TMI Questions: Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

In grade school I used to love cutting out giant construction-paper shamrocks and filling the bulletin board with them.  I think the shape is so beautiful and soft.  And I loved the way the scissors would cut into the paper with a decisive crunch.  I may have to buy some safety scissors and green construction paper just to recreate that sensation.

Eh, no.  Some things live better in memory.

I’ve never found a four leaf clover.  Have you?  I’ve certainly looked for them.  There was a time when I truly did believe that they would grant me good luck.  I also believed in leprechauns, so I ate a lot of Lucky Charms growing up (when we could afford it).

Unfortunately, I’ve never been a very lucky person.  That kind of fate / destiny thing has simply eluded me for most of my life.  I’m way more likely to come in second place than to be declared an actual winner.  That’s okay, I’ve made my peace with it.

Therefore, I know I’m not Irish, because I was never blessed with their luck. Those of you that were?  I do envy you.  Obviously, based on how my life has played out, I was meant to learn a different lesson this trip around. 

But you know what?  Fools get lucky.  At least that’s what the song tells me.  And based on certain relatively recent events in my life…

…I rather believe it.

TMI QUESTIONS:

Questions designed to reveal Too Much Information

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TMI Questions: Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?

My father claimed to be part Irish, but in reality, he was Native American and German / English.  My mother is a 100% Bohunk!  It made for an interesting, rather explosive pair. 

While I support the rights of others to enjoy themselves, this holiday has never spoken to me much, so I’ve never really celebrated it.  Seems to me to merely be an excuse to drink to excess, and I hate being around that.  That… that is not pretty.

The Irish, on the other hand?  Very pretty.  Amazing skin.  And there’s something mystical in their eyes.  Also, their coloring is so unique – like an over-exposed photograph or something.  I find it quite captivating.

Looking at my boyfriend, you would think he was Irish, and he may well have a bit in him.  He tells me he is of the Heinz 57 variety - a little bit of everything thrown in.  It certainly looks good on him.

So would a kilt.

Or a singlet.

Hmmm.  (Checking credit card balance…)

Do you wear green?

Yes, but not much.  It’s not my color.  Rather washes me out. 

That said, it is one of my favorite colors.  There’s a lot of strength to be found there, and I tend to associate it with cleanliness and good health. 

Though, I am told it’s not easy being green… just ask Kermit.

That song?  It meant a lot to me in the day.  I knew exactly what it meant, as did every other born-gay, odd, ‘weirdo’, outcast child. 

I wish someone would have told me it got better. As it was, I developed a rather fatalistic outlook on life, one that continues to color much of my life today.

I was obsessed with Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, and the like.  Oh, I’ve let go a lot of it.  I used to think dying when you were young was so glamorous.  That kind of fame, something to be aspired to, but now I see it as a not-so-wise career choice. 

Someone really should have told Marilyn that it gets better. 

And James to slow the fuck down.

Green beer is...

Not my thing.  Why would you do that to something you want to drink?  I find dyes to be unnecessary and avoid any food that is bright and not a color found in nature, especially those bright purple things.  Ugh.

Not to be ‘that guy’, but it was announced recently that cancer will soon surpass heart disease as the number one killer.  I believe our food supply is one of the contributing factors to that.  You can’t mess with the natural state of things and not pay for it somehow.

Of course you can’t hug your children with nuclear arms, either.   That’s from a ‘Family Guy’ episode.  I’m rather in favor of nuclear energy – cheap, efficient, etc.  Of course the down side is we all end up with our skin falling off. 

Oh, well… might as well drink a beer full of green dye #3.

Yeah, ummm… this entry is gonna be full of random shit. 

Irish coffee is...

Not bad.  But not necessary.  Bailey’s is yummy and a favorite of my boyfriend. 

In general, I do not like sweet anything, but there is a rich smokiness I associate with Bailey’s that I find comforting.

I like my coffee black. 

Frequently, simplicity is best.

Have you worn a kilt?

No.  I don’t have the legs for it.  You need big sturdy thighs and calves like a man of steel to get away with them.  I don’t have ‘em.  And fortunately, for other people, I have never been cast in any show that require the wearing of one.  What would that be?  Brigadoon?  Terrible musical.

I thought only Scotsmen wore kilts.  Obviously, I am mistaken.  The difference is: Scots wear kilts in the color and pattern of their clan, while the Irish wear ones that are plain colored or in colors that represent their locale.

I do like kilts on others.

That said, my boyfriend would look smashing in one and I’ve told him so.  Someday I plan on purchasing one and making him wear it, maybe in public. 

He certainly has the legs for it.

Grrr.

Lucky me.

Have you gone to the NY St. Patrick's Day Parade?

Nope.  I’ve never seen any St. Patrick’s ‘Day Parade. 

I lost interest in the idea of any St. Patrick’s Day Parade when a group of gay Irish folks were prevented from marching.  Was that in Boston?  I was glad to see the Mayor of that city take a stand this year on their behalf.  Not sure if there has been any resolution there, but I do know that the New York one does not discriminate.

Anyway… I can’t imagine it would be any fun.  Sort of like St. Paul’s Winter Carnival parade; a bunch of drunken louts terrorizing the neighborhood.  I can stand only so many leprechauns and shamrocks before they all start looking alike to me. 

Also, if I want to spend time with a bunch of drunken louts, I’ll simply attend one of my family reunions.  Or a high school reunion.

Yeah, that’s never gonna happen.

St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland with a stick. How would you handle snakes?

I would hire Barry White to come and croon them into submission.  He is the pied piper of hissing, volatile reptiles.  At least… that’s how it worked on The Simpsons.   Not sure how Lisa Simpson figured it out, but it sure did the trick. 

Other than that… I care not for the snakes.  Snakes have done me no harm…

…except for that whole apple and Eve thing.  I guess that really fucked us all over pretty good, huh?  I mean, imagine living in paradise. 

But then, we all couldn’t.  I mean, Adam and Eve didn’t figure out the whole procreation thing until after they ate the apple.  So, in all likelihood paradise was designed with only two in mind.  Otherwise, it would become over-populated and we would have polluted our own environment like microorganisms in a petri dish. 

Yep.  Lots of random shit.

Bonus

I'm 100% Irish. Would you kiss me?

Pucker up, Sean.  

I would love the opportunity to taste all your handsome, bearded, gingery goodness, Sean.  I’d plant one on you like you were the Blarney Stone and I was in desperate need of some luck. 

Of course, I am also still waiting on that semi-nude photo of you… so I won’t be holding my breath.  Or saving any of my kisses.

Not that you could have any of the serious kisses.  No, all those belong to someone else, now.  I’m not sure if he brings me luck, but I am a lot happier, feel a lot luckier, and do get lucky more frequently, these days.  All with a lot less anxiety.

Don’t go chasing waterfalls, am I right?  Or, in this case, rainbows with that pot of gold at the end of it.  

Which I do believe exist, because…

…pretty certain I’ve found my ‘pot of gold’. 

Happy Saint Pat’s Day!