TMI Questions – Classic Edition: What Do You Hate To…?

 TMI Questions – Classic Edition: 

What Do You Hate To…?

The thing I love about Sean’s ‘TMI Questions’ is that, in answering them, one never quite knows where they will end up.  That’s very true for yours truly because I have a tendency to go off on tangents and bring in a lot of unrelated material.  That’s just the way my mind works.

Take, for example, today’s entry:

Smell?

Perfume / Cologne

It makes me nauseated. 

I find it unnecessary.  It always makes me think that the person wearing it has something to hide.  They’re covering something up, right?  I trust my nose.

Floral scents are the very worst. But almost all perfumes and colognes bother me, while scented lotions make my eyes water and hurt.

I enjoy natural smells – soaps and lotions made with essential oils.

And real, natural man smells.  Grr.

Taste?

Nicotine

Nothing worse than kissing someone with nicotine breath.  Blech.  The taste is not good either.  That’s why messing about with a smoker is such a downer: their skin tastes like an ashtray, too.

I know smokers get all defensive when they hear that, but… reality sort of trumps someone’s inability to accept something as fact.

A foul smelling/tasting mouth is a big turn off.  There was a time when I would put up with just about anything, but these days I have no trouble pointing out to someone that they need to use some mouth wash.

And a mint ain’t gonna cut it.  Sugar is no substitute for a good rinsing or brushing.

Eat?

Uncut Apples

What?  Me?  Not like something uncut? 

But, yes, uncut apples are a pain – as in, it hurts to bite into them.  Something about the skin, the hard pulp scraping against my gums, and they are messy, with the juice dripping down.  And the seeds and the core.  It’s not a user friendly fruit.

Unlike me. 

I’m very user friendly.

Clean?

My hoard.

I love to clean.  Love to get the bleach water out and spray down the shower.  Love scrubbing my sink and toilet.  Love wiping down the kitchen and getting that porcelain on the stove nice and white. 

I don’t necessarily like all of it.  The inside of the fridge, for instance is a pain in the ass to clean, but I find that small-effort, constant maintenance beats having to deal with a neglected mess.

Love the simplicity of doing laundry.

I like organizing my garage.  My CDs.  My clothing.

But I stop dead in my tracks when I contemplate parting with, what I have to refer to as, my hoard.

It’s not all that much stuff, really – probably much less than most.  And on rare occasions, I have actually managed to load up my car and dump a bunch of it at a non-profit thrift store.  But it is a painful process – and I know this is true for many people. 

It’s about emotional attachment.  It’s about my gifting inanimate things with emotions and intellect.  It also has to do with “I may need this someday”, decision making, an inability to divide such work into doable increments, a need to honor the memories of others and the value they have placed on items, and an inability to let go of the past.

In the end, unless I am really well rested and have absolutely nothing else to do, I can’t seem to get started.  I stand there and look at it and get overwhelmed. 

Nope.

I’d rather play Civ5.

Cook?

Meat.

I haven’t been eating red meat for quite some time, but I have to cook chicken thighs for my dogs on a daily basis.  I dislike it, but they are carnivores and have certain dietary needs.  I can live with that.

Some switch in my head was moved to the ‘off’ position at some point, for now, the idea of eating bacon or a steak or beef roast or fried chicken really repulses me.   It’s the juices and the tendons and the muscle; the fact that it was once a living creature walking this earth does a number on my head. 

The same is not true of creatures of the sea.

Not sure why that disconnect exists, but it does.

Watch on TV?

Reality Television / Entertainment News

I have never sat through an entire episode or gotten hooked on any reality television show or entertainment news program.

I find them both crass and more a matter of manipulation, than entertainment.

In either case, they are not an exploration of the human spirit, but the crushing, packaging and degrading of it.  This is soulless stuff, folks – bottom of the barrel crap that wastes a lot of valuable resources and time.

It’s the nature of our new celebrity culture and an example of how desperate people are to become a part of it.  It (they) mean nothing.  They have no value.  We learn nothing.  It’s a form of titillation and nothing more.

I wish it would all stop, but, no… it’s only going to get worse.  The product placements on my morning news cast horrify me.  How does the fact that Taco Bell has a new egg scramble breakfast burrito qualify as news?  I know we all have holes to feed and need to make a living, but come on…

…have a little self-respect.  A little integrity.

We are but mere steps away from having a reality show where people hunt down reality television show stars for sport.

They could call it ‘Community Service’.

Do for your significant other?

Nothing.

It’s the things that I want to do for him that we don’t  seem to see eye to eye on – like vacuuming.

I like a clean house.  And, I admit, I’m a bit particular.  I enjoy vacuuming and straightening up and doing the dishes.  Once that stuff is done, then I can truly relax.

The other day, I accidentally vacuumed up (and ruined) the tiny headset for his PS4.  Based on his reaction, I was pretty sure I was going to be shown the door, but we worked through it.  Turns out he had a different headset, and it works just as well.

Since that incident, I am no longer allowed to vacuum at his place.

Oh, well.

As Marsha Mason once sang in ‘Only When I Laugh’, “Well, I guess I’ll have to change my plans, la dah dah di, la dah dah di, la dah dah dah….”

I totally get that it’s his space and that I need to respect his wishes.

Hmmm…

Good thing there’s a bottle of gin in the freezer.

Bonus

Do sexually?

Bother with condoms.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I do… now. 

But there were several years recently where I was fairly lackadaisical about the whole thing, which, I now realize, was very destructive and disrespectful.  I didn’t like myself very much and apparently didn’t like the people I was screwing around with either.  In instances where it was mutually agreed that condoms were not going to be used, I guess that feeling was mutual.

These days?  If I want some, I’m only too happy to put up with the slight annoyance of using a condom.

That change in attitude demonstrates that I like myself a lot more these days.

That… and I’m beginning to understand what it means to truly love someone.

I loved barebacking, but….

…I love him more. 

TMI Questions – Classic Edition: Back To School

TMI Questions – Classic Edition: 
Back To School

Given that all the kiddies are heading back to those hallowed halls this week, I thought it fitting to select this particular TMI Questions – Classic Edition.

Things have changed so much since I was in high school.  I can’t imagine who or what I could become, given the current environment. 

But such thoughts are second guessing the universe.  My experience was exactly what it was meant to be.  And, in that sense, given the chance, I would probably not change a thing.

Because I sort of like who I turned out to be.

Oh, it took me forever to get here… but.

Yep.

It has been quite an education.

What level of education have you earned?

B.A. – Business Administration

And a degree in T.V./Radio Broadcasting

Where?

Augsburg College, Minneapolis, MN

Loved the campus.  Loved the faculty.  Loved the flexibility.

It worked extremely well with my life at the time and cost way too much, but… in the end, it was extremely worth it.

I also attended a number of other schools, with mixed success.

T.V./Radio Broadcasting?  For me, a complete waste of time and money.

With the exception of my time at Augsburg, throughout my education, my being gay was this unmentionable thing that was going to severely limit who I could become or what I could accomplish.  It was like shadowboxing reality. 

However, of all the colleges I attended, I hated the University of Minnesota the most.  It was a soul crushing experience.  I am not someone who can be one of a million anything.  I can’t be ‘just a number’.

I also disliked entire courses where the instructor showed up the first day, mid-terms, and finals.  Otherwise, we watched a film, which was supposed to pass for lectures.

I don’t learn that way. 

If you went to college, did you join the Greek system?

No.  I was invited at one point and declined.  I am not a joiner of groups.  No group joiner, am I.

I find it odd that the tradition continues.  The only time you hear about them are when someone dies of alcohol poisoning or hazing related activities.  The occasional gang rape… that sort of thing.

Ah, yes… college life.  Good times.  Good times.

If money and time weren't an issue, would you go back to school?

Yes.  In a heart beat.

I loved going to school.  Especially in the age of laptops and wi-fi.  Research was a breeze.  Writing was fun.  I like deadlines and a little pressure. 

It does bring out the over-achiever in me, though.  And I hate that guy.  He’s so filled with anxiety.  He just sucks all the life out of the room. 

What would you study?

Literature.  English.  Creative Writing.

Ever make it under the bleachers?

No.  But I did get majorly groped on the catwalks above the stage, and got kissed and fell in love in the lighting booth.

Neither ended well.

I mean, there was sex, yes.  Some of it really, really good.

But, no…

Neither ended well.

Knowing what you know now, what would you change about your education?

Never study theatre.

What a waste.

If you insist on doing so, go to class, get the degree and get it over with. 

But don’t do it. 

Theatre in college is such a douchebag waste of time.  You end up dealing with the very worst sort of people.  It’s not a healthy introduction to adult life.

Keep in mind that you are stuck in a big black box with a bunch of neurotic star wannabes all working through their personal shit.  It’s a petri dish of disaster. And there’s no cure for whatever you got brewing in there, kids.  It scars you for life. Messes up your head, big time.

The other thing I would change?  I would have dropped out of school, put on my big boy pants, defied my mother, and moved to New York when I had the chance. 

No, I don’t delude myself into thinking that I would have actually ‘made it’, but I was offered a part in an Off-Broadway production of ‘Short Eyes’.  And, given how things turned out for me, staying, rather than moving, I really should have found the balls and gone for it. 

However… I was so filled with fear in those days.  My sexuality terrified me.  My mother terrified me.  And I was totally clueless about the real world.  High school had prepared me for absolutely nothing, but a future of self-loathing. 

Going to New York?  That would have been an education in and of itself.  I would have been forced to survive. 

Of course, I’d be dead by now.  Probably gone before I was thirty. 

But, still…

Save that?   I wish I would have studied nursing or business administration from the get go.  Or become an accountant. 

Being an accountant actually holds a great deal of appeal to me, as, I imagine, you needn’t deal with a great number of people.

Yeah.  People and I… we, ummm… we don’t get on so good.

Bonus

What was your best or worst experience in school?

Oh, you know me; I’m going to want to write about both.

Best

Graduating from college Summa Cum Laude with a GPA of 3.96.

Nothing beats smart.  Or, at least the appearance of being smart.

I don’t kid myself.  I am clever – not smart.  I ‘gamed’ the system and managed to win – for once.  

And that, in and of itself, is enough of an accomplishment for me to brag about it.

Worst

I won’t revisit high school days.  It was such a disheartening experience.  Living with small-minded Neanderthals really wears on one’s nerves, leaving one neurotic and over-anxious.

Oh, I’d seen enough made-for-television movies and after-school specials to know how to survive.  I’d also read ‘I Never Promised You A Rose Garden’, ‘The Bell Jar’, and ‘Go Ask Alice’, so I was well aware of who not to be. 

I pasted on a smile and pretended.  Pretended really, really hard.

No.  Worst experience goes to my attempting suicide during spring semester during my first year in college, failing miserably, and then living another year and half in that same environment with no one to talk to about it. 

My isolation and self-loathing all sprang from my inability to come to terms with being gay.  And there was no one to talk to about it. The only other gay person I knew was such a train wreck of a human being (a truly hateful person) that I couldn’t turn to him, either. 

It never occurred to me to simply pack up and get out.  I didn’t know the world worked that way.  And I was terrified of the world.

That left seeking some kind of help via the college.  I actually broached the subject with a counselor and was told that they couldn’t help me with ‘that’.  They then asked me if there was anything else they could help me with, stood up, told me to be sure to go to classes, and sent me on my way.

It was a different time.

It would take me seven more years to come to terms with my sexuality.  It would take me many more to actually accept myself as a gay man. 

Looking back?  I wouldn’t wish that experience on anyone.

Yep. 

Quite the education.

 

  

TMI Questions: Happy Birthday!

TMI Questions: Happy Birthday!

My attitude toward getting older has changed drastically.  I used to be rather bitter, resentful, and overly concerned about aging.  In other words, a big old vain gay cow. 

Oh, I didn’t mind if someone else was older (in fact, I preferred them that way), so I was no ageist. 

No, I merely hated the idea that I was getting older.  I still had (and have) so much to do and experience.  Because ageism is so prevalent in our society, I thought that meant my options would become more limited and that certain parts of life would simply be closed to me, once I reached a certain age.

I don’t feel that way anymore. I’ve stopped being afraid.

Now? 

I could really care less.  My age is merely a number (a large one, in my case), and it doesn’t define who I am, who I can become, or how I feel.  If the world is a place of endless possibilities, then my growing one year older in no way inhibits what I am able to create and bring into my life. 

If I’m to succeed, being smart about aging now, in the present, is going to be key.

I eat right.  I have learned to do things in moderation.  My head and heart are healthy and frequently self-examined.  I work out regularly and frequently while seeing my physician on a regular basis, in order to ensure that my body is in it for the long haul. 

Granted, the mirror is still not my friend. Never has been. 

I am getting older, but I am not old.  I figure I will be old when I am in my 90’s.  Until then, I look at it as a challenge.  I want my body to remain looking as good as possible for as long as possible.  I want to redefine what we need to accept about getting older.  I want to be able to bend and stretch and reach without limitations.   

And, I guess, that’s my whole point.  I want to live without limits.  And that includes those supposedly imposed by growing older. 

So, light those candles.  Sing that song.  Bring it on.

Birthdays equal validation, as in: I’m still here.

TMI QUESTIONS:

Questions designed to reveal Too Much Information

Link: http://tmiquestions.blogspot.com/

TMI Questions: Happy Birthday!

Do you enjoy celebrating your birthday (forgetting about the getting older part)?

Not really. 

If someone else insists on it, I will go along with it, as long as not very many people are involved (six is my limit).  That’s because I’m such an introvert and people exhaust me.  I don’t want to be exhausted on my birthday.

Well wishes are appreciated.  Other than that, not much is required.

I do enjoy celebrating other people’s birthdays, in a social setting. 

But being the center of attention?  Not my thing.

What's your sign and is it accurate?

Aquarius.

I am a Valentine’s Day baby!  That used to be the only part I like about my birthday.  I never had to suffer feeling overlooked on Valentine’s Day, because I would get attention, whether in a relationship or not.  Hence, no Valentine’s Day blues for this baby!

--- ---

Aquarian Traits

The humanitarians of the Zodiac, the Aquarius are inventive and modern individuals. Honest truth-seekers, they are broad-minded and creative people. The new, novel and modern have a magnetic allure in the amiable Aquarius’ world. Friendly, gregarious, candid, the Aquarius are popular people in their circles. No wonder they have innumerable friends!  However, the truth is, while Aquarius may have many acquaintances, they may not be really close to anyone in particular. In fact, they may be quite detached and changeable.

Positive Qualities of Aquarians

Veracity, Legitimacy, Investigative spirit, Pleasing personality, Candor and Innovation

Negative Qualities of Aquarius

Inconsistency, Disinclination, Detachment, Tendency to deviate, Inefficiency.

Famous Personalities

Abraham Lincoln, Charles Darwin, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Boris Yeltsin, Dick Cheney, Franklin Roosevelt, Michael Jordan, Paris Hilton.

--- ---

Accurate? 

Well… sure, I guess.  

Yes, I have so much in common with Albert Einstein (sex addiction), Boris Yeltsin (borderline alcoholic), Dick Cheney (delusional, mean asshole), Michael Jordan (rapist) and Paris Hilton (no-talent slut).   Gee… I feel so… special.

I must admit I am a total airhead, scatter-brained, and easily-distracted (oooh… shiny object).  My desire has always been to be creative, but I fear it’s a muscle that while exercised frequently, has never functioned properly (could be a birth defect, could be due to oxygen deprivation). 

I have met a lot of people whom have wanted to be my friend, but I seem incapable. Friendships used to happen frequently and easily, but they would not last for long.  I would burn them out.  

Also, as a total introvert, I tend to avoid crowds of people… or all people, actually.

The positive/negative traits listed are pretty on the nose, save for that ‘pleasing personality’ part.  And that ‘popular’ thing.  Yeah, I wouldn’t peg me as either.

But then that depends on your interpretation. I am eager to please others and be of service. However, personality-wise I tend to be a bit of a crabby-patty. 

Want to change that?

Hand me a boodles martini (up, olives, side of ice) and you will find I become an absolute delight to be around.

What's your Chinese zodiac sign and is it accurate?

Chinese Zodiac Sign: Metal Ox

Element

The Metal Element allows the Metal Ox to be the most intense, determined and motivated of all the Ox signs. The Metal Ox needs to be engaged in practical pursuits, where it is then possible to display their passion. One must know that the toughness of the Metal Ox should go without question and the same can be said for their loyalty and dependability. More so than any of the other Ox's, the Metal Ox lives life with a foundation of morals and tradition.

-       (I have never been very practical.  Typically, I resort to such only in light of some catastrophic creative failure – call it my recovery mode.  Determined?  You betcha.  But these days I am more likely to spot the folly-to-come before committing any resources.  Yes, I am sadder, but wiser.  But, really – richer for it.  Experience is a great teacher.  And, boy, have I learned a lot.)

Career

-       (Cah…. Wha?  Huh?  Oh, THAT thing.)

The highly motivated Metal Ox has very few limitations as long as they keep their passion. In this sense, the Metal Ox can pursue any genuine interest they desire. With a strong sense of values and justice, the Metal Ox could do well in politics or law, which is the case for Metal Ox Barack Obama. Similarly, there are been several successful entertainers, among them being George Clooney and Forest Whitaker.

-       (Very passionate when I want to do something.  However, there are fewer and fewer things I want to do.  Politics?  Ummm, only if you want a big juicy scandal.  And yes, let me entertain you – wink, wink.  We’ll have a real good time…)

Warning

-       (I like that this comes with a warning! I should come with one, too.)

At times, the Metal Ox can seem arrogant, but realize that this is a product of their determination turning into impenetrable stubbornness. To overcome this potential downfall, the Metal Ox has to spend time to develop an open mind. In the same sense, the Metal Ox can often be too blunt for most people's taste and should be aware of their ability to offend. Be aware that when the Metal Ox is too committed to their own views, it is not unusual for clashes to occur!

-       (I have been accused of being intimidating and once, by a passive aggressive manager of being physically intimidating (I can’t see how.). These days, I am the first to recognize when I am being pig-headed and have therefore come limit the number of things in this world that I insist upon. That’s why I am good a big picture thinking/planning, because I can see most sides of an issue, due to a kind of empathy.  I am also good at debating issues, because I am truly interested in what the other person believes in and why they believe it.  They may be totally wrong, but that’s the only way to find the chinks in their reasoning – to be empathetic.

-       I am blunt (horribly so), and have a tendency to offend. This has caused a lot of trouble for me in my lifetime, so I have learned to mind my words now.  My opinion isn’t always important.  I do love a good debate, so clashing with others is rather second nature for me. I can be horribly contrary, on purpose, simply for effect.  The human condition is of great interest to me, so on occasion I will do or say something in order to get the balls in rolling.)  

Body

Those born under the Metal Ox sign have the added benefit of strengthened lungs and large intestines. Metal Ox's are encouraged to not threaten these vital systems with unhealthy habits.

-       (I am happy to learn of the vigor of my large intestines. I only hope my liver is also well fortified.  My lungs, on the other hand, are not what they used to be (one of them is a bit crushed on the bottom).  Sigh.  Was really hoping that a different organ of mine would have been of significant size. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m above average, and have never received a complaint.  Still… it would have been nice to have been given one physical characteristic that I could have built a career on.  You, know… John Holmes style.)

-       (Wait a minute… if I remember right, that didn’t turn out all that well.)

Do you celebrate your pet's Birthday?

I do acknowledge them.  But, no.  

As much as I love them: no cakes, no parties.  Just lots of love.

What was your best birthday?

The one to come.

I simply look forward to time passing.  I want to be here.  I want to experience it all.  So, if growing older is part of that deal, then sign me up. 

I’m not being stupid about it, either.  I’m planning for my future.  I see my life path, and some of it - I have a say in, and some of it - I must accept and honor. 

Bring it on.  I’m simply grateful for the opportunity to be anywhere.

I can be young in my heart forever.  I can believe in the power of love for the rest of my life.  I’m not reliving anything.  I’m not trying to hang on to anything either. 

What’s to come, what’s down the road, what can I make happen next? 

Those are the things that matter to me.

What was your worst birthday?

When I was ten my folks insisted we go to these friends of theirs on the night of my birthday – which meant no cake, no special meal for me.  No friends to stay overnight either.  So, I was in a pissy mood and acted up quite a bit, which angered my mother – a force to be reckoned with in those days. You did not want to mess with her (hormonal imbalance). 

But, I was distraught because no one seemed interested in celebrating my birthday.   

My mom yelled at me the entire way home and once we got in the house gave me the spanking to end all spankings.  Not only did it hurt, but I really felt way too old to be spanked.  So, I was outraged, embarrassed, frustrated, and emotionally hurt.

Then – kaboom – my mom drops all these presents on me; a ton of Hot Wheels related items that I had been dreaming of – and a cake.  I could not believe she had gotten me what I wanted and had found a way to afford to do so. 

That said, the whole thrill was tainted by what had preceded it.  It was emotional whiplash.  Here: I will beat your ass. Here: now be joyously happy.  Well, I couldn’t be happy.  It all felt creepy and sad and I hated every bit of it, but didn’t want to hurt her feelings so I pretended to be deliriously happy. 

You know the album cover for that Hole album, ‘Live Through This?’ 

Yeah, that’s how I felt.

And – here’s the thing about all those toys I so loved…

They never worked the way they showed them on T.V.  

There was always something wrong with them: they wouldn’t stay on the track, they were out of balance, the batteries ran out too fast or wouldn’t hold a charge – always something.  Same goes for those electric race car sets.  I just had no luck with that kind of thing, and that made for many a frustrating disappointment. 

Frustrating disappointments…

…you know, kind of like birthdays used to be.

What has been your best age so far?

My current one. 

I live in the moment because it is the only way I am sure I’m still alive.

Therefore, I tend to like wherever I am, whenever I am.

I remain grateful. 

Because… in so many ways, I really shouldn’t still be here at all. 

Birthday cake?

Not a fan. 

Dislike icing, frosting and the like.  I do like real whipped cream.  And I do like certain kinds of cake – the simpler, the better. 

White.  Fresh.  With whipped cream and some fruit compote, maybe strawberries.  Small portion. 

Eh.

I’d rather have an ice cold martini.

Candles?

Yes. 

That way there is always a reason for me to blow on my birthday!

Bonus

Is birthday sex expected, a present or a rarity? Do you get spanked?

This year, I got laid on my birthday!  For the first time.  Ever.

It pays to have a great boyfriend. 

And…

…I do.