Warning... this is an adult site. If reading or viewing things about what gay men do sexually with one another bothers you - you should not read this blog. This blog is a reflection of my adventures and thoughts. Some are fun, some not so pretty. I won't name names, or kiss and tell... but I will live to tell. And baby, trust me - I am gonna spill it all over your pretty little party dress. Enjoy!
Down The Rabbit Hole merely places a spotlight on something slightly unusual that's caught my interest. With the help of Wikipedia, YouTube, and other sites, I gather information and learn something new.
Today, we take a look at Altered Images.
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Altered Images are a Scottish new wave/post-punk band who found success in the early 1980s. Fronted by singer Clare Grogan, the group branched into mainstream pop music, enjoying six UK Top-40 hits and three Top-30 albums from 1981 to 1983. Their hits include Happy Birthday, I Could Be Happy, See Those Eyes, and Don't Talk to Me About Love.
Their debut album, Happy Birthday (1981), was largely produced by Steven Severin of Siouxsie and the Banshees. The title cut peaked on the charts at #2. That same year, they were voted Best New Group at the NME Awards and Most Promising New Act in the 1981 Smash Hits readers poll.
Their second album, Pinky Blue (1982), while reaching the Top-20 on the UK Albums Chart and spinning off three more Top-40 hit singles, was considered something of a disappointment by the UK press. That said, the album's I Could Be Happy proved to be the group's only foray onto the US charts, with the single peaking at #45 on the Billboard Dance Chart.
Their third album, Bite, half of which was produced by Mike Chapman (Blondie), and half by Tony Visconti (David Bowie), included another Top-10 hit, Don't Talk to Me About Love, in the spring of 1983. The album itself made the Top-20 on the album charts in the UK, but sold less than its two predecessors. After touring behind the album, the group broke up.
In 2021, the group got back together to support Human League on tour. This prompted them to record an album of new material, Mascara Streakz, which became a Top-30 album on the UK charts in 2022.
In my own personal big gay church, there is a wing dedicated to what can only be described as... The Sisterhood. No matter their musical genre of choice, these ladies came together as a unit, joined arms and mesmerized the world. Their harmonies inspired unity while creating an energy which was absolutely infectious. Hit after hit, they earned their place in music history, sharing their unique vocal stylings.
One such group?
En Vogue.
Using new jack swing as a leaping off point, through the years that followed, these divas carved out their own special brand of R&B, delivering phat beats, exquisite harmonies, all with a powerful, uplifting message.
From note one, they did it all with such style and grace. Runway beautiful with swag and composure to spare.
Their time in the sun? So not over. For they are still out there, playing before crowds of adoring fans.
And they have them. Loyal fans. People who bought their music and believed their message. These women influenced an entire generation of females and clued in the men paying attention on just how to treat a lady.
The gospel according to them?
Well, her are three from the hip, dropping from their lips.
The topic? We'll just let the music do the talking.
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"The art of playing games now
Is not the hearts you break
It's 'bout good love you make
When his heart's on fire
Give him love every day
Remember he needs space
Be patient and he'll give his heart to you
Don't waste your time
Fighting blind minded thoughts of despair
Hold on to your love..."
"I remember how it used to be
You never was this nice, you can't fool me
Now you talking like you made a change
The more you talk, the more things sound the same
What makes you think you can just walk back into her life
Without a good fight?
I just sit back and watch you make a fool of yourself
'Cause you're just wasting your time, oh
No, you're never gonna get it (not this time)..."
"I wear tight clothing, high-heeled shoes
It doesn't mean that I'm a prostitute
I like rap music, wear hip-hop clothes
That doesn't mean that I'm out sellin' dope
Oh my, forgive me for having straight hair,
It doesn't mean there's another blood in my heir,
I might date another race or color
It doesn't mean I don't like my strong black brothers
Why, oh why must it be this way?
Before you can read me
You got to learn how to see me
I said
Free your mind
And the rest will follow
Be colour-blind
Don't be so shallow..."
Hold On - En Vogue
My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It) - En Vogue
Riddle - En Vogue
And one last parting shot...
"I often fantasize the stars above are watching you
They know my heart and speak to yours like only lovers do
If I could wear your clothes
I'd pretend I was you
And lose control
There'll be some love making, heartbreaking, soul shaking
In my own personal big gay church there is a special wing dedicated to The Working Girls. These are ladies whom have had long careers spanning decades with great chart success. They've hosted shows, appeared on variety shows, championed causes and had their ups and downs. But they kept working.
One such journeywoman?
Tanya Tucker.
Ups and downs seems to be the course life handed her.
Of course, much of it was her own doing, but...
When you become world famous at the age of 13, well, things are bound to get a little rocky from time to time.
She had the market cornered when it came to innocent young things singing about very adult going-ons.
And once she and her management decided it was time to move into adulthood? This little lady kicked the door down with a pair of rhinestone cowboy boots!
The saga of Tanya and Glenn. My, oh, my, the tabloids had a field day. The shenanigans the two of them got up to are the thing of legends.
And it was all good fun, until... the day it wasn't.
From then on, things got a little better, until they got a little worse, until they got a little better...
Through it all, she sang her heart out.
At the moment?
Thing are great now.
She's taking her victory lap. One doesn't have a career with the length and and amount of success she's achieved and not deserve a few well-deserved standing ovations.
Thing is?
There'll never be another like her!
The gospel according to her?
Well, here are three from the hip, dropping from her lips.
The topic? The Road To Wellness
"Everybody has problems."
"There’s no way to be able to tell what it’s like to be a country singer until you’re walking in the shoes."
"The more people told me that, you know, wow, you should be so blessed. Don’t you feel blessed? And you have all this—mansion and all these beautiful things. And I said, you know—the more they told me that, the more depressed I got."
"When I was younger, I thought about retiring."
"Well, you know, certain—for one reason, I think that the intervention process is a good process for most people, but for me, it just looked like a bunch of my friends trying to get back at me and sit around taking jabs at me, you know, when I couldn’t defend myself."
"I don’t think I was really addicted. I used it as a party tool."
"I have always been the life of the party. When I got to the point where I wasn't anymore, I knew something was wrong. I didn't know what it was. Once you figure it out, you can start to fix the problem. It's a day-to-day struggle."
"At one point, I didn’t get out of bed for, I think, three months, and I went down to the bottom of the hill one day and I had to call somebody to get me to come back up—come pick me up because I couldn’t physically walk up the hill."
"Words are not even within me. They’re not in my vocabulary to really express the kind of feeling that I had."
"That’s the era we grew up in. It’s weak to go to a psychiatrist."
"He does all research now, but he put me on some medication, Zoloft, and, I tell you what, a lot of people have had pros and cons about it, but it was my wonder drug."
"But the main thing is that medication, too, is not all the help."
"You know, as any parent will say, you know, life happens."
What's Your Mama's Name? - Tanya Tucker
Soon - Tanya Tucker
When The Rodeo Is Over (Where Does The Cowboy Go?) - Tanya Tucker
And one last parting shot...
"I don’t know what keeps me going. Sometimes I wonder… I think it’s just pure perseverance and wanting to succeed and having that burning desire to always have success."
"I have an unending desire to be better and make myself a better person, better mother."
"The best thing is being able to perform in front of people and to express my feelings, whatever they may be at the time. Just to be able to make the world a happier place to be."
This past Thursday, I was working out, listening to my usual radio station; a station which typically plays popular songs from the 70s, 80s, and 90s. A song came on, one I couldn't recall ever hearing, yet sounded familiar. I thought to myself, 'How on earth did this one escape me?'
I listened quite intently, going about my usual workout routine. It sounded like an Elton John song. Your Song, in particular. But then there was a section which reminded me of Cat Stevens, perhaps the piano lines in Morning Has Broken. The lyrics were incredibly like those of Bernie Taupin. And as I listened more, I recognized that the piano technique was very much like that of Billy Joel.
But the voice...
It was so young. So pristine. So bright. The phrasing was spot on Elton John and I thought about all the wannabe artists recently who seem to ape portions of that artist's legacy - Ben Platt immediately sprang to mind, but this was definitely not him, this song had a different personality - it had a genuine one.
I thought, those three artists (John, Stevens, and Joel) should all get together and sue the crap out of this young man, for this song either was a big hit or will be.
Turns out that, after a seventeen year recording absence, Billy Joel has indeed, turned the lights back on... and is open for business.
Turn The Lights Back On is one of those songs that grabs you. You will always remember where you were and what you were doing the first time you hear it. I do believe it's going to be a huge hit.
And no matter how I may have felt about the artist in the past - for I've loved some of his work, found some of it lifeless and wanting, and downright hated a few of his albums - I am, at this moment, very excited for him.
Wouldn't it be nice if it went to number one? The charts are absolutely overwhelmed with music which all sounds the same, all from bright young things. This song is very different. Complicated. Complex and grounded in actual musical theory having been written by an artist with a great deal to bring to the table, not written by committee, hobbled together by industry movers and shakers, produced within a hairs breath and approved by an anonymous group of financial backers. There's flesh and blood at work in this one.
That said - it's hardly organic. There's something about the vocals which seem not quite right; they lack the weight and depth of a legacy artist of Joel's tenure. Perhaps they've been 'airbrushed' in the studio, or maybe he's found the fountain of youth and turned back the hands of time. In any event, he sounds incredibly young, vital and laser focused - there's no wear on those tires.
Still, I'd like to make a prediction - in a world which seems, at the moment, pretty unpredictable. The Grammys are going to be all over this. This will be nominated for song of the year, and very likely win. The Grammys love legacy artists making a surprising comeback and Joel, who is a journeyman, fulfills that with experience and years in the business to spare. Everybody loves a comeback story, so he'll be getting loads of free press. I also won't be surprised if the album is nominated for album of the year.
Even if none of that comes to pass, what a great moment in musical history. I can't wait to learn all the details of how the album came together and who is producing and what label he's on. His entire career has been Columbia/Epic Records, but... the industry has changed so much, perhaps he's gone independent. Plus, it's quite a story. I'm certain Joel will fill us all in on all the trials and tribulations, the personal struggles and revelations - the world will be riveted. A healthier diet? A new view of life? The secret of remaining young?
We certainly could all use the distraction.
I for one will be listening. It was a refreshing moment, as I lifted my way through yet another workout. A breath of fresh air.
It's nice to have the Piano Man back where he belongs... with the lights on.
In my own personal big gay church, there is a wing dedicated to what can only be described as...The True Divas. These are ones who may do many things in life, but from the moment they opened their mouths to sing they became the one thing they were meant to become: a true diva.
One such celestial soul?
Sarah Brightman!
With a voice and vocal range bestowed from the heavens above, this pint-sized diva has carved out her own unique musical universe.
Her devoted fans adore her solitary vision and every sonic utterance.
Musically restless, she's explored numerous sounds: pop, musical theatre, opera, middle eastern, and cabaret to name but a few.
This adventurous spirit actually led her to the stars themselves, as she began training to go into space in 2015. Unfortunately, that extraterrestrial dream has yet to come to fruition, but our angelic icon continues to inspire thanks to the never-ending gift which is her music.
The gospel according to her?
Well, here are three from the hip, dropping from her lips.
The topic: Space.
"I've wanted to go to space, really, since I was a little girl."
"I've always been interested in space and the idea of exploration in that area since I was a child growing up through the '60s."
"I was born in 1960, and space theory, especially in the last part of that time and going into the '70s, space was very relevant at that time. It was on television - all the experiments, the moon landings, everything like that."
"I was lucky enough to watch the first man walk on the moon from my television set and it changed me. Coming from a small town outside of London, all I knew was through school and my parents. Suddenly I saw this thing on television and I just went, “Oh my goodness — extraordinary things can be done!’ It inspired me to start working hard. In many ways, I thank that moment for having my career."
"I actually want to go up into space."
"A journey into space is the greatest adventure I can imagine."
"As I'm sure you may know, I'm planning to become a spaceflight participant and have been recently approved to begin my spaceflight training by the Russian space federation having passed the necessary medical and physical tests."
"Apparently, everyone is most scared of the psychological tests. I didn't know how I'd fare. What I've found out is I may be creative and imaginative, but I'm also extremely together."
"Finally my dream came true in that there was a possibility that I could travel to the International Space Station. I've gone through the medicals and the training and now I'm officially, by the Russian Space Federation, a cosmonaut in training."
"I'm not flying to the moon. But when I've talked to people who have been up, you can tell it's really special because without fail a very special light comes into their eyes and they appear to be very fulfilled in some way and very calm."
"Everybody goes up and does something in the private sector that they feel that they can do, and obviously I'm a musician and feel that one of my experiments - because I think there are many that you can do and that you're helped with the ideas of what you could do - yes, would be to see how I would sing in zero gravity."
"The opportunity to orbit the Earth, witnessing multiple sunrises and sunsets every day, looking back to our small blue life-sustaining jewel from a distance, gives me the greatest sense of anticipation."
I Lost My Heart To A Starship Trooper - Sarah Brightman w/ Hot Chip
Pie Jesu - Sarah Brightman and Paul Miles-Kingston
from Andrew Lloyd Webber's Requiem
Angel - Sarah Brightman
And one last parting shot...
"We are all made up of stars and all of us are billions of years old - that's what I believe, at least."
"When you gaze at stars and think about planets, the places it takes your imagination are amazing! You look up the sky, and you know the stars have always been here; they were referenced in biblical times and have always been present. They are somewhere up there in the future, and they guide you; they make you feel safe."
"In the past, I always used to be looking for answers. Today, I know there are only questions. So I just live."
"I think of myself not just as a dreamer, but as a dream chaser."
"Anything can happen to anyone at any time and you shouldn't just live through the days, or you lose them. You should do what you can to enjoy every moment."
In my own personal big gay church, there is a wing dedicated to what can only be described as...The True Divas. These are ones that may do many things in life, but from the moment they opened their mouths to sing they became the one thing they were meant to become: a true diva.
One such stirring soul?
The raw and rhapsodic Carmen McRae.
From where does that voice come from?
Wrapped in the curl of a wisp of smoke and with a musical sense born deep within, it is like no other.
Her phrasing? Her timing? Truly original.
And not hurried. Oh, no... that is not this diva's style.
Whether singing jazz, or selections from the American songbook, or putting her unique stamp on a modern bit of pop... the woman owns it and reels in her listeners like sailors to a siren.
But your in in no danger... unless you hate having a good time.
She wears a song like a pair of shoes... it may start out shiny, tight and new... but with time, this lady stretches them and breaks them in until they're comfortable, lived-in and with a bit of wiggle room.
Our songstress paid her dues the old-fashioned way, and while she may not have shown as brightly or glittered like some... time has been her friend; her place among legends well-earned.
If you don't know much about her, don't be shy. Dig in. Her back catalog is a true delight.
Treat your ears and allow this rarest of souls to cast her spell and work her magic.
So, grab your cocktail of choice, sit back, relax, and listen to a voice which has truly lived and loved her music.
The gospel according to her?
Well, here are three from the hip, dropping from her lips.
The topic? The Piano.
"I went to Chicago and liked the city. In order to stay I had to make a living. A friend of mine who was an ex-chorus girl knew I could play and sing, which I would do just for friends, not professionally. She said, "Why don’t you take a job playing and singing?" I said to her, "Lulu, that sounds great, but I don’t know if I’m capable." She said, "I know someone who wants a girl singer and piano player. If you go and you don’t make it at least you tried." I said, "It’s hard for a woman like myself, who is an Aries, to take a defeat. I would rather hear nothing than hear no." She convinced me, I went, and the man there was beautiful to me. I will never forget him. He gave me a job for two weeks, with a two-week option to play the piano and sing. He advanced me money to join the union. I stayed two weeks, and he picked up the option."
"I realized that my piano playing was very limited, because I had never intended to become a real pianist except just to play for myself or to rehearse a tune. It became essential to play better. I stayed at that job for seventeen weeks. During that time I hired a piano, and as my repertoire was very shallow, I rehearsed every day until my repertoire grew bigger. I stayed in Chicago and worked there for three and a half years, which was the greatest experience I could ever have had. I don’t care that it happened in Chicago. I don’t care where it happened, as long as it happened. I found out that I could make a living playing and singing. My idols were great pianists like Teddy Wilson and Art Tatum, so I could not be fooled by my own piano playing at all. My piano playing was just a means to get where I wanted to get as a singer."
"Going by my experience, it is one of the most important things. I don’t believe I would have whatever reputation I have today if I had not had any knowledge of the piano. That experience of studying music is what put me where I am today. Without it I would perhaps not even be singing, or of I had become a singer, it might not be as impressive as whatever it is I do now. I have said this for years and I still think it is extremely important. It is important if you want to be a lasting artist. Any artist who really knows what he or she is doing musically will last. I think it’s the non-professional professionals who fade out. They earn a lot of money in a minute, yet don’t make it somehow. After they're gone, people don’t even remember who they were. That’s why it’s very important to know your craft."
Isn't It Romantic - Carmen McRae
'Round Midnight - Carmen McRae
Bye, Bye Blackbird - Carmen McRae w/ Count Basie
And one more parting shot...
"Blues is to jazz what yeast is to bread--without it, it's flat."
"I am jazz-oriented; if it weren’t for jazz I wouldn’t be anywhere. I only want to be categorized as a good or a bad singer. I originally started as a so-called jazz singer. I was dubbed that somewhere along the line, and I never really thought about it. I really didn’t start out to be a jazz singer; I just started out to sing. But it was awfully hard, as it is for any musician, to play and not to improvise in some sort of way on the melody. If doing that made me a jazz singer, then yes, that’s what I am. I have also done many tunes that couldn’t possibly be called jazz tunes and made many single records that were not jazz."
"Everything I do, I choose very, very carefully, because if I don't like it, I can't make you like it."
For today's Who Did It Better? entry, we have a song that did much better on the charts the second time around... at least in the UK. But does chart success necessarily translate into a superior version?
Let's find out!
Bye, Bye, Baby (Baby, Goodbye) was written by Bob Crewe and Bob Gaudio, a member of The Four Seasons. The pair is responsible for most of The Four Seasons' songbook and is responsible for co-writing and produced a string of Top 10 singles for the group.
The Four Seasons were the first to record it and it was released as a single in December of 1964. It would eventually appear on their 1965 album, The 4 Seasons Entertain You.
Their version of the song made it to #1 in Canada and #12 on the US Billboard Hot 100 in 1965.
The song is deceptively simple. In actuality (and I will let Wikipedia do the heavy lifting here):
"After a winding seven-bar introduction in D major, featuring Frankie Valli's spoken recitation, the song settles into a triplet-swing beat and thereafter alternates between two keys, F-sharp major (in the chorus) and A major (in the verse and final chorus), bridging the gap with a five-step chromatic pivot-modulation (D-D♯-E-F-F♯ over the line "She's got me and I'm not free")."
Ten years later, The Bay City Rollers sold a million copies and hit #1 on the UK Singles Chart for six weeks starting in March of 1975. It would eventually appear on their album, Once Upon A Star. Their version ended up being the top-selling single that year in the UK. In addition (and this demonstrates just how much the music industry had changed in terms of global reach in ten years) it went to #1 in Australia and Ireland, #6 in South Africa, #7 in Norway,#10 in West Germany, #11 in the Netherlands, #13 in Austria, #15 in Belgium and #32 in New Zealand.
Note: A version by British group The Symbols reached #44 in the UK Singles Chart in 1967. And a version by Hiromi Go hit #9 in Japan in December of 1975.
And that's the whole story.
Now? On to the competition!
The Song: Bye Bye Baby (Baby, Good-bye)
The Competitors: The Four Seasons vs. The Bay City Rollers
Bye Bye Baby (Baby, Good-bye) - The Four Seasons
Bye Bye Baby (Baby, Good-bye) - The Bay City Rollers
The Four Seasons
Dramatic opening. Great harmonies. Warm? It is not. Those ooo's are a little pitchy. Could be the vinyl.
But Frankie Valli... he could tear through a box of cereal and I'd listen. The man's voice simply cuts straight through and sounded great on the radio. The Four Season's songs were fun, but it's his voice which sold all those records, gave the group their focus and made them a cut above the rest.
He's in great form here.
The production work is perfectly period - those drums sound like cardboard boxes. But those ha
The verse is fun. Sassy and swings.
It's a very noisy environment. That's part of its charm. The remastered version does a great job of cleaning it up, but leaves the recording sounding thinner and less lively.
As we go on, the strings get a bit shrill, but they also sort of mirror the piercing tone of Valli's vocals.
It certainly does not wear out its welcome.
Hard not to like. It's such a perfect pop confection.
The Bay City Rollers
Great job on the intro. Notice how far recording technology had come in ten years. This is a much smoother ride.
But then Les takes the lead and.... he's no Frankie Vallie. Adequate... even good, but not the force of nature Valli was on the original.
That said, this is top notch stuff. Polished pop. I think the Rollers were incredibly underrated. Had they been given the opportunity to work with better producers, Jimmy Iovine comes to mind, I think they could have overcome their teenybop roots and become a more credible band.
I don't miss the strings.
The band is tight. Great sound. Great energy. I can see why people responded to this.
I do think The Four Seasons brought a bit more heft and weight to the verses. For some reason this feels rushed. I miss the space in the mix which was used to such great advantage in the original version.
The backing harmonies are spot on.
Is that... a kazoo? What the? Huh.
No. It's a very badly modulated fuzz guitar, I believe. Oh, dear. Who thought this a good idea?
I love what they do at the 2:10 mark. Super fun. Great vocals.
From that moment on, it's like a rugby sing-along.
Very fun.
The Verdict
The Rollers do a great job. It's super fun and tight. I still hold them in the highest of regard.
A well-written song can have a lengthy lifespan and be recorded by a number of artists. Such is the case with today's Who Did It Better? selection.
Now, Barbra Streisand, Cilla Black, and numerous others, including Elaine Paige, have recorded solo versions of the song, but for the purposes of this post, we're only looking at group or duet versions of the song.
I Know Him So Well was written by ABBA's Benny Andersson and Björn Ulvaeus with Tim Rice of Jesus Christ Superstar and Evita fame. The chorus of the song incorporates the chorus of ABBA's 1977 concert stable, I Am An A, a song which was never officially released, though bootleg versions are to be found on YouTube.
The song is a duet from the trio's concept album Chess, which explores the world of international chess champions using the Russian/American cold war as a backdrop. It was later turned into a stage musical. In this duet, two women – Svetlana, the Russian chess champion's estranged wife, and Florence, his mistress – express their bittersweet feelings for him and at seeing their relationships fall apart.
Originally sung by Elaine Paige (as Florence) and Barbara Dickson (as Svetlana), the duet was first released worldwide on the Chess double LP, often referred to as a concept album or album musical, in the autumn of 1984. They'd laid down their vocals separately and never met during the recording of the song, only for the video and subsequent performances on Top of the Pops and the European tours.
Released as a single by Paige and Dickson, the duet took the #1 spot in the UK for four weeks in 1985. Their recording remains in the Guinness Book of Records as the biggest selling UK chart single ever by a female duo. In addition it went to #1 in Ireland, #9 in New Zealand, and #21 in Australia. It would become the second biggest hit in the UK in 1985.
Paige would go on to appear in the original London West End stage production of Chess.
In 1987, a studio version of I Know Him So Well was recorded as a duet by Cissy Houston and her daughter Whitney Houston for Whitney's second album, Whitney. It was released as the 6th and final single from Whitney on November 30, 1988 in Australia, Germany, Netherlands, and Spain. Given little in the way of promotion, no official music video was produced, though there are live performance video-recordings of the pair singing the song. Their version peaked at #14 in the Netherlands and #46 in Germany.
In 1999, British musical group Steps recorded a version for a various artists compilation titled Abbamania. It would later be included on their own album, 2001's The Last Dance. Released as a double-A-side with Words Are Not Enough, it would be the final single released by the group before their abrupt breakup. It debuted at #5 in the UK and peaked at #4 in Scotland and #21 in Ireland.
In 2009, a concert version of the musical featuring Josh Groban and Idina Menzel was released. It included a version of I Know Him So Well sung by Menzel as Florence and fellow Wicked alum Kerry Ellis as Svetlana.
As part of the fundraising drive for Comic Relief 2011, a parody version was recorded by Susan Boyle and Peter Kay as his drag persona Geraldine McQueen. Thanks to its accompanying music video, their version managed to hit #11 in the UK.
For her theatre-inspired 2012 album, Stages, former Spice Girl Melanie C. teamed up with group member Emma Bunton to record a version. It was released as the album's lead single with an accompanying music video. The pair made numerous appearances on British television programs to promote and perform the song, including: This Morning, BBC Children in Need, Live at Shepherd's Bush Empire, The Alan Titchmarsh Show, and Loose Women.
And that's the whole story.
Now? On to the competition.
The Song: I Know Him So Well
The Competitors: Paige/Dickson vs. Houston/Houston vs. Steps vs. Menzel/Ellis vs. Boyle/McQueen vs. Melanie C./Bunton
I Know Him So Well - Elaine Paige, Barbara Dickson
I Know Him So Well - Whitney Houston, Cissy Houston
I Know Him So Well - Steps
I Know Him So Well - Idina Menzel, Kerry Ellis
I Know Him So Well - Susan Boyle, Geraldine McQueen
I Know Him So Well - Melanie C/Emma Bunton
Elaine Paige, Barbara Dickson
Oh, my... we are in it for the long haul today! Sigh.
I have always loved this song. While I have issues with Chess as a stage musical, some of the music is mighty tasty. I always wanted to learn this song, and I'll be damned, but I sat down the other day and tried to find cords for it and... it all flew together in a matter of minutes. I think that's because I have been singing this song on and off for a number of years, but now? I finally really know it! So I can't wait to try it out on an open mic night, maybe with my friend, Laura or the BF singing it as a duet.
I was not aware of it, but Chess turns out to be one of the reasons ABBA broke up! The group had actually recorded seven songs for their follow-up to 1980's The Visitor, when Benny Andersson and Björn Ulvaeus started working with Tim Rice. Coupled with relationship stress and Agnetha developing a form of paralyzing stage fright brought on by a long-term stalker and it was game over for the supergroup. A shame, because you can't listen to this song without imagining Frida and Agnetha singing it.
Instead? We have superstars Elaine Paige and Barbara Dickson.
Adore the maudlin intro. Classical, precise, yet electric thanks to that lovely keyboard sound. So clean. And a bit of flourish with the added edge of a guitar.
Paige has a beautiful bell tone to her voice. She strikes a note and it reverberates. A bit posh sounding, but lovely all the same.
As we move into the second half of the first verse, note the orchestra. Very Russian. Very haughty. Oh, the delicious drama. Paige isn't quite on top of "Won..." but close enough. The strings in the background are so playful. You could argue that Paige is a bit over-strident, but then, this is a number from a potential stage musical and she is a diva of the stage... so good luck winning that one. As is? I think she's a perfect substitute for Agnetha, right down to her overwrought pronunciations. Wait. You act like that's a bad thing? Oh, no my dears. Not where this song is concerned. Given the storyline and characters? Posh and dramatic is the way to go.
Love hearing her dig into that chorus, almost before the orchestra gets a chance to. And enter Dickson... a curious figure in Tim Rice's catalog, as she was the first to sing Another Suitcase In Another Hall from Evita. She's a much beloved figure on British television with a long and varied career. Here, she's got a marvelous opportunity playing both a supporting role - sort of softly backing up Paige as she tears into the first chorus, before stepping out to tell her side of the story.
Their voices blend beautifully. I wouldn't expect less; they are both at the height of their powers as vocalists, well-trained, and experienced.
I just love what Paige does with "more security..." Yes, over the top. More, please.
And isn't Dickson simply lovely; the softer, the sadder but wiser singer.
A big fat homogenized guitar lick takes us to verse two... sort of a bit of foreshadowing for the fireworks to come?
Speaking of fireworks, I know Paige is the fire in this duet, but Dickson is the one who gives me chills. Her first two stanzas? How lived-in. How knowing. Some of the finest line readings ever recorded.
I also adore listening to her sing. She stretches out, takes her time, fills in all the area between the lines. Her technique is breathtaking. Mature? Yes. But such is the fate of the sadder but wiser girl.
Now it's Paige's opportunity to offer support - and she does in the most - forgive me - Streisand means possible - moving between notes in the background, making sure you can't help but notice her. But no worries, Dickson maintains focus, and brings out the big guns. She comes from a place of power, pulling her sound all the way up through the floor, through her legs, through the chest... a lovely, broad sound, so Paige can chirp away all she wishes.
This is such a lovely marriage of voices and style. And the arrangement compliments them perfectly - it's so careful and smart, never threatening to overwhelm or push. Yes, there's a lot going on back there, but it's all kept in check. Musically proper, shall we say?
At the 3:07 mark or so, the producers do the oddest thing... they treat the vocals with a bit of reverb, I believe. It's unnecessary and calls attention to itself because everything has been so naturally felt and delivered up to that moment. It could simply be the effect of the two singing together, but it sounds multi-layered beyond what two voices could produce.
The back and forth is fine. Big snaky guitar... homogenized, but acceptable, given its surroundings.
A big ritardando as we prepare for the dismount. This has indeed been a feat of vocal gymnastics.
Such a lovely ending. It makes me want to hear Barbara Dickson sing an evening of Sondheim.
Bravo, ladies!
Whitney Houston, Cissy Houston
A strummed guitar opening. Nice differentiation. But the big flourish? A bit much, especially followed by those overzealous drums.
Whitney is in lovely shape. Pure tone. She can't resist changing up the melody line a bit and working in a bit of miasma at the end. Not sure if it works. She needs to open her vowel sound on 'wrong' - she's trying to sing the 'ng'. Her first 'far' is odd... more like 'fah' and the second is perfect. I do generally appreciate her articulation.
That little cover into the second half of verse one? What... why? So odd. Hinting at something to come? It sounds so out of place... almost like a key change. Oh, dear... we're messing with the words... 'done' instead of 'played'. Why?
I dislike the guitar. The rhythm track is silly and so middle of the road. And Whitney? While reinvention is commendable... sometimes you don't mess with what the songwriters intended.
I rather like their voices together. Cissy has a nice bottom to her sound. Very grounded. It's a great contrast to Whitney's pop lite. What is that moving underneath? Bass and... big old synth? Like Jaws. Still... nothing yet to take offense to. I get it. They are trying to make this fit in with the rest of Whitney's album - no small feat given the rather musical theatre nature of this selection.
Cissy on 'fantasy and freedom' - bit of a reach. Big scoops and her out-of-control vibrato is showing. Whitney covers by going Hollywood big on 'well'. Followed by a stupid musical sting?
Okay... Cissy had a long career. She was a good singer, never a great one... and she is not up to the task here, folks. That happens with age. It just does. What is with the weird sitar sounding guitar after 'side'? Like a chicken clucking? She's smart. She plays with the melody (too much) and doesn't sit long enough on a note for her vibrato to wobble. I like it when she comes from underneath, there's still a great deal of strength to the woman.
I don't know... second half of verse two? I get it... she's working her way around it, trying to loosen things up, but... that might work on a different type of number... not this one. Whitney sounds nice in the background. But they cut it short, most likely because it's difficult to navigate what Cissy is doing. How do you counter something like that without drawing attention to pitch issues?
But they sound great on chorus two. The arrangement on the other hand? Could they try any less? Elevator snoozeville. There's no interplay. Just chugging on to the end. Punch the clock, go home. These ladies deserved better. They deserved something to play with, to play off. That arrangement is so bland.
Interesting... 'start'. Say no more.
Huh. 'Apart.' Musically? It makes no sense. As a line reading, it makes no sense. Who? Who thought that was a good idea? No doubt the same person who thought Whitney, at this point in her career, singing this song as a duet with HER MOTHER. Looking in your direction, Clive. Damn fool.
Well, if you thought that 'apart' was going to be the end of the fireworks, oh, no my friend. And I have to say... both ladies acquit themselves quite favorably all the way to the end. Whitney goes nuclear and Cissy ramps it up. The let down is the lack of cohesion on the final 'I know him so well..' But, I didn't expect much, so...
I give the ladies props. That arrangement and the musical direction (or lack thereof) and the arrangement sinks this more than Cissy's vibrato ever could have.
Steps
Very close to the original intro. Nice and clean. Not too bombastic.
What is that weird ambient sound buried in the final flourish? A seagull? What an odd thing.
I don't know Steps. They were huge in the UK. I assume they are like Glee, but without a weekly hour on the telly where they ruin our favorite songs.
This singer is breathy, but has great pitch, so far. She goes nasal on 'long', always a no-no. I appreciate her proper articulation. She has a bit of proper training.
Oh, dear. Singer #2... I fear she has 'plans' for this second half of verse one. The plot thickens, the pulse on the other hand... Is she the designated 'bad girl' in the group? Don't they each have a personality? No?
What is with that clanky harpsicord banging out chords?
She sings like she has a cold. Also, they've treated her extended notes. 'Tale' instead of 'tell'? Is she from the American south? Wait. 'Now at least I know him whale?' Really? Letting that stand, are we? Hmm.
Her voice is, temperature-wise a bit warmer than Singer #1 (sorry, I know they have names, but really... why bother?) But she has some very bad habits to overcome, not the least of which is her tendency to launch the odd note like she's gunning for home base.
Oh, guys. Singing. Huh. Guys who sing. Well, I suppose they need the eye candy, right?
Are Singer #1 and Singer #2 in the same group? There's no connection there. And the producers clearly choose to wipe out one over the other on chorus #1. Singer #2 continues to astound me. Someone needs to spell the word 'security' out for her - as one would to a horse. Does she have her own language?
Terrible guitar line leading us to the second verse. So far, there have been a number of odd instrumental choices in this arrangement. It's rather schizophrenic. Do they always tailor each section of a song to the style of the vocalist?
Oh. I was hoping the boys would sing. Solo. This is singer #3, isn't it? Is she the 'popular' one? She's all bollocks when it comes to singing, dears. Listen to her stress the oddest words and attack the beginning of each phrase like a parakeet after a cracker. If an actress gave line readings like these she'd be laughed off the stage.
And her vowel sounds are flat and hard. 'Caan-stantly.' Horrible breath control. Gasping and what not.
I have to go to the video to learn who is singing what.
Wait. Is she the 'perky' one in the group? The first singer is the pure pretty girl, the second is the saucy ice bitch, and the third the perky every-boy-could-have-a-go-with-her girl?
I like that the producers know to go with Singer #1 for the background vocals. I mean, she doesn't muck things up the way the other two do.
Oh, the boys are back for their cameo vocals. Yay.
This is like the coed karaoke version of this song.
"Didn't I Naaaooo." What the ever loving... "Stahhhhhht"? Is she a cow? And that's singer #1 with #2 in tow? Get out.
The harmonies aren't even interesting. Did they take this to the lowest common denominator so Singer #2 wouldn't feel bad?
I understand that the group broke up out of the blue the day after this was released or something dramatically made-up like that.
All in all... not a bad thing. But... couldn't it have happened before they recorded this?
"A lettle bit more than me." And then, what? Did Singer #1 just give up? Mawwww? It's like she opened her mouth and just said... "no, you go find that note. I'm staying right where I am. My nails need to dry." Weirdest sound yet. Was that Singer #1?
Are there three girls? I'm not getting this. This is like The Three Faces Of Eve.
And, what? The guys? Did they clock out early? Done for the day. Home for a bit of down time, a plate of nachos and Mario Bros.?
Oh, wait... that very end... that's... actually nice.
And best of all?
It does, indeed, end.
So many questions. Like... was this band put together via some kind of sweepstakes? You know... they found a magic ticket or something and won a spot in a pop band? Can't imagine an adult doing this on purpose. Or did they all start out as something similar and then morphed via adolescence into the three gorgons (with Chip and Ernie in tow)?
Fascinating.
Idina Menzel, Kerry Ellis
Idina Menzel should only sing one song. No, not that one. Gorgeous. It's a dance single she put out and I adore it. In fact, I am going to go on YouTube and find it right after I slog through three more versions of this.
Yes... that's right, dears. Three more versions.
And here I thought being fisted was painful!
This was from the live concert version of Chess starring Josh Groban which no one asked for, ever. I remember seeing and thinking, "What? Is this a free giveaway? Buy three bottles of dishwashing liquid and you get... this?"
Hmm. Sound quality's a bit thin. Clean, but thin.
How many n's are at the start of 'Nothing's'? So, odd... I know it's Idina singing, but it's like there are three voices trying to escape. Or did someone jump in and sing 'it lasts eternally'?
And I thought Steps version was schizophrenic. She frequently sounds like a magic elf about to steal all your underpants. And she just can't resist leaning back and biting off those bigger notes. Someone needs to tell her... just because, doesn't mean you should.
"Madness", indeed.
And she winds up for the pitch... "I knoooow him sooo well!" Big scoops. Why not always go big?
Kerry Ellis, I like. Though, what's with singers stressing 'be' in the phrase 'move my world to be with him?', as if their lives depended on it?
Ellis sounds good live. More of a pop singer, actually. Or maybe cosmo country. There's a rasp to some her stuff which is feels very natural, especially in contrast to the phantom witch woman hovering in the background.
I'm kind of hoping they both wrestle this thing to the ground by going all out and physically attacking one another.
"Madness", indeed. And then she chews up and spits out "more security." Why rush through 'security'? There's that wonderful 'u' sound in the center, like a chewy bit of nougat.
It is like Hamilton, isn't it?
As in... Margaret Hamilton. If she could sing, she would sound exactly like Idina.
Someone needs to tell Idina this is a different show and that she's no longer in that other show. I bet they paired her with Ellis in the hopes that upon hearing what normal singing sounds like, Idina would take the hint?
Horrifying ending. Not a bit of shame.
Did they rehearse this?
Well, two to go.
Susan Boyle, Geraldine McQueen
Sorry about using the video version, but it was the only version I could find on YouTube. I wanted to include this... not only did it chart, but... Susan Boyle!
I think Susan Boyle has a most amazing instrument. I know she can be a bit staid, but her technique? Among the finest. Such a rare, natural sounding tone. And no bad habits. Truly gifted.
Wait. I'm confused. Was this the parody version? Or was that Steps?
Oh, no... it is this one.
Wow... they went all out and bought a Casio - at Walmart, I'm thinking.
Boyle is lovely, as expected. A bit breathy, but this is a one-off. They probably rushed her out of the dressing room with the tissue still under her collar.
Peter Kay holds his own. Well, 'tucks his own' more likely.
Kay demonstrates exactly why this song is so much fun to sing. I don't know much about him, but Geraldine has got it together. I could nitpick, but... this is good fun, and for a good cause. There's no power to his voice and even less color, but he manages to primly purse his lips and pluck the right notes in a fey way.
As for Boyle, she's actually sung the song quite legitimately with Elaine Paige herself, no less. You couldn't ask for a better duet partner, for she never competes - she simply sings. And yes... complain all you want, she's not your typical entertainer. She's a singer. A good one. An evening with her? Well worth the price of admission.
As for Kay, what a good sort. Again, I know nothing about him, so if he's in jail for kiddie porn or there's a video on YouTube of him in blackface, I do apologize. But as is, this was great fun.
The video is a hoot, too... subtle and fun, especially if you're familiar with the source material.
Melanie C/Emma Bunton
What on earth? Why. What did this song do to deserve this?
Oh, alright. Let's do this.
Lovely piano intro. Clean. And the flourishes? Fine, too, actually. Nice and full-bodied. The timpani? Perfectly placed in the mix with just the right emphasis.
So far? Very tasteful.
Oh, dear. Mel C has a tiny, sandpapery voice. This is not a song for little girl voices, dear. Grownups. This is a grownup song. Colorless. Terrible tone. Bad vowels. No idea how to reach a note.
My apologies to Step.
This is the karaoke version.
The arrangement is a bit busy, but I think they're doing their best to take focus off the rather dreadful, though well-intentioned, I am sure, vocals.
Oh, listen to her go all pop and bratty on 'fine'. Emma, on the other hand, sounds sweet.
Who coached this woman? Who told her she could sing this song? Oh... damn. Firing squads have gone out of fashion, haven't they?
You know what I know so well? Mel C sings like shite. No wonder she needs to be surrounded by four other singers.
The arrangement goes all cheap and sugary once Bunton starts in. She's a breath of fresh air after Mel C, but no great shakes. Very breathy. Bright. Nice tone. A bit lite. Very chippy. But immensely likable.
Was this done on a dare? Was it a game of Truth Or Dare and Mel C. chose 'dare' and someone said, go do an album of Broadway tunes?
Oh, once the two of them join forces, it's much more palatable. Bunton detracts from Mel C's terrible vocal habits and while it's not exactly Paige and Dickson, it's not shite. More like a vegemite sandwich.
And they certainly didn't go cheap with the orchestra. It's all there, blazing away. Rather lovely.
And there's something about Bunton, it's like a Disney princess or if Bambi could sing.
If that ending got any breathier we'd all be handing out a palm full of mints.
Well. That ended.
The Verdict
Oh, lawd.
Sometimes I want to apologize for the things I put us through. But then, the one I really need to apologize to the most is... myself. Clearly I have some deep-rooted dislike, as I keep putting myself through things like this week after week.
I suppose it's time I talked to someone about it.
I wonder if Susan Boyle would care to come 'round for a cuppa?
Okay... let's wrap this up.
Paige and Dickson are spot on. As showy as Paige gets, it's Dickson who holds the line. Such a fine singer. They compliment each other so well. And, I think they have the best arrangement, although I did come to like Mel C. and Bunton's.
Whitney and Cissy? Oh, no, child. What was Clive Davis thinking? That is a shaking-my-head musical moment right there. I don't know what the intent was, but it is all so damn wrong. Ain't nobody need to hear that ever.
And that goes for Step and Idina Menzel, as well. Kerry Ellis holds her own just fine, but Idina's musical sensibilities are batshit cray cray. There's not enough elfin magic to be found to make me listen to that version again. Though I do want to be there the day she finally splits into three separate entities.
As for Steps? Well, I suspect the drama behind the scenes is where it really was at when it came to that odd mixed lot. It was like listening to a competition where each singer tries to sing worse than the one who sang the line before them. This was a popular thing? This really happened? Or was it one of those Saturday morning cartoon things? Like TheBugaloos? Or The Banana Splits? Did one save box tops from cereal boxes and mail them in to receive the group's latest CD?
Boyle and McQueen? Oh, how fun was that. Peter Kay. Bravo, my dear. No, you can't sing much, but that sure was fun. And Boyle? What a lovely singer. I really would like to hear her and Dickson have a go at it... but then, I probably don't want to hear this song again for quite some time.
And Mel C. and Baby Bunton. Well, Emma could actually charm the pants off anyone, even this old dried-up gay guy. But Mel C.? Is she an aerobics instructor? This is a prank, right? Oh, you Brits and your whacky sense of humor.
I've seen Fawlty Towers!
So, my choice.
Well, it's obvious, isn't it?
Barbra Streisand.
Of course.
She duets with herself. What's not to love?
No... it's Paige and Dickson by a mile, my dears. The tone is a bit haughty, but I do love the drama. And those two? Well, they got it right the first time.
--- ---
And that's enough of me...
Okay, your turn. You know what to do: leave your choice and thoughts in the comments section. I love to hear a differing opinion.
That's all for now. I do apologize. It was an awful lot to ask.
Oh, look... videos!
Until next time...
Thanks for reading... and listening!
I Know Him So Well - Elaine Paige, Barbara Dickson
