TMI Questions: Over the Rainbow!

When all the clouds darken up the skyway
There's a rainbow highway to be found
Leading from your window pane
To a place behind the sun
Just a step beyond the rain...
- intro to 'Over the Rainbow' by Harold Arlen and E.Y. Harburg

TMI QUESTIONS: 

Questions designed to reveal Too Much Information 

Link: http://tmiquestions.blogspot.com/

TMI Questions: Over the Rainbow!

How much do you love and how many times have you watched The Wizard of Oz?

A gazillion.  Growing up, this was an annual event on television – with popcorn, strawberry soda, and a frozen coconut Ritz pie!  I loved, loved, loved this movie. 

I remember being in the backseat of my Mom and Dad’s car, driving into downtown Glenville, MN when the news came over the radio that Judy Garland had died (yes, I am THAT old, bitches).  I immediately began crying, because I thought the little girl in the Wizard of Oz was dead – because that is all I knew of Judy Garland at the time (I was like five years old or… something).  So I thought a little girl had died. 

It was many years later that I learned that was not the case.  Yes, I was a bit naïve and uninformed. I was living in Glenville, MN on a farm – what do you expect?

My FAVORITE time watching the movie?

In Loring Park in 1990(?) with my first live-in boyfriend.  He smoked pot, which I did not have much experience with.  We smoked a little and I got lost in the movie, totally convinced that I should write a self-help book based on all the lessons Dorothy learned along the road to Oz.  I thought (at the time) it was a brilliant revelation (you know, the way people feel when high and they believe that Pink Floyd’s ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ syncs up to some movie like ‘The Wizard of Oz’. 

Still, it was kind of romantic.  We had a picnic lunch with us and as it got dark it got more romantic.  And I was very, very happy – for those couple of hours – because not only was I having a lovely time being in love, but I was also convinced that I had unlocked the secret to a successful life. 

What a maroon!

Do you think that Dorothy was a scared and lost little girl or was she really a murdering little bitch?

I wish she had been a murdering bitch.  She should be in the remake.  That would be awesome. 

When I worked for Target Corporation, there was a designer who dealt with all the video games / movies, etc.  I would go out of my way to help him with presentations because he was nice to me and we had a similar dark sense of humor.  We also both thought Target Corporation was full of shit.   He asked me if I played video games and I said ‘no’.  The next day he came up to me and handed me something.  ‘Here, I think you will really like this’.  It was ‘Alice’, a dark retelling of the classic ‘Alice in Wonderland’. He was right. In this retelling, Alice is in Wonderland to save it, gigantic butcher knife in hand.  She slashes and hacks her way through Wonderland chasing the Rabbit (I think).  I’ve never made it through the whole game, so I have no idea how it ends.  I was obsessed with that game for about two years, and then became obsessed with… blogging.

Note: It inspired the name of my blog, ‘Wonderland Burlesque’.

I wish they would do a similar take on the ‘Wizard of Oz’, that would be awesome.  But something tells me that Frank Baum’s estate would probably not be in favor of a murder-crazed Dorothy. 

Sigh.

Will you be off to see The Wizard of Oz when it's on the big screen in iMax 3D?

No.  I am afraid of iMax and 3D.  Pretty sure it would make me nauseated.  Something about my inner-ear/balance thing ever since my mountain bike accident – the oddest things trigger it. 

Besides… I haven’t taken the time to watch the original movie in ages and my memories of it are probably far better left as memories. 

Have you ever been to Kansas?

Yes.  Salina, KS.  With two touring productions; one, a creaky old melodrama where I got to play the hero (odd casting, but I was the only cowboy-like dude in the company at the time), and one, a sexy, over –the-top production of ‘A Midsummer’s Night Dream’ where I got to play Demetrius.  

When on the road, I turned out to be a bit of a prude.  While everyone else went out drinking, I stayed in and played ‘production matron’, shaking my finger at everyone else, telling them they better not be hung over the next day because “we have a matinee tomorrow”, blah, blah, blah.

There were three gay guys in the troupe (I was not ‘out’, yet) and we would sit at home base and play gin all night waiting for the others to return.  The ‘Midsummer’ tour was weird because I had just broken up with one of the main female fairies and she took great pleasure in fucking her way through the cast as a means of revenge.  Eh.  Theater people.  Blech.

Oh, a brief personal theater story.  I was privileged to play the Scarecrow in a summerstock production.  Behind the scenes, it was wrought with drama; the original cowardly lion left the production three weeks into rehearsals because his rock band landed a recording contract and had to leave on tour immediately.  The original Tin Woodsman was fired mid-run because he and the director were at odds and he took it upon himself to sabotage the production, messing with all the special effects.  The production caught the attention of the Minnesota State Fair people and we were bussed in to do a day’s worth of shows which I remember as being rather awful, because we couldn’t bring the set with us.

I loved playing the Scarecrow.  And the woman who played Dorothy was a treasure, too.  That said, it was bittersweet.  I was rather emotionally-attached to the director (female) and within a year we would be at odds as she was extremely Catholic and very homophobic (which was what was at the heart of the problems with the original Tin Woodsman).  

‘Scarecrows Dream’ – a beautiful song by the late Dan Fogelberg  - sums up my feelings for her.  I knew I was being replaced in her heart and that… killed me.

Wicked is______?

Sacrilege.

Hate it.  Hate most of the music – though, ‘Defying Gravity’, while pedestrian, made for a good (if cloying) dance floor thumper when remixed.  Hate the script.  Hated the production design.  It’s not musical theater – it’s an abstraction – a deconstruction of a concept better left in its original form.  It all feels false and unnecessary to me.  I don’t want to know the back story, and if I must, then I want it to be done true to the style and character of the original source.   

It had me gripping my arm rests and grinding my teeth throughout the entire show. 

That said… love Idina Menzel / hate Kristin Chenoweth.

Idina did a marvelous turn in an orchestral concert staging of ‘Chess’ with that rather boring male singer  – and that is when I fell in love with her.

Chenoweth?  She’s an annoying munchkin with a piercing voice and absolutely no sense of nuance.  Dorothy’s house should fall on her!

Where is home?

‘Home’ is a great track by Suzanne Palmer.   If you don’t know it, you missed out on one of the best dance tracks – ever!

‘Home’ is a marvelous song from ‘The Wiz’, a truly great musical (bad film) with a terrific score.  Little Stephanie Mills sang the sh*t out of that song.  What Berry Gordy and Diana Ross were thinking?  Who the hell knows? 

Home?  For me?  Wherever I am, I am.  That is home.

Everything in this physical life is temporary, so until you are able to identify and claim that part of yourself that is ‘home’, then you are operating without a center, which means, you are out of balance.  Living a life out of balance?  Not easy.  Not fun.  Been there, done that. 

Being ‘home’ at all times?  That is priceless, for ‘home’ is the only place from which we can grow and create things that are truly genuine and unique – things that we can claim as ‘ours’.  So, learn to take it with you wherever you go.  I think that is one of the keys to a successful life.

Who would you like to drop a house on?

Anne Coulter. 

She’s my first choice. 

My list is rather long, so I would need a number of houses/tornados.  If that could be arranged:

Anne Coulter, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Jan Brewer

Rush Limbaugh, The entire FOX News team: Bill, Sean, etc. (may need a mansion for this)

Chris Brown, Rick Ross, Sebastian Bach, Axl Rose, Ted Nugent, Metallica

Michael Vick and anyone that harms/neglects animals

Westboro Baptist Church and all the hate mongers (the whole lot of them need their toes curled)

Rick Santorum, Paul Ryan, Rick Perry, Eric Cantor, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz

Franklin Graham, Ted Haggard

Oh, hell this list could go on forever… basically any politician, teacher, business owner, non-profit, or religious leader that does not understand:

• that a woman’s body is her own
• that people have a right to information (sex education) and healthcare
• that being gay is not a choice and it is perfectly natural

You get the idea J

How would you "pass the day away" before seeing The Wizard ‘In the Merry Old Land of Oz’?

I would like a large, natural (no chlorine), temperature controlled swimming pool in a high ceilinged, glass enclosure, all to myself, where I could do laps and laze and relax. 

There might be some ambient/chill/trip hop mixes with the occasional diva house track wafting through the atmosphere and a small table laden with fresh fruit, juice, naturally flavored fizzy water, hot herbal tea, nuts, breads, and a couple of cheeses, a comfy lounge/deck chair,  and a pile of large, thick, white terry cloth towels. 

Time would standstill in this instance.  No hair would grow.  No age line increase.  No fat would form. 

All would be exactly to my liking…

…and I would not have to share it with anybody!

What's your wish when you put on the Ruby Slippers and click your heals three times?

That I would be transported to my backyard on a lovely, summer day and my three beautiful, little, four-legged friends: Beau, Paco, and Mona, would suddenly appear, alive and healthy and happy. 

If it could only be for an hour, so be it.  I would give anything to spend time in their company again.  We would be joined by my current four-legged friends: Millie, Hercules, and Atula.  Everyone would get along, we would all be healthy and happy, and there would be lots of treats and toys, with soft little beds for them to nap in. 

And when it came time for Beau, Paco and Mona to return - if they had to - then I would choose to go with them…

…but only if I could bring along my three current four-legged friends (because I promised I would always take care of them, too).

Bonus

The Scarecrow, Tin Man and The Lion: Do, Dump or Marry? 

My answers are based on what they lack/need and my typical attractions.

Do: The Scarecrow.  Dumb does not make for a great relationship, but can make for a great shag!  Plus... I think he's probably pretty well hung.  Note: you can be book smart and still dumb as a stick.

Dump: The Lion.  I don't like skittish men.  I don't respect them.  I tend to be somewhat reserved (believe it or not) and I need someone to act as my social shield sometimes.  Sometimes.  If on my own, I can be downright friendly.  But in a couple?  I tend to want to stay in the background. Two cowards in a relationship?  That's a recipe for disaster.  Skittish about sex?  Blasphemy.

Note: you can come on like a lion and still be a little pussy on the inside.

Marry: The Tin Man.  I tend to pick emotionally unavailable men.  I tend stick with them long after the writing is on the wall and all the joy in my life has vanished.  Rarely do I get what I want out of the relationship and it usually ends up costing me a lot (emotionally, physically, and financially) to get out. Those days are behind me now.  Note: you can be terribly tenderhearted and still have no heart.

  

'Home' - Suzanne Palmer

'A Scarecrow's Dream' - Dan Fogelberg

'Home' - Stephanie Mills

Beau

Paco

Mona

Millie

Atula

Hercules

'

'Over the Rainbow' - Judy Garland

"When you have lived the life I've lived, when you have loved and suffered and been madly happy and desperately sad - well, that's when you realize that you'll never be able to set it all down. . . maybe you'd rather die first." – Judy Garland, 1967

The Return of the Thin White Duke (Throwing Darts at Father's Eyes)

Wow, it’s been two months since I last posted anything on this blog.  I always wondered why people stopped blogging.  I would come across a real neat site with an interesting angle and would read all the old posts, only to then realize that it was a dormant blog.  Not that there is anything wrong with taking a vacation every now and then, but for quite some time I had managed to post something once a week, save the times when I was mourning the loss of one of my dogs. 

So what brought about my own recent lapse?  I think it was a combination of things.

I found out the local archdiocese donated $650,000 to try and pass an amendment to the Minnesota’s state constitution that would limit marriage to one man and one woman.  As a currently practicing Catholic – one who sings in the choir, cantors, and attends mass on a regular basis – that struck me as absolutely wrong.  Put aside the whole separation of church and state thing (although that alone should be sufficient enough reason to cause people to question just what a religious group is up to trying to alter a state’s constitution).  For me, personally, as someone who has given a portion of his paycheck to the church on a weekly basis, I had to ask myself – just how much self-hatred must I possess to be involved in an organization that will take my money and then spend it in order to pass legislation meant to limit and demean my life? 

I knew something was up when the local archbishop sent each church member an anti-gay marriage DVD that he had produced in 2010.  That’s when I first began to question my relationship with the church.  This DVD arrived in my mailbox.  Like a piece of hate mail designed to put in my place.   An anonymous donation of one million dollars was used to produce and mail this DVD.  ONE MILLION DOLLARS!  It arrived about a week before a visiting priest came before our congregation asking us to dig deep into our pockets to help the poor and starving in his native land.  So – here is an organization that is given ONE MILLION DOLLARS and then turns around and uses it – not to feed the poor or help our brothers and sisters abroad – but to fire the first warning shot in the war on my civil rights.  It didn’t sit well with me.

But I continued to attend mass.  And sing with the choir.  And cantor whenever I was needed. 

Then I reached the decision to stop giving money to the Catholic Church.  I didn’t want my money to be used against me in any way.  My sister reminded me: Jesus said ‘Love one another.’  And the man did not fucking stutter.’  Based on Archbishop John Nienstedt’s rapidly ramping anti-gay campaign, I was beginning to not feel the love.

You see, ever since the late seventies, the church had begun relaxing a little bit when it came to the whole homosexual thing.  They were having to heal the sick in the form of AIDS patients and that got a lot of people in the church who provide such services a real great opportunity to examine just what it meant to love one another.  Then the whole question of exclusion became a hot topic.  Who are we to exclude gay people from the church?  God made them.  Sure, that old dude in the funny hat over in Rome was still condemning gay folk, but the people in the trenches doing the real work?  They were starting to think differently.

Fast forward to a point in my life when I am feeling good about life and hearing really positive things about the evolution of the Catholic Church (or at least small pockets of it), and I start attending church again.  Then I join.  Then I start getting involved.

That all ended on Easter morning, 2012.  After sitting through a three and a half hour mass the previous night, trying to sight read music we never fully rehearsed (and I attended all rehearsals – never missed a one!), I went home and just felt depleted.  And angry.  Frustrated. 

To his credit, the priest at my local church has been incredibly fair about this whole thing.  He doesn’t insist on including ‘the marriage prayer’ as part of mass.  He has gone out of his way to let people in the congregation know that it is okay to disagree with the church, and that good Catholics, historically, have done just that.  His sermons often address the issues of inclusion, fairness, and unconditional acceptance and love.  So he is certainly not to be faulted in any way.

The same cannot be said for Archbishop Nienstedt.  If you want the real dirt on all of this, track down the June 20-26 issue of a local weekly called City Pages.  They have a website: http://www.citypages.com/2012-06-20/news/archbishop-john-nienstedt-crusades-against-gay-marriage/ (here’s a link to the actual article).  It contains all the details regarding just how divisive this issue is within the Catholic Church here in Minnesota and how destructive and hateful Nienstedt and his policies have become.

Since that Easter, I have continued to attend weekly mass.  My mother likes to attend and my father, who has Alzheimer’s, has become increasingly difficult to handle in public, so I help out.  I haven’t served as a cantor or sung with the choir since Easter.  I think it is confusing to many in the choir and specifically the woman in charge of the church’s musical ministry.  But I haven’t been able to bring myself to share my true reasons for stepping away.  I miss them.  Their spirits.

At the same time as my epiphany regarding the church bloomed, my ability to write left me.  A piece I have been working on for a year and a half went untouched for five months.  And then, I could not even bring myself to write anything for this blog.  I’ve used summer and the warm weather outside as an excuse, but the cause was actually something much deeper, that which I have chosen to share in this post.  It’s taken me all this time to write about the real reason. 

During that time, I certainly had plenty to write about.  Dan Savage and use of the word ‘faggot’ springs to mind.  Along with Madonna’s PR issues, Global Warming news, political craziness (Michele Bachman!), advances in HIV treatment and prevention, and, of course, a number of interesting sexual encounters I’ve experienced this summer.  I actually started a piece about the Dan Savage thing (along with several of the others), but abandoned it, unfinished.  I’ll probably get around to it eventually. 

So, for what it’s worth, I am back.  I’ve even managed to make some progress on that piece I’d abandoned, and, in fact, it is that progress that made me feel capable of writing this post. 

Oh, and other developments: I saw Kelly Rowland at Gay Pride this year.  I’m also planning on being in Madison, WI for their upcoming Pride weekend.   I have a new addition to my household – a twelve year old Boston Terrier (it’s been quite an adjustment for all of us).  And I’m attending an all-male, naked yoga class once a week!  My tan kicks ass, too, by the way.  So, it’s not like I haven’t been busy. 

Writing is good discipline.  I’m hoping that going forward I will be able to find my voice again o – both on the page and vocally – on a consistent basis.  That’s the plan, anyway.

Hope you are all enjoying the summer as much as I am.  Be good to yourselves.