TMI Questions: Ohhhh… It’s So Hard!

I am a lazy, lazy person.  I admit it.  I own it.  If something does not need to be done, it is doubtful I am going to do it.  That was not always the case – I used to be something of an over-achiever, but blessedly time and experience has taught me that the benefits received rarely justify all the energy, anxiety and time required to put forth that extra ten percent.   Those of you who disagree?  Good for you.  Enjoy your life.

I am currently learning how to enjoy mine.

That’s not to say I don’t I have ambitions or meet my obligations.  I have a lot on my plate and I think I have fine-tuned how to manage it quite well with a minimum of fuss.  Balance in everything is key to me these days. 

Most of the time, I just don’t see what all the fuss is about.

Limiting one’s effort is not a bad thing.  It reserves all that time, energy and emotional juice for things that are much more worthwhile…

…like snuggling and naps.

TMI QUESTIONS:

Questions designed to reveal Too Much Information

Link: http://tmiquestions.blogspot.com/

TMI Questions: Ohhhh… It’s So Hard!

Which class was the hardest in high school?

In a way, they all were.  I used to take things way too seriously.  That is, until I stopped caring at all (last semester my Senior year).  I always wanted to do well and be liked.  The instructor’s opinion of me mattered greatly, because I had a tendency to relate to them more so than people my own age.  I also have a weird need to be critiqued and graded (still do).

But I will pick algebra as the hardest, because the instructor was so angry and mean.  He had no patience and would trigger all sorts of anxiety in me.  I have issues with numbers anyway, so his behavior made it all the worse.  Also, he failed to justify algebra, as in, what good is it?  I managed a ‘B’ in both Algebra I and II, but they were hard won.  It put me off math for years.

There was another factor that was probably at the root of my difficulty with the class.  The instructor was also my track coach, so I had seen him naked.   Dude had black, thinning hair, black fur, a great bod, and some seriously juicy man-meat swinging between his legs.  I have a feeling I spent most of the class trying to hide my erection as

I daydreamed about him belittling me, yelling at me, and humiliating me in front of others as I jerked off for him.  At the time, I really never thought of other men in terms of actual sex acts, just masturbation, and it was almost always me working my dick while others shamed or derided me.  That would help explain where my current appreciation for a good Dom comes from.  The shame had to do with the fact that I was convinced that masturbation was a sin.  That it was bad and that I was the only person in the world obsessed with it. 

Sigh.  Such a little idiot.

In college (my second attempt at getting a degree), when taking algebra for the third time, something clicked. I had a lot of fear about algebra and was leery to take it on, but either the instructor was that much better or I had a better frame of reference to understand the topic (or I was more motivated to go to class and less distracted when there). I made myself sit in the middle of the front row and I approached it like a video game or a puzzle.  Once I saw the fun in it, I aced it.  

In college (my third, and most successful attempt), the hardest subject I took was a business based economics/math class.  Everyone had warned me about the class, so I made sure that I only had one other course that semester.  The instructor, a really sweet woman, informed us that she would be grading on a curve and that we would be lucky to understand 50% of the work and that most students never get to finish the entire final test.  It turned out to be all about working this super complicated calculator.  That, and you had to work practice problems like crazy. 

While at home, studying, I threw that calculator across the room so many times I am amazed it lasted the whole semester.  To this day, I have no recollection of what I actually gleaned from the class, my focus was on preserving my 4.0 GPA.  I was one semester away from graduating and I wanted a shot at doing so with honors (happy ending -I did, Summa Cum Laude).  Aced that class, too.

My head was spinning after taking the final and there was a part of me that wanted to go all ‘Office Space’ on that damn calculator.  Instead I sold it to someone on Ebay.  I think I advertised it as ‘gently-used’.

Which is harder - house work or yard work?

Yard work, I guess.  It’s actually pretty easy once you get going, but it is painful, finding that motivation.

I don’t mind raking, but I do hate shoveling snow.  I like planting, but weeding is not my thing.  Mowing is nothing but a time commitment and, while I resent it on occasion, I typically look forward to it because I get to do it without a shirt, as I love the sun.

Which is the hardest household chore?

None of it is really all that hard. 

The day-to-day cleaning is easy: vacuuming, dusting, cleaning the bathroom, doing dishes, etc.  It’s the stuff that over time, due to use, that becomes the challenge because it sort of sneaks up on you. 

Things like the seal around the sink, that weird film that builds up on chrome sinks, food particles that fall in the cracks of your fridge, wispy, dusty cobwebs in the corners of certain rooms, the stuff congealed to the wall behind your kitchen garbage can, the gook that lives under your stove top… things like that; which build up over time and at such a slow rate that they escape your attention until it grabs your attention due to neglect. 

I dislike my fridge the most.  Appliances, in general, these days, have so many damn little edges and weird indentations; all a magnet for collecting food debris and weird, oily grime.  That’s why I never throw away a toothbrush – they are perfect for working out all those areas.  But my fridge?  It just seems to be this endless maze of weird juts, sharp edges, and useless dips, all designed to snag filth.  

Which is harder, eating right or exercising?

I don’t think either is hard. 

Eating well is quite simple for me.  Whole, natural foods are the way to go.  Pre-packaged stuff is always fraught with issues; lack of nutritional value, chemicals, overly-processed food stuffs, etc. Deep fried anything is a big ‘no’.  Sweets are a bad idea, too, but fortunately not my thing.  Soda is another absolute ‘no’, diet or otherwise, as they throw your metabolism and your blood sugar way off course. Caffeine is fine, but only in moderation.  Keep it simple, keep it real.

My body always has a way of letting me know when I have strayed too far for too long.  My current weakness would be that Friday and Saturday night martini that has become my holy grail for the week.  This is a recent development, as typically, I’d enjoy one cocktail a month at most.  Maybe it’s due to all the stress related to my recent life changes.  Or, more likely, it is simply a matter of – this is something I have always really enjoyed and now I am going to give myself permission to indulge – because there’s nobody standing there going ‘tsk-tsk’. In any event, I still believe in moderation.  Usually, one alcoholic beverage per evening is plenty for me. 

Exercising?  It has been a part of my life since the late 80’s and a constant part during the last five years.  I have calendars from the last five years detailing what type of exercises I did on a particular day.  I hope it remains a focus for the rest of my life.  I enjoy it, mostly, and get so much out of it.  I find that getting there is 80% of the battle, then 10% is knowing what to do, and after that, my body goes on auto pilot and I simply work my way to the end of the 60 or 90 minutes I have to devote to it.  The endorphins are the big pay-off.  Also, I suffer from anxiety, and working out helps lessen it. 

Which is harder, waking up early or staying up late?

Staying up late.

That has not always been the case, but I am now a morning person, up at 5:00 am (even on the weekends).

Back in the bad old days of theatre, 4:00 am was not uncommon, but on the other end of the day, as in staying up all hours and then sleeping until noon.  It was all about dancing, and music, and drinking.  Being seen on the scene.  Back then staying up late meant not missing out anything.

Yes, my definition of night life has certainly changed over the years.

Looking back?  I don’t think there was really all that much to miss. 

These days?  Staying up is a chore, or something to be planned for – as in, extra naptime.  I adore my mid-morning / afternoon naps on the weekends.  Treasure them.

I find if I stay up too late I get cold and cranky.  I have become a creature of comfort, as in, I don’t want to be uncomfortable anymore.  Among the things that make me uncomfortable?  Being social.  I avoid crowds and groups of people I don’t know.  So bar-hopping happens infrequently these days.  Nor do I see the point of parties anymore. 

Dinner out with a few people is always nice, but no more than three. 

Thing is, I don’t enjoy socializing, so why must I?  I’m passed the age of social interaction as necessary development.  The friends I have put up with me once or twice a year (poor things).  The ones I do see weekly are due to common interests and activities, and family takes up the rest of the time. 

In the end… I need my alone time.  And quality time with the boyfriend.    

So, while I am polite around strangers – say at a dinner party – I really have no interest in widening my circle.  I’m much better one-on-one. 

So give me my big wooly socks, a blanket, some comfort food, a nice boodle’s gin martini, quality snuggle time with the boyfriend at a reasonable hour and I am satiated. 

Yep, these days… that’s my idea of enjoying the night life.

Do you have a hard time deciding what to wear?

Not anymore.  I have it down to a uniform.  It used to be all button-down, wear a tie, iron that shit.  Now it’s black 501’s, a streamline dark long-sleeve top, and boots. 

Fashion can suck it. 

I’m done wearing costumes for the entertainment of others. 

Which is harder, your ass or your abs? Which would you rather?

Eek.  Gonna go with my abs.  My abs are okay.  My ass is getting better, though gravity continue to win the battle going on at the back of my parade.  The boyfriend has been acting as my trainer on Saturdays and Sundays and has taken my ass (in more way than one) to whole new levels.   I didn’t notice it until I was shaving my ass the other day.   There was a new something… line / shape  / curve… and it looked good.  Still, I want it to be better.

If I had to choose?  Ugh.  I don’t think I can. 

I’m going to say my abs again, because I can absolutely do something about them.  I’ve proven that to myself over the last five years.  Crunches are boring, uncomfortable, take too much time, and seem like a waste of time, but… they do pay big dividends.  So I know I can do something to keep my abs.

My ass, on the other hand… well, never say never.  I’m not giving up that battle just yet.

It is harder to wade slowly into a body of water or to just jump in?

Wade slow.  The icky anticipation, the horrible, gradual cold; it’s a total mind fuck.  As long as I know I am going to be safe, I say dive in head first and get it over with.  That initial painful rush as your entire bad recoils in horror quickly blends into something tolerable. 

How hard is it for you to make decisions?

If I care, not hard at all.  I am pretty opinionated.  I know what I like.  I think in terms of the big picture and the long run.

If it’s something minor, or social, like where to go to eat and I say ‘I don’t care’, that’s because I really don’t care.  And if you don’t care either, then I will make a decision, and assume you are going to suck it up.

In my book, the most important thing about making decisions? Getting it over with.  After that I can get to work, or figure out how to enjoy the situation. 

That whole weighing your options thing?  What a waste of time.

Get to work, bitch.

What's the hardest decision you ever had to make?

Aww.  This is sad. And I don’t want to dwell on any of it.

Terminating my seventeen year relationship with my business partner / best friend.

It still makes me cringe.  My stomach cramps.  The guilt is overwhelming sometimes.

We are still business partners / best friends.  But are no longer a couple.  My family is having a hard time dealing with it.  As is, he.  And my dogs. 

And me, too.

It has been a huge, unending adjustment.   Lots of aftershocks.  They just keep coming, in billowing waves.

But the two of us?  We are a lot healthier for it.  Well, I am, anyway.  And I have to believe he will be, too… once he decides that’s what he wants for himself. 

It’s new for him, so I have to give him time.

I’m still living two lives, but now I live them honestly and on my own terms. 

The flip side of that is all the happy that has found its way into my life.  For that I am grateful.  I’m having a lot of healthy fun these days… as opposed to the not so healthy fun I used to mire my days and nights in.

The other thing that came to mind, of course, is deciding when to put down my three previous dogs.  It was awful to go through.  It is awful to contemplate.  So much so, that each time I try to finish this paragraph I have to get up from my laptop, walk away, and distract myself with something else.  

So, I will leave it at that.

Bonus

Have you ever taken Viagra or a similar drug when you didn't need it? Details please.

Yes.

When it works it can be hella fun. 

The most fun I had with it was at the Duluth Family Sauna.  I wrote about it at the time.  I didn’t really need to take it, but it sure made for a hell of an evening.  I rather like walking around some place like the Sauna, or the warehouse, or Steamworks with the dick of a sixteen year old me.  Talk about confidence.  And staying power.  It’s like becoming The Incredible Hulk of gay sex.

Oh, and there’s also a whole blog post dedicated to it as part of my ‘Acquired Tastes’ series.  So go to the archives on my site to check them out, if interested.

I still have some Viagra in my medicine cabinet, but am hard pressed (no pun intended) to come up with an occasion where it would make things more interesting.  Things are so good, right now.

Of course, I could pop one and terrorize the boyfriend for a couple of hours.

I do threaten him with it on occasion. 

Acquired Tastes, XXXVI: Viagra

Introduction:

Who knew a little blue pill could change the world?  Well, sort of.  It certainly has given hope to those suffering from erectile dysfunction, as well as providing a means of entertainment for those who choose to use it recreationally.  In a way, this scientific wonder, along with the internet, has helped usher in a second wave of sexual revolution with a healthy dose of knowledge and awareness.

The reason why I chose Viagra for an Acquired Taste entry is a rather alarming comment I received after writing about a recent adventure during which I consumed Viagra.  I wanted to address the concerns raised while providing a little information about the drug – which, and I can’t stress this enough, can only be legally procured via a prescription from a licensed physician.

I also wanted to blow the whistle on the myth that is ‘Generic Viagra’ and those websites that promise to mail you the drug without a prescription, as featured on gay hook-up sites like Adam4Adam. 

So, let’s gain a little knowledge so we might lose a little fear, drop our resistance in order to drop our trousers, and deconstruct our preconceived notions so we might erect a mighty, mighty tower of love with the help of a little blue pill that goes by the name…

Viagra

Scope of Activity:

The taking of Viagra for medical reasons (erectile dysfunction) or as a means of recreation in order to improve/enhance one’s sexual experiences.

The Official Line:

From Wikipedia

Sildenafil citrate, sold as Viagra, Revatio and under various other trade names, is a drug used to treat erectile dysfunction and pulmonary arterial hypertension (PAH). It was originally developed by British scientists and then brought to market by the US-based pharmaceutical company Pfizer. It acts by inhibiting cGMP-specific phosphodiesterase type 5, an enzyme that promotes degradation of cGMP, which regulates blood flow in the penis. Since becoming available in 1998, sildenafil has been the prime treatment for erectile dysfunction; its primary competitors on the market are tadalafil (Cialis) and vardenafil (Levitra).

The primary indication of sildenafil is treatment of erectile dysfunction (inability to sustain a satisfactory erection to complete intercourse). Its use is now standard treatment for erectile dysfunction in all settings, including diabetes.

Viagra pills are blue and diamond-shaped with the word "Pfizer" engraved on one side, and "VGR xx" (where xx stands for "25", "50" or "100", the dose of that pill in milligrams) engraved on the other. It is not taken more than once per day between 30 minutes and 4 hours prior to sexual intercourse.

Psychological Aspects:

Well, just imagine: a little pill that promises you an erection like you haven’t experienced since you were 18 years of age!  Perhaps you didn’t know what the fuck you were doing back then, but with the help of this miracle drug, you plan on making up for loss opportunities, am I right? 

Based on my understanding of how the drug works, it basically allows greater blood flow to the penis, thus encouraging an optimal erection.  It doesn’t actually affect the brain, psychologically – and yet, it does.  Something about the opening of the blood vessels made me feel more confident.  I felt in control of my penis for a change.  It reminded me of those times back in high school when I wasn’t in control of my erections and I would have to walk around with my books covering my crotch.  Now that I am older, I miss that feeling.  So, while the drug does not actually alter our psychological state, the physical manipulations it does encourage do affect the way we feel.

And let’s face it – the erection of an eighteen year old on the body of someone considerably older, what with a lifetime of sexual experience and all the information afforded us thanks to the likes of the internet and people like Dan Savage?  That holds the potential for some awesome, mind-blowing, memorable sex, which in turn can certainly build one’s self-esteem and confidence.

Sure, to base one’s self-esteem on such a shallow foundation casts a person in a lesser light (I guess).  Our self-esteem should be based on other things like accomplishments, our contributions to society, our intellect, blah, blah, blah.  But it’s well established that sexual prowess is a skill worthy of hanging your hat on (picture that!).  Isn’t that what all that adolescent bullshitting in the locker room was all about?  True, that would render such laurels as adolescent or juvenile in nature, but hey, not all of us can win a gold medal in the Olympics, cook the perfect cupcake, or sing like an American Idol.  Talent comes in all forms, so set aside your ‘Judgmental Nancy’ and acknowledge that gifts to the world can indeed be purely physical in nature (and, yes, very, very shallow, indeed).

That said, a study of recreational users (men not suffering from erectile dysfunction) suggests that Viagra has little effect and that a 25 mg dose has been shown to cause no significant change in erectile quality, though it did reduce the post-ejaculatory refractory time. This study also noted a significant placebo effect in the control group – in other words, some psychological benefits.  Yes, Dorothy, sometimes believing can lead to achieving!

Should you feel bad about taking it?  Well, number one, if you can afford to buy it, then you are doing pretty well financially, so you should feel good about that.  Number two, if you have a need to take it then there must be a chance (however slim) that you will be getting it on, so you should feel good about that.  Number three, if your need is totally recreational and you just get off on the additional sense of power and self that you derive from it, then you’ve already given yourself permission to enjoy it, so why waste time feeling bad about what others think?  Personally, I’m jealous of those dudes my age who can run around sticking their dick in anything that moves.  I don’t necessarily want to do that, but I would love to have the ability to do that sans Viagra. So, Viagra guilt?  Oh, please, if you can’t handle it, don’t do it – it really is that simple.

Precautions, Misconceptions, Fallacies, and Encouraged Practices

Any doctor with a modicum of integrity will only issue a prescription for Viagra after checking your medical history to ensure that it is safe for you to take the drug.

Any pharmacist with a modicum of professionalism will make sure that you are aware of all possible side effects before dispensing this drug.

Your health insurance will most likely not cover any part of your prescription for Viagra.  This stuff is expensive and it is all out of pocket, kids.

The huffing of poppers (video head cleaner) while taking Viagra is an absolute no-no.  The sudden drop in blood pressure could be life threatening and lead to a stroke or heart attack.  People who tell you it’s no big deal and that they have done it without suffering any consequences are akin to someone telling you the routinely enjoy a round of Russian Roulette. Mixing Viagra with amyl nitrite is particularly dangerous and potentially fatal.

You should not take Viagra if sexual intercourse is inadvisable due to cardiovascular risk factors, or have recently had a stroke or heart attack.

You should not take Viagra if you are at risk of the following: severe hepatic impairment (decreased liver function), severe impairment in renal function (kidneys), hypotension (low blood pressure), or hereditary degenerative retinal disorders (your eyes), including genetic disorders of retinal phosphodiesterases.

If you use an alpha blocker, taking Viagra may lead to low blood pressure.  This will not occur if they are taken at least four hours apart.

If taking protease inhibitors for the treatment of HIV, it is suggested that you limit your intake of Viagra to no more than one 25 mg dose every 48 hours.  Protease inhibitors inhibit the metabolism of sildenafil, effectively multiplying the plasma levels of sildenafil, increasing the incidence and severity of side effects.

Do not consume alcohol or any other recreational drugs when using Viagra.

You may experience the following:  the feeling of being flush, headaches, body aches, heartburn, nausea, nasal congestion, and/or impaired vision.

Bottom line: responsible, informed use of Viagra will not result in death.

Here is some colloquial advice that may or may not have any scientific basis: users have reported increased success when eating a low-fat diet or a protein-rich, low-fat diet in conjunction with their use of Viagra.

Drink plenty of water.

Don’t take more than once a day.

If you experience an erection for more than 4 hours, blah, blah, blah – you know the drill.

There is no evidence that taking Viagra will result in permanent penis enlargement.

While Viagra may give you the erection of your dreams, it does not improve sexual performance.  You still need to do the heavy lifting - do your homework, be creative, practice good hygiene, communicate with your partner, and bring your ‘A-Game’ - if you want to be considered a good lover.

Those ads on Adam4Adam and other hook up sites advertising mail-order ‘Viagra’ or ‘Generic Viagra’.  Yeah. Do a little research.  These companies are not on the level.  Frequently you will receive no product.  If you do receive product it will not be Viagra.  These companies frequently do nothing more than commit credit fraud.  Giving your personal financial information to these companies can cause you big headaches down the road.

There is no such thing as ‘Generic Viagra’.  The Pfizer group knows a moneymaker when they have one and they have been rigorous in their protection of their Viagra related patents.  Their patents were originally to expire in 2012, but it looks like they have found a means of extending them until 2019.  So, within these United States, there is no such thing as ‘Generic Viagra’.

Exactly what that ‘Generic Viagra’ is… anybody’s guess and not something any reputable physician would recommend you put in your body.  It is probably as effective at treating erectile dysfunction as eating a rabbit pellet.

So, that said, I do not understand why sites like Adam4Adam promote these ads.  It’s irresponsible of them.  If you know why (other than for the money), please let me know.  Or, if you can point me in the direction of any reputable article or information that contradicts the research I have done, please share.  I would like nothing more than be proven wrong. The idea of cheap, easily-accessible Viagra is attractive, but not reality.

My Experience:

My recent overnight stay at the Duluth Sauna gave me the opportunity to experience the rejuvenating effects (physical and psychological) of Viagra.  I took a full 100 mg (not typically recommended).  I had a great time playing top and acting like a total badass.  This is an experience I plan on repeating.

I have taken Viagra in the past with mixed results.  Sometimes it would work well, other times it would work for an extremely short time and with less than desired results, and sometimes it would not work at all.  It was ‘secondhand’ Viagra (given to me by someone other than a pharmacist).  It may have been past its shelf life or not the correct dosage.  I may have consumed something that interacted with it or caused it not to work (alcohol will cause the drug not to work and a high-fat meal before use will inhibit its effectiveness).  

Because of the shame in having to ask for it, I have always put off getting a prescription through my own physician.  This is silly.  They’re my physician.  I choose them.  I should be able to talk with them about anything I feel the need to.  I had a vacation coming up and I wanted to try it out.  So I put on my big boy panties and had ‘the talk’ with my physician, who happens to be a very sex-positive doctor.  She reviewed my medical history and saw no problem.  If she had, she would not have allowed me to have it.  She’s been my primary now for nearly ten years, so she has a very good sense of every little thing that is wrong with ‘this guy’.  She would never knowingly give me something that may result in death.  That’s just not part of a good business model for her.

Do I need Viagra?  Hmmm.  Not really.  With proper stimulation I get hard.  I am not the horndog I used to be, and though I do everything I can think of to keep my libido up and active (exercise, routinely see my doctor, eat reasonably well, limit alcohol consumption, avoid drugs, etc.), my cylinders no longer fire the way they did in my… sigh… youth (ugh, yes, I am older – not ‘old’, just older). 

So you would think that having a Viagra-inspired ménage a trois where I got to play king-pin, dom top would have raised my self-esteem through the roof and made me come to the conclusion that sex without the drug would be a waste of an opportunity and utter nonsense?  But that’s not the case.  Yes it was fun.  But it was a one-time thing.  I have more pills, but in the almost three weeks since that event I haven’t had the slightest desire to take one.  In fact, the experience may well have spoiled me, or at least caused me to reevaluate my need and motivation for sex.  It’s weird; now that I have the power, I don’t necessarily want to use the power. But it’s not just a matter of having a dick that won’t quit – I am primarily a bottom - but in my current state, I am not feeling the need to pursue any sex.  Which is odd, given the last 15 years of my life. 

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I still appreciate a great hard-on.  Don’t we all?

Maybe I’ve come to value mine just a bit more.

My Conclusion:

Viagra is not a bad thing.  Using it because you need to due to erectile dysfunction for whatever reason, or as a means of recreation is perfectly acceptable.  Good sex is an important part of a balanced breakfast… er, life.  The drug companies are not the only ones that profit from this drug.  The world of slightly older, sexually-creative men benefit as well.  Staying sexually active as we age is important, if for no other reason than it serves as great exercise and keeps us in touch with our own bodies. 

I hope you walk away from this article having learned a few things about the drug and that you definitely know that the only way to get the drug is by talking to a reputable physician, preferably one that is knowledgeable regarding your medical history.  That said, I may have missed something, and if I did, I apologize.  Please share what you know or have experienced via the comment section.  Your experience may be vastly different.  I am particularly interested in hearing about anyone who has good success with any of the herbal versions out there.  I didn’t cover that in this post because it’s an entirely different topic.  That said, if anyone has found the magic ingredient to kick-ass, take-no prisoner erections that is not dispensed by a legitimate pharmacy, let me know. 

I’d love to give it a try.

Happy hard-on’s, everyone!