I think it’s a variation on a game Charlotte and Carrie played once while seated at a sidewalk café on an episode of SITC. But my version is more… desperate. I can’t think of another word for it.
The rules are simple: you look at a man walking past you and ask yourself Would You / Could You?
The ‘Would You’ implies choice. I would choose to have sex with this man. These men are the no-brainers; the automatic ‘yeses’. Those cases where there is something about them, even at a glance that trips your trigger.
The ‘Could You’ has something to do with submission – if you had to. This is a grey area, because you can define and redefine under what circumstances you would allow yourself to have sex with the approaching man.
Some days my ‘Could You’ is defined as ‘under threat of death’ and some days it is defined as ‘if it was after closing at a bar, you were really horny and he was the best of what was available at the sidewalk sale’, or defined as ‘if you felt sorry enough for him and/or yourself’.
Now I am not a surface queen. I am not about traditional beauty, body perfection, symmetry, cheekbones-to-die-for or any of that typical, designer clothing / hair product bullshit. I like my men with flaws; preferably the visible type and not emotional ones. Although, I must say that emotional flaws can be pretty endearing, too – but only when they are not psychopathic or violent in nature.
So I do not judge based solely on physical appearance or manner of dress. You see, I’m kind of an ‘empath’. An ‘empath’ intuitively picks up on another person’s emotional state / state of mind. I guess you could call it ‘having a sense of someone’. I do this pretty easily; in the blink of an eye. It is that ‘sense’ of a man that determines my attraction. And you would be really surprised by some of the men that I find attractive.
Yes, I kind of pride myself on my ability to look beyond the stereotypical constraints of beauty as defined by modern society. Who wouldn’t be proud of that? Many people have this ability. I feel sorry for those who don’t – especially when it comes to this game, because they just don’t have any fun with it. I had a friend who was really hung up on what I consider the stereotypical constraints of beauty – and when we would play this game he would just get frustrated and not find any joy in it. I guess he took it too literally. I also guess it’s one of the reasons he’s no longer my friend.
Now there are limits: I don’t generally find people with poor hygiene attractive. For me, the ability to keep ones self clean, presentable and in working order is pretty much a must-be-able-to-do. For me, part of maintaining ones hygiene is maintaining ones weight. I like stocky men, but lots of flab is probably not gonna get you on either of my lists. There have been exceptions to the flab rule, but less than two handfuls (maybe three… handfuls).
My biggest turn off? Snobbery. Fashion queens, I am talking to you. You girls get nothing from me, no matter how well put together you are. I don’t care where you bought your trendy-ass clothes or who streaked your way-too-high-maintenance do - your sense of what is important in this lifetime makes me cringe. So, I guess that’s why I have never been able to watch a single episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy – because those queens just make me break out in emotional hives.
Back to my games: one of my favorite places to play this game and its other variation (see below) is a coffee shop in a mall with tables outside its storefront. There was a Caribou Coffee in Gaviidae Commons (I think it is still there) that was a favorite of mine. I’d sit out there for hours, pretending to work, all the while scoping out the cuties heading up the escalator to the mens room on the third floor (the topic for yet another post) (and, alas, something that is still there, but no longer as interesting as it once was).
The nice thing about these games is that you can play them anywhere, with someone else or by yourself. There just has to be people traffic in the area – not so much that you can’t keep track, but not so little that more than a few moment pass between options. You don’t have to be sitting down to play, nor do you have to play for a given length. No one keeps score and everybody wins.
The variation on this game requires that you are seated and that there are people milling around you. Malls are perfect for this game. For the variation on this game, you keep track of the next three men that walk through a given doorway or cross a certain path. You then must choose one of the three to sleep with. You may pass, if all three are absolute can’t do’s, but it’s more fun if you stretch your whore-rizons a little and make exceptions to your usual rules. You only get three passes. After that, for the remainder of the game, you must choose someone out of any given three. This is a great game to play with someone else, preferably someone with lose morals and a sense of humor.
I enjoy playing this game because it helps me to keep an open mind. I’m constantly reconsidering what it is I find attractive about others. This has only helped me in situations where actual hook-ups have been a real possibility, because my definition of what is attractive has been consistently broadened. I am open to new ideas and sensations. In short, I get laid.
Practicing this game will result in a loosening of any rules you have about attractiveness. If you play it long enough and with a sense of humor, you will come to realize that, where attraction is concerned, there are no hard and firm rules – just hard and firm penises. And once you dispense with the nonsense of rules… well, then the world is your oyster, my little pearl. It becomes a sensual buffet, a smorgasbord of sexual possibilities.
I noted earlier that there are no losers in this game – that everybody wins. That brings up the question: Are these games degrading to other people? Answer: depends on your perspective. Since I am one of those who probably ends up on a lot of people’s ‘absolute no’ list or possibly their ‘Could You’ (under threat of death) list, I would have to say no, it is not degrading. It is entertaining. This is for entertainment purposes only - do not try at home.
Attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder. It is a whimsical, off the cuff kind of choice where no one gets hurt. The people walking by have no idea you’re passing judgment on them as potential sexual partners, so what’s the harm? Keep in mind, that most of those you would choose, wouldn’t have anything to do with you given the option – so it is only in your tiny little mind that any such sexual liaison has the potential to exist.
Does it hurt you to view people only in terms of sexual attractiveness or as potential sex partners? Probably. Where else do sex addicts come from? But then, if ones addiction is not having an overriding negative impact on ones overall life – then what’s the harm? It’s a choice. Do I think I could stop anytime I want to? Well, to be honest, no. But then, I don’t want to stop. I think life without sex and all its accoutrements would be… not a hell of a lot of fun. Will there come a day and age when the entire sexual ball of wax becomes nothing more than one giant frustration? I suspect, yes. But I’ll deal with it then.
At that time, maybe I’ll take up needlepoint or get serious about playing classical music on the piano.
But until then… let the games begin!