TMI Questions: Super Bowl XLVIII

“They got a name for the winners in the world, I want a name when I lose..”

-  Deacon Blues, by Steely Dan

OMG!  Could you have found a topic a give less of a shit about? 

No, no… the problem is all mine.  I own that. 

Professional sports, as a whole, bother me on so many levels.  The hubris, the excess, the stupidity.  The largess, the sense of entitlement, the fascist tyranny. 

It’s that whole: If you are male and don’t enjoy, nay… dip your balls in and suck on the tit of professional sports?  Then there is something seriously wrong with you.  I mean, electro-fucking-shock therapy time wrong. 

I mean, c’mon.  What kind of man are you (grunt, grunt).

I think of them all – participants, spectators, athletes, owners, etc. as pigs, rutting around in a pen.  Such greedy, greedy pigs.

Ah, yes, well…

If there were anything remotely sincere in the whole pile of excrement I would gladly point it out… but other than the jobs they provide, I cannot find an upside to this despicable industry. 

It makes men who don’t know that french fries ARE potatoes (true story)(a Minnesota Viking, no less) into multi-millionaires. 

But… ummm.  Okay… sucking it up here.

Let’s play some football!  (grunt, grunt)

TMI QUESTIONS:

Questions designed to reveal Too Much Information

Link: http://tmiquestions.blogspot.com/

TMI Questions: Super Bowl XLVIII

Do you know who's playing in this year's Super Bowl?

Nope.

Bruno Mars?

Don’t care. 

It rarely reaches my brain until the hype is a full saturation.  It all seems like much to do about absolutely nothing – except corporate greed and fulfillment of human kind’s gladiatorial desires.  Combat of most kinds leave me cold.  Watching a bunch of overpaid steroid cases earn their keep? 

Eh.  Pass.

Do you watch the Super Bowl for the game, uniforms, commercials or food?

I don’t watch.  I did tune in to see Madonna two years ago, but that has been the one and only time the event garnered my attention. 

Commercials simply celebrate / encourage consumerism, with alcoholism being a promoted / celebrated quite heavily during this event.   I am not sure exactly where athleticism and getting stinking drunk intersect, but the correlation seems to run fairly strong during the Super Bowl.

But it’s all in good fun, am I right?

Not really.  The whole event is actually all about money.

It’s embarrassing.

We, as Americans should be embarrassed.  Such excess.  Such arrogance.

The one and only time I watched the Super Bowl? 

I was 12(?) and the Vikings were in it.  We were at some one’s house and my Dad made me sit and watch it.  I was bored out of my fucking skull.  And football back then did not suck the way football does now. 

So, you think that means I have no appreciation of the sport. 

Oh, no.  Seventh through Ninth Grade, I saw every game the Blooming Prairie Blossoms (yep, that was really our sports handle) ever played.   I loved being in the stands or on the sidelines screaming my head off.  I had a blast and totally understood everything about the game. 

And no… I have no idea what changed all that.  Maybe puberty.  But theatre then did manage to take over, and I became obsessed with that instead.

Stupid hormones.

What's your favorite food?

Smashed Potatoes

Tomato Basil Soup with Grilled Cheese

Snack foods?

Vegan nachos with black beans, guacamole and fresh salsa

I have also developed a taste for the Triscuits made with brown rice and red beans.

Are you entered into any Super Bowl pools?

No.  I never gamble.  I manage to lose my money all on my own, thank you very much.

Hate gambling.  It preys on the people who least can afford it.  At the same time, I think it’s an amazing opportunity to fund things and wish there were government owned casinos. 

But then… once the government gets involved in something, it ends up sucking.  So I would guarantee you that those casinos would end up sucking balls.  Because it seems to be one of the thing that the government is very good at… making what should be a no-brainer absolutely suck balls.

So, in the end, those government-owned casinos wouldn’t be profitable at all, hence defeating the purpose.

The other reason I don’t like gambling? 

Gambling involves luck and in that department I seem to be horribly deficient.  I’ve made my peace with that, but that said, I don’t seek out opportunities to demonstrate that fact over and over again.  That would be like beating myself up over and over again… something I am already very, very good at.

Yes.  I suffer from ‘Charlie Brown Syndrome’.

Rats.

If you don't watch the big game, do you do something else?

Besides ignoring it? 

Actually, I simply do whatever it is I do on Sundays (this Super Bowl thing you speak of… still happens on Sundays, yes?).  Lately, that means an early work out with my BF, breakfast, and then a nap.  Then I go visit my parents and my ex and the dogs.  Then I head back to the boyfriend’s place where we make dinner and watch either a movie or episodes of a British sitcom. 

Currently we are working our way through ‘League of Gentlemen’; a dark, dark comedy that will have your jaw repeatedly hitting the floor.

If I’m lucky there is lots of snuggle time in there.

And in that particular area (snuggling) I seem to have won the freaking jackpot!

So, maybe my luck has changed.

Fingers crossed.

What sports do you watch?

None, if I can help it. 

Again… professional sports do not seem to be about skill.  It’s about steroids and money.  If I want to view those things I would rather watch muscle porn – which also happens to be about steroids and money. 

But I don’t watch muscle porn.  It’s like watching a pair of overstuffed couches fuck.

Now, I realize that a lot of people depend on organized sports for their livelihoods, but that doesn’t justify the shitty, soulless business that is professional sports.

It’s about winning.  It’s about creating winners.  Do you want to be a loser all your life? 

Do you?

Yeah, fuck all that bullshit. 

Fuck it in the ass.

Bonus

Are you the Quarterback or the Receiver?

Receiver. 

But I do my share of carrying the ball.   While I am more than happy to take my cues from my QB, I am just as likely to be the one calling the shots. 

Yes, I am an aggressive, greedy receiver. 

Put me in my place, if you can…