Acquired Tastes, Chapter XV: Camping

With the twilight of summer fast approaching, I didn't want the season to go by without touching on the topic of outdoor camping.

We’re not talking about the kind of camping that takes place bedecked in a feather boa, glittery eye lashes, and fishnet stockings. We’re also not talking about the kind of camping that takes place while watching ‘Mommy Dearest’ or ‘Showgirls’. We’re talking the real thing – with a tent, in the woods. We’re talking about getting back to basics – the dirty, funky, hunky basics.Yes, we’re talking about the kind of camping where mosquitoes, poor sanitary conditions, three-day growth of beard and smelling like a smoked ham is the norm.

For some, camping is a sport. For others it is an opportunity to find out what it likes to be homeless for a weekend. Roughing it is not for everyone and God help those of you who find yourself on a camping trip with one of those people who do not enjoy it – for they will do their best to not only let you know how miserable they are, they will also do their best to ruin any enjoyment you might get out of it as well. To be fair? When you’re only one roll of toilet paper away from complete hygienic breakdown, it is easy to see why some might whine a bit. That’s why only real men may apply.

So, leave your microwaves, your mini-fridges, your blow dryers, your private bathrooms, your well-lit mirrors, your whiners, your cream puffs, and your prissy queens at home, and let’s go…

Camping

Scope of Activity:

We’re talking about pitching a tent; one to sleep in, and one to sleep with! If you are lucky enough to find that special someone who can let their inner animal out once in awhile and divorce themselves from the norms and conveniences of modern day life to go camping with you without risking actual divorce, then you are in for a sensual treat. Are we talking real man stuff here? Most definitely!

The Official Line:

Sleeping in the great outdoors can be a very beautiful experience and there are many ways to go about it. You can tow a fiberglass camper along, featuring all the conveniences of home and experience little in the way of inconvenience and hardship. Or you can go half-way there – take a tent, build that campfire, but remain within walking distance to running water, hot showers, and toilets that flush. Or you can go all the way – backpacking it into the Boundary Waters where you will dig a latrine, bathe in a lake, stream, or river, and deal with Mother Nature on her own terms. The idea of the latter form of camping? Sexy. But not always practical. So I rather opt for the second version – especially the first time I go camping with anyone. Yes, I like running water and I like it even more when that water is hot enough to kill germs. Not that I don’t appreciate the lure of a remote outhouse – that can be sexy, too – provided it is not 98 degrees outside with no wind and at the height of mosquito season.

Timing does play an important part in just how sensual an experience your camping trip can be (damn mosquitoes). That and luck. Bad weather can ruin the most well planned outing.

Psychological Aspects:

I personally don’t know any camping enthusiasts who did not experience camping in their youth. I believe that is where our relationship with Mother Nature and the great outdoors springs from. If your family took you camping, or you went camping as a boy scout and you had a positive experience, those feeling may well carry over into adulthood. At the same time, those repeatedly forced to endure a weekend outdoors against their will probably now flee screaming at the mere suggestion.

What makes it sexy? I think it has to the getting back to basics thing. The whole survivalist mentality is rather animal in nature, and animalistic behavior can be rather sexy, when done correctly. I know there is a whole school of male sensuality that is built upon the premise that body odor and the like are natural occurrences in and therefore part of the male sensual experience. Certainly, if camping without the aid of running water – or even with it – body odors will become an aspect of camping. Hygiene is not high on the list when in survivalist mode. So it comes down to your tolerability level and what kind of camping experience feels sexy to you. Communing and con-noodling in nature can be a lot of fun.

My Experience:

Boy scout camp is not where it all began for me, but it is where the sensual part of camping came to fruition (so to speak). I used to go camping with my family all the time. This meant hiking a lot, canoeing, sitting around a campfire, gathering wood for said campfire and putting up with the mood swings of various family members.

That all changed once I got an erection, which is also about the time I started going camping with my boy scout troop. I remember vividly posing in the opening of my tent for my camp leader, bare naked, showing off my tiny little erection on my first camping trip with my troop. He laughed and looked away, and I modestly stole back into my tent and finished dressing. But it was the beginning of my love affair with outdoor exhibitionism. After that experience, I became something of a loner; exploring the back trails alone became my mode of operendi.

Yes, I remember being approached, sexually, by several adolescent tent buddies, one going so far as to climb into my sleeping bag naked, but I was a stupid Catholic boy, and so terrified that if I played ‘nut fuck’ with one of these dudes, they would then tell everyone I was gay. And back then, there was nothing worse than being gay. In hindsight, I should have just thrown caution to the wind. Who knows, it may have made me popular, in an under-handed sort of way. Or the object for even more ridicule than I did endure, who knows?

I remember often questioning some of the sleeping arrangements at these camp outs. It seemed a number of the older boys were bunking with kids several grade levels below them. Oh, well… all I can do now is wonder.

At these camp outs, I would spend most of my free time running around half naked, exploring outhouses, shower rooms, and the tents of the counselors. And once masturbation came into the picture, I just spread my DNA as far and wide as possible.

As an out, adult gay male, I have had the opportunity to go camping with several boyfriends/partners. The best was a New Ager who really enjoyed hiking and camping. We had a lot of fun. With this particular partner I remember many memorable hikes, lots of sex on rocks and mountain tops. and numerous episodes of skinny dipping. Joshua Tree National forest was a favorite of ours. As were the bamboo forests of Hawaii. I remember the night we went camping among the redwoods of Northern California, setting up our tent in the dark. A few hours later we were awaken by the sound of a bear trying to open the secure bunker where we had placed all our food. We stealthily made our way to the back of our SUV and ended up spending the night inside the vehicle. I don’t remember always being the greatest of companions during these outings (for I could, on occasion, be a whiney bitch), but we did have our share of fun. Getting sweaty together was always a good way to fuck the whiney bitch away.

Another memorable evening in the back of a vehicle was spent in North Dakota with a different boyfriend. We didn’t have the money for a hotel, so we camped – sort of. We didn’t have a tent and ended up sleeping in the back of my hatchback. We fucked that night, too… and the windows were hella steamy. In this case he was the whiney bitch and the whole affair ended shortly thereafter.

Last time I went camping, I went by myself, which made for an awesome opportunity to take self-pics on various trails and in various facilities, but left me wanting in the middle of the night. In the end? It just got boring and I cut the trip short.

Someday I want to try one of those gay nude camping weekends. Though from what I understand they are full of older dudes who are not in the best shape. But then, how would that be any different from what I find while cruising at my local park? And if that is the case, hey – I would just be the prize jewel, wouldn’t I? Wouldn’t I?

My Conclusion:

I love camping. I like setting up the tent and then pitching my own tent. Getting naked outside rules (except for the mosquitoes). If you are not prone to this kind of thinking, then there is no way I could ever convince you to even try it, for camping is not for the faint of heart, the easily frustrated, or those who value their creature comforts.

For those of us who do enjoy the outdoors, camping can be one of the ultimate sexual experiences, a cornucopia of sensual delights everywhere you look.

Next Taste: Rimming