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2009/04/01

Fun with Craigslist

This was a recent posting in the M4M Room on Craigslist.
DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AND I NEED HELP <> 04/01 01:34:48
Okay I am a straight women and I have been with my bf for 3 years now and we have a child together, I recently found an email in my bfs account from another man talking about how he wanted to fuck his tight little ass again. When I confronted my bf about this he said it was all a mind fuck to teach me a lesson to go thru his stuff, well, this was the first time. He has always had bi ways about himself... ya know things up the butt... Looking at dudes cocks in porns. I am just not sure if he's gay straight bi or what the fuck. He tells me he loves and wants to be with me but I just don't know.. HELP!!!xoxo UnsureHoney

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I decided to help – here is my reply:
Hit the fridge. Eat & Eat. Gain about 50 lbs. <> 04/01 12:51:03

Just let yourself go. Don't bother with your hair, make-up, etc. Wear the same baggy sweatshirt and sweatpants every day. Just wear the same outfit all the time; eat in it, watch T.V. in it, pick up the kids from school in it, sleep in it. Hell, just stop bathing, period.

Stop doing housework. Stop cooking at home. Eat out at fast food places. Load up on deep-fried foods - they are real problem solvers.

Spend hours shopping on QVC. Buy lots of jewelry designed by people who are famous, but not for designing jewelry. Just run up your credit cards to their absolute limit.

Also spend a lot of time on your cell phone- not asking your friends and family what to do about your husband the homo. Instead ask them what is wrong with you. Then ignore their advice, because what do they know? You're the one living with a fucking manipulative homo.

Oh, and it sounds like there are children involved. So, please, don't share any of your feelings or express yourself. Anything that you are feeling is bad, so just let it build up inside you, tearing you apart. What doesn't kill us? Makes us stronger! Don't bother with therapists. They will just take your money and string you along. Instead, watch Dr. Phil! Take all his down-home advice and hick sayings to heart, then ask yourself every night before you go to bed - how's that working for you?

Also keep what you know to yourself. Let the kids think that Mommy is the problem - not their daddy who likes to take it up the ass. You know, the mf who wanted to marry a nice lady and breed children in order to get all the benefits of doing-so. Little things like social acceptance and tax breaks. Why should he risk being burdened with all the problems those silly fags have to put up with when he can have someone like you at home to cover up all that butt-fucking he gets in the port-a-potty at the way side rest off the interstate on his way home from work? And don't worry, hon - he keeps himself clean with all those KFC wet-wipes you keep leaving in the mini van.

Yep, babycakes. Just follow the advice I've given you and everything - and I do mean everything - will work out just fine. Just fine.

Mmmm-kay? Keep us posted, hon.

Yes. We're homosexuals. We really do care.

2 comments:

Skilled4Men said...

LMFAO!!! ...Oh, Upton -If she heard you, you've must have hit her last frickin' pathetic nerve!

BlkJack said...

You're terrible Muriel! Lmao
BlkJack