A Dirty Dozen: Dirty Questions to Ask a Guy That Will Turn Him On

A Dirty Dozen: 

Dirty Questions to Ask a Guy That Will Turn Him On

Today’s 'Dirty Dozen' comes from a post titled: 100+ Dirty Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend That Will Turn Him On by Tatiana, on a site called Paired Life. https://pairedlife.com/physical-intimacy/dirty-questions-to-ask-your-boyfriend

One hundred questions seemed bit much, so, with some judicious editing on my part, I thought we would bite off 12 at a time, hence… the whole dirty dozen schtick. Ready?
 
Be sure to gargle after each one. 
 
I run a clean house here. 
 
Dirty Questions to Ask a Guy That Will Turn Him On
 
1. What do your lips taste like?
 

Depends on when you ask me:
 
Mornings: Burnt coffee and a hint of bitter resignation
 
Afternoons: Antiseptic Mouthwash, toothpaste and a will to live
 
Evenings: Chamomile tea, lavender lotion and sweet dreams  
 
Friday and Saturday evenings during the summer: Gin and sunscreen
 
Friday and Saturday evenings during winter: Gin and Chap-stick
 
Friday and Saturday evenings those other two seasons: Just gin, dahling…  
 
2. Is there a sexy scene from a movie that you want to recreate?
 
Yes.
 
Only I don’t know the name of it and I can’t find it anywhere. If you recognize the plot, please, please, please use the comments section and let me know where to find it.
 
It opens in this almost pitch black mens room in a gay bar. There’s a trough, no urinal. A thin, white bald dude is cruising, pissing in the trough. A real hot Hispanic guy comes in to piss. They cruise one another and the whole thing explodes like a fireball.
 

The bald dude starts by sucking the Hispanic dude’s dick. Choking on it, reallly. Then the Hispanic dude spits on him before turning him around to fuck him. He’s very rough and dom. While he’s fucking him, the Hispanic dude pushes the bald dude’s head into the urinal trough. It goes on from there with the Hispanic dude shooting his load twice! And it’s not even that long of a movie.
 
OMG. I just love this movie so much… whaaaa?
 
Not the kind of movie you meant?
 
My bad.
 
I originally found this film on the blog called The Jizz Kid ( http://thejizzkid.blogspot.com/ ) (Remember him?) And I watched the damn thing dozens of times (for the scintillating diaolgue!) before that stupid ‘this film no longer available’ sign popped up.
 
Gawd, I love that little movie…  

But no, let's umm... let's just do that stupid birthday cake scene from 'Sixteen Candles'. Okay, there. 

See, I can do 'nice'.

3. If you could only be touched in one place, where would it be?
 
My heart.
 
(bursts out laughing) Bah, ha, ha, ha, ha… Naw, just keep hitting the button, honey.
 
You know the one.
 
Now, don’t make me come back there and show you again.

4. How would you describe your package?
 
Suspicious.
Overdue.
Lightly-damaged.
In need of extra postage (hee hee)
 
5. Have you ever done it with someone you weren't attracted to?
 
Yes, it’s called charity work. It’s tax deductible.
 

It is! Look it up.
 
It’s also good for the soul, good for the community, builds excellent karma and character and keeps ya humble.
 
We all must do our part during these troubled times. And trust me, honey, my times have been troubled for a looooong time now.
 
I enjoy helping out where I am needed.
 
Also… I am getting older. Some day I will need someone to be a little charitable. Maybe put a scarf over that lamp shade?
 
I suspect I will be very Tennessee Williams diva about the whole thing. Sigh.
 
But no, I will never pay for it. Never evah!
 
(Oh, that would make a good question!)
 
6. Do you prefer your men shaved or all natural?
 
I just prefer men.
 
Any.
 
I do shave my stuff: balls taint, ass.
 
But I like my guys all natural (maybe a little pube trim when you reach a certain age, hint, hint). And keep that funk fresh, darling. My olfactory senses can only take so much (due to years of poppers use).
 
7. What do you look for in a partner for the bedroom?
 
A pulse.
 
8. Spit or swallow?
 
Oh, you can spit on me. But call me names while you do it.
 

And, yes, of course I swallow. What kind of a slut do you think I am?
 
Now, keep in mind, I always have antiseptic mouthwash right nearby.
 
I like to run a clean house.
 
Quick truth: Did you know that gargling with antiseptic mouthwash before and after giving head can help prevent the spread of gonorrhea? For reals! It works. I read about it in this study that some research group did.
 
Ummm…
 
You know… just… doing some… light… reading.  
 
9. What was the last dirty dream you had?
 
I do have dirty sex dreams. Usually involving a mens room and a group of guys at a mall or a college library, but there is always one guy that stands out, whom I would do anything (and anybody) to please and…
 
…and then I wake up. I never get to the good stuff.
 
I come close.
 
But I never cum…
 
10. Have you ever received underwear from another man?
 
Yes. And this a bit strange…
 

I met him many years ago and he turned out to be a best friend of my future (now ex) husband , so we never fooled around. But all through our twenty-some years of friendship (it ended when he trashed one of my rental houses and moved to Florida), he would give me a pair of underwear - always some fancy designer or gay label. I’d thank him and take them. He would point out features, like the tiny pocket for a condom or the way they would help shape my ass or the secret opening in the crotch.
 
I never wore them in front of him, or at all… but I liked the underwear.
 
11. Have you ever bought underwear for another man?
 
No.
 
I don’t know why. It never occurs to me to do so.
 
I think of underwear as a sexy secret.
 
But you all gotta bring your own.
 
12. Your thoughts on used underwear?
 
I am pro used underwear. But not in a Japanese businessman kind of way. (They have vending machines with slightly used little girl underwear in them!) Not that I judge…
 
Each summer the prairie seems to gift me with a special pair. It never fails… 12 years and running. Some ditzy bottom drops their drawers and I scoop ‘em up while doing my rounds each Friday.
 
Yes, I am always picking up trash at the prairie - and I do mean the type that ends up in a landfill. That’s not a comment on the quality of gentlemen I meet at there. Picking up trash just comes natural… I simply like to keep the place looking good.
 

One year it was a near-new pair of Tommy Hilfiger briefs in red, yellow and green. Last year it was a black thong with a mesh pouch. I take them home and wash them in hot water. I rarely wear them… just like looking at ‘em.
 
Weird, I know, right?
 
Oh, once I found a pair of tighty whities in the parking lot of the Dollar Store I frequent. Couldn’t help it. But don’t worry. Those got washed in hot, hot water with plenty of bleach, trust me.
 
I know the type of people who shop at that there Dollar Store. 
 
(People like me!) 

--- ---

 Okay… that’s twelve. That’s all you get.

Your turn. Leave your answers in the comments section or post your answers on your blog and leave a link in the comments section. It’s all good.

 

And it is. All good.

 

Even the ones you find in the parking lot of the Dollar Store. 

Dirrty - Christina Aguilera

Acquired Tastes, Chapter V : Underwear

Wikipedia is one of my usual go-to sources when gathering information about the various kinks I explore for the Acquired Tastes series. Yes, I realize that I run the risk of publishing something inauthentic, but I do like the “average-joe” approach of the information provided and the enthusiasts who contribute it. If inaccurate, at least the information provided represents a common held belief (wish). I also love that the site doesn’t limit subject material. So imagine my surprise to discover a distinct lack of gay coverage when I went looking for information on today’s topic. I know this is an established gay kink (and hetero, too, but I’m content to let the heteros write about their own kinks). There are tons of Yahoo and blogger.com gay picture groups dedicated to this topic, but not a single mention of anything remotely gay in the Wikipedia article pertaining to underwear fetishism. I also looked up tighty-whities and was again surprised that there was not a gay spin to the info provided. Is this just a hole in the internet information ozone? Maybe I’m not looking in the right places. Not a big deal, because I know, first hand, that underwear holds a particular appeal for members of the gay community. In fact, we’re kind of obsessed by it.

For proof, one need look no further than to the designer underwear movement that began in the mid-70’s and bloomed in the late 80’s. I mean, who pays $20-30 dollars for a pair of briefs? Not I. But those faggots with that kind of disposable income may do as they please. I must admit that those who pay those prices for designer wear get something for their money besides name-brand bragging rights. The stuff is generally really well designed (to be flattering) and well made (durability).

As for me, my personal price line is $10 a pair – which means, yes… I sport the cheap stuff. (Kind of fitting, huh?) When it comes to fetish-izing underwear, who says cheaper isn’t better? I like the idea of cheap drawers; makes them seem tawdry (like me), disposable (rip ‘em up), and anonymous (how I like my sex). Remember – sex is (supposed to be) fun! So, gird your loins and try not to get your aussieBums in a bunch, boys, as we take a hard look at what’s happening down under…

Underwear
Scope of Activity:
Involves the use of underwear to gain sexual stimulation via: wearing underwear, underwear being worn by a man in your presence, looking at images of underwear, or images of underwear as worn by a male model. May include masturbating in or on a pair of underwear, or smelling or licking a pair of underwear. May also include the habitual wearing of and masturbating on a single pair of underwear until they become encrusted and discolored.

For the sake of this post we will limit ourselves to male underwear only. We will not be covering jock straps or speedos, as each one of those, while somewhat related, are actually their own kink and may be explored as a part of a future Acquired Tastes. We will, however, be paying particular attention to the appeal of those scrotum inhibitors known as tighty-whities.

The Official Line:

Underwear fetishism is a sexual fetishism relating to undergarments, and may be directed towards people wearing them, wearing them yourself, or towards the garments themselves.

Psychological Aspects:

“In the space of thirty years, a radically new vision based on eroticizing the male genital area and men’s buttocks is transforming the ways men look at their bodies.” (The Metrosexual: Gender, Sexuality, and Sport by David Coad)

I think that about captures it. In my lifetime underwear went from something you had to wear, and retailers and designers had to provide, to being something sexually iconic. Pre-mid-70’s, they had to be cheap and durable, but once athletes and celebrities got involved and started a marketing revolution, they became the stuff of legend. Now, undies get their own runway shows during fashion week and underwear ads serve as gay porn for the masses.

My Experience:

My fascination with underwear began when I was on the cusp of puberty – if you consider the cusp of puberty to be about six months before one begins to masturbate. In a room I had in the basement of my family home I ‘collected’ things; as in things other people had discarded (also known as trash). I had a huge shelf featuring cracked porcelain figurines, travel souvenirs (ashtrays, spoons, plates, knick knacks) and odd pieces of crap, all displayed with the care of museum quality pieces. I also had stacks of magazines such as Photoplay, and T.V.Guide. There were certain T.V. Guides I went back to time and time again – particularly one that featured LeVar Burton in Roots and another that featured a set of Hanes underwear ads featuring professional athletes. For some reason I was particularly fond of a picture of Pete Rose and no, it wasn’t his face or his batting average that elicited the admiration of my teen self. Let me set you straight – Pete Rose? Not sexy. Pete Rose standing in a pair of tight striped briefs wearing a baseball helmet and holding a bat in the 70’s? Vintage gay porn. Big bulges captured my attention early on and, needless to say, have kept it since.

I vaguely remember seeing the popular Jockey ads that featured Jim Palmer around that same time. Jim was a bit too smooth for my tastes. Even at that age, I wanted something a little rougher, with a tinge of humiliation and physical abuse added to the mix. The mere though of Pete Rose pushing me to my knees and calling me a fag was enough to send my juices flying all over that basement floor.

Growing up, for me, it was all tighty whities or polyester bikini briefs. To this day I have an aversion to bikini briefs or anything that looks remotely like panties. I hated wearing bikini briefs. They were cringe-worthy visually, too. Keep in mind that it was the late 70’s and very, very few men were hot enough (trimmed or trim enough) to carry off that look. Some of the coaches I saw walking their stuff around the locker room wearing bikini briefs? Emotional scar inducing and certainly not sexy. There were exceptions (my sixth grade science teacher, my algebra teacher), but they were rare.

Tighty-whities, on the other hand, retained their allure for me. I don’t wear them – except on rare occasions (see below), but I do like photos of hot dudes wearing them. There is something particularly appetizing about a man on all fours wearing them as the fabric stretches across the crack of their ass creating a weird, lusty scrim play. In the end I don’t know if I want to spank them, eat them, fuck them or simply be them. Part of me wants to rim them right through that taut cotton. Of course, a dude has to have the body to pull them off in order to illicit that type of response.

I don’t. Although that did not stop me from wearing them one night to the warehouse. I was in a whore-ibly horny mood and happened to have a single pair of brand new tighty-whities hiding in the bottom of my underwear drawer (a gift). I wanted something sexy and fun to walk around in and it was either those or a pair of well worn long johns (which I also think are super sexy). To add fuel to the fire, and because I hate wearing tighty whities and wanted to ensure I would never wear this pair again – I cut a hole on the underside of the rear, right where my own hole happens to reside, eliminating the mystery of the shadow play, but getting my point across loud and clear.

It got the reaction I was looking for. I barely got down into the basement when this dude I played with a month before hit on me. He has a huge dick, which last time I sucked on for like forever, but it never made it into my rose bowl. This time I wanted to make sure he got the message, so I kneeled on the center of a nearby couch, bent over, and raised my ass so that he could see the crude modifications I’d made to my underwear. He took the hint. As did three other dudes in rapid succession. Three hours and several more episodes later, those poor undies were torn up so bad I had no choice but to leave them on the floor and walk away. It’s almost enough to make me wish I had another pair.

I like used underwear and frequently look for it at used-a-bit shops. Sometimes you can pick up a pair of long johns or some other kinky stuff on the cheap. The possibility that they may have been worn by a hot dude adds to their allure. The more likely possibility that they belonged to some old fart who recently died? Admittedly, not so hot, but sometimes part of what makes something sexy is based totally on wishful (deluded) thinking. Me? I’ll stick with my delusions when it comes to used underwear.

‘Finding’ underwear is also a habit of mine. My heart leaps every time I stumble upon a pair left along the side of a trail in the woods or on the shoreline of a river or lake. If they are clean and wearable, I’ll take them home, wash them up, and then, either donate them or keep them for some future adventure. I’ve also found some in the lost and found at the gym, but somehow, those always lack the appeal of those found outdoors. I guess I know that the ones left at the gym were just that; left behind, while with those I find outdoors have an element of the unknown and I am free to make up a delicious story of sexual abandon on the part of the previous owner. Anytime I find a pair of undies that are in less than pristine condition (dirty, torn, or – eek- soiled) I will take a look at them out of curiosity and leave them as is or hang them on a low hanging branch (like flying a flag – a freak flag).

Now, there are those out there who take the idea of used underwear to a whole ‘nother level; a level not for the faint of heart or those with sensitive stomachs or noses. I’m referring to those guys who have a particular pair of undies (or a jock strap, or a pair of jeans) that they like to repeatedly piss and cum in while wearing them without the benefit of washing – ever. The fact that they do it? Well, frankly, I don’t get, but it doesn’t bother me. The fact that they wear them in public and take and publish photos of them on the internet? That I find disturbing – but to each their own. I have yet to actually meet one of these kinkmiesters face to face. That’s probably because; based on what I know of those I’ve seen on the net, they all live in Germany. In any case, under these conditions, for me – undies are not hot. In fact, for me, any time undies involve something crusty or stained, tag me out. On the other hand a tiny little piss stain on the front, as in one produced by a day’s worth of wear? They still maintain their allure and (maybe) then some. And just for the record – because, let’s face it, we already almost went there so why not just put it out there – skid marks? Not sexy. Ever.

Also, for the record? I sport boxer-briefs most of the time. Boxers are a little too free-spirited for me; my wiener tends to work its way out of the opening which is almost always awkward. Also I associate them with a couple of things from a couple of eras; things that don’t make blood run to my dick: 1/ sock suspenders (the dress kind, not the athletic kind), as worn in Neil Simon-type comedies featuring people like Walter Matthau and 2/ Greasy-haired slacker boys from the 90’s who smoke too much pot and have yet to move out of their parent’s basement or beyond fart/potty humor. I realize that I may be missing out on something, but if I’m going to wear something so loose fitting under my pants, why wouldn’t I just go commando? Rest assured, I run a clean house down there, so no worries.

As for designer underwear? With those big brand names plastered on them? Eh. Pretentious. Although I do ‘own’ a pair of Tommy Hilfiger briefs (a size small!) which I must say look pretty hot on me. I found them tucked between a couple of couch cushions at the warehouse last time I was there. What can I say – leave a pair, take a pair.

My Conclusion:
The sexualized evolution of underwear is something that has happened in my lifetime – something I witnessed first hand. That I recall those Hanes ads from the 70’s demonstrates just what a powerful impact they had on my young gay psyche and, I’m guessing, our collective gay psyche. We’ve become a society that routinely elevates images of sculpted perfection sporting designer undies in iconic, bigger-than-life ads that rule periodically over Times Square. I’m thinking it’s just a matter of time before Calvin Klein has a giant brief-toting uber-hunk balloon gracing the skies of a future Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade.

The allure of those cotton clad bulges is the promise they hold; the mystery and anticipation of their ever impending unveiling. The image of two perfectly formed globes tightly covered in brilliantly-clean, stretched fabric have us salivating and dropping $20 for a pair just like them so that we, too, can take part in that created illusion. But in the end (no pun intended), no matter how well-designed, colorful, or fancy the wrapping, what we are really yearning for is what lies beneath – and the fact that those naughty bits are so unattainable only makes us want them all the more.

Unearthing that basic plumbing remains our eternal quest – the effervescent luster that envelopes it really is just the icing on the cake.

So, go ahead, pretend it’s your birthday. Close your eyes, blow out that candle and make a wish!

Next week: Big Bellies