.

Other fun facts about Mr. Esk:

• Called Nelson Mandela a “low-life” “communist thug”
• Called 911 to report “a large group of Mexicans” gathered at a shopping mall, because he “suspected that many of them were guilty of being here illegally” (the police failed to respond)

Yep, something tells me Mr. Esk is going to be leaving plenty of skid marks all over the hearts of Oklahoma, to say nothing of those of the Republican Party (that is, if they had a heart).

Let’s all give a great big shout out to Scott Esk, Wonderland Burlesque’s very first ‘Turdscooter of the Week’. 

Yee haw!