When You Want to Do More Than Just Jack, Use Jack’d

Did I really promise a follow-up to my piece on Grindr and Scruff back in March?  My bad. I really meant to get to it before now.  For, in this gay age, this kind of stuff (phone apps) is really important to the horny homosexual on-the-go.  GPS not only helps you find that new trick’s house/apartment/trailer/dumpster; it can also tell you if that hot guy in the skinny jeans and faux-hawk standing across the mall piazza is up for sucking your dick in the mens room of the nearby JC Penney. 

For this post I’ll be covering Jack’d   I’ll also be giving you an update on what’s new on Scruff.

Jack’d

Interface:

This set-up is pretty straight forward.  I had no trouble setting up my account and the layout of the program is easy to use as well. 

There are two rows of buttons at the top of the screen.  The first row is fairly self-explanatory: Members, Inbox, Match, Favorites, and Account.  I’ll cover each of these in the features section.  The second row: ???  There’s five symbols, the first of which looks like a series of little boxes.  Press this to change your view on the main/members page.  You can either have member profiles appear in little boxes – like on The Hollywood Squares, or you can opt to show them in list form.  Profiles are sorted according to proximity. 

The next symbol is a circle with tiny lines – I am not sure what it is supposed to be.  It will be greyed out if selected.  I think it has something to do with showing you profiles in your location based on proximity.  Next to it is a stop watch.  You press this and you get a bunch of random guys who are like thousands of miles away from you.  What purpose this serves, I do not know, as I never spend any time in this view.  Who would?  I want to talk to the dude a mile away who I might actually convince to fuck me, not some dude in Atlanta, Georgia whose pic may or may not actually be his. 

Next to that is a little radar screen symbol.  This will bring up a map of the area you are in… which may be really helpful if you’re travelling.  It’s a bit jumpy when zooming in and out and will not show you a little dot that says “You Are Here”.  So, again, I am not sure what this feature is all about, but it may be useful to travelers.  To get out of map mode, you hit the symbol again and it will return you to the main screen.  When in map mode, there is a text box where you can type the name of a city and the map will automatically glide over to show you the location of that city.  That’s kind of nice. 

The last symbol is a little road sign with a curved arrow.  Press it, and two grey boxes appear at the bottom: Scene and Filter.  With Scene you have the option of limiting the profiles you see to those who have indicated an interest in a specific type of dude.  Categories include: All, Twinks, Bears, Big Muscles, Strictly Friends, LTR, and Bi/Straight-curious.  And that’s it.  Seriously.  File this little feature under well-intentioned but under-developed. 

On the other hand, the Filter feature is mega cool and unlike anything on any other app.  Tired of having to scroll through the profiles of a bunch of 18 year olds?  You can specify what age range you’re interested in.  You can also look for a specific height and weight.  Or if you’re only in the mood for a specific race, or you don’t want to be bothered by a specific race, you can sort accordingly (I find this part a little racist, but, just as there are 45 year olds out there who can only get it up for an 18 year old, there are guys out there who are only turned on by a specific race).  You can also filter to only see the profiles of people who are currently on-line, have pictures, or are new users.  The only filter I use is the age one.  I put my range as 29-99.  Which is great for viewing purposes.  Unfortunately, filtering does not work in reverse, and is not the same as blocking. So, while I don’t have to view a bunch of 18 year olds on my members screen, I cannot prevent them from contacting me, and I keep getting hit up by 18 and 19 year olds on this site.  Not that I mind – it is flattering – but I am always suspicious of their motives and am tired of conversations that begin with “Can I suck your dick?”.

Use the back key on your phone to navigate around.

Features:

Inbox: Messages appear in list view, by most recent, with a tiny profile pic.  To open a message and subsequently the message history you’ve enjoyed with a given member, just touch the message.  It goes to full screen.  Don’t remember who the dude is or want more info?  To access their profile, click the menu button on your phone, a grey box will appear at the bottom of the screen that says ‘View Profile’.  Hit it and you will be taken to that member’s profile.    Your Inbox will also have a Sent button, and you can see who it is you have unlocked your private pics for or tried to contact, again appearing in order of most recent.

Report: You can tattle on others!  Well, you can report minors, people openly soliciting things they shouldn’t, escorts/sex workers, and folks who post inappropriate pics.  Don’t overuse this feature, or you will get banned.  In other words, this is not the means to get revenge on that bitch who rejected you because ‘you too ugly’. 

Block: Yep, you can block ‘em, but once that is done, they are gone forever.  You can’t unblock, check them out, and then re-block. 

Members: Orange Dot= Off-Line, Green Dot=On-Line.  Sorted by proximity. 

Match: Jack’d ‘matches’ you with someone.  You have the option to skip, indicate you’re interested, or decline.  There’s also a world-wide picture match.  I have no idea what criteria they use to make any of these matches.

Favorites: You can designate someone as a favorite.  You can see who has designated you as a favorite.  And you can see who has viewed your profile.

Profiles: 

Under ‘Account’ you can: Make a Donation, Insight, Pictures, Basic Profile, Detail Profile, FAQ, Tell A Friend and Sound, Password Lock, and Viewed By.

Make a Donation: It’s a free service, but it costs money to maintain and improve.  If you’re feeling philanthropic and want to contribute, this is for you.

Insight: This is a fascinating little feature. It is like a mini report out with graphs about your preferences and activities on the site, including Reply Rate (mine is 75%), Age (range of interest: mine is 40-49), Average Height (6’) and Weight (220!), Scene (50% Strictly Friends/50% Big Muscles), Ethnicity (100% Caucasian!  I don’t think so!).  These stats update on a weekly basis, and are not cumulative.  Kind of cool.

Pictures: You get three public – no nudes allowed – one of which will be used for your main profile pic, and you get two private ones which you have the option to unlock for other members.  Unlocking is a great way to introduce yourself to others on the site, or not, if you get one of those psychos who insist they are not on-line to look at penises (fucking liars).  The site itself does not monitor what you put up, but if another member reports you, you could have that pic disappear or be banned from the site.  So read the guidelines and remain somewhat conservative in your choices for your public pics.  A face pic will get you more attention than a torso shot. 

Basic Profile: Includes Email (not sure why – you can’t share it), Password (which you can disable under Filters), First/Last Name, Age, Height, Weight, Ethnicity, Some General Info Box (I list my activities outside the bedroom), Scene (Twinks, Bears, Big Muscles, Strictly Friends, LTR, and Bi/Straight-curious) and the option to have your stats listed as miles/pounds or km/kg.

Detail Profile: This is where Jack’d kind of has it over all the others.  You can list: Location, Activities, Interest, Music, Movies, and Books

Sound, Password Lock, and Viewed By are all on/off features.  Password Lock and Veiwed By are only available to members who make a donation

FAQ: Basic questions/Straight forward answers

Tell A Friend:  Share the fact that you are using the app with someone via Bluetooth or Email

Viewing Other People’s Profiles

When you are looking at someone’s profile, their public pics will appear in small form on the left of their profile.  Their private pics will appear here also, once the member unlocks them for you.  To view a pic in full size, touch the pic.  To return to the profile, hit the back key on your phone. Any info the member has chosen to share with the dudes of Jack’d will appear on the right side of the profile. In the upper right of a profile, you will see a little road sign with a curved arrow.  You can touch this or use the menu button on your phone to access more options – including Message, Favorite, Unlock Pics, Insight (unless you donate all you will learn about their user habits is % of replies), Interested, and More.  More will take you to Block, Report and Cancel.   

Performance on Droid:

Overall Good.  Sometimes it takes a long time to load a profile, but again, this one performs much better than, say Grindr

Issues:

You can’t sign off.  Your profile will disappear from the list of members on view after three days and will denote your account as not on-line, but that profile remains up there for dudes to click on for three whole days after you are no longer looking.  That just allows others to contact you and keeps you coming back on-line to respond to their messages.  A little icon will appear at the top of your phone (the same place that notifies you re: new text messages) when you get a new message on Jack’d.  So, if you’re one of those closet cases, or are terrified others might find out IT’S YOU – then this is not the app for you.  That said, you can always upload some lame picture of your cat or favorite hunk of flora.  Then nobody will know IT’S YOU, but then nobody is likely to hit on you either and keep in mind that other may find it annoying when you hit on them because you have no self pic. 

There is no way to send someone a picture on the app.

Member Matches: using what criteria?  You would think that, say, having the same book listed under favorite books in your profile would match you up, but, no.  Some of the profiles I am matched with have no details, so I have no idea why they would think I, who list just about everything in my profile, would have something in common with someone who shares nothing.

Loading Profile Pics can be a bit slow.

  

Members:

Everything you can imagine.  Jocks, Pigs, Aging Circuit Boys, Twinks, Chickenhawks, The Boy Next Door… you name it, it’s here.  The nice thing about this site?  It seems everyone who is on here knows exactly what this site is for, so I have had very few bad experiences.  The guys are well behaved and down to earth.  I really enjoy it when somebody unlocks their pics, because it is usually a pleasant surprise.  Yes, I have hooked up with a few on this site.  My success rate on Scruff has been better, but this one has done well for me, too. 

So, that about covers everything I have to share about Jack’d.  I like it because the owners/operators of the site really allow the membership to dictate what is acceptable and appropriate.  I also like that it doesn’t kid itself into pretending to be something (a dating site) that it is not.

Scruff Update

Scruff continues to lead the pack as far as innovation.  One of their latest editions is a private pic feature.  You can upload up to three naughty photos if you are not a member – unlimited for members.   You can unlock for any member you want and relock them at any time.   It’s nice, because not being able to see more than one photo of someone was kind of a drag, and also, now you can indicate you’re interested in them by unlocking.  Non-members have a limited number of profiles they can unlock for at one time. 

Also check out under Profile Editor the Community options and the Open To options.  Kind of fun.

The other thing I have noticed?  The people that run Scruff have come to accept that gay dudes have waists.  I used to have my pics removed from this site for showing the waist of my work out pants! But something (the other profiles) tells me that they have relaxed their stringent guidelines.  Yay!

Next Time:  I’ll take a look at GROWLr, an app that keeps bears happy in winter and summer alike.

A Little Less Action, But A Lot More Conversation

It’s pretty rare that a first rate fuck turns into that totally unexpected thing - a great conversation.  But that’s just what happened to me last Saturday afternoon. 

I hooked up with this guy I’d been flirting with on A4A a few weeks before.  We’d been texting back and forth.  He struck me as not only cute, but clever as well, and I find that such wit serves as a great aphrodisiac.  I was intrigued.  He kept inviting me over, but due to other commitments nothing seemed to work out. 

Saturday morning I was in my bathroom doing my weekly maintenance routine, when I get a text from him.  He’s available.  I had planned on going shopping and thought, well, why not stop over at his place for a little something and then hit the racks?  I completed my regimen and we made a date.  Getting to his apartment was a breeze and things seemed to be flowing quite easily; none of the usual drama associated with finding someone’s home for the first time.  Even my GPS system seemed to approve.

We met in the lobby of his building.  He’s shorter and much cuter than I imagined.  There’s something very quietly masculine about him and I’m a tad intimidated, but resist the urge to ask him if he’s ‘okay’ with me.  I followed him up to his place, making small talk, taking in the view of his exquisite calves and ass the entire way.   

His place is nice – a little generic, but definitely well-appointed, maintained, and lived in.  He introduces his pets and we head off to the bedroom where we waste no time getting down to business.  He’s a bit furry, with a carpet of it on his chest, and a body type, skin tone, and coloring that practically screams “I’m Irish”.  His hair has a natural reddish tint to it and I fall in love with his nose instantly, though it’s his eyes that really get to me.  The way he looks at me, as if really seeing me.  

 

Right off the bat he makes it’s clear he’s primarily interested in my ass and I realize that this is not going to be an ordinary fuck and go.  The man takes his time.  Teasing my hole, entering and pulling out slowly, changing positions, changing tempos – it’s all languid while remaining intense.  He’s fairly quiet as he goes about his business, leaving me to pretty much say whatever the fuck I want.  It’s not until the very end, during the last great crescendo that I come to the realization that I need to shut my pie hole and stow the usual porno dialogue; this dude really digs silence.  And, in the end, I come to remember its power as well.

 

His dick is about seven inches, reasonably thick with a slight curve.  I tell him early on that it’s clear to me that he knows how to fuck, as he uses what he’s got for maximum pleasure.  There’s no poppers, so I really remain in the moment with him, feeling every inch as it ebbs and flows inside me.  Our eyes rarely leave one another’s and, even though I purposely switch over to doggy-style at one point, it is very clear that he prefers me on my back so he can gaze intensely into my eyes. 

He let me know right away that his nipples were hardwired to his dick, but if that gives you the impression that I was going to get to crank on those puppies for all they were worth, tugging and pulling to maximize his pleasure, you’re wrong.  He’s a sensitive one.  So I have a great time pressing firmly or fluttering the tips of my fingers over his nips, experimenting with the gentlest ways I can think of to keep him aroused.  His dick, as it turns out, is quite sensitive as well.  This perhaps helps to explain why his movements are so incredibly and deliciously deliberate.  And if that makes you think that he comes like a pop tart, well, again, you’d be wrong.  What I assume is going to be the usual 20 minute cum and go, proliferates quite naturally into a languid 60 minute fuck.  We only take one break and that’s because he wants to keep his balls in play for as long as possible. 

I must say, I walk away from the experience totally impressed by this man’s stamina and discipline.  This one was something I’d never experienced before, and in writing this, I remain haunted by the look in his eyes while easing his dick in and out of my ass.   It’s an experience I wouldn’t mind repeating.

I did get to do a bit of sucking, but he seemed to tolerate me doing so, as if he only saw its value as a means of increasing my pleasure.  He did suck on me briefly as well, but I could tell his heart really wasn’t into it.  And the kissing… not the deep face-sucking I kept expecting.  He kept it very, well, almost chaste, if you will.  Lots of lips pressed on lips, but very little tongue, and yet, I have to say that he’s an excellent kisser; not a dramatic one by any means, but then, maybe less is more in this case.  The whole experience has left me wanting.  The lack of frantic grappling, the power of delayed gratification, the discipline and quiet strength – left me feeling incredibly invigorated rather than depleted; as if I’d gained more than I’d given. 

Then the most surprising thing of all took place.  Rather than hurry off to the bathroom or any of the usual maneuvers in order to guarantee a hasty exit on my part, we simply lay side by side, entwined and… gasp! – talked.

Topics covered: sexual preferences, travel history, impressions of the men in Minnesota, group sex, sex parties, sex in the age of the internet, bareback sex, frequency of sex; to name a few.  Turns out he has sex about five times a week.  I am currently maintaining a surprising 2/3 encounters per week (something I’m quite proud of, as I am seeking quality now, not quantity).  We talk about living in L.A. and he asks during what time period I was in L.A., for he grew up there.  I tell him the time span and comment that I suppose he was in high school at the time.  No, he tells me and my heart kind of gets a little excited, thinking – oh, he’s older than I thought and maybe we will have something in common.  But no, turns out he was in grade school at the time!  He’s 26 years old – an amazing 26 years old, for he’s incredibly disciplined about his life, very intelligent, well-traveled and… a very good lover.  But, still; he’s 26 years old.

The conversation then took a rather odd turn.  We talked about HIV and AIDS and its effect on the heterosexual population’s view of homosexuals.  The jumping off point for this had something to do with the upcoming marriage amendment vote, but the conversation became more about whether the HIV and AIDS crisis has hurt us or helped us, as a people, find equality.  He argued that it had hurt us.  He has spoken to a number of hetero friends and it seems that when they think about gay men, they view them as disease carriers and something to be avoided.  Therefore, my Irish rogue felt that such a view bathes gay folk in a negative light and has hurt our quest for equality. 

And that’s the crisis as viewed through 26 year old eyes.

I totally disagreed with him.  I explained that in a very sad, costly way, HIV and the AIDs Crisis actually helped galvanize our community and the world.  I remind him that Ronald Regan spent 8 years in office and never said the word AIDs until 1985 (once - at a press conference.  He also wrote about it in his "Message to the Congress on America's Agenda for the Future" in 1986), even though we were at the height of the crisis and thousands of people were dying. That said, he didn’t do nearly enough to help stem the tide.  But that rather neatly sums up just how uncomfortable people were with the notion of gay people.  The world, up until that time, really preferred that gay people be not seen or heard - and were never, ever to be talked about, except in whispers of innuendo.  But AIDs changed that.  And so did the activists that made sure it got the attention it deserved.  As much as many of their actions pained me at the time, groups like ACT UP were important not only in the drive to bring attention to the AIDs crisis, but also in our drive to be treated as equal citizens of the world.  As non-mainstream as their actions were, such groups actually served to bring gay people into the mainstream consciousness of the world. 

My new friend’s ignorance is one due to perspective.  He doesn’t know about a time when gay bars were dark places with no windows that did everything they could not to call attention to themselves.  I illustrate just how far we have come by explaining how relatively new the notion of being in a gay bar with giant windows is – where, not only can we see out onto the street, but those on the street can see us!  I tell him about my own coming out process, how – even in the relatively homo-happy confines of the theatre world – coming out, being gay was discouraged, frowned upon and warned against.  And yet, it is that same world that would bring the world “Angels in America”, “As Is”, and “The Normal Heart” which helped put human voices and faces to the AIDs crisis, and therefore raised the profile of gay folk in the process.

The cost was high.  People paid with their lives and we mourn those losses to this day.  But because of that tragedy, I am now able to go to mass on Sunday and hear the phrase gender-identification and sexual orientation being talked about in terms of inclusion, rather than revulsion.  And for every bigot like Archbishop Nienstedt , there is a priest or brother in the field demanding that we follow the true teachings of Christ and learn to love one another. 

And while the inclusion and identification of the gay population was probably an eventuality – a historical inevitability - it would not have come about as quickly if it were not for the AIDs crisis. 

He conceded that he was without my perspective.  And that made me feel incredibly old, but that was okay.  I’d rather have that perspective.  I’d rather have that experience.  Our conversation made me realize just how little I have in common with someone his age.  No wonder the young think old people are weird; old people are working with information the young are not privy to.

We talked a bit more.  Generic things.  He offered, so, I showered.  There was something about his bathroom that made me feel like I was using one in a hotel room – it was that clean, that carefully appointed. 

I text him once more to thank him.  He texts me three days later telling me that he never got my last name.  Turns out, he, too, keeps a sex diary – only he uses last names.  I text him back and tell him to make one up.  I doubt I will ever see him again, but then, there’s a part of me that desperately hopes that I will.  He’s intelligent.  And thoughtful.  And a great – intriguing – fuck.  I know there is no way in hell that he’s interested in having a relationship with me and I rarely kid myself into thinking for a moment that I am relationship material.  Still, I like the notion of falling in love with someone without all the logistics of actually being together or joining lives or even trying to see each other on a regular basis.  I like the idea of falling in love.  And in a way, I guess I have… I mean there is a lot there to admire. 

But I don’t kid myself.  I’m too old for him and he can do soooooo much better. 

So, it’s bittersweet. 

Just like so many moments in gay history.

Acquired Tastes, XIX: Outdoor Sex

Introduction:

With the season definitely coming to a close (although I hear there is a chance of an Indian Summer in a couple of weeks), I thought it would be a good time to visit this particular Acquired Taste.  This one is certainly not one for the meek, prudish, or skittish.  Nor is it for those who dread dirt, sand, leaves, and mosquito bites.  Sure, one can do it in an urban setting outdoors, like say in a dim alley, but that is a different vibe with different consequences. 

Outdoor sex has a lot in common with Camping, another topic I covered earlier in this series.  However, camping is quite deliberate – like going to a destination restaurant – it takes preparation and is of sole purpose.  Outdoor sex is a lot more accidental and haphazard.  Sure, you can arrange with someone to meet at a certain park, but the fact is, you won’t have the privacy afforded with a tent, so an element of exhibitionism comes into play.  With camping, you have the safety of the tent, and although others might surmise what you’re doing in there, what you’re doing in there is not illegal.  Outdoor sex most certainly is… illegal.  And I think that’s part of what makes it so much fun.

So, let’s cruise on over to the local park, go down by the river, find a choice spot in the busiest parking lot, take a walk in the woods, and examine the allure and the moth-to-flame dynamics of…

Outdoor Sex

Scope of Activity:

For the sake of this article, we will only concern ourselves with fucking and sucking outdoors.  Breeders do it as much, or more than gay men, but when busted, heteros rarely get their names posted in the papers.  Outdoor sex may, or may not involve nudism, though it definitely involves naturism – as I define it, which is the attachment of an erotic element to nature (the woods, the beach, etc.). 

The Official Line:

It’s illegal, thanks to people like Reverend Lovejoy’s wife who are constantly screaming, “Think of the children! Won’t somebody please think of the children!”  And, yes, it is very important when pursuing outdoor sex that one keep in mind ‘the children’.  You should definitely avoid areas near playgrounds or public pools, or anywhere children may gather.  It should be noted that in many states, if caught, one must register as a sex offender – which is nonsense, but that threat keeps those faint of heart from pursuing this, which curtails traffic, and which in turn helps to cut down the number of times per year the local vice squad is forced to run through the bushes looking for offenders. 

From Wikipedia:

“Public sex refers to sexual acts that take place in public or semi-public places, and does not necessarily imply that the sexual activity takes place outdoors. Public places where sex acts can be performed include a car (commonly called parking), on a beach, in the woods, as well as in a theatre, bus, or street, besides other places. Other known places where public sex has taken place include a toilet, cubicle or a cemetery. Public sex can also refer to sexual activity which takes place in a private place but can be viewed in a public place. Such private places can include the back yard or even the bedroom with the curtains open.

Social views related to public sex and sexuality vary greatly between different cultures and different times. There are many and varied laws which apply to sex in public, which use a variety of terms such as indecent exposure, public lewdness, gross indecency beside others. In some jurisdictions an offense is committed only if the participants are seen by others.”

As mentioned, this post will deal only with outdoor sex that takes place in the woods, prairies, beaches and the like, and include an element of naturism.

Naturism or nudism is a cultural and political movement practicing, advocating and defending social nudity in private and in public. It may also refer to a lifestyle based on personal, family and/or social nudism.

Several other terms ("social nudity", "public nudity", "skinny dipping", "sunning", and, recently, "clothes-free") have been proposed as alternative terms for naturism, but none has found the same widespread public acceptance as the older terms "naturism" and (in much of the United States) "nudism".

Naturism can contain aspects of eroticism for some people, although many modern naturists and naturist organizations argue it need not. The lay public and the media often oversimplify this relationship.

Note: Farms can also be a wonderful opportunity for fun outdoors, too – and much safer, with less risk of discovery (provided you know the owner). 

My Experience:

There should be a book of rules. 

Unfortunately, there is not and one must learn how to navigate the treacherous waters of outdoor sex by feeling your way through it.  Fortunately, as you journey forth you will come in contact with other enthusiasts and they will most certainly offer insight and advice – that’s how I learned. 

Ideally, outdoor sex takes place in the summer and to a lesser extent in the spring and fall.  That said, I have had sex outdoors in the winter.  I love those days in winter when the skies are clear, the sun exceedingly bright, the snow pristine, and there is no wind; yes, the best days to ski are also the perfect days to get it on in the snow.  Winter excursions are fraught with issues, of course.  There’s the cold, for one thing, and snow melts, so being wet and cold?  Not very sex-friendly.   The nice thing about winter sex, rare though it is, is that you can usually get away with doing it right out in the open, without the sanctuary of trees because: 1/ it’s cold and less people are likely to be about and 2/ the cold generally encourages economy of movement and succinct sex. 

I remember two such occasions, when conditions were just right and winter sex was possible; both felt like drive-by shootings; so random, quick, and intense.  As is always the case with outdoor sex, the less clothing the better, this in winter certainly is a challenge. The one dude, a short, hairless, twink cutie whose skin was as pale as the snow, got around this by wearing only a one-piece snowmobile suit with a zipper down the front.  When he unzipped and let that puppy drop behind him, he was pretty much nude, which made raping his cute little butt all the easier.  I was wearing jeans without underwear and a zipper jacket minus shirt, so I, too had little to discard.  I remember the sun being as insanely intense as our coupling, with, once we got started, little regard of others discovering us.  It was like a scene out of one of those nature films where two animals come upon one another – it was swift, powerful, and slightly tinged with violence.  And then, just as quickly as it had begun, it ended and we walked our separate ways.  Barely a word had passed between us other than the usual demands for sexual compliance and submission. 

Sometimes I think that is the way all sex should be. 

However sweet that memory may be, my preference is for warmer days.  This summer I definitely took advantage of the wonderful weather.  Others may complain about those days when the humidity is unbearable and the sun intense, but I welcome them with open thighs.  A little sweat in the mix only adds to the allure of this rather animalistic practice; for there is something truly primal about being in nature, in the raw, fucking.  It takes us back to the days of the cavemen, but instead of bashing each other’s brains in, we’re fucking them out. 

I have my favorite haunts, and many of those exploits make up the bulk of my posts on this blog.  I never share the exact locations, for the most obvious of reasons.  The internet, which certainly did a lot to help connect people who were interested in pursuing sex outdoors with strangers by providing locations to do the dirty deed, also did a lot of harm.  Law enforcement got wind of the likes of Squirt, Cruising Gays, and even Yelp!, bringing a quick end to a lot of the tea room scene and many an outdoor cruising area.  However, gays getting it on in the great outdoors is really more of a nuisance crime, and it would reason that it’s rather low on the priority list of crimes against society (not that there aren’t certain vice cops in Minneapolis who make it their mission in life to ruin such fun).  So it pays to be careful out there.  Always be aware of your surroundings, stay as far away from playgrounds as possible, avoid family gathering places, stay on your toes, etc.  I would also caution you about pursuing sex in areas you know little about, such as, when travelling.  Knowing your territory well and being aware of whatever the local attitude is regarding outdoor sex can save you considerable time, embarrassment, and a trip back to headquarters with the local po-po. 

I pretty much surrendered the prairie, one of my usual haunts, this year.  The vibe was not right from the beginning of the season and attendance had dropped (according to those who still frequented the place) to an all-time low.  And that’s exactly the results the good people at The Parks and Wrecks Department had hoped for.  Pity.  In days of yore, that place, on a sunny weekend afternoon, was one giant orgy.  But trust me, no matter the current state or level of supposed enforcement/surveillance in any established cruising area, with perseverance, patience and a bit of luck and ingenuity, people will be and are still having sex in the great outdoors.

This summer my mode of operendi became sunning on a blanket wearing a cute little jock from Pistol Pete’s line of sexy wear.  Flipping over and getting on all fours at just the right moment pretty much guaranteed that I got me the action I was seeking.  That’s where the exhibitionistic part of all this comes into play.  In order to attract the kind of attention you want, you need to put the message out there by advertising your desires discreetly.  It’s a fine line to walk, for sure, but when it pays off, you get exactly what you came for.

Newbies always ask, but how do you know if someone is interested?  Well, you develop a kind of radar about it, I call it my ‘spidey’ senses.  When subtle, it’s in a look, a glance, a posture, or a gesture.  And when it’s not it’s a dick waving at you from behind a tree.  The newbies also always ask, how can you tell if it’s a cop?  Well, one rule is, never touch your groin area or expose yourself until they do.  Cops will rub their crotches; however they will not haul their willy out for viewing.  That said, if that’s the method you and everybody else chooses to employ, then nobody will ever take their dicks out and, hence, nobody will be getting off.  So here is another rule of thumb I use… if it seems too good to be true, then it could be a cop! But hey, these are tips for cruising, and probably best left for a different entry (pun unintended).

But before moving on, I would like to offer you one more word of caution… don’t be like the foolish man who recently bound himself spread eagle and blindfolded along a river trail.  He was hoping to be found by some adventurous soul who would humiliate and torture him in delicious and salacious ways.  Instead, he was discovered by the DNR who were canoeing about looking for people fishing without a license.  The story got picked up by the local television news shows and the dude’s mug shot got plastered everywhere.  I, of course, recognized him as this odd creeper who spent a lot of time in the cab of his truck watching porn on his laptop in the parking lot of one of my favorite hangs.  On occasion, he would leave me notes on my car instructing me to come down to the river’s edge and find him tied up.  Eh.  Not for me.  He was kind of gross.  And he couldn’t get it up (chain smoker).  A female friend of mine, who knew I was something of a park cruiser, alerted me to the story.  I was not surprised, but definitely chastened (There, for the grace, go I).  Poor guy.  All that drama for nothing.  That kind of brazen display rarely gets you the kind of attention you seek. So keep it subtle and under the radar kids.

My favorite fuck this summer was definitely my cute black dude with the Eurasian eyes.  We fucked four times and each one was a little more out there, a little longer, a little more daring.  He’s cute as hell and cocky.  From his very first approach I was sold.  He had his finger on my button within moments of ‘hello’.  We were careful when in the view of others, but that didn’t stop me from mounting his dick or finger right out in the open, there on my sunning blanket.  Not that we wanted anyone to see.  He was so cute; I really did want to keep him all to myself.  Other cruisers would tell me he was fucking about with anything that moved, and that put me off him for about a month, but his pull was too great.  I couldn’t resist him. 

It was in his kiss.  And in the care he took when fucking me.  Sure, we were outdoors, but that is never a reason to go all roadrunner on my ass.  I loved his dick.  It had the sweetest curve, a great width, and perfect length (8”).  He was young, but really smart about the world.  Where others tend to be a tiny bit anxious when having sex outdoors, he simply took everything in stride.  We talked.  AND THAT is a true rarity in outdoor sex scenarios. But from the word go, I never felt there was a topic off limits or things that should remain unsaid.  I spoke my mind and he listened.  He shared his plans and dreams.  It was sort of a great summer romance – you know, except for that part where he was fucking around with anything that moved.  Still… he was sexy and he belonged to the whole summer, not just me.  

The sex was great.  We must have fucked in every position possible.  I never felt more flexible, more confident (in my body), and, at the same time, more vulnerable. But that’s a great way to feel.  Exhilarating, actually.  I haven’t seen him in over a month and I worry that something bad happened, and that is the reason he’s not hanging around the park anymore.  I hope that’s not the case.

I miss him. 

Anonymity certainly plays a part in the thrill of outdoor sex.  I’ve fooled around with so many dudes outside that their faces actually seem to be, for the most part, one big blur (although there were certainly a number of very memorable appendages).   I’ve stopped trying to remember people’s names – when names are shared.  I never get them right.  The anonymity, urgency with which the deed is often done, and lack of conversation does not make for a situation conducive to discussions re: safe sex.  Therefore, be safe, not sorry.  Condoms not only help prevent you from bringing something unwanted home with you, but they also make for easy clean up.  Trust me, shit on your dick is one thing in the privacy of your home or their home… but it is an entirely different type of headache (and a likely one, if not using condoms, given the spur-of-the-moment nature of outdoor sex) and a total hassle when fucking in the splendor of Mother Nature.  Have you ever tried to wipe shit off your dick with a leaf?  If yes, then you know what I’m talking about.  Don’t want to contemplate having to put a shit covered dick back in your pants?  Then use a condom!  Of course, handy, pocket-sized wet wipes are always an option – but, if you choose that option, hey… do us all a favor and follow camper’s rule number one – whatever you bring into the forest, leaves with you.  Don’t litter.  It’s gross, draws unwanted attention to an area, and is morally wrong. 

Oh, and another bit of advice – if the bugs are bad and it bugs you to get bit?  Stay home.  Seriously, getting down and dirty with a dude covered in bug spray is gawd awful.  You get that stuff in your mouth and trust me, the last thing you are going to want to do is fuck like bunnies.  So, lay off the OFF if you want to get off. Got it?

When I first started blogging, I posted a piece about my travelling sex kit.  Check the archives.  It may need to be updated, but there are a lot of great suggestions of things to have on hand when pursuing sex in the great outdoors, so I encourage you to read it. 

Finally, and not to get go all new age on you, but there is something about sex in nature that speaks to my very soul.  It goes beyond the excitement of gay porn being acted out in real life.  It goes beyond the mere thrill of anonymous sex or the possibility of discovery.  It is even mightier than the orgasm itself.  Yes, it does have something to do with that primal part of me, but also, there is a spiritual part to it.  The sun, the shadows, the smell of the earth, the bountiful textures and sights… it fills me with a kind of love that flourishes no matter (and sometimes in spite of) the person I’m with.

It is my life’s romance. 

My Conclusion:

Communing with nature is a marvelous thing.  Thank the heavens for the beauty that is this nation’s parks system.  It has provided me with untold hours of fun, and yes, on occasion, frustration (which is sort of part of the fun).  Sure, the way is fraught with risk, but then sex – if really delved into - is not for the faint of heart, and nowhere is that truer than when it comes to sex outdoors. 

I have experienced great joy on rocks and logs, amidst trees and tall grass, on sand, in surf, and with celestial views.  I’ve been really fortunate, in so many ways.  For example, I have never been arrested for having sex outdoors.  And I hope it stays that way; for I would hate to be banished from a park for life, just as I would hate to miss out on a summer in fun. 

I’ve touched on a few of the most glaring issues facing those brave enough to dip their toes in these perilous waters.  And, again, I caution you: this activity is not for the skittish – for if fear of being discovered is foremost in your mind, you will not enjoy the experience.  For those foolhardy enough to give it a try, I hope you discover the kind of spiritual excitement that I have found. 

I believe outdoor sex is more than just a cheap thrill.  It can be a means of spiritual fulfillment.

Okay, kids… time to hit the trails. 

'New and Number Ones' - Kristine W.'s New CD Delivers Some Goods!

‘New and Number Ones’, Kristine W.’s new CD, finds the dance floor darling at an enviable point in her career; with 16 #1 Billboard Dance Club Play Hits (and one #2) under her belt.  Only Madonna (43), Janet Jackson (19), Beyoncé (18), and Rihanna (18) have more.  And considering Kristine has never enjoyed the mainstream success of those artists, it’s a pretty amazing accomplishment.  I think it’s a testament to her incredible voice, great work ethic, professionalism, and instincts as a performer, as well as her outer and inner beauty.  If you have ever had the privilege of seeing her perform live, you know exactly what I’m talking about.  She’s a diva in terms of talent only.  In-person there is something so natural and down-to-earth about her that she remains instantly relatable and highly likable. 

The make-up of her latest release mimics an archetype that’s become commonplace in the industry during the CD era – where an established artist remakes a few of their most famous songs while filling the rest of the disc up with new material.  It doesn’t make for the most progressive listen in terms of the growth of an artist, but it does serve as a stop gap measure, providing product for fans to buy while the artist considers their next move.  So if you were hoping for another ‘Fly Again’ or ‘Land of the Living’, you will walk away disappointed.  There is no unifying whole holding this one together – other than Kristine’s incredible pipes, which have never sounded more powerful.   She is fast approaching Martha Wash bombast.

The usual grab bag of producers/remixers are on hand; Bimbo Jones, DJ Howard D, Subgroover,  Soul Seekerz, Bitrocka, etc.   And despite the number of different techniques, almost every track is crammed with vintage synth sounds – including a plethora of laser zaps.  Used sparingly, this approach helps buoy up a few of the less-than-unique cuts, but elsewhere the technique constantly threatens to overwhelm Kristine’s inspired vocals.  Sometimes busy is good, and sometimes it simply distracts from what is already high quality. 

The lead track, ‘Love Come Home’ (Subgroover Radio Edit), will be familiar to anyone who knows Kristine W.’s musical history.  It was one of the first tracks she ever appeared on that gained significant attention in the dance clubs.  It originally appeared under the bill of Our Tribe featuring Frankie Pharaoh and Kristine W.  While a remix by Bitrocka utilizing Frankie Pharaoh’s vocals (along with Kristine’s) appears near the end of CD, the first version features Kristine solo.  It’s packed with synth fills, but Kristine remains front and center.  The verses pulse along nicely, while the chorus takes off like a rocket ship.   I’m sure that this, along with the second track will be released as singles before the end of 2013 – and I’m pretty sure they both stand a good chance at increasing the lady’s number of #1’s. 

‘I Get Up’ (DJ Howard D Radio Edit) follows and features the best vocals on the album, straddling the line between gospel holler and dance floor burner.  A theme of independence runs through the first three tracks, with this being the most powerful.   It reminds me of Natalie Cole’s ‘Livin’ for Love’, as it shares a similar chorus structure, and, considering how much I like that song, that is high praise.

Already on the dance charts (#18 as of this writing) is the (possibly) autobiographical, ‘Everything That I Got’; a song released about a month ago.  I downloaded it as soon as I knew it existed and its mixes (all good to terrific) were the only thing pouring out of my car’s speakers until ‘New and Number Ones’ was released.  ‘Everything’ is a great song, leaving her last three #1 dance club play singles (Be Alright, The Power of Music and Fade) in the dust.   If it fails to reach #1, I will be surprised, though she does face some pretty stiff competition with Beyoncé looking to peak the same week (Aside: typically, Kristine’s singles move to #1 in 7-8 weeks).  I love this song.  It’s got a great melody and catchy lyrics.  I think it’s a shame that something this uplifting and fun doesn’t get picked up by mainstream radio.

The first of her previous #1’s , ‘Land of the Living’ is up next.  The last time she revisited this number it appeared as a hidden track on a Patti Labelle greatest hits package.  That pairing left me lukewarm, but that says a lot about the beauty and power of Kristine’s original take.  Here, the song is given a ton of energy courtesy of Subgroover’s never-ending flank of synth gimmicks.  It works fairly well, as do the other two #1’s from the same time period – the mournful ‘One More Time’ and  epic ‘Feel What You Want‘; although ‘Feel’ is robbed of much of its mystery and drama in the hands of Bimbo Jones (Note: ‘Feel’ also appears in a very different version on her jazz album ‘Straight Up With a Twist’).  Of the remakes, only ‘Lovin’ You’ seems superfluous; a slight song overpowered in this instance by some heavy-handed production work. 

The remaining originals range from cheesy with a shelf date (Busted – think Melissa Manchester’s ‘Pretty Girls’ or Donna Summer’s ‘Eyes’, same territory), slight and overproduced (So Close to Me), underwhelming while being overwhelmed by ill-fitting production (Room At the Top), and unsubstantial (The Glow).  Of the four, ‘The Glow’ is the most fun and is the best produced.  Though, ‘Room at the Top’ features a great sax part and a stellar rap section that reminds me of Missy Elliot and given a proper remix, it could work as a possible single.

She fairs a bit better with the cover material.  ‘Sometimes a Butterfly’ is an old Bruce Roberts/Donna Summer collaboration that appeared as the B-side of Summer’s 'Love is In Control (Finger on the Trigger)' single back in 1982.  It’s a classically-contructed disco tune (and creaks just the tiniest bit), but given Kristine’s tendency to remain rooted in a kind of classic diva-of-dance mode, it is a good fit.  Which makes me think that now that Donna Sumer is gone (R.I.P. - she is so missed), Bruce Roberts could use a new diva to write with – why not Kristine?  Kristine appeared as a featured vocalist on Bruce’s dance epic ‘When the Money’s Gone’ (which also featured Elton John), so they are definitely aware of each other.  Seems like a win-win to me.

As for her cover of Chaka Kahn’s MOR classic, ‘Through the Fire’, a worthy song, for sure, I have yet to hear a mix that totally works.  I don’t know what mix she used in Duluth, MN, where she recently appeared as part of their 2012 pride celebration, but I liked it in that setting much more than either of the versions offered on ‘NANO’.  If the album version via Bitrocka sounds like one of those cheesy dance remakes of a popular Top 40 ballad featuring a faceless female vocalist with a click track, then rest assured:  that it is as good as it gets.  For, in the hands of Chus & Ceballos Iberican, the song  practically becomes unlistenable.  It is during this mix that one really notices the difference between Donna Summer and Kristine.  Donna had this wonderful warmth that colored the underside of her vocals, not so Kristine.  On the Chus & Ceballow Iberican version of ‘Fire’ we hear just how strained and thin Kristine’s voice can come off if not handled well in the production booth.   That this will be released as a single is pretty much a given.  Whether it enjoys the same success as her cover of Diana Ross’ ‘The Boss’?   That remains to be seen.   It’s not that Kristine’s vocals are bad on the extended remix or that the song isn’t great, it is just that something more needs to be done with this one before turning it out to the clubs.

There are also two additional extended mixes of ‘Feel’ at the end of the CD; the Sanchez mix is a slow builder in traditional 1998 club mode, while the Dave Saronsan mix retains a little of the intrigue and tension of the original by giving the verses an industrial grunge touch, but then loses it in the chorus by adding superfluous synth bleeps.

I can see three definite future #1’s: ‘I Get Up’, the remake of ‘Love Come Home’, and the already released ‘Everything That I Got’.  If ‘Room at the Top’ gets a proper remix, I could also see it climbing the charts.  What I hope doesn’t happen?  That they decide to try to get ‘Feel’ to the top of the charts again.  Not sure the clubs would go for that and I would hate to for her to spoil her string of #1s (though, with repeated listenings, the new versions of this song are growing on me, and may be an excellent way to introduce the song to a new generation). 

As Kristine W. CD’s go, this one is a lot like her last dance release ‘The Power of Music’, in that it feels cobbled together.  In the case of NONA, given its mix of new and old material, that’s understandable.  It does contain a number of standout cuts, in particular ‘I Get Up’ – every time I hear that song I get excited – and those are what make this worthwhile to own.  It also avoids the pitfalls – poor songwriting, indifferent production - that left ‘Power’ losing steam.  Kristine shows no desire to embrace new technology or borrow from the likes of Kesha  or even Beyoncé.  So, unlike Madonna, she’s comfortable with herself as an artist and isn’t desperately jumping on the latest trend to chase a hit or remain ‘young’.  And that is one of the hallmarks of a mature, fully-formed artist – one who is comfortable in her own skin.