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Acquired Tastes, XXVI: Anonymous Sex

Nothing heightens one’s senses more than a little fear mixed with the unknown.  Add a sexual component to that and the potential for danger becomes a potent elixir.  Engaging in anonymous sex requires a certain kind of bravery (some would say foolhardiness).  As someone who engages in anonymous sex on a regular basis, I’m in no position to judge, as the people in my life would no doubt highly question just how sound my judgment is considering some of the situations in which I have offered up my bared hole.  With the rise of the internet and mobile phone services catering to those looking to ‘unload’ without the muss and fuss of traditional courting norms, such as formal introductions, small talk, and the exchange of names and other personal information, anonymous sex, at least in the gay community, has become, for some, common practice. 
So, let’s throw caution to the wind, fly in the face of danger, common sense and moral outrage, get ourselves a little ‘strange’, and discover what lies behind the curtain of…
Anonymous Sex
Scope of Activity:
For the purposes of this post I will limit my examination to those one-on-one gay male sexual encounters that take place between two people whom have never met before or had any previous face-to-face contact before they meet to have sex. 
So, that leaves out the following: glory holes, bath houses, sex clubs, sex parties, gang bangs, and one night stands.  If they haven’t already been covered in these pages (Acquired Tastes XXII Glory Holes) they will be covered in future installments.  We also won’t include anonymous encounters involving sensory deprivation, such as blindfolds and hoods.  Nor will we touch on the practice of cruising, which is a specific activity and also worthy of its own post.
The Official Line:
From Wikipedia:
Anonymous sex is a form of …casual sex between people who have very little or no history with each other, often engaging in sexual activity on the same day of their meeting and usually never seeing each other again afterwards. The internet is …a primary vehicle for people setting up anonymous sex.
Some people engage in anonymous sex because of the thrill of the act.
Also known as a ‘zipless fuck’ and hooking-up.
Psychological Aspects:
Wow.  Look up anonymous sex in relation to psychology and the phrase ‘sex addiction’ is sure to pop up!  In relation to sexual addiction, anonymous sex is a level one activity.  Which surprises me, since it involves an awful lot of risk taking.  But then, if you look at what they consider level three activities, I guess having faceless/nameless sex seems pretty tame by comparison.
Wikipedia mentioned the ‘thrill of the act’... and there is something absolutely intoxicating about offering up your body to a total stranger you will probably never exchange a word with (unless ‘fuck me’ and ‘harder’ count as dialogue) or see again (and if you do, you already know you’re supposed to pretend, for his partner’s sake, that you’ve never laid eyes on him before).  So, what is that rush about?  Dancing with danger?  Getting fucked by a stranger? Having someone walk into your home and find you ass up, spreading your cheeks, waiting for dick (or Tom or Harry)? 
It is the same thrill numerous pre-teen girls playing ‘Mystery Date’ have experienced over the years.  You open that door (or let them walk-in that door) and pray for the best.  Is it going to be the stud of your dream?  Everything his on-line profile promised he would be?  Will it be the dreamy dude to take you to prom, the beach stud, or… the dud? Or worse?  Psycho killer?  STD carrying tweeking meth-head?  Snob?  Will you disappoint him?  Or will he disappoint you?  Whose expectations will be met?
It’s a spin on the wheel of sexual experience.  You have no guarantee of anything… anyone could show up on your doorstep or walk in your door.  We’ve heard the horror stories (remember the Craigslist Killer!), and yet, still we spend time on-line chatting, placing ads, and ‘woofing’ away on our mobile apps.  It’s the thrill of the hunt… and then, the thrill of the unknown.  I guess that’s the true meaning of the saying ‘getting a little strange’. 
Putting ourselves in harm’s way is no different than participating in any other kind of extreme sport – we know the risks, but the thrill we get out of it outweighs any potential physical damage that we may sustain. Ultimately, this type of behavior is self-destructive.  Remember the cautionary tale that was “Looking for Mr. Goodbar”?  Well, we haven’t come a whole hell of a lot further, baby (even though there are whole generations that won’t get that cigarette ad-related reference).
This is not an activity for people interested in precautions. I’m just saying.  But, if you are up for this type of no-name, no-info kind of hook up, here is the closest I can come to sound advice:
  • If you’re going to someone’s house for the first time, leave a note in your home, or post-it note in your car with the address of where you are going. 
  • Tell someone where you are going, if you have someone you trust with such information.
  • Walking into the home of someone you don’t know?  Don’t bring your wallet.  Don’t bring jewelry or other valuables with you.  Do bring your cell phone.
  • Want safe sex?  Bring your own lube and condoms. 
  • Inviting a stranger into your home?  Well, leave a paper trail on your computer.  In fact, leave your computer up and running and have your cell phone nearby. 
My Experience:
It’s odd.  There was a time in my life that I thought sex came only after dating someone for an extended period of time.  Then there were those one-night stands, certainly a form of anonymous sex, that began once I started frequenting gay bars, but even those contained an element of a hoped for relationship, many of which developed into just that.  Then came a few chance encounters before I moved to Iowa and then L.A.  In L.A. is where I fell into the tea room scene, another form of anonymous sex.  That pretty much consumed all my time during that period of my life.  When I returned to the Twin Cities, tea rooms continued to be my primary source for sexual outlet.  However, once the internet came into my life, nothing has been the same since.  Easy access to sexually willing partners resulted in me becoming even more easily accessible. 
I didn’t just throw caution to the wind; I put it in a Cuisinart and set it on puree. 
This all came to a peak about three years ago.  Since that time, I have dialed it back considerably.  I will still venture out twice a week, on average, to someone’s house that I do not know.  There was a time when I used to host such encounters, but it’s very rare now.
A few weeks ago, I was on-line, in a take-it or leave-it kind of mood, when I saw this dude on bbrts that I have always wanted to play with.  I like his stats.  He has a nice dick pic in his profile, but no face photo. He can never host and neither can I so it seemed we were meant never to meet.  I don’t know what it was… but I decided to invite him over to my place, thinking that he would decline, and then I could write him off as the game player I suspected he might be.  Surprisingly, he took me up on my offer and was actually excited about the little scenario I proposed.
I told him to drive down my alley, park in my driveway, enter the back gate, and walk in my back door.  He was then to walk down the steps and there he would find me, naked, on all fours, with my ass waiting for him.  I told him to give me twenty minutes.
That twenty minutes was fraught with complications.  I’ll spare you all the details, but even with some difficulties, I was ready on time.  He, on the other hand, arrived a half hour later than promised.  Since I was hosting, other than being a bit concerned that I was in the process of being stood up, I wasn’t sweating it.  If nothing else, it gave me more time to douche. 
I watch his headlights light up the back of my garage before scurrying into place.  The floor is actually colder than I remembered, so I position myself on a big arm chair instead; my knees on the seat, my ass facing the doorway he would be walking through.  I hear him enter at the top of the stairs and close the door behind him.  That moment?  Ecstasy.  Taking a big hit of poppers, I keep facing the wall in front of me, waiting for the moment when he stands behind me and touches my exposed pucker.
I don’t wait long.  Still, I face the wall, delaying that moment when I turn around and ‘open the door’ to see my ‘Mystery Date’.  My favorite thing used to be to turn around and find my anonymous sperm donor stripped down to his underwear or naked.  This dude is fully clothed.  First impression, he’s shorter than I expected.  That’s okay.  He’s cute.  Not in as good of shape as advertised, but not bad at all.  I like his smile.  And his dick!  As he removes his clothing, I play with his cock, still trapped in his underwear.   It’s nice… thick and at least 8.5 inches.  He unsheathes it and I waste no time swallowing it down to the root.  It goes down easy, despite its thickness.  Working my magic, I can tell he’s very pleased with what I’m doing, but oral sex is just the appetizer.  He’s there for the main course.
I stand and give him a kiss.  It’s good, which is a sign of better things to come. 
I like black men. They waste little time and I’ve been fortunate enough to meet the ones that know how to throw a decent fuck. First up, me on the chair, as he found me, on my knees, facing the wall.  My hole is amply lubed… hey, I had to do something during those 30 minutes I waited around for this dude to show up.  That said, as I have implemented new standards, I make sure his cock is decently lubed up before allowing entry.  I hit the poppers.  The feeling of his cockhead splitting open the lips of my hole?  Heaven. 
Turns out, he likes poppers, too.  He tries mine, but then whips out a bottle of his own.  As he fucks me, I turn my head so we can kiss.  He’s too short though to make it work, so I just concentrate on his incredible cock in my ass.  It’s so good, I forget to tighten up for him.  Once I realize that, I do, and he tells me how much he loves it when my hole milks his dick.
After about ten minutes, we decide to change it up.  A little doggie on the floor, for starters, but it turns out what he really wants is me on my back, facing him.  Soon he has me curled up on my upper back, with him basically planking me, his legs stiff.  It’s hot, and he’s able to get quite a bounce going.  Slamming into my hole, it doesn’t take him long to lose his nut deep in my gut.  We hold long enough to kiss for a bit and then part ways. 
He dresses, we make small talk… the usual exchange between two people who have nothing in common other than a single load. He’s a nice guy and I wouldn’t mind a second shot at that magnificent cock.  Finally he leaves; I lock up, clean up and hit the shower. 
If it wasn’t for the fact that I haven’t had someone over to the house in such a long time and that he had such an exceptional cock, I wonder if I would remember this dude at all.  There was a time when that very well might have been the case, no matter how wonderful the dick.  Thing is… this, like so many scenes lately, just isn’t my thing anymore.  I like the idea in theory… but the execution?  Too much bother.  I have a couple of regulars I hook up with now.  More my thing.  For now.
My Conclusion:
The risks are many – STDs, personal injury, theft, etc.  Still, it is exciting.  On hornier days, it’s all I can think about.  But, just as sexuality is fluid, perhaps sexual activity is transient.  Maybe we aren’t meant to live by anonymous sex alone.  Having a deeper connection with someone certainly has its advantages… instead of it always being the first time; you develop an arsenal of things to try out – especially if you and that partner are suitably matched in the GGG department. 
For me, as of this writing, anonymous sex has lost its allure.  Maybe that’s temporary.  Part of me hopes so. But another part of me wonders if maybe I’ve out grown it.  It seems like a lot of work for the occasional pay-off.
Thing is… anonymous sex is a lot like a box of chocolates… you never know what you’re going to get.
Did I really just write that? 


Explorer Jack said...

Thanks for capturing, in stark living color, my life and my new hobby. I'm hoping I grow out of it too, but for now, it's just too much fun.

O!Daddie said...

I'm from the "Looking for Mr Goodbar" generation and my mind boggles at all the chances I took over the years with women and men and that I came out of it in one piece. It's more like Russian Roulette than a box of chocolates.

Caveat Emptor... also with poppers- potentially lethal stuff; especially for the "mature" man.

A. Hunter said...

Hey Upton King, what about a link exchange?

Upton King said...

Done, A. Hunter! Thanks.

Upton King said...

Oh, and Explorer Jack and O!Daddie: I wrote this entry when I was kind of in the dumps... so some time I may have to update it. I KNOW that is true on my entry on rimming - which does not really reflect my attitude or enjoyment about rimming, at all. Thanks for your continued support! Happy New Year

Skilled4Men said...

Great Post! You gave careful attention to so many things I never thought of at the time... The detailed 'Precautions' are a true testament to your skill-set, and demonstrate a level of responsibility -easily applied while being perhaps a tad irresponsible. Though the frequency may diminish, The Thrill never does! ...and for the partnered -such a SEXY role-play scenario!!! ;{>

Queer Heaven said...

Just stumble onto your blog. I like what I've read so far. I will be back for more.