Acquired Tastes, XX: Fisting

Introduction:

What exactly is the allure of having another man cram his hand up inside your ass?  What compels him to want to do this?  Is it the ultimate control?  And the ultimate surrender?

In light of my recent interest in the more extreme elements of gay sexual expression, I have decided to delve into the subject of fisting.  My hole has been closed all week due to something I allowed someone to try, when I really knew better and should have said no.  I’m paying the price for my silence (or at least my poor hole is).  So realize that when I approach this subject, my perspective drips with bias and that bias will definitely color what I have to say about:

Fisting

Scope of Activity:

The insertion of an appendage of one gay male into the anal cavity of another gay male.  Appendages include: fingers, hand (fist), arm, and foot.  May be the sole activity in a given sexual session, or may be combined with other types of sexual activity.  Straights engage in this activity, too, and there are actually some really brutal dudes out there punching something other than the butt, Bob.  That said, fisting is much more popular and common in the gay male community.

Also known as: handballing, brachioproctic insertion, or fist-fucking.

The Official Line:

From Wikipedia and SacredTouchForMen:

Fisting is a sexual activity that involves inserting a hand into the rectum.  Think of it as a slow anal massage.  Once insertion is complete, the fingers either naturally clench into a fist or remain straight.  In more vigorous forms of fisting, such as punching / punchfisting, a fully clenched fist may be inserted and withdrawn slowly.  Fisting may be performed with or without a partner.

Typically, fisting does not involve forcing a clenched fist the rectum.  You warm up to that.  Initially, the fister forms his hand into the beak-like ‘silent duck’ – also known as ‘Duck-Billing’ (think ‘sock puppet’). All five fingers are kept straight and held tightly together.    This allows the fistee to relax and open up to allow further penetration. 

Lots of lube is used.  LOTS OF LUBE.  Crisco is actually a lube of choice for those from the old school, though there are many other products designed specifically for this activity such as: Slam Dunk, Elbow Grease, and Shaft.  Experienced fisters also recommend J-Lube; a veterinary lube that comes in a powder and water.  For clean-up: Dawn Dishwashing Liquid is the soap of choice.

Novice fistees should really seek out a partner with tiny hands.

More experienced fistees may be able to take two fists at a time (double fisting) and may also be able to take the fister’s arm (typically up to the elbow).  Thrusting of the fist (punchfisting) is another activity that should only be attempted by veteran fistees.

Precautions:

• Fisters should wear latex gloves.
• Lots of lube should be used, with frequent pauses in the action to check-in with the fistee regarding comfort level and to reapply lube. 
• A safeword should be put in place so that the fistee has a means of instantly stopping all activity. 
• Fistees run the risk of colorectal perferation. 
• Hepatitits B has been linked to this activity. 
• Fisters need to be careful not to contaminate their lube by ‘double dipping’. 
• Fistees should not be under the influence of drugs or alcohol when being fisted.  Remaining alert and aware of your body is very important. 
• It is important that the fistee clean his ass thoroughly before play. 

I really want to recommend that you check out the site: www.sacredtouchformen.com/fisting/

If the link does not work, please google the site.  This dude knows his stuff!

Psychological Aspects:

For the fister: Ownership, control, power.  Basically he’s wearing the other dude like a sock puppet.  But that would be making light of the power exchange, which can take on an almost spiritual quality.  If you think of it as a slow, methodical anal massage, then really the fister is giving the fistee a gift – much like the active partner gifts the prone with a full-body or back massage.  When viewed that way, there is a nurturing aspect to this activity.

For the fistee: A sense of surrender, a need to trust, a desire to be invaded, consumed, owned. 

The term fisting, for the uninitiated, conjures up images of violence or seems violent in nature.  Violence is not typical in fisting.  Punch-fucking is something more extreme and yes, there is definitely some major angst involved with that.  Typical fisting is much more gentle, though still incredibly invasive. 

My Experience:

My ‘no fly’ list is pretty short.  There are definitely activities that are not favorites of mine (toys e.g.), but I will participate if the dude I am with is really into it.  And then there are things that are simply never going to happen. Fisting is one of those things. To my credit, I have tried.  It’s just not for me and because of the extreme nature of the activity; something tells me that I am not alone.

I had to give my ass the week off thanks to a particularly aggressive dom top I hooked up with last Friday night.  He’s one of those cagey types with no head shots on A4A.  His stats looked good (black, 6’, 190, muscular, 8.5 dick).  His age was listed as 99 and I, even after meeting him, still have no idea what that actually translates to.  His pics featured a lot of leather, so I knew I was up for an interesting night.  Sub bottoms are his thing. 

I arrive, slip into his apartment, and am quickly ushered into a back bedroom.  This definitely serves as his little sex den: flatscreen playing kinky leather porn, a nice large futon cushion on the floor, good lighting, and great fuck music (techno).   I don’t pay enough attention to what’s on the flatscreen, and had I; I guess I would have known what I was in store for.

Assessing the dude in person?  He measures up just great.  His dick is not only 8.5, but also nicely thick.  He wastes no time in putting my oral skills to the test and I do believe I passed with flying colors. Deepthroating him is pure pleasure and I like his hyper-masculine manner right from the get go.  It’s in his voice; deep, resonate, and sexy as hell.  The futon-like mattress on the floor allows for maximum comfort and flexibility and I really start to get into my role as his bottom bitch, spreading my hole for him and doing whatever flips his switch.  The kissing is top notch, and I suspect that he realizes right away that kissing is one of my main triggers, for he begins pulling back a bit, using them as rewards for good behavior/service and as a means of encouraging me to go beyond my comfort level. 

I can’t stress how perfect the set-up is in his sex den, or how much I enjoyed lying prone in a man’s arms.  Climbing up on top of him, I work his meat into my hole, using just my saliva as lube.  This is something I have been doing more and more and is really a practice I need to halt; lube was created for a very good reason and pausing the action long enough to lubricate properly really needs happen (kind of like the same way taking the time to put on a rubber used to happen).  Also, I need to get my ass to Ye Olde Sex Shoppe and purchase some decent lube.  I have been relying on the little porta-packets they give away at events for such a long time now, and if I need to start B.Y.O.L.ing. (Bring Your Own Lube). 

As a bottom, when on top of a top, I tend to be as aggressive as logistics allow.  The length of a given dick, the angle, the amount of space… it all affects the amount of leverage and propulsion I am able to muster.  With this dude, I am up with my feet on either side of his torso, raising and lowering myself on his dick with maximum strength; my ass is pounding down on top of his dong.  However, I’m wearing my ‘leather’ hardcore boots and they are stiff and heavy, so I find myself tiring out faster than I would like.  No problem.  Dude really wants a look at my hole, so I oblige.

At the head of the futon mattress is a leather club chair.  After some oral action and kissing, he tells me to get on my knees and to rest my elbows on the seat of the chair.  This would prove to be a really great position for me.  Did he rim me?  Maybe.  I don’t really remember.  He was fascinated with my hole, which, when given any attention at all or commented on by a top, causes me to blush like a little girl.  I can’t take the compliment because in my way of thinking that hole has definitely seen better days… it looks like Courtney Love’s face (hmmm… now THERE is an idea for my next blog post!). 

He fucks me.  Hard.  I love it.  I think this is the first time that the poppers appear.  He does some and hands them to me.  I take two hits and am good to go.  I also believe some lube comes into play (finally).  I really admire and appreciate the amount of masculine energy moving up my ass.  I arch up and we kiss as we’re fucking.   Warning me, he tells me he’s getting close and asks me if I want him to cum.  I’m thinking, hey, this is good and if he needs to nut, who am I to deny him?  He cums in my hole and we cuddle for a bit. 

This is when I notice his armpits.  I’m up in those in a flash – nice and spicy, funky and fresh.  My whole mouth goes crazy on those pits and I think he admires my aggressiveness.  Lots of kissing and some nip play follow.  I go down on his dick and he’s still hard from our last fuck.  Wasting little time, I find myself on my back, with a towel under the small of my back to arch my hole up.  Entering, he takes his time, teasing the entrance with the big fat head of his cock.  When he leans down for a kiss, his dick enters me completely and my mind is flooded with the kind of rush you can’t get from poppers.  His eyes search mine and his lips rarely leave my mouth as he rams his dick in and out of my willing ass.  I just give myself over to the experience.  Again, and I cannot stress enough just how much I am enjoying having a mattress to play on.  I have gotten so used to getting fucked in non-traditional places (garages, the woods, etc.) that I had lost touch with how sweet being completely naked can be and how nice it is to have a man’s body pressed into mine.  He shoots his load for a second time and I am thinking, aww… game over.

Again, we spoon, kiss, and make out.  I don’t know what it is – the music, the lighting, the dude’s overall manner… but I simply don’t want to leave him yet.  Which is rare.  Lately I am like – 20 minutes? All done? – fuck ya later!  But not this time.  Again, I blame that mattress.

Suddenly, my hole is of great interest to him.  He asks me if he can play with it and I thinking, oh, he has a toy or something he wants to shove up there… sure.  He gets up, sanitizes his hands and puts on rubber gloves.  This is when I notice what kind of leather porn is playing on that flatscreen.  It features some hardcore fisting!  Like dudes from France whose holes know no limits!  With my back resting against the front of the chair, my knees go back and up.  He brings out this mega volume of pump lube.

I immediately feel myself tense up. Fear.  I have to go through this whole checklist of thoughts.  Do I trust this man?  Is my ass clean enough to handle this?  Will I be able to relax enough and allow this to happen? 

He starts very slowly, and because of the angle and the fact that there is no mirror, I have no idea exactly what he is doing down there.  For the first 10 minutes, I would have to say that it felt like heaven.  I had to let go and trust and just allow myself to sink into the feeling of what my body was experiencing.  After that initial honeymoon, things started getting… a little aggressive.  I locate the poppers and start huffing them for all that I’m worth.   He’s great, checking in with me, backing off, trying again.  And at some point I enter this state where I really feel myself opening up to him.  Probably ten minutes pass before I start getting a little concerned.  I stop the poppers and focus.  What am I feeling?  He’s trying to get his knuckles beyond that initial point, and my body does not seem capable of accommodating.  I finally call a halt to play.  I can tell he’s disappointed, but my comfort level had been breached and when it comes to my hole, I tend to go with my instincts.

Yep, he’s disappointed, but also incredibly turned on.  He fucks me again!  This time, all my anal tissues are stressed out and tender.  He tells me that my senses have merely been heightened.  Honestly?  It was like getting fucked with a bag of nails.  Fortunately, he only lasts for ten minutes (which feels like an eternity).  We then spend the next half hour in each other’s arms, talking.  He tells me all about the crazy Frenchmen in the movie we’re watching and he’s really disappointed that I don’t get to see one of the dudes sit on this other dude’s foot and jerk off. 

I leave feeling pretty satiated and we plan on getting together again sometime. 

The next morning?  I’m not so sure.

This is not the first time some dude has attempted to fist me.  But I think it may well be the last.  This certainly was the most invasive.  While I love the sense of giving myself over to another man, I do not think fisting is for me.  Not in the slightest.  My hole is hurting and upset.  And by Sunday morning I come to the realization that it is going to be a longer recovery period than initially thought.  Of course I beat myself up… stupid, stupid, stupid.  So this week I pay the price for my stupidity and for my silence.  No play for my bung hole.  Sad face.

That’s okay. This comes at a time when I really need to reassess just where the hell I am headed, sexually.  I don’t think extreme butt play is for me.  I value my hole and enjoy vanilla sex too much and my hole is ugly enough as it is.  So, in the future, I will take Nancy Regan’s advice – something she no doubt learned when Ronnie wanted to punchfist her va-jay-jay back in the 1950’s – Just Say No!

Which is a shame.  Because part of me will always wonder what I am missing.  Though I sure know what I’m missing right now – and that would be a nice fat dick massaging my anal canal. 

I’ve said it before and will say it again: Never take your hole for granted!

My Conclusion:

Those who are truly into extreme sex are going to laugh when I place fisting in that category.  But I think that it is.  It lies just on the other side of that gateway that people who live vanilla lives and enjoy vanilla sex are terrified to venture beyond. 

Dudes have tried convincing me that the anal canal and anal sphincter are incredibly resilient and that fisting does not result in bruised assholes or discolored bottoms or stretched out train wrecks that pass for fuck holes.  But I can’t get over it. 

And this week? I really can’t get over it soon enough, if you know what I mean. 

It brings to mind that wonderful Sondheim song from the musical ‘Gypsy’ – ‘Some People’

“Some people sit on their butts;
got the dream, yeah, but not the guts.
That's living for some people,
for some hum-drum people I suppose.”

I guess I am hum-drum… just a run of the mill sexually addicted homo deviant.  Because I truly doubt I will ever get on the other side of that gateway.  Which is okay.  Because I really value taking a dick up my ass.   And to do that? 

You have to have hole worth fucking.

Acquired Tastes XVIII: Total Pigs / Pig Sex

I was thinking about this topic last night. I hadn't been fucked since Monday and it was now Thursday night. This has become much more common for me, for I've kind of slowed down with the whole 'need something everyday' thing. Literally - last night I thought about cruising on-line for a hook-up or going to a park, but when I really thought about it? It turned out I would rather have a sandwich. Which is what I did. 

As I was munching on that bad boy, I thought about the days when I was bordering on turning a corner - so to speak, and seriously contemplating moving from merely being a gay man who really enjoys sex to becoming a...

Total Pig(s) / Pig Sex

Scope of Activity:

You know those restaurants that Chef Gordon Ramsey visits where they have a menu with hundreds of items on it? The kind that go for pages and pages and pages? Yeah, pig sex, or being a total pig, is a lot like that - it involves a huge menu of activities. In other words, it goes beyond the realm of being a total slut or extremely promiscuous. If a sexual activity exists, a total pig will attempt it, learn to like it, and come to accept it as something he does. They also tend to be very inventive. This actually is a good thing for the gay community and gay sex in general, because total pigs are frequently the innovators when it comes expanding the lexicon of gay sex.
  .
But then again,some say it is a bad thing for the gay community. 

Or so say those who worry about how the gay community is perceived by the rest of the world (heterosexuals). The more prudish among us would have you believe that by indulging in this type of behavior we give straights the right to criticize us - as in, we behave like wanton animals and therefore that lends credence to many of the hateful arguments by the likes of NOM, the FRC, the Westboro Church, the AFA, and the government of Uganda, dispariging and condemning gay folks. They sort of have a point, but not really... because there are straight people out there who are just as piggish as the gayest total pig. Also - if it exists in the gay world, then there is almost always a straight equivalent activity. So I think that pretty much renders the gay critics point moot.

The Official Line:

With information from : Gaydemon's Dicktionary

So, turns out there are actually three distinct meanings for the term.

1/ A person who is willing and eager to participate in any type of sexual encounter.without limits. This can involve all sorts of activities, including: hard core fisting, water sports, sounding, being the focus of a gang bang, bareback sex, and other extreme fetishes; the kind deemed not for the skittish or weak of heart. "In some communities, the term can also simply refer to someone who is a sex addict, who seeks sex constantly."

You'll frequently find these folks in the Bear, Leather, or BDSM communities, but bottom line - if there is a scene where nasty sex is tolerated and participated in - then you will find total pigs hanging there. Typically, a pig will seek an audience; it enhances the experience for them. They may limit their sexual activity to one dude, or invite those around to tag team them.

"Simply put, a 'sex pig' is someone who will try anything, at least once. They are someone who seeks something new, no matter how great the risk might be, but they do set their own limits. It is just that those limits appear to the casual observer as being inconsequential."

2/ A dude who has sex with another dude that they find attractive due to the other dude's lack of beauty or less than standard physical appearance. Think of it as 'ugly sex', or having sex with someone who is considered by the general population to be repulsive - in this case the repulsive person is the pig and the dude who is turned on by the idea of fucking the pig is engaging in pig sex.

Similar in nature to a 'pity fuck', 'mercy fuck', 'charity fuck', or 'dog fuck'. Generally associated with College Fraternity Hazing, where pledges are sent out to find the least attractive person they can find, have sex with them, and then bringing the pig back to the frat house for scrutiny (this usually involves belittling and humiliating the pig).

3/ Another form of being a 'sex pig' involves someone who is attracted to people who are obese, or considered to be very overweight - in this connotation the obese is considered the pig and the dude attracted to him is engaging in pig sex. This usually has a verbal component; taunting the pig as you pork them. May also involve food and feeding.

For the scope of this article, we will primarily concern ourselves with the first definition.

Psychological Aspects:

.Is it an act of surrender? To quote tomcs128 from the blog Truckstop Troughman: "The wide open depravity of this scene appeals strongly to me. I love it when I’m in a don’t-give-a-shit frame of mind like this. It’s exhilarating and liberating to be so far into your sex needs that you shed social convention and just go after satisfying your insatiable lust, in public." 

Or is it merely a matter of sexual addiction? According to Wikipedia, sex addiction is defined as: "a conceptual model which attempts to explain some forms of hypersexuality - sexual urges, behaviors, or thoughts, that appear extreme in frequency, or feel out of one's control."

"Hypersexuality is often associated with addictive or obsessive personalities, escapism, psychological disorders, low self-esteem, self-destructive behavior, lowered sexual inhibitions and behavioral conditioning. Addiction is the state of behavior outside the boundaries of social norms which reduces an individual's ability to function efficiently in general routine aspects of life or develop healthy relationships."

Is it possible to be a psychologically healthy total pig? Do they do it because they want to, or are they doing it because they feel compelled to?

That pretty much captures the internal struggle a total pig must overcome in order to commit to this type of life.

What are the rewards? Sexual bliss. Total fulfillment. The sense of being needed and used. To be of service to the community. 

The downside? Self-esteem issues. Risk of STDs significantly increasing with the wide array of activities a total pig is likely to participate in. Risk of injury. And depending upon the circumstances (like say, public displays in non-traditional locations) the possibility of being arrested. Then there is also the shame cast by those who deem such behavior as unseemly and socially unacceptable. Sometimes a pig is viewed as a social outcast. He runs the risk of either being the life of the party/the center of erections - or - being a social pariah. 

There is also the physical toll to be considered as well. A well-stretched asshole is not always a pretty thing. I watched a video of this rather young, total pig get his hole pissed in. Due to the amount of fisting and fucking he was used to, he was able to open it up with his hands like you would open up a purse! Needless to say, no funnel necessary. That said, his hole looked used and abused. His had a nasty red rash-looking ring around it. I have also seen those where it looks black, as in bruised. One's hole doesn't recover from that. Such extreme sex can have an effect on your overall appearance as well, and that can be what can lead to them being ostracized at a bathhouse or sex party. The psychological consequences of such rejection can be quite impactful.

My Experience:

I have definitely sat astride this fence. And, based on my observations and experience - you either embrace the life or you remain nothing more than a total slut. Some of the requests I have received when in a 'pig' mood have had me running for the nearest exit. That said, there must be some internal mechanism that prevents me from ever giving myself over to the total pig experience. Not that I haven't been a totally nasty slut, sucking on any cock in my vicinity at the local bathhouse, but the more extreme activities always leave me cold. So, perhaps, one not only needs to embrace the life, but also be born into it. 

Extreme bondage, or leather scenes? Have limited appeal for me. I can look at a few pictures of them, but not tons. And I can be titillated by the idea of being involved in such scenes, but, given the opportunity, I would decline to participate. So, no pig, am I. I remain nothing more than a common slut. Taking multiple cocks up my ass in my garage while wearing a blindfold. That is extreme. But it was something I wanted to try and that was the end of it. I get titillated by the idea of doing it again, but the reality is - it was a lot of work setting all that up. And the results didn't quite live up to my expectations - not that it was bad... it was actually really hot, but I didn't find it so fulfilling that it was an experience I needed to repeat with any frequency. It was more a phase. I don't think total pigs have that option - to opt out. I think the compulsion rules their lives.

Do I cast derision down upon the heads of total pigs? Eek. I want to say, who am I to judge and more power to them, but the fact is... I do, a little. I avoid them in sexual situations and find them a little too unseemly for me to associate with - though I enjoy their videos. And who am I to judge? I support their right to behave in any manner that does not harm others. And, as a total slut, I do understand that overriding need for sexual fulfillment. In the end, I say 'there for the grace of God, go I'. I could easily become one, but I'm just too damn busy. I don't have the room in my life for something so all-consuming. I don't have the income to afford all those accessories, either.

My Conclusion:

Being a total pig is all-consuming. You have to have the resources and the time to dedicate yourself to the life. You also need to be hardwired for it. While I revel in their total surrender, I flee should one approach me at the bathhouse. They are brave souls. I am not. And in the end... slut that I am...

I think I'd rather have a sandwich.