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TMI Questions – Classic Edition: Lotto Fever: What Would You Do or Not Do?

TMI Questions – Classic Edition: Lotto Fever: 
What Would You Do or Not Do?

Who hasn’t fantasized a little bit about this?  Thing is, in order to win, you have to play – and I have much better things to do with my money than throw it in a wishing pool.  I understand the hope this kind of thing can hold for others, but I’m too realistic and too unlucky to entertain such a fantasy.

Still… all that money.  It would instantly solve everything, right?  Easy street?  Well, based on the few stories I have read about actual lotto winners, that is typically not the case at all.  Mo’ money, mo’ problems.

I would like to think I’m smarter than that.  But based on my answers to these questions… what do think?

Yeah… probably not that smart.

Keep in mind that what you could do really depends on the amount of money you win.  I am going to assume I have won a gazillion dollars and can do whatever I want, for as long as I like.

Questions designed to reveal Too Much Information

TMI Questions – Classic Edition: Lotto Fever: What would you do or not do?

For your family?

I would get a full-time nurse to care for my Dad, so the pressure would be off my Mom.

I would erase the debts of certain family members and pay off their mortgages – this includes my ex, who is part of my family. In fact, I would make sure that my ex and his mother had everything they needed to be comfortable for the remainder of their lives. 

For me, money equals stress relief.  As in, decrease the drama of every day so that the people that mean the most to me have a better chance at obtaining comfort and happiness.

I don’t think I would actually buy anything for anyone.  Maybe a new car for the ex.  That’s about it.  I’m not very materialistic and don’t want to support that kind of mindset.  I suppose if they asked me for something specific, I would entertain the idea.

The only other thing I would like to do is have a kick-ass family reunion for my mother.  It would be outdoors, catered and there would be beer, because that is the one way to get my cousins to show up.  I would hire a band, too, so there could be dancing.  Do it up right, just one time… and that would be it.    

For your friends?

What friends?  Seriously.  I was talking with the boyfriend last weekend and came to the realization that I have only two real friends (and that includes the boyfriend), who are not family members.  Acquaintances?  Five – six, if I count a good friend of the ex’s. 

So, for the friend who is not my boyfriend, I would pay off her mortgage, put a new roof on her house, and start college funds for her two kids.  Again, stress relief.

For the boyfriend?  Only what he wanted – and pretty much anything he wanted.  He and I are of a similar mindset and I trust that he wouldn’t suddenly morph into someone he is not.  I would want things for him, but he is pretty content with his life, and I need to be respectful of that, or I risk messing up the relationship.  I would eliminate any and all debt for him.  That said, a lot of things that I would do for myself, involve him, and those are the only things regarding him that I am willing to talk about in this post.

My acquaintances?  We would have a lovely dinner party in a great restaurant near a nice hotel where everyone would have a room. There would be child care provided and we would have all night to talk and make memories.  It would be small and intimate, so the conversation would be robust as the martini’s flowed. 

My ex would be there. He’s my friend and a family member.  So would my youngest sister and her husband, as they are my friends and family. 

The boyfriend would so be there, though he might be in a bit of a funk because the ex was there.  He could opt out, if he absolutely wanted to, but I would not have nearly as much fun without him there.

That leaves two straight couples, a gay couple (now more friends with the ex, than with me), a wonderful musician/actress friend of mine, and a female friend of my ex’s (though she might not come, since I’m hosting). 

Wow… that makes thirteen.  Hmm. 

There would be a pianist who would play quietly in the background, taking requests and allowing guests to sing a tune if they wish.  I would also fly in Janis Ian to do a short set of songs that I would choose in advance.  Her style of intimacy would set the perfect tone for the evening and I have a feeling she would be a great dinner guest.  She could join us for dinner and that would make fourteen (whew). 

Depending on the cost, this dinner might become an annual thing.  

Oh, and for all my blogger buddies… I would love to create a blogger’s conference at a hotel with a good restaurant, where we could get together, meet face to face and learn about each other.  There are some fascinating individuals who blog with whom I would love to have some honest conversations.

It would be a blast with a special musical guest each evening.

For yourself?

First, I explore ways for this found money to make more money, so that I never have to worry about money again.  Then I would sit down and carve out a realistic budget before I spent a penny. 

I think they actually let you choose payments of the lotto winnings, but, hey… that would mean trusting the government to do what they said they would do and we all know how that plays out.  So, I have a feeling that a lump sum, taxes and all, would be the way I would go.  Again, I am assuming I have won a gazillion dollars, so sky is the limit.

My goal would be to do nothing but write for an entire year. I would make sure that my winnings would provide me with a means to do that.  And I’d make a concerted effort to find a publisher for the novel I’ve already completed.  If, at the end of three years nothing came of it, I would give up that pipe dream.  Life is too short.

I would get myself out of debt.

I might purchase a new, modest car – nothing over $50k.  My self-worth is not tied to my car. Cars are transportation, nothing more.

I might buy some new clothes and get rid of everything I have now, save for a few favorites and my jeans.  I would definitely get myself a nice suit.  My tastes are pretty modest and my clothing needs fairly limited.  Not a designer brand kind of guy, so that whole label game doesn’t appeal to me at all.  Nice, classic, simple lines.  Lots of dark colors.  A few stripes.  Comfort and fit above everything else.

I would like a new pair of hiking boots.

I would buy myself a new bed.  And hire someone for two days to clear my house of excess furniture and stuff and donate it all.  I wouldn’t replace it.  I just want it gone.

New windows for my house.  A coat of paint, too.

And I would travel – with my boyfriend, my youngest sister and brother-in-law, and with my female friend.  Italy, Germany, Brazil, Japan.  Paris, Quebec, New York City, San Francisco, Seattle, and Sedona. I want to see the temples of the Incas.  My ex wants to visit the pyramids.  I’d make it all happen.

As total vanity projects go, I would take ‘a reasonable amount of money’ (LOL) and mount a small, original musical. Hiring people who were interested in working hard, sharing credit, and fixing the things that are wrong with it would be priority number one.  Everyone gets paid, everyone works hard.  I have always wanted to be part of a cultural phenomenon – even on a small, local level.  I’d give lots of tickets away and after it caught on, charge very little – just enough to make payroll.

And after that?  I would be done with theatre forever.  I would just need to prove to myself that with the right people involved, I would be capable of pulling such a feat off.

Other than that, I would keep as low a profile as possible.  My life would remain quite modest.  So would my ambitions.

For charity?

My local animal shelters get a share.  Dogs and cats, etc.

I will not be adopting anymore animals in my lifetime, but I still care and would like to see to it that those that are not wanted have a place to thrive.

I would also donate to wildlife rescues and the like.  They do some amazing work – with owls and other birds of prey, squirrels, bunnies, etc.

That is, actually, where all my money will be going when I’m gone.  I mentioned a few years ago that I had no one to leave it to, and the nieces and nephews haven’t shown much interest in me, so screw them.  I will be outliving all my siblings (if I have anything to say about it) and other loved ones, so the animals will get it all.  Maybe it’s a drop in an ocean, but it may make a bit of a difference.

For revenge?

I don’t believe in it.

But I also don’t believe in rewarding bad behavior.

That’s why my oldest brother and my oldest sister get squat from me. They can come to the family reunion and that is it.

If they had shown up and done even the bare minimum for my parents as my Mom has struggled with my Dad’s Alzheimer’s, I might feel differently.  My oldest brother, who makes more money than any of my siblings, has visited once in the past six years and contributed nothing. My oldest sister?  Five times in six years.  And when she does come, she does nothing but make my mother wait on her hand and foot.  There’s no excuse and I don’t want to hear any.

My two youngest sisters?  They are doing their part. They get rewarded.  My youngest is one of the smartest people in the whole world.  She is also a lot of fun.  The second youngest has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met.  She’s so good and kind I tear up just thinking about her.

I would like to spend a week writing letters to a select number of people whose behavior and actions have caused me a great deal of pain in this life.  I would have these letters hand delivered with no return address.  I would never want to hear from them.  I would just need to know that my voice had been heard.   One week only.  And then I would be done with the past.

For pure evil? (No backing off this one!)

I would buy enough stock or buy enough influence in two companies and have two of my ex-bosses shown the door with no explanation.

I would hire a group of people who would go around kidnapping people who abuse animals.  These abusers would be taken to a camp of sorts where they would have to endure the same conditions and situations they put the animals in their care through.  Michael Vick would be among the first to disappear.

I would purchase production companies that create reality television and shut it all down. 

I would move to Anoka County and mess with Michele Bachmann’s already cray-cray head.  A big Pride parade.  LGBT youth centers.  LGBT senior living buildings.  Drag queen bingo.  An atheist’s center that would host international events.  A non-profit dedicated to the separation of church and state.  Hit her right where she slithers.  

I would hire a team of stealth assassins and hand them a hit list of celebrities, politicians, and obnoxious rich people.  I wouldn’t want to know any details.  They just need to get it done.

That hit list would be pretty long.

But then I would remind myself that whatever you put out there in the universe comes back to you three fold and I would cancel all of it – every bit of it. Because I am a chickenshit and have better things to do with money.  And those people, they have chosen the lives they live and will have to deal with the consequences.  So, no kidnappers, no assassins.

Well, maybe just the Koch brothers.

And Rupert Murdoch.

(No, no… I couldn’t do any of that.)


whkattk said...

I find that relatives will always find "one more thing" they'd like you to get for them. Or, as in my sister's case, she's so busy spending money she doesn't see that it's gone.
Sudden wealth can change a person - the nouveau riche prove that theory time and again. Yet, it can accomplish wonderful things.

Queer Heaven said...

Such a wonderful & funny yet thoughtful post.
I wonder what I would do if I won?

SEAN (The Jeep Guy) said...

I'm so flattered that you have made these "classic"

I'd have two cars - My jeep of course and then the bigger 4door Jeep.

I'd have a smallish house w/ a big yard for Truvy and Tramp and a few new friends.