Acquired Tastes, Chapter XII : Spanking

Some girls, they like candy, and others, they like to grind
I'll settle for the back of your hand somewhere on my behind
Treat me like I'm a bad girl, even when I'm being good to you
I don't want you to thank me, you can just spank me

Like hanky panky
Nothing like a good spanky
Don't take out your handkerchiefs
I don't wanna cry
I just wanna hanky panky guy

- Hanky Panky by Madonna

Those lyrics are from one of the oddest Madonna songs ever. Recorded as part of her “I'm Breathless: Music From and Inspired by the film Dick Tracy” (isn’t that a terrible title?), the song, on the strength of a then current wave of Madonna madness, actually managed to hit number ten on the Billboard Hot 100 Chart. It’s a little bit of fluff with more than a slight nod to the music of Eartha Kitt that had America titillated. 

She took it as a sign that America was ready for something a little nasty, and was proven right with the success of “Justify My Love” and its racy accompanying video. Unfortunately for Madge, that was as far as the U.S. was willing to go at that time, for the next year, when she freaked out the world with her “Sex” book and album “Erotica”, more prudish eyes prevailed.

So Madonna likes it rough. So does Janet Jackson. And, according to the latest issue of Rolling Stone, so does Rihanna…

“I like to be spanked. Being tied up is fun. I like to keep it spontaneous. Sometimes whips and chains can be overly planned – you gotta stop, get the whip from the drawer downstairs. . . . I’d rather have him use his hands.” – Rihanna

Currently, one of my favorite songs is Ri-Ri’s delicious “S&M”. I love it when it comes on the radio while I am on my way for a little dirty-dirty at a trick’s house or for a night of abandonment at the warehouse. It just sets the mood and makes me feel so naughty.

So, as they say, the world goes pop and many of my favorite divas just happen to like a little smack on the behind. Of course, I’m assuming that at 50-something Madge is still good to go for some light paddling. People do change. So does the world – though not necessarily in the way we would all like. When I look at the state of our current world, I am convinced that what America needs now, more than ever, is a good…

Spanking

Scope of Activity:

Striking an adult male on the buttocks as a means of mutual sexual stimulation.

The Official Line:

With information from Wikipedia:

Spanking is a form of corporal punishment commonly used to discipline a toddler, child, or teenager. It generally involves an adult- typically a parent, guardian, or teacher--striking the offender's buttocks as a response to poor behavior, with either an open hand or an implement, to cause temporary pain without producing physical injury. When an instrument is used in lieu of a hand, spanking becomes switching, paddling, belting, caning, whipping, or birching, depending on the type of implement. When an open hand is used, spanking is referred to in some countries as slapping or smacking. Historically, boys have tended to be more frequently spanked than girls.

Spanking can also refer to the practice of striking an adult in a playful manner as a social ritual or form of entertainment.

Adult spanking differs from traditional parent-child spanking in that the act is between two consenting adults. Adults engage in the activity for several different reasons. The most common is simply playful erotic spanking amongst people engaging in other intimate activities. People who require spanking to be a part of their sexual play are considered spanking fetishists.

Erotic spanking (also known as spankophilia) is the act of spanking another person for the sexual arousal or gratification of either or both parties. Activities range from occasional sexual role play (such as age play) to domestic discipline and may involve the use of a hand or the use of a variety of spanking implements, such as a spanking paddle or cane. Many cultures describe pain as an aphrodisiac. For example, the Kama Sutra, in particular, goes into specific detail on how to properly strike a partner during sex

Positions which may be used to administer a spanking include:

• over the knees (OTK) or across the lap
• stooped over a chair or couch, or bench
• on hands and knees (bed or floor)
• over the spanker's shoulder
• Head-between-legs position|head-between-legs
• Waist-between-legs position|waist-between-legs
• kneeling on a bed or ottoman, stooped over with hands on the floor
• bent under the arm of the spanker
• Lying position|lying face down
• bent over, touching toes or over a desk
• lying on back with legs raised upward and toward chest (diaper position)
• handcuffed to a bed
• tied to a doorway
• tied to a tree or pole that is in a safe area outside
• legs spread apart, almost in the splits position.

Psychological Aspects:

This is complex stuff – a form of punishment typically meted out by adults in our childhood becomes a means of sexual expression when we become an adult? Whaaaaa??? That’s quite a leap – and something tells me there is lots of dicey connective tissue in there keeping the home fires (and the seat of our pants) burning.

The authority surrendered to the spanker by the spankee would seem to be indicative of a consensual power imbalance. So, this is definitely role play material, where the spankee is reduced to a powerless child, deserving punishment. 

 And while it would appear that the spanker is in control of the situation, they are not. The spankee has undoubtedly been savvy enough to put in place a safe word that when invoked calls a halt to all play. Also, a spanker who spanks someone without permission could, technically, be guilty of assault, no matter what the spanker’s intentions might have been. So you gots to be careful, children. Consent is very important in these types of situations.

There is the humiliation of being spanked (the humiliation of having one’s buttocks exposed, your pants pulled down), heightened further if the spanking is done in the presence of others. That gets some folks boats a-floating. Again, the source of such a need is probably quite twisted and rooted in some childhood or teenage experience.

Question: In a dom/sub S&M type relationship, where the spankee actually gets off on being spanked, is spanking considered a reward or punishment? If they get off on it, aren’t they more likely to act up in order to be spanked? Or is this just one of those cases where it’s a win/win for both parties?

Is it punishment? Is it a reward?

My Experience:

I am a fan of the idea of being humiliated as a means of sexual stimulation; however I have yet to actually act on it. I doubt I ever will, because that’s a pretty detailed kind of sexual activity and I don’t see myself ever getting that involved with any one person. For it to work I would really have to lay my cards on the table and certain trust levels would need to be established before something like that could work. In my humiliation scene, having my dick slapped kind of gets my motor running, but having my ass spanked really doesn’t quite work for me. The idea of it? Sounds fun. But the reality?

There are numerous sites devoted to sexually-based spanking. I belong to one of those Yahoo picture trading sites where I get daily emails of the pictures posted by members. I enjoy spanking in a voyeuristic sense. No, I don’t think I would every get off on seeing someone actually being spanked, as in in-person or even on a video, but I do enjoy looking at pictures of them unfortunately, the spankers in the photos I typically see are predominantly not very hot. They tend to be older, out-of-shape, fat dudes with bad senses of fashion and facial hair. Maybe what bothers me is the implied power imbalance, since the spankee always appears to be at least twenty years the spanker’s junior. Eh – naw. More likely the spanker just isn’t that hot, which kind of kills the whole fantasy for me.

I like the idea of a hot, older phys ed coach taking a jock-strapped twink over his knee. That’s rather specific and probably plays more into my own past than I would like to delve into or reveal. Recently, while masturbating, I discovered that the thought of my high school gym teacher disciplining me or demanding sex from me still pushes all my buttons. Yep, thought of him and bam! Cork flew out and that turkey was done!

There is a 70’s gay porn video – The Adventures of Marc Noll, which features a soon-to-be-spanked Marc Noll on the cover. Some feather-banged blonde has poor, clueless Marc over his knee. I actually tracked down a VHS copy of this on EBay. Turns out the cover is much more memorable and stimulating than the film. But hey! That gives me an idea for a future Acquired Taste: 70’s Gay Porn.

So, have I ever been spanked. Yes. Twice. Guess what? Loved the idea of it, but the reality of it had me reaching back, grabbing the dude’s hand and ordering him to stop. The first time was with a dude I didn’t find very attractive – he was older and kind of creepy. It was weird. I mean, he was physically someone I usually do find attractive: taller than me, strong chin, Nordic looks, big hands, big cock, but there was just something off about the whole thing. His house was dark. Some of the phrases he used as sex talk kind of creeped me out. And the concept of what a ‘light’ spanking might entail totally escaped him. He even smelled a little off; maybe it was just his breath.

The second time – boy-oh-boy, was I into the guy. I thought he could do no wrong… and then he did. He threw me over his knee and went to town on my ass with his bare palm. It was one of the few times where something so threw me off my game that I packed up and went home; nobody got their cookies that night.

So – he spanked me without my consent and that was a deal breaker for me. I’ve never seen him since.

As a spanker I have made that same mistake. I used to assume (when I was younger and a total top and something of a clueless twerp) that if you were playing with a submissive twink and they were into you and you were getting to shove your dick into them that, as the dom in the situation, you could do whatever the hell you wanted.

But that would be no. I never had someone walk out on me, but I did have one guy read me the riot act. Suffice to say, I have never made that mistake again. No matter how tempting that cute ass may be, you still have to get permission before giving it even a playful smack, or you risk being labeled a physically abusive jerk; because without specifically implied consent, a spanking is just simple assault. Personally, I hate the idea of having bruises and marks on my ass, so I certainly understand why somebody wouldn’t want me smacking up their ass.

Oh, and the idea of getting hit with a hair brush, or a whip or a wooden paddle? Uh-uh! You go sell that shit to somebody else, honey, cuz I gots me enough emotional scars as it is. I don’t needs to be adding any physical ones to the pile.

My Conclusion:

Hmm… so, I’m all for Madonna, Ms. Jackson or Ri Ri getting their behinds warmed by the palm of some hot stud. I might even get in line to help out. And Jake Gyllenhaal? Man, he sure would look fine bare-assed, bent over my knee (or anyplace else, for that matter). But for yours truly, getting spanked? - that would be a ‘no-go’. And of course, at my age, who in their right mind and with any taste would want to spank me? (There are a lot of old dudes out there advertising to get spanked – and they make me sad, posting those pictures of their flabby, white, pock-marked, ripple-y old asses for all the world to see.)

That said, I guess this is one Acquired Taste where I can sure dish it out, but I cannot – and will not – take it.

Next week: Toys