Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooters of the Week: ‘Rolling Coal’ Enthusiasts

Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooters of the Week:  

‘Rolling Coal’ Enthusiasts

File this under: WTF?

When did obnoxiousness get confused with patriotism?

I must admit, upon first learning about the current fad known as ‘Rolling Coal’, I thought it must be a joke.  But unfortunately, no. 

Sigh.  Only in Amerca.

Have you heard of this?  Apparently there is a group of people out there who consider themselves ‘anti-environmentalists’ and plan on leaving as big of a carbon footprint as their pocketbooks will allow.

‘Rolling Coal’ involves modifying a diesel pick-up truck so that more fuel than can be combusted is sent to the engine.  The leftover fuel burns, turning into soot which then billows out of smokestacks similar to those found on eighteen wheelers.   Enthusiasts like to expel this toxic stuff on pedestrians, bicyclists, and folks who drive hybrid cars. They call this nuisance soot ‘Prius Repellant’.

Say what?

It boggles the mind.

One explanation?

“I run into a lot of people that really don’t like Obama at all,” said an unnamed Wisconsin seller of smoke stack kits. “If he’s into the environment, if he’s into this or that, we’re not. I hear a lot of that. To get a single stack on my truck—that’s my way of giving them the finger. You want clean air and a tiny carbon footprint? Well, screw you.”

Have these people nothing better to do with their lives?  Their time?  Their money? 

In a way it makes sense to me. 

I have long thought that people who drive what I term ‘Stupid Trucks’ were a bunch of a-holes.  I don’t mean to denigrate the entire population of people who drive these vehicles – some of you drive respectfully and actually need all that horsepower and cargo room for work. 

But that’s a minority of truck owners.  These vehicles are marketed to lugheads who seem to feel that owning an oversized pick-up truck will:

• attract bodacious babes
• prove what masculine men they are
• empower them and grant them their rightful place in the world
• make up for their lack in physical stature
• make up for their tiny dicks

In a way, that last point is true: owning a ‘Stupid Truck’ does sort of make them a big dick.

But this ‘Rolling Coal’ nonsense? 

That is beyond the pale, granting such pollution porn enthusiasts the honor of being Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooters of the Week. Blow that out your smokestacks, you schmucks with trucks.  

Vroom, vroom…