But I can’t. I’m stuck. My heart just isn’t in it.
I’d like to write it off as just a symptom of my reaction to the current seasonal transition, but it might run a bit deeper than that. So, I’m contemplating taking a sex break. I want to recharge my batteries and allow my body to heal and stabilize. It’s like that old Melissa Manchester song… this lady’s not home today. I need time off for good behavior – or in my case time off from bad boy behavior.
There are a number of things that are just not sitting right with me at this point in my life. I need to concentrate on devising a plan to fix those areas. It would also be nice to see some friends for a change. I think the whole recession thing kind of put a damper on my usual going-out-to-eat and drink with friends. But it’s not like there aren’t other things I could have suggested. I just got wrapped up in the summer and trying to be outdoors as much as possible (and have as much sex as possible). Now that the summer is nothing but a memory, I’ll need to find something to fill that hole (no pun intended) (or maybe it is).
I’ve never been a bar fly. I fell out of love with dance clubs in the early 90’s and the idea of sitting around drinking and cruising guys in a bar just leaves me cold. I would do it, but only as a tourist. The last time I attempted something like that was in Chicago three years ago. A DJ who frequently remixes tracks for Kristine W. (I do believe it was Tony Moran!) was going to do a set at this little corner club and Kristine had just released Walk Away. I tried to get into the spirit of things, but I ended up drinking one too many gin and tonics and sitting by a fireplace for most of the night gazing out at all the bright young things. In my heart of hearts I would have much preferred to have been at Steamworks walking around with the rest of the sex zombies or getting it on in some back alley.
Maybe a trip to Chicago in a few weeks would be a good idea. I have wanted to check out this bar called Hole. An acquaintance of mine from the prairie raved about it and shared some of his experiences there. It seems to be an honest-to-god, no-holds-barred kind of kink club. It’s a hardcore leather club in the basement of this dance club. They lash people to crosses, use people as urinals and fuck guys bent over the bar stools. Am I brave enough? Do I own enough leather to gain admittance? I don’t know. I have also always wanted to check out the movie theatre near downtown Chicago where guys cruise for sex. I’ve read interesting stories about that place. I would also like to find a bookstore with a glory hole, because I have never done that scene and think it would be interesting. I sure enjoy the clips of guys chowing down on anonymous dicks and taking it up the ass on Xtube. And then there is always Steamworks; a really safe environment to pursue anonymous encounters. So Chicago is a good bet.
But in the meantime… I think I will just lie low. One would think that anonymous sexual encounters wouldn’t take much of a toll on one’s emotional state, but I guess they do. The emptiness – the blah – I’m feeling can’t just be written off as seasonal depression. I think the manic surge that I was enjoying this summer has resulted in some type of backlash and now I just need to sort it all out and feel my way through it.
Everything is temporary. That is the one thing I know to be true, based on my life experience. I try not to read too much into anything, because by the time I place too much weight in something, the world as I know it shifts and something new appears. It’s riding through the transitions while remaining grounded that become the real challenge.
But don’t worry, I have one super story from my days on the prairie I have yet to share… and that will probably be next week’s posting. I also have a couple of freaky encounters in an empty house to share from last week. So you’ll still get a supply of sex stories, even though I’m technically going to be on a sex break.
I’m sure I’ll be back in the saddle in no time.
"I'm relighting my fuses, and tending to my bruises, and trying to find my direction, lord..."
Yep, everything is temporary. Yee-haw!