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2014/05/13

TMI Questions: Potty Humor


Wow.  Are we really going here (again)?  

Because if so, you are about to learn way more about me than you will ever want to know. 

And as I read your answers, I have a feeling I will know more about you than I care to, as well.

Bathroom habits are so... personal.  And how do we develop them?  Learned behavior? Adaptive behavior?  Association? Consequential?  Observational?

Ah, well.  That's what these questions are designed to do, right?  Shed a little light where no light should shine?  

TMI QUESTIONS:
Questions designed to reveal Too Much Information
Link: http://tmiquestions.blogspot.com

TMI Questions: Potty Humor

Toilet Paper: Over or Under?

Over, of course.  Under makes no sense; the leverage for the tear is all wrong and you can’t really see what you’re doing.   Also, if you clip it too close to the roll back there, you have to touch the whole roll in order to get at it.  You can waste a lot of toilet paper this way.

I work with a bunch of engineers.  You'd think they would get the basic logic of ‘over’, but then things like coffee filters, how mail is delivered, and jammed copy machines continue to baffle them, so I should not be surprised. 

The wonderful woman who maintains our restrooms always does ‘over’.  We once had a sub and he did under.   When I see this, I take it on myself to change it.  Yep, there ought to be a law.   

Who replaces the empty roll in your house?

Me. 

I tried to train the dogs to do it, but the toilet paper roll would get all soggy from being in their mouth and inevitably they would find that little plastic dowel that the roll sits on too irresistible, assume it was a toy, and run off with it.  After replacing the holder for the third time, I gave up.

What do you use if you run out of toilet paper at home?

I never run out of toilet paper.  I believe in zombies and the rise of Ted Nugent, so I tend to stockpile certain items like bottled water, canned beans, and toilet paper.  But, if I did run out, not a problem… my backpack typically has a cylinder of wet wipes that I carry with me for just that reason.  So I would simply repurpose them, should zombies or Ted Nugent prevent me from getting to my local grocery store in a timely manner.

Seat up or down?

Depends on what you’re doing.  Seat up to pee (though I prefer urinals).   Down for serious business.  And always leave the seat down, just in case a lady happens to have to use it.  (At work, I like to use the handicap bathroom because it has a lock on the door, so I always leave the place nice.)

At home?   Sometimes I sit to pee.  But again, I always leave the lid down just in case.

Do you leave the door open?  Does your love leave it open?

If I have a guest?  The door is closed.

When home alone, when using the upstairs bathroom, I leave the door open. There are baby gates up to keep the dogs out of certain parts of the house, so they never follow me in there. 

And if I want total privacy, I simply use the bathroom in the basement.  I rather prefer that bathroom… more room, and I like the shower better.  It’s also brilliant white and there is something rather clinical about it that I like. 


At the boyfriends?  

The door is always open.  The toilet is tucked away to the right, so you have to go in there to see someone sitting on the toilet.  


Do you wait until you are alone in a public restroom?

This is why I will use the handicap restroom if it is available.  I don’t camp out in there, but I do like the lock on the door and the fact that it is private.  If a private restroom is not available, I will wait until no one is in the stall(s) next to me.  Something about the noises associated with defecating fill me with shame.  

At the gym, I used to wait for the locker room to be empty before sneaking into the stall, but that has changed since the boyfriend came on the scene.  I'm getting a bit more comfortable with it.

Peeing?  I have no problem with peeing naked at the urinal in front of dudes.   

And speaking of urinals… everybody should check out those Youtube instructional videos on selecting urinals.  Picking the one next to me?  I hate that.  I like space, and am always amazed when a dude sidles up next to me when there is an open urinal a bit down the way.  

Clueless bastards. 

Do you always check for toilet paper first in a public stall?

Yep. Just as I always look for the exit signs when entering a strange building,  I always check the TP situation before committing to a stall or handicap restroom.  And in the event that they are out, I have my backpack with me, so… wet wipes to the rescue.

By the way, just so you know… that backpack goes on the hook on the stall door, never on the floor.  Floors in public restrooms are a no-no.  Unless on your knees getting a little something-something from the dude(s) in the next stall(s).  (Yeah, I don’t do that anymore.)

What do you use if you run out of toilet paper in a public restroom?

The wet wipes I have in my bag. 

If I don't have my bag with me (which is happening more frequently lately)?  

Then I will wait until there is no one in the joint before hightailing it to the stall next to me.

If they are completely out?  Paper towels.

Out of those?  

Oh, jeez...  

Let's not go there.

Bonus

Sex in a public restroom?

I used to get into fooling around in the restroom (showing hard, playing ‘grabbsies’, sneaking a peek), but have come to realize that public restrooms are not designed for these purposes and therefore are not sexual in nature.  (Who knew?)

That said... I still think there is something super sexy about the whole skanky scene.

Yes, there was a time when I was a total tea room enthusiast.  The scene in downtown Minneapolis was quite vibrant back in the day.  But no more.  Too many cameras.  Too many security measures.  Too many trolls. 

Plus... I simply don't have the time.  That kind of action?  That takes a lot of patience.

No biggie.

Today?  I would have sex in a restroom with the boyfriend - if it was one of those family/single use units with a lock on the door.

But, honestly?  I just don't find public bathrooms sexy anymore. 

Now locker rooms, on the other hand...














5 comments:

Queer Heaven said...

I'm sitting at my desk at work board to death.... then I read your blog and I really put a smile on my face.
I DO have a thing for bathrooms and restrooms.

Black Male Nudist said...

Great post. Interesting things have happened in bathrooms and restrooms.

Stan said...

The scarcity, absence of glory holes these days put a damper on men's room action. The handicap stalls on the other hand.

SEAN (The Jeep Guy) said...

One time I had sort of an emergency while at the movies and made into the bathroom just in time. But I didn't have time to check. Not only was my stall empty but ALL 5 were and there were no paper towels! Luckily, it was a matinee and there was no one else in the restroom and few people anywhere. I was able to walk to the concession stand and grab napkins and go back and properly clean up. I then had a very angry talk with the manager. I got 10 free movie passes. When he gave them to me I was temped to say something about wiping my ass with them but that would be like using a $50 bill and he was very apologetic so I didn't.

whkattk said...

We learn by all those things you mentioned. Seat and lid down unless in use - ALWAYS. Door open if I'm home alone, or to take a leak; closed otherwise.

OVER - this was drummed into me in the military.

I can now - after years of inability - pee with someone next to me. But I always observe the proper etiquette when walking into the room (tho some other cheeky bastards still haven't learned). Stallwork - well, that's typically not a matter of choice, but I prefer noone else in the room.

Sex - never have. Well, unless you count stroking out a load at work so I can concentrate.