Wonderland Burlesque's Let's All Go To The Movies: The Oldest Profession Edition, Part I

Wonderland Burlesque's

Let's All Go To The Movies:

The Oldest Profession Edition, Part I

Ah, when it comes to prostitution, why not go straight to the experts! No one knows how to pimp better than the factory of dreams.

Yes, we all know what Hollywood was really selling, here... tickets!

Let's all take a gander and delve into the seamy underworld that keeps tinsel town percolating... movies!

I'll Sell My Life

(I'd sell mine, but a nickel doesn't buy much these days.)

(Sometimes I offer a two for one deal, but I don't get a lot of takers.)

Street Corner

"The most vital picture of all time."

"Two hours of truths! & Facts!"

"It lifts the iron curtain of fear and ignorance."

(Note the men-only, women-only showings!)

(I want to be outside the theatre when the women's-only let's out to watch the town tramp storm out spouting, "Lies, lies, lies. It's all lies!")

Scarlet Street

"The great stars and director of Woman In The Window"

(I take it Edward G. Robinson is either green with envy, or... he got one hell of an STD!).

Gigolette

(Adore this poster. And I remember Ralph Bellamy and Donald Cook.)

Good Time Girl

(Me, at the prairie, in summer.)

Pickup

"Don't be scared - I'm just a girl..."

"Marrying her was his mistake... Murder was hers!"

(Why marry, when you can rent? Am I right?)

Pickup On South Street

"How the F.B.I. Took a chance on a b-girl ...and won.!"

(I had to look up 'b-girl' and apparently it stands for bar girl; one whom may or may not be working just for 'tips.')

"Not suitable for children."

(Really? I want to meet the parent who wouldn't take the hint provided by the poster art.)

Bait

"...The door's open... come on in!"

"Kisses like these are plenty."

"She's the bait in a mantrap!"

(Huh, for this succeed with me as the bait, it would have to be a case of bait and swish.)

Blonde Bait

"Dangerous Decoy in a game of murder!"

"She's a silken trap that waits in the dark ...waiting for the killer with a gun!"

"...The kind of mistake a man can only make once!"

(But a mistake men are willing to make over and over and again.)

Man Bait

"The cards are stacked... against any man who falls for her kind of..."

"Blonde blackmail!"

(Like we could do a post about this type of movie and not feature one with Diana Dors!)

The Flesh Is Weak

"The newest headlines on the oldest profession!"

"She did anything and everything for his love!"

(I have always fantasized about someone pimping out my ass. But the reality lies so far from the fantasy. Oh, not on my part... the poor johns'! Talk about your bait and switch. It would be a little like thinking you're hiring Rita Hayworth, only to discover you're getting Alice Ghostly.)

Vice Raid

"Syndicate owned sin-center smashed!"

"Phony model agency exposed as b-girl headquarters!"

(Have I had a post about campy movie posters that does not include a film starring Mamie Van Doren? She certainly seems to be giving Diana Dors a run for her money.)

"Big crackdown on call-girl racket!"

(Just imagine the sanitized world these girls inhabited. All muted solid tones and marabou feathers without an ounce of reality to spoil it.) 

Detour

"He went searching for love... but fate forced a detour to: revelry, violence, mystery!"

(Oh! Road trip! With a hooker! Talk about your comedy goldmine. Bet she makes him stop at every truck stop.)

She Walks By Night

"The true story of a woman who made love in the play capitals of the world!"

(I love me a true story, especially when it stars the person it's about. This must be a special film subgenre. Fascinating. I wonder if there a book about the phenom?)

Cry Of A Prostitute

"For a lousy twenty-five bucks some people think they can do anything!"

(Well, there's a downside to any employment. You should see what I gotta do some days to make a buck!)

"Being a hooker never stopped me from being a women."

(This sounds like the tagline for a Revlon ad.)

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That's all we have time for this week. 

Tune in next week!

Same time! Same channel!

Right Now, It's Intermission!

Cum Fever: Search for a Cure

There are things I’ve never tried before, some due to the fact that the activity involves the help of others and I tend to shy away from group activities. You know, except for group activities, such as the warehouse parties or maybe a bath house, where – to be fair, you still pretty much end up playing the lone wolf unless you happen to stumble into a group in process and nobody objects to your joining in.

A trend that I’ve noticed since the whole barebacking scene got a foothold into our gay cultural mind meld is where someone pimps out a bottom dude’s ass on-line in an attempt to load him up with as much cum as possible. The whole idea – I mean just writing about it, even – has me all aquiver with a belly full of butterflies. I find it super titillating. The few times that I have gone to the warehouse party and gotten up on the end of that bed in the dark, secluded cubby and offered up my hole to all cummers, I got such a fucking kick out of it. Granted, I moved aside as soon as a more aggressive (younger) bottom came on the scene, or when approached a few too many times by dudes I didn’t find that appealing, but it was still a very thrilling experience. And yes, I realize, maybe a foolish one, too – but then, this blog entry is probably not going to please those who find the whole barebacking scene appalling and unconscionable.

I’ve also seen a number of individuals who pimp their own ass on a regular basis, either via bbrts or craigslist. The goal in for these individuals is multiple loads in their ass – as many as possible. If you’ve ever seen a cream pie video on Xtube, where a dude expels a cum load from his freshly loaded hole, and found that hot, then you know what I’m talking about when I talk about Cum Fever.

I get the mindset of these individuals. I worry a little about their safety, but I do understand their desire. It becomes like some weird gay frenzy; which is where the safety net of having someone else monitoring your activity comes in handy. The pimp basically sets up the ads, entices potential sperm donors, screens out potential problem clients, hosts the event, and usually acts as a sort of guardian during the actual encounter. That way the bottom is free to simply take dick after dick, load after load, without worrying about answering the door, or potential physical harm from a visitor (save the usual STD scares).

Last Monday I got just such an offer. Unsolicited. This dude I occasionally chat with on bbrts said he wanted to host my ass and get me loaded up as much as possible. He’d done this with a few friends of his in the past with quite a bit of success. Eventually we determine that Friday would be the best night for both of us. Granted, I already have plans with a friend of mine; a former fuck bud who I have not seen for some time, but I figure this is Monday and the likelihood of this dude actually following through and hosting my ass is pretty slim, so I roll the dice.

On Thursday evening I email the dude and ask if we are still on, and low and behold, yes, he is still interested in hosting this scene. I tell my fuck bud about it Friday morning via email and invite him to participate. Something tells me this was not the coolest of things to do. The next morning I email the bud I stood up and apologize for being such a self-centered, inconsiderate jerk. Whether he forgives me or not remains to be seen. But I feel like a total tool having switched plans on him at the last minute. This kind of behavior probably helps explain why I have no friends. Anyway…

After numerous, somewhat-vague emails the day of the event, I finally get my pimp-to-be’s address. I trim my fur, shave my ass and balls, and am as tan as a Jersey Shore kid. I start my douching early in the morning, so I am clean as a whistle by the time of the event. I arrive with no fears about poop juice or being a dirty bottom. Start time for the event changes several times, but 7:30 pm is the time finally agreed upon.

My host is a very nice, blonde man a few years my junior and of average height. He’s wearing a pair of khaki shorts and a short sleeve Hawaiian-style shirt. He's charming from the get go; extremely glib and a great conversationalist. He posseses a cherubic face and a boyishness that's a very winning combination.

He already has two ads on Craigslist and is posting a third. We have a few potential donors, but only one for sure. The for sure dude turns out to be a regular of his from previous such events; an Asian man with a beautiful body and a nice sized dick. He arrives very promptly and walks into the bedroom escorted by my pimp to find me, naked, on all fours on the bed with my ass in the air. I turn around and suck his dick. It’s nice. Thick and about 7.5 inches. He’s very complimentary about my dick sucking skills and asks if I’m available on a regular basis. Gee. I am such a good whore! He then orders me to turn around and fucks me silly. He works out all the time and has a great physique and really knows how to dole out a good pounding. The entire time we play, my pimp stands just over the dude’s left shoulder, commenting, touching and tweaking the dude’s nipples. I’m cool with that, because he’s not overly intrusive. The Asian dude shoots his load deep in my gut and it is game over.

We chat as he dresses. He really is a very nice looking man – probably in his late twenties, early thirties. His body is super hot. He keeps apologizing for cumming so soon, and I’m like not having a problem with what went down, so he’s good in my book. I may be seeing more of him, but it won’t be at my pimp’s house. The next dude arrives, after much chatting back and forth about the location, fifteen minutes after the Asian dude has left. This guy is a handsome white dude with an average body. He’s one of those guys who is so good looking that he doesn’t need to stay in shape. He’s in his mid-thirties and wants me on the bed, blindfolded when he walks in.

As happens on occasion, this dude never gets hard. But he’s also one of those dudes who simply cannot cop to the fact. Therefore, we spend a good 30-plus minutes trying to come up with various ways to get him up. At one point I lay on my back with my head hanging off the bed so he can fuck my mouth. This, unfortunately, puts my nose a little too close to his ass. I get a whiff and it is not pretty – in fact, it makes me gag. I’m no princess when it comes to man smells, but this dude seriously needs to clean up his act. After getting myself out of that position, I cooperate for another five minutes or so before feigning a sudden illness due to my having consumed too much poppers. I run to the bathroom and douche my ass while waiting for Mr. Handsome Stinky Butt to get a clue and leave.

He finally does. I get a glimpse of him before he goes, and yes, he is indeed drop dead gorgeous. Turns out he is also a bottom! Huh? Turns out he was so excited upon reading the ad he wanted to take part in the scene. I laugh. What else can you do about it? I tell my pimp about his stinky ass – which is rare on a true bottom, and I also tell him what a weird little dick he had – it had all sorts of bumps on it – which brings all sorts of ugly things to mind, like warts and the like, and I am totally regretting the whole scene.

My pimp and I access the situation. It is now 9:00 pm, there are no more prospective johns and I am thinking I can still salvage my evening by getting my ass over to the warehouse party. I make the call, we bag it. My pimp agrees. After more chit chat, I finally manage to get out of there.

Okay, so not the worse thing that has ever happened to me. The Asian dude was a real find and I’m glad we hit it off. Mr. Handsome Stinky Butt? Not so much. Bottom line, it was a failure. My pimp said he usually has a lot more success. He blames it on the warehouse party, but I know better. I’m pretty sure it’s me. My age, to be exact. The other dudes he has done this with were in their 30’s. Dudes in their mid-forties, in this ageist gay society of ours, no matter how nice their body is, aren’t gonna pull the same numbers.

So, been there, tried that, failed, let’s move on.

And so I did. I went straight to the warehouse party where I had a night unlike any other. It more than made up for Mr. Handsome Stinky Butt. In fact, it exceeded all my expectations. Maybe I’ll share the details next week. All I will say right now is… that night at the warehouse?

It cured me of any fever I might have had.