Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooters of the Week: A Plethora of Scooters

Wonderland Burlesque’s 

Turdscooters of the Week: 

A Plethora of Scooters

Lately, there have been so many possible Turdscooters in a given week that I found it difficult to single one out of the crowd, a situation that left me stymied and unable to pick one to write about.

That trend continues this week, so I’ve decided to give in and simply list all the contenders.

Mike Huckabee, would-be presidential hopeful and religious mucky muck, made the statement that legalizing gay marriage is a biblical issue.  He went on to say that gay marriage is offensive to Christians the same way dogs are offensive to Muslims and pork is offensive to people who are Jewish. 

Yeah, he… he really said that.

In other nonsensical uber-Christian news…

Donny Pauling Jr., from Sutter County in California and a former porn producer turned Christian anti-porn crusader, has been arrested for the second time since December for the sexual abuse of a minor.  Seems the man can’t keep his hands off the jailbait. 

The FRC’s Tony Perkins equated photos of gay people on Facebook to the persecution of Christians.

Oklahoma Representative Sally Kern (“the homosexual agenda is a bigger threat than terrorism”) introduced a trifecta of anti-gay legislation (No funds or services to support gay marriages, businesses have a right to refuse service, and parents can send their gay kids to a therapist to attempt to change their sexual orientation) in that state.  

She’s already had to withdraw one (businesses have a right to refuse…) because she claimed it would not accomplish what she intended.  She is also heartbroken that people are being all mean to her and saying nasty things about her god.

And, in some not so Christian news…

At an America’s Best Valu Inn in Albuquerque, NM, Justin Reynolds and his girlfriend, Monique Villescas were both injured by a single bullet shot from a handgun their three-year-old son found in his Mom’s purse.   

And, finally, for a little historical perspective…

As this (http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2015/02/happy-birthday-ayn-rand-8-scary-quotes-from-the-guru-of-selfishness/) item at Raw Story so succinctly captures…

…Ayn Rand was/is a ‘turrrrrible’ person. (Happy Birthday, ya stingy, old crow.)

Ah, yes.... so many to choose from.

And there were so many more.

But, these, these are the top of the crop, the pick of the litter, the miasma that floats on the horizon.

And, for them all, I say...

Razzleberries… razzleberries everyone!

Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooters of the Week: The AFA and The FRC

Wonderland Burlesque’s 

Turdscooters of the Week: 

The AFA and The FRC

Sigh.

You had to know - what with the Supreme Court set to rule on the validity of gay marriage bans - that there would be a rush of homophobic rhetoric.

Flapping their arms in the air like a bunch of frightened, lavender-haired grannies, the AFA (American Family Association) and the FRC (Family Research Council) have wasted no time scooting to the front of the line in order to hysterically babble their usual nonsense.

Last week, echoing sentiments expressed in October by mouthpiece Bryan Fisher, the AFA President Tim Wildmon demanded that Justices Ruth Bader Ginsberg and Elena Kagan recuse themselves from the decision because “their impartiality has been severely compromised” due to all the “sodomy-based wedding ceremonies” the two have officiated.  

Of course, neither man has taken issue with allowing the likes of well-documented homophobe Antonin Scalia or the other conservative Justices from stepping down, but then those Justices support the outcome The AFA would like, so… ummm… yeah.

In other news, we have the FRC’s Tony Perkins claiming (yet again) that gay marriage will hurt Christians!  (Won’t somebody think of the Christians!)

Awww. 

Yes, it’s that same tired argument.  You know: the one for which they have no proof.  Not that it stops them from speaking in tongues - for that is what their argument sounds like those with more logical minds. 

It’s okay.  They can say what they wish.  This country’s constitution preserves their right to expose their own ignorance. 

If we are lucky, and the Justices do the right thing (their jobs), media appearances by both organizations may simply become a thing of the past, for, by making such panic-stricken leaps of logic, both organizations would seem to be ringing their own death knells.  I mean, faced with my own extinction, I’m sure I would lose my fucking mind and start spouting absurd rubbish, too. 

So, dearly beloved, as we are gathered here; let’s all don a black lace veil (of contempt), wipe a (jaundiced) tear from our eyes, and toss a thorny rose of hope in the hole as their caskets descend, as a means of saluting Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooters of the Week:  The American Family Association and The Family Research Council.

May these organizations soon R.I.P (Rest In Pieces).

Oh, I know that they will probably continue to hobble on, bumping into walls, feeding on the slow and lame - funded by the lunatic fringe : those people who refuse to accept reality.

But, no matter, for these groups will, indeed, be quite dead.  Zombies, all.

Which, if I remember correctly, is a state they have always wanted to attain - you know?  So they can truly live in the image of that original zombie who upon the third day rose from the dead, blah, blah, blah.

Eh, as Patron Saint of the Gays, George Michael once said: you gotta have faith.