Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooters of the Week, Part One: Minnesota Viking’s Special Team Coordinator, Mike Priefer

Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooters of the Week, Part One:

Minnesota Viking’s Special Team Coordinator, Mike Priefer

It’s going to be a turdscootin’ week, here, at Wonderland Burlesque, for this week we will have not one, but two big winners.  They both hail from my state, Minnesota!  Who knew the land of 10,000 bottoms was such a hotbed of homophobic activity?

First up:  Minnesota Viking’s Special Team Coordinator, Mike Priefer

Boy, the halls of that organization must be encrusted with a multitude of thin brown lines.  They certainly have demonstrated they know how to close ranks around one of their own.

Former Punter and outspoken GLBT supporter, Chris Kluwe brought to light the special brand of homophobia that runs like skid marks in a 13 year old boy’s underpants in the ranks of the Viking’s.  Upon showing his support for gay marriage, Kluwe was subjected to a number taunts and anti-gay remarks at the hands of Mr. Priefer. 

After the threat of a still-pending lawsuit, the Viking’s organization took action and did a rather shallow investigation of its own, ultimately deciding that, because no one else in the organization would man up and admit to witnessing any intimidating or homophobic statements made by Priefer, other than the now classic: “We should round up all the gays, send them to an island, and then nuke it until it glows.”, the Vikes decided there really wasn’t much to Kluwe’s numerous accusations.

Still, the organization decided to suspend Mr. Priefer for three games (only two, if he completes a sensitivity training course) and order him to donate $100k to GLBT organizations.   This decision has set off a negative ripple effect of reaction among GLBT circles and Democrats, who feel the investigation did not dig deep enough and that Mr. Priefer was getting off too easy. 

Here’s a page from the actual investigation, detailing Kluwe’s claims:

Kluwe alleges both during his interviews and in various publications that Priefer made the following homophobic statements:

•  “We should round up all the gays, send them to an island, and then nuke it until it glows” near the end of November 2012”
• Asked whether he [Kluwe] had written any letters defending “the gays” recently;
• Denounced as disgusting the idea that two men would kiss;
• Constantly belittled or demeaned any idea of acceptance or tolerance of gay rights;
• Stated on multiple occasions that [Kluwe] would wind up burning in hell with the gays,
• and that the only truth was Jesus Christ and the Bible;
• “You’ll burn in hell with the gays”;
• “Jesus Christ is the only salvation”;
• “The Bible is the only book that’s right . . . it doesn’t matter what else you read”;
• “Two men kissing, that’s disgusting” and “that’s just gross”;
• Used the word “fag” once or twice; and
• Made comments about “homosexual sex” and “gay parades.”

According to Kluwe, many of these remarks occurred during the Vikings’ specialist meetings, which were usually attended by Priefer, Kluwe, Long Snapper Cullen Loeffler, Kicker Blair Walsh, and sometimes Assistant Special Teams Coach Chris White. Kluwe reported that Priefer made between one or two derogatory comments in specialist meetings a week, depending on how outspoken Kluwe had been at the time.

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According to the investigation, Priefer only sort of owned up to making the ‘nuke the gays’ comment after Loeffler stepped up and recalled hearing him say it.  (Which, I guess, means you don’t have to admit you’re a homophobe unless there are witnesses.)

Thing is, in my way of thinking,  a person who sort of admits to making such a creative and specific homophobic comment is probably guilty of saying a lot more.  It would seem, to me that one statement is a pretty good indicator to how old Mike’s brain works.

After the Viking’s announced his suspension, Mr. Priefer issued the following apology:

"I owe an apology to many people -- the Wilf family, the Minnesota Vikings organization and fans, my family, the LGBT community, Chris Kluwe and anyone else that I offended with my insensitive remark," he said. "I regret what has occurred and what I said. I am extremely sorry but I will learn from this situation and will work on educating others to create more tolerance and respect."

Now, I don’t believe a single scripted word of this little slice of saving face spin, and that is one of the reasons Mr. Priefer is the first of two “Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooters of the Week”. 

Tune in tomorrow to find out who else from Minnesota is going to bestowed this honor. 

Oh, the suspense is killing me…

 (Naw, it’s a pretty easy guess.)