Wonderland Burlesque

Tuesday, March 01, 2022

Wonderland Burlesque's Friendly Skies Quiz

Wonderland Burlesque's

Friendly Skies Quiz

We have Sixpence over at (LO) IMPRESCINDIBLE to thank for the inspiration for today's quiz.

The other week he wrote a post about travelling and it got me thinking...

And before I could stop myself, there it was... another quiz!

So, thank you, Sixpence.

And do drop by his blog. It's fun, informative and up-to-the-minute. He really has his fingers on the pulse of life!

Now? On to today's quiz... have a good flight!

1/ When flying, how do you get to the airport? Uber? Friends? Family? Drive and park? How early?

I used to rely on The Ex, because he is the only person I know who can stand doing it. But, these days, due to all the changes at MSP, even he no longer wants to be that person who plays taxi cab.

So, now? I Uber it. Sure, it costs and you have to pay for it going and coming, but it's better than dealing with other drivers or MSP's overpriced parking.

Three hours early. Those $17 bloody marys aren't going to drink themselves!

2/ Carry-ons only? A checked suitcase?

If going to Europe, yes... one suitcase will be checked. When I go, I stay for three weeks, so I am going to need more than a few changes of underwear (who wears underwear?) Plus, that way I can take my regular sized bottles of lotion and mouth wash. I hate all the waste with those little travel size toiletries.

If to Cancun or Miami or L.A. - unless it's a special event, like a wedding, I travel as light as possible. Two carry-ons. My laptop bag, stuffed with all sorts of electronics, plus a tiny, tiny duffle bag. The duffle bag has all the toiletry essentials, a bunch of white t-shirts, socks (if needed) and underwear (if necessary.) And one casual outfit - jeans and shirt (or simply a couple of pairs of swim trunks.)

I always wear my dressiest stuff on the plane. If not going first class? Dress like business class. You get treated well and when you do make a request, someone is more likely to listen.

Yes. Dress the way you want to be treated. It works.

3/ What do you do while you're waiting to board the plane?

Mornings: A bloody mary. Don't bother with breakfast. Only the most essential nutrient... gin. Yes. I have my bloodies made with gin. Wanna make something of it? Then I go sit at the gate and stare at the attendants like they are parsing out salvation.

Afternoons? A nice salad. And dream of gin. Oh, hell, if it's not work-related travel, then have one. Life is short. And those wait times... long. Don't overdo, though... you want to be taken seriously when you complain about the gremlins chomping on the wings of the plane.

Evening? Pop two Ambian and follow all directions given to the letter until you get to your seat. Then close your eyes and wake up in a whole new world.

4/ Preferred airline? Preferred seat?

I don't really have a preferred airline. Whatever is cheapest and the most direct. Delta tends to be very nice, but they jerk you around a lot with layovers and transfer flights.

I love international flights or one's to Hawaii. The planes are so huge. Lots of room and entertainment.

I need the aisle seat, dear. I go to the restroom frequently (well-hydrated,) and I need the leg room. Elbow room. Breathing space.

Breathing space. Do airlines still offer that in this time of Covid?

5/ First class? Ever? Always?

I got a free upgrade once. It was super fun. One of my kid sisters was flying for the first time, so we got bumped up. But, typically? I will pay for extra leg room, but that's all. At 6'1", I need it or I am fairly miserable for the whole flight. I think it's because I am so physically active, even at my age. Sitting that long? Not my thing. Bad for the posture.

Don't fence me in.

6/ How do you occupy your time midflight?

I write. I play Civ 5, my favorite video game. I read.

I read a lot.

Once, coming back from Cancun, my companion was not feeling well and in a foul mood, so rather than attempt any kind of banter, I stuck my nose in a book and read three quarters of it by the time we landed. And it was an awful book. Absolute nonsense about internet dating. I kept wondering what kind of illiterate gave this the green light? The ending? Well, I will never know. I left it on the damn plane (I do that a lot - books, hats, glasses...) And I can't remember the author's name or the title of the book, so... I guess it was not meant to be.

You know, finishing a book you don't like is a lot like a hate fuck. You just want to pound it in there until you reach the end so you can say... yes, I finished, and I hated it.

7/ What are you having to drink on the plane? Peanuts? Other? Special meal? Do you bring your own food?

If travelling with someone I trust enough, I will have a drink. Otherwise, water. And the reason for the water? Well. This is embarrassing, but maybe it shouldn't be. Travelling stresses my system out and I can get a little, well... constipated. So, I drink lots of water to combat that. I don't know if it is the stress or the plane or the altitude or what... but my body does not react well and water is a gentle, natural way of trying to maintain balance.

I eat whatever they give me... unless it's sugar. Or peanuts. I know they give us that stuff to keep us occupied - like graham crackers for little kids. I'm more than happy to play along as long as it is something I can actually eat.

And airline food? Really? Come on, people, what the hell do you expect? They serve from a cart in a paper tray covered in tin foil. Eat it and be thankful. And, yes, I always request a vegetarian meal. And when that doesn't happen, I just eat what I can. Complaining really isn't going to win you any points with the staff and you really need them on your side.

And people who bring fast food onto a flight? GET OUT! Seriously. You animal. How classless. I just shake my head. You couldn't get to the airport early enough to eat? You have to bring your Taco Bell, your McDonalds, your stinking Chick-Fil-A onto an overcrowded airplane with bad air circulation?

FUCK YOU.

White trash. That is the hallmark of white trash, right there. Fuck all the way off this plane.

Disgusting.

8/ Are you a member of the mile high club? Would you?

I am not.

I have been in many an airplane's what-passes-for a bathroom. They are little more than porta-a-potties with running water. Only smaller. You get in there? One person can barely turn around. I don't see how you're gonna be doing the nasty in that nasty little space.

That said. If the right person raised an eyebrow and nodded toward the john and there was a likelihood that we would not be caught?

Oh, hell, yeah... I'd give that dance a try. I like learning new steps.

9/ Travel tips for dealing with customs? Airport security? Other passengers? Flight attendants?

Smile. Treat everyone really well. Be polite. Say 'thank you.' Keep your eyes and ears open. Follow directions. Hold your breath and get through it all as quickly as possible.