Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooter of the Week: Mike McFadden

Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooter of the Week: 

Mike McFadden

In an election cycle that includes two-time DUI-offender and established homophobe Tom Emmer vying to fill Michele Bachmann’s slot of crazyhate and trust fund baby looking for new thrills Stewart Mills trying to unseat Duluth’s Rick Nolan, it would seem difficult to come up with an even stinkier Minnesota GOP candidate… and yet, we did.

Yep, investment banker Mike McFadden, who is going head-to-head against incumbent Al Franken, takes the cake (and, apparently, doesn’t pay for it).

At first, I was a bit worried. 

McFadden’s initial ads presented him as an everyman type, coaching football, being jovial and approachable.  He seemed like the kind of common sense guy you’d want to meet and have a beer with.

But then Al’s group shifted into attack mode last week, exposing a tiny fact about Mr. McFadden that qualifies Mike as Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooter of the Week. 

Seems the company that McFadden made a fortune with was one of the first to move their headquarters to another country in order to avoid paying taxes here in the U.S. – to Bermuda, no less. How… festive!  Granted, McFadden joined the company two years after it had made that move, but if dodging taxes is how you make your riches, maybe running for a political seat while touting your business practices is not a good idea.

His campaign manager immediately threw a flag on the play, declaring it was all “lies”.  Going on to say that, “We need leaders in Washington with business experience who can get our economy back on track and who will reform our tax code by lowering rates and eliminating special interest loopholes so we can encourage investment here in America, not abroad.”

Which is rather an end-around way of thinking. 

I mean, if one is doing business in the United States, taking advantage of its infrastructure (roads, seaports, legal protections, etc.) without contributing something towards paying for said infrastructure – well, that strikes me as someone lacking integrity and, as business practices go, a tad unethical.  

I mean, I don’t have a fortune, never will… and I pay my fair share in order to make a living, here, in America. 

So, why shouldn’t Mike McFadden?

Mr. McFadden is running on a platform that claims we pay too much in taxes, but… it would appear his business doesn’t pay any.

Mr. McFadden wants us to put him in Washington so he can get rid of the train wreck that is Obamacare, which is ruining this country, but… last time I checked, Obamacare seemed to be a big success; with more people having medical coverage than ever before, while paying less in premiums.

Mr. McFadden says we should vote for him because of his solid business record…which would seem to include an awful lot of tax dodging.

Hmmm.

So, let’s all throw a flag on this play, as a means of saluting Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooter of the Week, Mike McFadden.

Mike? 

As Judge Judy says – if you eat the steak?  Then you have to pay for the steak.

And if you want to run for political office?  Then you better live your life with integrity, bub.

Wonderland Burlesque’s ‘Turdscooters of the Week’: The 63 Texas GOPs Who Believe Gay Marriage Leads to Pedophilia, Polygamy & Incest

Wonderland Burlesque’s ‘Turdscooters of the Week’: 

The 63 Texas GOPs Who Believe 

Gay Marriage Leads to Pedophilia, Polygamy & Incest

It seems the ‘Butt Scoot’ has replaced the ‘Boot Scoot’ in the not-so-great state of Texas.  You, know, Texas – where the GOP, only two months ago, softened their rhetoric on gays from outright condemnation to the endorsement of (now, discredited) gay conversion therapy.

Yes, something tells me that Michele Bachmann would feel right at home in the Lone Star State; home of President Wannabe Rick ‘Oops!’ Perry and 63 of the most ignorant, illogical, and homophobic politicians to be found in these United States.

On 8/4/14, these turdscooters, members of the Texas Conservative Coalition, put their collective John Hancock on an amicus brief sent to the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in an attempt to appeal a federal district judge’s decision in DeLeon v. Perry, which termed all gay marriage bans in the 5th Circuit Court (which includes Texas) unconstitutional, and that those bans violated the equal-protection clause of the Constitution.

The most upsetting thing about this particular appeal is its attempt to link same-sex marriage to incest, polygamy and pedophilia.

The brief, in part, reads:

“The district court broadened the definition of the ‘existing right to marry’ as one that includes the right of people to ‘select the partners of their choosing’ for marriage, without regard to sex. If the right to select ‘partners of their choosing’ is the criterion used to invoke marriage as a fundamental right, then marriage restrictions on age, polygamy and consanguinity are also ripe for challenge.”

Yes, they dare proffer this as part of their argument, despite the fact that the federal court has already ruled that the legalization of “morally reprehensible actions” like pedophilia was not a “logical next step” to the legalization of same-gender marriage.

But wait, there’s more.  The appeal also argues:

• “Texas’s marriage laws are rooted in a basic reality of human life: procreation requires a male and a female.  Two people of the same sex cannot, by themselves, procreate.”
• Banning same-sex marriage will “minimize the societal costs that can result from procreation outside of stable, lasting marriages” and that “the State’s recognition and encouragement of opposite-sex marriages increases the likelihood that naturally procreative couples will produce children, and that they will do so in the context of stable, lasting relationships”. (You know, despite all the studies that show that the average divorce rate in states with legal same-sex marriage is 20 percent lower than in those states that ban it.)
• Limiting marriage to one man and one woman “gives women and children the surest protection against poverty and abuse,” and “provides for healthy psychological development of children.”

This last part of the appeal actually cites the much discredited research by Mark Regnerus regarding the quality of life for children raised by same-sex couples. “There is a wide range of literature supporting this view, particularly with regard to child development, making it plausible and, thus, rational for legislators to believe,” (despite that whole debunked, flawed, should never have been published, research thing).  Research a Michigan court went so far as to call “entirely unbelievable and not worthy of serious consideration”, noting that Regnerus’ research was “hastily concocted at the behest of a third-party funder” which was seeking skewed results. Even gay marriage opponents in Utah had enough sense to drop any mention of this research from their legal briefs.

But then, Texas is not Utah.  No, Utah has its own brand of crazy. 

Texas’ version of crazy is… well, like everything else in Texas: bigger.

For example, here’s a big list of Texan’s currently on the wrong side of history, the facts, and common sense:

1. Brian Birdwell, Texas Senate
2. Donna Campbell, Texas Senate
3. Bob Deuell, Texas Senate
4. Craig Estes, Texas Senate
5. Troy Fraser, Texas Senate
6. Kelly Hancock, Texas Senate
7. Robert Nichols, Texas Senate
8. Dan Patrick, Texas Senate
9. Ken Paxton, Texas Senate
10. Charles Schwertner, Texas Senate
11. Larry Taylor, Texas Senate
12. Charles Anderson, Texas House of Representatives
13. Trent Ashby, Texas House of Representatives
14. Cecil Bell, Jr., Texas House of Representatives
15. Dwayne Bohac, Texas House of Representatives
16. Dennis Bonnen, Texas House of Representatives
17. Greg Bonnen, Texas House of Representatives
18. Angie Chen Button, Texas House of Representatives
19. Tom Craddick, Texas House of Representatives
20. Brandon Creighton, Texas House of Representatives
21. Myra Crownover, Texas House of Representatives
22. Gary Elkins, Texas House of Representatives
23. Pat Fallon, Texas House of Representatives
24. Allen Fletcher, Texas House of Representatives
25. Dan Flynn, Texas House of Representatives
26. James Frank, Texas House of Representatives
27. John Frullo, Texas House of Representatives
28. Craig Goldman, Texas House of Representatives
29. Larry Gonzales, Texas House of Representatives
30. Lance Gooden, Texas House of Representatives
31. Linda Harper-Brown, Texas House of Representatives
32. Harvey Hilderbran, Texas House of Representatives
33. Bryan Hughes, Texas House of Representatives
34. Jason Isaac, Texas House of Representatives
35. Phil King, Texas House of Representatives
36. Tim Kleinschmidt, Texas House of Representatives
37. Stephanie Klick, Texas House of Representatives
38. Lois Kolkhorst, Texas House of Representatives
39. Matt Krause, Texas House of Representatives
40. Jodie Laubenberg, Texas House of Representatives
41. George Lavender, Texas House of Representatives
42. Jeff Leach, Texas House of Representatives
43. Tryon Lewis, Texas House of Representatives
44. Rick Miller, Texas House of Representatives
45. Geanie Morrison, Texas House of Representatives
46. Jim Murphy, Texas House of Representatives
47. Rob Orr, Texas House of Representatives
48. John Otto, Texas House of Representatives
49. Tan Parker, Texas House of Representatives
50. Charles Perry, Texas House of Representatives
51. Larry Phillips, Texas House of Representatives
52. Scott Sanford, Texas House of Representatives
53. Matt Schaefer, Texas House of Representatives
54. Ralph Sheffield, Texas House of Representatives
55. Ron Simmons, Texas House of Representatives
56. John Smithee, Texas House of Representatives
57. Drew Springer, Texas House of Representatives
58. Van Taylor, Texas House of Representatives
59. Ed Thompson, Texas House of Representatives
60. Steve Toth, Texas House of Representatives
61. Scott Turner, Texas House of Representatives
62. James White, Texas House of Representatives
63. Bill Zedler, Texas House of Representatives

So, join me in a 63 ‘Butt Scoot’ salute to Wonderland Burlesque’s ‘Turdscooters of the Week’: the Texan politicians who believe that gay marriage leads to pedophilia, polygamy and incest.

Yep, everything truly is bigger in Texas.

And that, apparently, includes ignorance.

Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooters of the Week, Part Two: Minnesota’s Michele Bachmann

Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooters of the Week, Part Two:

Minnesota’s Michele Bachmann

  

Oh, Michele.

What a special little turdscooter you are.

You hold a special place in my jaundiced heart, where I wish upon you things that I know I should not wish on anyone, for in doing so I wish them upon myself.  Still, your brand of bat shit crazy evil inspires such thoughts and I find myself, time and again, powerless to do otherwise.

Last week, on the conservative radio show ‘Faith & Liberty’ (Who listens to this junk?), Michele, as is her way, made up more stuff about the GLBT community.  Her latest lie goes like this:

“They want to abolish age of consent laws, which means children would…we would do away with statutory rape laws so that adults will be able to freely prey on little children sexually.  That’s the deviance that we’re seeing embraced in our culture today.”

Really?

Hmmm.  I’ve been gay quite a while now, and I cannot recall any gay Log Cabin Republicans, or gay Democrats, or, even, gay Green Party folk advocating for any such thing.  So, enlighten us with some facts, Michele: pinpoint that specific piece of legislation introduced by gay folks that demand the right to rape children.  Please, do, because if there are any gays out there wanting such a thing, I would like to know about it – so I can wish upon them the very same things I frequently find myself, although I know better, wishing upon your tiny demonic soul.

You see, Michele, you’ve once again, confused gay people with pedophiles – a nasty little habit of yours that makes even the kindest hearted of gay people wish upon you terrible, despicable acts.  And trust me, they do; terrible, terrible things.

Now, I realize that you do this because you are not a very bright human being, for you are someone who is poorly educated and born without the common sense of a rotted tree stump. 

I know that you say these things because there isn’t anything at all objectionable about the majority of gay folk, who mow their lawns, go to church, and pay their taxes, just like you do (Well, you?  Taxes?  Not so much.), so you have to make stuff up in order to ensure you extend your fifteen minutes in the national spotlight.  In that way, you are sort of a parasite, Michele.  Without gay folk, you would cease to exist. Not a bad thing, really, and one of the many things I have a habit of wishing upon you.

Now, I ‘get it’: that you say the things you do about gay people because you married a gay man and even though he denies his true nature and allows you to force your body upon his once a month as marked on your ‘special time’ calendar, the fact that he is gay drives you to the utter brink of insanity. 

And deep in my heart, I know that you, like ‘Family Guy’s’ Peter Griffin, if forced to take a standardized test would be revealed to be… ummm, to put it politely… ‘challenged’.

But that is no excuse, woman. None of that excuses the ignorant crap the spews from your rancid, cancerous, lipsticked pie hole.

Michele is also upset with the Supreme Court for its decision in 2013 to strike down the federal ban on same-sex marriage, terming it a “denial of equal protection for all Americans”, a bit of logic that only makes sense in Michele’s homophobic, backwards, illiterate mind.  I mean, yes, technically, they are words strung in a sentence, but…

“This is a revolution that we are encountering now. For all of the thousands of years of recorded human history, about 5,000 years, there is no instance of any culture, nation or tribe ever having as the established standard for marriage anything other than between man and woman. It may have been multiple women and a man, it may have been something like that, but it was always between men and women.”

Which means, Michele is okay with those ‘Sister Wives’ people, but not two men or two women in a committed, loving, monogamous relationship where they mow their lawns, go to church, and pay taxes.

You would think that would mean that ‘Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em’ Bachmann, is woman enough to own up to her hate-baiting ways, but, no, for she insists, less you think for one moment that she is not a good Christian woman, that her only desire is to, “spread goodness and joy and wholeness and healing … through a loving God with a message that frees people.”

Yeah, Michele, I got a middle finger that you can free anytime you want.

The only comfort that I take in relationship to you, Michele, is that you do not have a chance in hell of ever holding public office anywhere outside of that mecca of social dysfunction known as Anoka County, or, if the world has an ounce of self-worth, perhaps ever again. 

The other thing I am sure of?  That you are too far out there and ignorant for even the likes of Fox News, so there isn’t any chance of you gaining a glamorous national media pulpit unless you start up your own cable network, just as your sister in soul crimes, Sarah Palin, did this week.

I can’t wait to live in a world where there is no ‘Michele Bachmann’ news, no matter how cringe-inducingly entertaining the garbage that foams forth from your misinformed mouth.

So, dear readers, please, free your middle finger and join me as we give Michele the ‘Turdscooter of the Week’ salute, she so richly deserves.

Michele, honey?  Give it up.  Desperation is so unattractive.

Close your pie hole once and for all and fade from the national spotlight forever so good people, like yours truly won’t be tempted to wish upon you unspeakable, ghastly, gory vile (and, yet, oh-so justified) things.

Oh, and pick up a history book, or read a scientific journal.  Those things exist for a reason, you know. 

The world has evolved quite a bit since you went to Bible College, fool.

BTW: I plan on writing an ‘Evita’ –style musical about you someday.  Because you are tragic… in a totally different way.

Nietzsche Was Right

Friedrich Nietzsche was right.

Growing up, going to church was simply something one did, like breathing and pooping.  You didn’t think to question it; you just did it because everyone you knew did.  The ‘why’ of it all was never questioned.

Of course, when I became an adolescent, I did begin to question.  Those mandatory Wednesday night catechism classes became opportunities to torture all those poor believers who volunteered to teach.  It was at that time that I began to fall in love with and perfect playing the devil’s advocate. As inarticulate as I was, debate became my ‘thing’.  That ‘deer in the headlights’ look on the teachers’ faces fueled my love of pointed banter.

And then, once away at college, church became an afterthought.  Theatre became my new religion.  I didn’t have time for anything else. 

After that, a variety of religions, religious expressions, thoughts of mind, and philosophies became my norm.  I tried them on like hats.  I was impressionable, to say the least.  My naiveté would lead me down one dead end after another.  The journey was as entertaining as it was disheartening.

Five years ago I returned to Catholicism and began to attend church regularly, singing in the choir and serving as cantor.  I did so, out of a need to please my mother.  She and my father had recently moved into my neighborhood at my insistence.  My father, as you may know, has Alzheimer’s, and as his illness has progressed it had become more difficult for my mother to manage.  The house across the street from me came up for sale. My business partners and I purchased it, renovated it, and moved them in.  

In order for my mother to acclimate, I took her around to various churches.  She chose one and it became part of my routine to accompany her.  It went well for the first three years.  I got swept up in the music and the sense of community the church provided. 

Unfortunately, I also became all too aware of the church’s attempts to prevent gay marriage from coming to Minnesota, as well as the on-going sexual scandals involving children, adolescents, and young adults.  Oddly troubling, too, was my discovery that a good percentage of the active clergy are gay – troubling, only in the sense that these men must live their lives in a way that supports the very thing that condemns them for who they are. 

Since returning to the fold, I’ve listened to countless sermons that plead for accepting others as they are, sermons delivered in a kind of code, skirting around the political reality that is the Catholic Church.  But until the church as a whole openly embraces gay people, I’m afraid those words, while truly meant by the individuals speaking, will continue to ring rather hollow and false.

Two years ago, during the Easter season, I began to wrestle with my conflicting thoughts and feelings.  I quit the choir and cantoring that Easter morning, though I continued to attend mass regularly until about three months ago.  By that time I couldn’t rationalize attending anymore.  Not that I didn’t feel welcome, I always did.  No, it was because I could not reconcile the life I was being told to lead and the world I live in.  When I looked at the world around me and the evil things men and women do in the name of God, the whole concept of God became something that made no sense. 

Yes, people like Michele Bachmann and Archbishop Nienstedt had robbed me of my ability to believe.  Their irrational world views and the fact that the world had given them and their ilk a means of spreading their fears, hatred, and harmful rhetoric defied common decency and common sense.  The fact that we live in a world where people actively reiterate garbage theology and support political platforms that work against their own self-interest appalls and amazes me - to say nothing of the everyday violence that is allowed to go unchecked; violence committed through some delusional sense of superiority, violence committed against one another, animals, and our planet - to say nothing of disease, illness, deformity, cruelty, homicide, genocide, hypocrisy, segregation, ignorance and greed.

And so, if one is to remain logical and place events and people within some type of context, one can come to but one conclusion: there is no God.

God is a construct upon which we place our hopes and desires.  God is a wishing well.  God is a comfort for mind and body.  God is a means of controlling ourselves and others.

But we made him up. 

This planet is really populated with nothing more than a bunch of animals trying to gain advantage over one another by any means possible.

It has left me heartsick.

And, of course, when my mother asks why I’m not going to church anymore, I can’t tell her any of that.   Her concept of God is all she has.  It’s the pillar of her whole life.  It would be cruel on my part to start ripping away at the fabric that is her life.

So, when she asks… I say nothing.

I’ll start believing in God when the likes of Michele Bachmann and Archbishop Nienstedt do the same.

TMI Questions: Does Size Matter?

What's in a number?  How is it relevant?  Is it simply a matter of comparison?  Why bother measuring?  

It's all a game of numbers.  

What do they mean?  To us?  To others?

What is the real measure of a man?

And... that's the thing about TMI Questions.  For me?  

They just raise more questions.

TMI QUESTIONS:

Questions designed to reveal Too Much Information

Link: http://tmiquestions.blogspot.com/  

TMI Questions: Does Size Matter?

How big is your TV screen?

44”

I finally broke down last year and bought a flat screen television.   Yes, just last year.  I saw nothing wrong with my big ass old CRT television.  But, I still have a tiny CRT in the kitchen, on top of my fridge and a giant old console unit in the basement.  I watch the 8” a lot more than the other two.  Mostly news, ‘Big Bang Theory’  and ‘Family Guy’ re-runs.  It’s a nice distraction while cooking or prepping the dogs’ food. 

I gave up cable this week.  It turns out there are all these alternative air channels, so in a way, it’s like I still have cable – if it were, say, 1968.  Most of these channels specialize in old movies or classic television programs.  It’s rather interesting.  Kind of a time warp.  And, of course, I still get the big networks, so I’m not missing anything. I plan on streaming Netflix as soon as a USB Wireless LAN Adapter arrives in the mail.  I will end up saving over $1,000 a year.

How big is your hard drive? Laptop or desktop?

Hard Drives: 8 MB

I store most of my stuff on memory sticks (I have a whole tiny bag of them I carry around at all times), so I am never in danger of needing more.  The sticks work great.  I have several that are nothing but pics from the net that I collect and file, saving them up for future blog posts.

Laptops: 12”, 14” and 14”

Three is a little excessive, but I like the convenience of always having one when I need it.  Also, if one goes down, I don’t need to stress too much about finding a solution to the problem (although, I must say, I get awful anxious whenever something tech-related goes awry – as in, illogically spastic and borderline hysterical).

How big is your home? Is it too big or too small?

A small, two-bedroom home built in 1952.  It still has its original blonde woodwork and blonde wooden windows.  It has a steel beam through the center in the basement.  And part of the basement has this funky old linoleum you find in old church basements.  I sort of adore it, though I consider other houses all the time.

Every time I rehab a house for the property company of which I am part owner, I fall in love with the house I’m working on and imagine moving in.  It will never happen, as my Mom and Dad are ensconced across the street (in one of my rehab projects) and it is simply too convenient a way to keep an eye on them. 

Nope, I’m stuck where I am until my Dad passes (Alzheimer’s), which we have been told should happen within the next year and a half.  Of course, he’s happy as a clam, playing with his toys and watching cartoons. My Mom is an excellent caretaker, so who knows?  He may be with us for much longer than expected.   

Oh, and the real reason I love my little, tiny house?  I’m fairly certain that when the zombies or Nazis come for me, I will be safe in my basement.  All the doors are solid oak. And that steel beam?  Good for when the meteors hit.

How big is your waistline? Is it too big or too small?

32” Perfect for me.  I think.  I guess it could be smaller, but I’m so tall.  Oh, and gravity.  Gravity is winning.

I have been a 32” for most of my life, save a couple of bad patches.

I had a 28” waist in the mid-eighties, due to a little eating disorder.  And then again, when everything went to hell in Cali in 1996.

I blossomed to a 34” waist during my years at Target Corp.  Too many fatty lunches.  I was going to the ‘Y’ every day at the time, but nothing seemed to offset all that restaurant and catered food.

How big are your pets?

Millie is 5 lbs. – She was seriously underweight when I got her.  How she managed to survive her first two and a half years, I will never know.  The people who owned her were monsters. Some people should never have children or dogs. Clueless?  Or intentionally cruel?  I don’t know.  I don’t really believe in heaven or hell, but if I did… those people have long-standing reservations in one of them.

Hercules is 20 lbs. – Everyone thinks Herc is fat.  But he is a big-bodied boy.  I was told he was a Chihuahua / Jack Russell mix, but I think they got it wrong.  He has the Chihuahua head (small), but his body and legs remind me of a Corgi.  So, imagine that combo, and you have a dog whose body is much too large for his head.  He looks like a little football player.  Hercules is a constant challenge (mentally delayed), but he is also a very good dog.

Atula is 24 lbs. – Atula was seriously overweight when I got him at age 14.  He had spent most of his life in his kennel (18-20 hours a day) and was not socialized properly.  He was not used to being petted or held and, still to this day, has no concept of play.  He seems to have three main activities – sleep, eat, poop. He screams for food constantly, so taking the weight off him (7.5 lbs. in the last five months) has been a challenge.  Initially, I didn’t think his weight was a problem, but then he got pneumonia and his esophagus began to collapse – and his weight became a major factor.  His legs are weak from being kenneled so much; so long walks (at his age) are out of the question.  Cutting back on his food intake was the only thing I could do.  He now runs around the backyard like a crazy man and seems much happier. 

This is my second round of three rescued dogs. And I think it may be my last.  I love them, but they are a lot of work and limit my travelling quite a bit.  Between my father, the dogs, and a friend of mine who is ailing, my abilities as a care-giver are stretched to the point where I am beginning to feel ineffective.

I am burning out and the occasional weekend away isn’t enough to replenish that energy and patience.  I look at where I am in my life arc and realize only too well that the number of years I have left to fully experience certain things is dwindling.  Maybe that’s a selfish of me, but I yearn for things I can’t accomplish with things as they are.

Still, my heart also goes out to those dogs no one cares enough about.  I could imagine myself in the future being exposed on the local news channel as an ancient old man who is hoarding too many dogs. But that could never happen.  If I didn’t feel I could properly care for an animal I would do the right thing (turn them over to a shelter or find them a good home) rather than see them suffer. 

My heart bleeds, but common sense rules my world.

How big is your car?

2005 Silver Saturn Ion, 4-Door.  I own it outright and I love it.  It is well maintained and looks pretty damn good.  Rust is the number one killer of car bodies her in Minnesota due to the salt used on the roads in winter.  Having a care with a plastic body? 

One less eye-sore on the road.

I am also not one of those people whose sense of self is tied up in the car they drive.  That’s crap.  You in that giant SUV or oversized pickup truck?  Yeah, I know what that’s really about, dude.  You aren’t fooling anybody. 

And flashy sports cars and the like? 

Eh. There are better ways to spend money.  People who do that are trying to impress, but the impression they make on me isn’t the one they intended.

How big are your biceps?

16”.  I have no idea if that is big or not.  Something tells me it is not.  I had a dude walk up to me at The Eagle one night and tell me that I have “nice arms, small, but nice”.  His were stupidly huge.  I would love to have stupidly huge arms, but… I don’t think my body type supports that. 

Also, anytime that I have gone gung-ho on my biceps, I have ended up with some form of tennis elbow that eventually becomes so painful that I have to stop working my arms.  So, everything in moderation. 

My biceps don’t have to be huge; they just have to be toned. Oh, and by the way – triceps are where you can really make a difference in your arms.  I have concentrated on those in the past five years, adding a lot of dimension and depth to the look of my arms. 

Eh, I still have skinny boy arms.  Probably always will. 

My arms only look good after immediately working out.  Why is that?

How big is your ego?

Hmmm.  So, I am going to say that it is humongous – hence this blog, etc. However, I suffer from low self-esteem, so it makes for this volatile, clashing sort of existence. 

How did this come about? 

Simple.  When I was young, I had some innate talents that were recognized by others and in order to ‘perform’ one has to have a big ego.  A self-inflated sense of one’s self, if you will as a means of coping.  However, I was also constantly told by my handlers that I was ‘too big for my britches’, needed to be careful not to get a ‘swelled head’, etc.  Therefore, I recognized early on that nobody liked people who thought too much of themselves. 

Then, on top of that, I got the message that I ‘ruin everything’, that ‘it’s all my fault’, and that ‘I can’t do anything right’.

Add into that the message that it was better to be dead than be gay. 

Well, that’s quite a potent mixture, huh.  Yeah, I’m still trying to sort it all out, though I think that is the closest I have come to articulating it.  There’s also something in there about being ‘a total piece of shit’, but I try not to look at that too closely.

Yes, people are horribly complex. 

I frequently find myself envious of those who survived childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood unscathed and unscarred.  And, yes, I know you’re out there.  To you, people like me seem rather a muddle – damaged, toxic creatures who occupy the darkest corners of the attics and basements of life.

Well, we manage. 

What’s the alternative?

Who's currently the biggest ass?

Oh, geeze.. The field is so crowded.

Ted Cruz

Michele Bachmann

Jan Brewer

The Koch Brothers

Dick Cheney

Karl Rove

Donald Trump and Ann Coulter – they are in a league of their own.  Hall of fame members for many years.

But the current king?

Kevin Trudeau: the king of hubris, arrogance, and greed.  What a colossal ass-wipe.  He will get what’s due him.

Who's currently the biggest loser?

All the politicians and all the media-based, social-politicians masquerading as news reporters or pundits.

Why?  Because they have all become comfortable with half-truths, white lies and telling outright lies.  Distorting the truth has become an art.  And they are all losers because they don’t have the balls to tell the truth or call other people on their lies. It would have done my heart good if during the recent presidential debates, had Obama turned to Romney and said, “You are such a liar. Why do you tell such big fat lies?” 

And, in a way, I am the biggest loser.  Because, while I decry the dishonesty of others, I remain something of a liar, myself.

Well, life is messy and is all about living with paradoxes.

How big is your bank account?

I don’t know.  Ask my accountant.

After the disaster of ’96, I stopped managing my own money.  If that makes me weak, so be it.  But I’d rather cop to a weakness, do something about it, and survive/thrive, then go down with the ship out of arrogance and some misguided need to be ‘in control’. 

People count on me.  Therefore, one’s life has to have a semblance of integrity, even if that means purchasing said integrity.

 

Bonus

How big is your sexual organ and is it big enough?

7.5” x 5.5”. 

I like it just fine. Others seem to like it, too. 

Do I wish it were bigger?  I would love to be 8” or 8.5”.  I don’t know why.  I just think that size is pretty.

But mine, as is, is adequate.  I used to love playing with it all the time.  Now?  I just yearn for the days of unwanted erections embarrassing the hell out of me, popping up when least expected or wanted.  I remember cursing my dick back when I was 14 and 15.  Eh.  Careful what you wish for, huh?

How do you like your partner to be sized?

At least 7”.  Prefer 8” – 8.5”  But I’m flexible.  Whores have to be.

Can it be too big/small?

Yes, it can be too small.  I know of a rather famous theatrical costume designer whose penis is so small, it may be a pimple. You got four inches?  Hey, I can work with that.  Less?  Ummm.  It gets creepy and feels like child abuse. 

Too big?  Well, no, no such thing.  Not really. 

Trust me, I’ll find something to do with it. 

Does size really matter?

I’m not going to be that person that says, ‘No, not at all.’.  Because that’s bullshit. Of course it matters.  I love a big dick.  I like looking at them, playing with them, sucking on them, and getting fucked by them.

And there are those that say – that’s only because you are such a big whore that you can’t feel anything but the huge ones.  But that’s bullshit, too. 

The other day I discovered that 5” hits my insides in such a way that it will send me over the moon.  It is that weird, prostate thing.  I have to be on top, facing him.  And, yes, it surprised me.  That said… I’m not going to marry the dude because his penis hits my prostate at just the right angle.

I want to keep my options open.

I’m all about variety.

And paradoxes. 

Feel Like A Number - Bob Seger and The Silver Bullet Band