A Very Quiet Thing

"When it all comes true

Just the way you planned

It's funny, but the bells don't ring...

...it's a quiet thing." 

- "A Quiet Thing" by Kander and Ebb

It can’t all be fireworks.  We’d burn out as a couple.  That kind of intensity is too much to maintain on a constant, on-going basis.

The boyfriend and I are going on our seventh month. 

He’s not been feeling well the past three weeks due to an issue with his esophagus, so he’s not been quite himself.  That’s okay.  It’s led to a quieter time; less sparks, activities, and excitement, but it’s also revealed something very solid between us, something rather gentle.

Last night, he made some kick-ass garlic rice porridge and shitake mushroom balls.  While eating, we watched a couple of episodes of ‘Robot Chicken’.  Once done, we looked at pictures of kittens on the internet (something we both get a kick out of) and then I suggested a cuddle.

In the past, that word – cuddle – was code for getting naked and getting down and dirty.  But, as I mentioned, he’s not feeling a hundred percent, so last night, cuddle meant exactly that.  

Oh, we got naked, but we only spooned one another while drifting in and out of sleep.  It was very sweet and very satisfying. 

Enjoying that type of quiet intimacy is new to me.  It, the act of being in physical contact with someone without having sex, is new to me.  

Sometimes, all we do is hold hands… and it feels wonderful.  I feel incredibly connected to this man and that connection doesn’t seem to require a hell of a lot of maintenance.  

I adore all the casual physical lingering that takes place, be it on the couch while watching a movie, or lying in bed.  My lips on his cheek, his arm wrapped around my waist, my cheek pressed against his chest – it all adds up to a state of physical stillness that is new territory for me.  

It makes me tremble.

Yes, we talk, but not much. 

We’re both extremely introverted.  Our alone time is important to us and, other than the usual small talk when we first see one another (“How was your day?”), conversations tend to be reserved for deeper stuff, be it philosophical discussions or emotional/relationship related check-ins. 

I’m used to more drama, more conflict, more problems.  In light of that, I constantly have to resist the temptation to jump to the conclusion that something is wrong.  

There isn’t, in this case. 

In this case… everything I need and want is everything I’m getting.  So, I’m working on trusting that.

Yes, it’s a quiet thing.  A very quiet thing.