Wonderland Burlesque’s ‘Turdscooters of the Week’: The 63 Texas GOPs Who Believe Gay Marriage Leads to Pedophilia, Polygamy & Incest

Wonderland Burlesque’s ‘Turdscooters of the Week’: 

The 63 Texas GOPs Who Believe 

Gay Marriage Leads to Pedophilia, Polygamy & Incest

It seems the ‘Butt Scoot’ has replaced the ‘Boot Scoot’ in the not-so-great state of Texas.  You, know, Texas – where the GOP, only two months ago, softened their rhetoric on gays from outright condemnation to the endorsement of (now, discredited) gay conversion therapy.

Yes, something tells me that Michele Bachmann would feel right at home in the Lone Star State; home of President Wannabe Rick ‘Oops!’ Perry and 63 of the most ignorant, illogical, and homophobic politicians to be found in these United States.

On 8/4/14, these turdscooters, members of the Texas Conservative Coalition, put their collective John Hancock on an amicus brief sent to the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in an attempt to appeal a federal district judge’s decision in DeLeon v. Perry, which termed all gay marriage bans in the 5th Circuit Court (which includes Texas) unconstitutional, and that those bans violated the equal-protection clause of the Constitution.

The most upsetting thing about this particular appeal is its attempt to link same-sex marriage to incest, polygamy and pedophilia.

The brief, in part, reads:

“The district court broadened the definition of the ‘existing right to marry’ as one that includes the right of people to ‘select the partners of their choosing’ for marriage, without regard to sex. If the right to select ‘partners of their choosing’ is the criterion used to invoke marriage as a fundamental right, then marriage restrictions on age, polygamy and consanguinity are also ripe for challenge.”

Yes, they dare proffer this as part of their argument, despite the fact that the federal court has already ruled that the legalization of “morally reprehensible actions” like pedophilia was not a “logical next step” to the legalization of same-gender marriage.

But wait, there’s more.  The appeal also argues:

• “Texas’s marriage laws are rooted in a basic reality of human life: procreation requires a male and a female.  Two people of the same sex cannot, by themselves, procreate.”
• Banning same-sex marriage will “minimize the societal costs that can result from procreation outside of stable, lasting marriages” and that “the State’s recognition and encouragement of opposite-sex marriages increases the likelihood that naturally procreative couples will produce children, and that they will do so in the context of stable, lasting relationships”. (You know, despite all the studies that show that the average divorce rate in states with legal same-sex marriage is 20 percent lower than in those states that ban it.)
• Limiting marriage to one man and one woman “gives women and children the surest protection against poverty and abuse,” and “provides for healthy psychological development of children.”

This last part of the appeal actually cites the much discredited research by Mark Regnerus regarding the quality of life for children raised by same-sex couples. “There is a wide range of literature supporting this view, particularly with regard to child development, making it plausible and, thus, rational for legislators to believe,” (despite that whole debunked, flawed, should never have been published, research thing).  Research a Michigan court went so far as to call “entirely unbelievable and not worthy of serious consideration”, noting that Regnerus’ research was “hastily concocted at the behest of a third-party funder” which was seeking skewed results. Even gay marriage opponents in Utah had enough sense to drop any mention of this research from their legal briefs.

But then, Texas is not Utah.  No, Utah has its own brand of crazy. 

Texas’ version of crazy is… well, like everything else in Texas: bigger.

For example, here’s a big list of Texan’s currently on the wrong side of history, the facts, and common sense:

1. Brian Birdwell, Texas Senate
2. Donna Campbell, Texas Senate
3. Bob Deuell, Texas Senate
4. Craig Estes, Texas Senate
5. Troy Fraser, Texas Senate
6. Kelly Hancock, Texas Senate
7. Robert Nichols, Texas Senate
8. Dan Patrick, Texas Senate
9. Ken Paxton, Texas Senate
10. Charles Schwertner, Texas Senate
11. Larry Taylor, Texas Senate
12. Charles Anderson, Texas House of Representatives
13. Trent Ashby, Texas House of Representatives
14. Cecil Bell, Jr., Texas House of Representatives
15. Dwayne Bohac, Texas House of Representatives
16. Dennis Bonnen, Texas House of Representatives
17. Greg Bonnen, Texas House of Representatives
18. Angie Chen Button, Texas House of Representatives
19. Tom Craddick, Texas House of Representatives
20. Brandon Creighton, Texas House of Representatives
21. Myra Crownover, Texas House of Representatives
22. Gary Elkins, Texas House of Representatives
23. Pat Fallon, Texas House of Representatives
24. Allen Fletcher, Texas House of Representatives
25. Dan Flynn, Texas House of Representatives
26. James Frank, Texas House of Representatives
27. John Frullo, Texas House of Representatives
28. Craig Goldman, Texas House of Representatives
29. Larry Gonzales, Texas House of Representatives
30. Lance Gooden, Texas House of Representatives
31. Linda Harper-Brown, Texas House of Representatives
32. Harvey Hilderbran, Texas House of Representatives
33. Bryan Hughes, Texas House of Representatives
34. Jason Isaac, Texas House of Representatives
35. Phil King, Texas House of Representatives
36. Tim Kleinschmidt, Texas House of Representatives
37. Stephanie Klick, Texas House of Representatives
38. Lois Kolkhorst, Texas House of Representatives
39. Matt Krause, Texas House of Representatives
40. Jodie Laubenberg, Texas House of Representatives
41. George Lavender, Texas House of Representatives
42. Jeff Leach, Texas House of Representatives
43. Tryon Lewis, Texas House of Representatives
44. Rick Miller, Texas House of Representatives
45. Geanie Morrison, Texas House of Representatives
46. Jim Murphy, Texas House of Representatives
47. Rob Orr, Texas House of Representatives
48. John Otto, Texas House of Representatives
49. Tan Parker, Texas House of Representatives
50. Charles Perry, Texas House of Representatives
51. Larry Phillips, Texas House of Representatives
52. Scott Sanford, Texas House of Representatives
53. Matt Schaefer, Texas House of Representatives
54. Ralph Sheffield, Texas House of Representatives
55. Ron Simmons, Texas House of Representatives
56. John Smithee, Texas House of Representatives
57. Drew Springer, Texas House of Representatives
58. Van Taylor, Texas House of Representatives
59. Ed Thompson, Texas House of Representatives
60. Steve Toth, Texas House of Representatives
61. Scott Turner, Texas House of Representatives
62. James White, Texas House of Representatives
63. Bill Zedler, Texas House of Representatives

So, join me in a 63 ‘Butt Scoot’ salute to Wonderland Burlesque’s ‘Turdscooters of the Week’: the Texan politicians who believe that gay marriage leads to pedophilia, polygamy and incest.

Yep, everything truly is bigger in Texas.

And that, apparently, includes ignorance.