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Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooter of the Week: Linda Harvey

Wonderland Burlesque’s 
Turdscooter of the Week: 
Linda Harvey

Oh, my… first Laurie Higgins and now, hatemonger, fact-challenged homophobe, Linda Harvey.  An obvious choice, I realize, but her latest crazyhate claim deserves a bit of attention from the GLBT Community.

Seems rabid Linda blames GLBT Youth Centers for the rise of HIV among 13-24 year olds, citing the… ummm… ‘fact’ that young people who go to such places are “being preyed upon by older homosexuals”.  Terming these gathering places as “homosexual sex centers”, she, (apparently based on personal experience?), goes on to illustrate the dangers lurking by stating: “The things that go on in the bathrooms at these centers… it’s unbelievable.  It’s everything you can imagine.”

Yeah… unbelievable… that’s a good term for it, Linda. 

As for everything you can imagine going on in those bathrooms, well… I feel sorry for you.  It must be difficult to live with all that gay porn running behind your eyeballs 24/7. 

This latest vitrolic smegma schmear sprang forth from Ms. Harvey’s old biddy cornhole like a snake handler speaking tongues during an interview with the head of Cleveland Right to Life, Molly Smith.

Highlights included:

-       “Social service agencies donate money because, again, it’s considered a youth center. No, it’s a homosexual sex center and kids should not be involved in this. This is another way HIV is being spread, I think. There’s no question that kids are being preyed upon by older homosexuals, and that’s why you see Centers for Disease Control shows 13- to 24-year-old HIV rates are going up.”

-       “There is no such thing as a gay person. There are people with those attractions and preferences, but not intrinsically, and those behaviors are immoral and harmful. So, are they ever going to tell children that? I would hope so, but these bullying programs are pretty weak on the whole picture.”

Please note the inclusion of the words, “I think” in that first quote.  Yeah, Linda has a history of providing a lot of alarming media sound bites for the homophobic right without providing any actual data to back up her outrageous claims.  Keep in mind, she also claims that gay rights lead to abortion.  One can only imagine the herculean Rube Goldberg machine-like thought process that led to that conclusion, but, yep… she said it.

From my perspective - as someone who is not a trained psychoanalyst, but won’t let that prevent him from putting forth a totally unfounded theory (not unlike a certain foaming at the mouth radio personality whose last name begins with an ‘H’) , it’s very clear that Linda has some childhood trauma that she is trying to work through.  In public, no less!

Perhaps it was something that took place in the unisex bathroom at her local youth center?  Or was it the shock of her first mullet at the hands of a well-meaning, small town, male hairdresser?   Or could it be that ad for Birkenstocks she happened upon while perusing an issue of ‘Christian Youth Magazine’?  I don’t know.  I hate to speculate (unlike a certain born again biddy).  

But, clearly, the woman is disturbed. 

So, dear gay brothers and sisters, I urge you to look upon this tortured soul as someone who has been touched (in the head) by an angel (with a tire iron), and resolve to balm her pustulous, syphilitic-brain-like ravings with heaping spoonfuls of the rainbow-colored sugar we call compassion. 

In that spirit, let’s all dig in our spoons, load ‘em up, and attempt to sugar coat the throat of Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooter of the Week, Mission America’s own dementedly homo-obsessed, Linda Harvey. 

Careful with all that compassion kids!

We wouldn’t want to choke a bitch.

1 comment:

whkattk said...

Upton, you have a way with words, dude. I love your writing, it's what brings me back whenever I see you've posted something new. Keep it up, my blogger friend!