A Dirty Dozen: Dirty Questions to Ask a Guy That Will Turn Him On

A Dirty Dozen: 

Dirty Questions to Ask a Guy That Will Turn Him On

Today’s 'Dirty Dozen' comes from a post titled: 100+ Dirty Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend That Will Turn Him On by Tatiana, on a site called Paired Life. https://pairedlife.com/physical-intimacy/dirty-questions-to-ask-your-boyfriend

One hundred questions seemed bit much, so, with some judicious editing on my part, I thought we would bite off 12 at a time, hence… the whole dirty dozen schtick. Ready?
 
Be sure to gargle after each one. 
 
I run a clean house here. 
 
Dirty Questions to Ask a Guy That Will Turn Him On
 
1. What do your lips taste like?
 

Depends on when you ask me:
 
Mornings: Burnt coffee and a hint of bitter resignation
 
Afternoons: Antiseptic Mouthwash, toothpaste and a will to live
 
Evenings: Chamomile tea, lavender lotion and sweet dreams  
 
Friday and Saturday evenings during the summer: Gin and sunscreen
 
Friday and Saturday evenings during winter: Gin and Chap-stick
 
Friday and Saturday evenings those other two seasons: Just gin, dahling…  
 
2. Is there a sexy scene from a movie that you want to recreate?
 
Yes.
 
Only I don’t know the name of it and I can’t find it anywhere. If you recognize the plot, please, please, please use the comments section and let me know where to find it.
 
It opens in this almost pitch black mens room in a gay bar. There’s a trough, no urinal. A thin, white bald dude is cruising, pissing in the trough. A real hot Hispanic guy comes in to piss. They cruise one another and the whole thing explodes like a fireball.
 

The bald dude starts by sucking the Hispanic dude’s dick. Choking on it, reallly. Then the Hispanic dude spits on him before turning him around to fuck him. He’s very rough and dom. While he’s fucking him, the Hispanic dude pushes the bald dude’s head into the urinal trough. It goes on from there with the Hispanic dude shooting his load twice! And it’s not even that long of a movie.
 
OMG. I just love this movie so much… whaaaa?
 
Not the kind of movie you meant?
 
My bad.
 
I originally found this film on the blog called The Jizz Kid ( http://thejizzkid.blogspot.com/ ) (Remember him?) And I watched the damn thing dozens of times (for the scintillating diaolgue!) before that stupid ‘this film no longer available’ sign popped up.
 
Gawd, I love that little movie…  

But no, let's umm... let's just do that stupid birthday cake scene from 'Sixteen Candles'. Okay, there. 

See, I can do 'nice'.

3. If you could only be touched in one place, where would it be?
 
My heart.
 
(bursts out laughing) Bah, ha, ha, ha, ha… Naw, just keep hitting the button, honey.
 
You know the one.
 
Now, don’t make me come back there and show you again.

4. How would you describe your package?
 
Suspicious.
Overdue.
Lightly-damaged.
In need of extra postage (hee hee)
 
5. Have you ever done it with someone you weren't attracted to?
 
Yes, it’s called charity work. It’s tax deductible.
 

It is! Look it up.
 
It’s also good for the soul, good for the community, builds excellent karma and character and keeps ya humble.
 
We all must do our part during these troubled times. And trust me, honey, my times have been troubled for a looooong time now.
 
I enjoy helping out where I am needed.
 
Also… I am getting older. Some day I will need someone to be a little charitable. Maybe put a scarf over that lamp shade?
 
I suspect I will be very Tennessee Williams diva about the whole thing. Sigh.
 
But no, I will never pay for it. Never evah!
 
(Oh, that would make a good question!)
 
6. Do you prefer your men shaved or all natural?
 
I just prefer men.
 
Any.
 
I do shave my stuff: balls taint, ass.
 
But I like my guys all natural (maybe a little pube trim when you reach a certain age, hint, hint). And keep that funk fresh, darling. My olfactory senses can only take so much (due to years of poppers use).
 
7. What do you look for in a partner for the bedroom?
 
A pulse.
 
8. Spit or swallow?
 
Oh, you can spit on me. But call me names while you do it.
 

And, yes, of course I swallow. What kind of a slut do you think I am?
 
Now, keep in mind, I always have antiseptic mouthwash right nearby.
 
I like to run a clean house.
 
Quick truth: Did you know that gargling with antiseptic mouthwash before and after giving head can help prevent the spread of gonorrhea? For reals! It works. I read about it in this study that some research group did.
 
Ummm…
 
You know… just… doing some… light… reading.  
 
9. What was the last dirty dream you had?
 
I do have dirty sex dreams. Usually involving a mens room and a group of guys at a mall or a college library, but there is always one guy that stands out, whom I would do anything (and anybody) to please and…
 
…and then I wake up. I never get to the good stuff.
 
I come close.
 
But I never cum…
 
10. Have you ever received underwear from another man?
 
Yes. And this a bit strange…
 

I met him many years ago and he turned out to be a best friend of my future (now ex) husband , so we never fooled around. But all through our twenty-some years of friendship (it ended when he trashed one of my rental houses and moved to Florida), he would give me a pair of underwear - always some fancy designer or gay label. I’d thank him and take them. He would point out features, like the tiny pocket for a condom or the way they would help shape my ass or the secret opening in the crotch.
 
I never wore them in front of him, or at all… but I liked the underwear.
 
11. Have you ever bought underwear for another man?
 
No.
 
I don’t know why. It never occurs to me to do so.
 
I think of underwear as a sexy secret.
 
But you all gotta bring your own.
 
12. Your thoughts on used underwear?
 
I am pro used underwear. But not in a Japanese businessman kind of way. (They have vending machines with slightly used little girl underwear in them!) Not that I judge…
 
Each summer the prairie seems to gift me with a special pair. It never fails… 12 years and running. Some ditzy bottom drops their drawers and I scoop ‘em up while doing my rounds each Friday.
 
Yes, I am always picking up trash at the prairie - and I do mean the type that ends up in a landfill. That’s not a comment on the quality of gentlemen I meet at there. Picking up trash just comes natural… I simply like to keep the place looking good.
 

One year it was a near-new pair of Tommy Hilfiger briefs in red, yellow and green. Last year it was a black thong with a mesh pouch. I take them home and wash them in hot water. I rarely wear them… just like looking at ‘em.
 
Weird, I know, right?
 
Oh, once I found a pair of tighty whities in the parking lot of the Dollar Store I frequent. Couldn’t help it. But don’t worry. Those got washed in hot, hot water with plenty of bleach, trust me.
 
I know the type of people who shop at that there Dollar Store. 
 
(People like me!) 

--- ---

 Okay… that’s twelve. That’s all you get.

Your turn. Leave your answers in the comments section or post your answers on your blog and leave a link in the comments section. It’s all good.

 

And it is. All good.

 

Even the ones you find in the parking lot of the Dollar Store. 

Dirrty - Christina Aguilera